Dear Daria

November 22

Dear Diary,

Wow! That's clichéd! At any rate.... Do you talk back? Do you?.... Well.... I'll take that as a no. Don't laugh... and I just said that to an inanimate object. Now, one might find that I am a tad old for a diary, but I wholeheartedly disagree. I tried the whole diary thing when I was eleven and I was far too young. I wasn't even mature enough to tell a teacher, "Hello, my name is Ginevra Weasley and my diary talks back. Now, I know that this isn't all that peculiar, however, I find it horrendously disturbing at the fact where it tells me to do things and then I don't know where I am. It's dreadfully weird, so could you help?" I find that I am mature enough to do that now, being a year out of Hogwarts and all.

Ha! This is fun! The very reason that I got a diary in the first place. It's around Christmas time and around this time of year I get really, really depressed. You see, everyone seems to have someone. Everyone, that is, except for me. Ron and Hermione have each other. Harry has Luna. Fred and George don't need girls, but they have them. Many. Sometimes on the same occasion. Percy has work and...oops, I forgot! How could I forget the second most important thing in his life, his wife, Penny? Mum and Dad. Bill and Fleur and they have a baby! Charlie and the dragons (I shall start a lonely club with him. Haha! I am not alone! For I have Charlie!) There's nothing wrong with me... physically... I think? However, mentally I have a bit of a problem. You see, I'm a tad immature for my age. I'm fairly lighthearted and flaunt it. Apparently, that's not 'appealing.'

Ohhh! Hello! Who is that!? Sorry, this totally delicious------ Oh, my, God! Quick scratch that out! I did NOT put that! Great! I'm going to have to buy another journal! This one is already tainted! Alright, so it's tainted with thoughts that I thought. Impure thoughts! Don't blame me! I only saw the back of his head! It could have been anybody! Oh, why! Why did it have to be Malfoy!? The great, bouncing ferret! Excuse me, I have to go retch now.

November 23

Sorry about yesterday, Diary.

Yes, you see that worked. I've had enough with this 'Dear Diary' bull shit-even if I did only write it once. Maybe I should call you Tom? Just for sentiment sake?

Dear Tom,

How are you?.... Great! I'm fantastic, too! Kill any particularly interesting people of late?.... Oh! Jolly good! I always hated her!

That was a little weird, but you will have to have a name. Maybe... yes... I think I shall... your name will be Daria!

Okay, on about me. This is me. My name is Ginevra Molly Weasley. I'm nineteen years old and I work as a Junior Auror at the Ministry of Magic. Mind you, I'm giving myself too much credit as I am still in Auror school and only temp occasionally at the Ministry, but as it's my diary I can do whatever the hell I want. I've got thick, auburn tresses and brilliant chocolate brown eyes.

Lying is so much fun! Thick, auburn tresses my arse! And my eyes? I wouldn't use the word 'chocolate' to describe much of anything about me. Except maybe when I'm older. "Would you look at her thighs? That girl had too much chocolate!" That would be a good way to describe me using the word chocolate-well-future me as I'm not fat. However, the way I eat... give it time... give it time.

Back to my life. I love to spend my free time in a little café in the center of Diagon Alley -- as of yesterday. But I love it! Oh, would you look at that! It looks as if that ginormous (Is that a word? If not, I shall make it one.) prat, Draco Malfoy, who just walked in, likes to hang out here. I haven't seen him in a blissful year and a half. It's been heaven, let me tell you. Is he ever nasty!

-5 minutes later-

That git! He's soooo evil! I can sense him plotting something. So here I am minding my own business writing in you. Do you know what he has the audacity to do! He gets up, looks around, and then walks over to my table.

"Hey, may I borrow your sugar, please?" he asked. It was in that snotty little voice of his too!

"Yeah, whatever," I reply. Go me! I shove it at him.

"Thanks," he replies. Then he walked away! I swear to God! I cannot stand that ma-boy! I want to chuck biscotti at the back of his little blonde head! I wonder if he would think that I did it, if I did.... Hmmmm... I could act very absorbed in you, Daria. That's a plan.... Oh, my God! I just threw it! I think I'm going to die. I can't bloody laugh! I hope he didn't hear that snort. It would be very obvious. I wonder if I should chance a look.

He looks very irritated and I swear that I saw his eye twitch. I smiled dazzling and asked, "Is there something wrong, Sir?"

"No," he replied. It was so obvious that something was the matter though! Ha ha! I'm so spiffy cool! Spiffy cool, I wonder if I can get a patent on that term. Spiffy cool and the word nifty. Haha! Nifty....

Hark! (Would that even work in this situation? Hmmmm.... Yes, I think it would.) Hark! This has distracted me far too much. The word spiffy is of no importance. What is important is the fact that I neglected to notice that other than Malfoy I am the only other person here. So, therefore, even though he is lacking proper observational skills, he probably noticed that I threw it. I should go and 'apologize.' I'll be right back diary... yeah....

-Sometime Later-

Weird conversation. Huh! Probably weirdest I've had in my life and that's saying something. This is how it progressed:

I get up and walk over to Malfoy's table. I invite myself to sit down. He sets down whatever he is doing. It looked complicated, so I didn't care to snoop. I smiled cheekily. "Hi!"

"Hello?" he responded. It was in a questioning voice because his voice went up at the end. That's how I know. Well, that and he was looking at me rather oddly.

"I've lost my biscotti. Have you seen it?"

"You just threw it at the back of my head." There was no room for argument with that statement. He said it with apprehension so I knew that he was pissed off! I tell you he was bloody PISSED!

"No, I didn't!" I said, the smile remaining intact.

"Yes, you did." He nodded in concurrence with himself. Honestly! Who does that?

"Na-uh!" I yelled playfully, shaking my head to further prove my point. I'm so awesome!

"Okay, fine, you didn't chuck your biscotti at the back of my head. Now, you've lost yours, you say? Where could it have gone?" That bugger thought that he had me, Ginevra Weasley, trapped. Well, he didn't!

"I don't know." I shrugged, pouting a bit. Boys can't resist a good pout (no matter how evil they are). You know what! It worked.

"Well, alright, then." He rubbed his temple. He didn't look tired at all! Must have had a headache. I was glad so I squealed with delight. One of his eyebrows shot up in the air. ONE! ONE! How did he do that!? It's like magic or something. I can only move both eyebrows at the same time. He may be an annoying bugger but he sure has control of his facial expressions. "Miss? Would you like a ride to the nearest hospital?"

Of all the nerve! I've never been treated so rudely! I stood up abruptly and left for my table. So here I am. Writing in you, again. Wait! Here that great prat comes again....

Take that and shove it! I can't believe him! After all these years! He's still throwing his galleons around IN MY FACE!!! Gods! I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really HATE him! Can you believe him...? Well, you won't be able to until I tell you what he said. Deep breath. He said:

"Miss, I sincerely apologize for my behavior. It was rude of me to say that. Would you like me to buy you another biscotti?"

So I did the only logical thing. I stuck out my tongue at him. He did that spiffy cool little eyebrow thing again, shook his head, and walked away. This time for good, as he took his things with him.

November 27

Daria-

I just survived dinner with my family. I didn't eat all that much though. It was weird. Everyone else ate a lot, but when I see people eat I get full. Strange how that happens. So tomorrow I'm off to work. I'm a secretary for the Minister of Magic himself. It's nifty... no, it's spiffy cool!

Oh, here comes the great prat again. This time I'm not speaking to him. And if not I shall banter on in gibberish! That is a nifty plan. Oh! Look who's ignoring me! You can't ignore me legally....

November 28

Daria-

The MoM is cool, if not a bit boring. Of course, I won't see him again after today, but oh well. I shall not fret. Oh, here comes the great bouncing ferret to make my day complete. Alas, yesterday did not go as expected and I could not speak in gibberish. It was most depressing. Oh, well. I shall save that for a rainy day. Right now I have a better plan. I shall phone someone. Hermione gave me a spiffy cool lellucar fellytone for Christmas last year and I've yet to use it. I shall talk to myself and be very irritating. I shall scribble down exactly what I say. Here goes....

"HELLO CLAUDIA!" I squeal and allow time for "Claudia" to answer. I definitely have his attention now as he glanced over his shoulder at me. "THAT'S POSITIVELY WONDERFUL! NO! NO! NO! STOP! BUT YOU'RE ENGAGED TO PIERRE!"

Of course, I allowed myself proper time for her to answer and I pulled it off well. "PIERRE IS GAY?! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! IT SEEMS ONLY YESTERDAY I WAS BANGING HIM MERCILESSLY AT HOGWARTS!!! DUMBLEDORE CAUGHT US ONCE!! YES! IT WAS HUMILIATING! I GOT DETENTION AND A BIG LECTURE FROM MADAM POMFREY ABOUT THE BIRDS AND THE BEES. IT STILL STUMPS ME WHY THEY CALL SEX THE BIRDS AND THE BEES. I MEAN, THERE ARE NO BIRDS, REALLY, AND BOY AM I EVER THANKFUL THERE ARE NO BEES.... NO, CLAUDIA, I'M ALLERGIC.

"NO, SEX, IS NOT AN OFFENSIVE TERM, CLAUDIA," I saw his eye twitch. I get it! Draco Malfoy's eye twitches when he's aggravated. This is fun, lemme see if I can get it to twitch again. I don't see why he's aggravated. I mean I am a very hot girl talking about sex. I'm making it sound as if I'm a tart, really. What is he complaining about? Oh, I see. He's still got those bloody papers. I wonder if I can work in that Luna saw him pissed last night at a pub? Oh, I don't know. Maybe.

"YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME?! OH! I SEE HOW IT IS NOW! FIRST IT'S THE ROSES, THE PROMISES, THE SEX, THE ACTUAL DATE, AND THEN YOU GO AND DO IT WITH SOME OTHER GIRL! YOU BROKE MY HEART! THOSE FIVE AMAZING HOURS WERE THE BEST OF MY LIFE! HOW DARE YOU, YOU CHEAP, MUTANT POND SCUM! YOU LET ME SPEND THE NIGHT! I THOUGH THAT WE WOULD BE TOGETHER FOREVER!"

Now, who is the center of attention? Me! Oh, yeah. Look, Malfoy is getting up! I'm going to leave now too. I'll be back.

-Later-

He went into the library. I got the spot on the couch directly besides him. I took you out just to look busy. I chanced a look at his papers and they're really boring. It turns out they aren't even in English. Who reads foreign languages for fun, I ask you? Well, besides Hermione. Alright, I am writing as I programmed my lellucar fellytone to ring and ring it did. I elbow Malfoy while removing it from my pants. Not a nice place where I elbow him, either. I hope he's in pain. I mouth sorry and --- I see the twitch! Score Gin!

"Oh! Claudia!" I yell softly into the talky piece of the fellytone. How does one yell softy, you ask? Well, with care. "I can't talk for long as I'm in a library! A library! You know! Where the books live! Oh, good you do know!

He twitched again! It was soooo funny, that I screech. "Yeah! Claudia! He was soooo wasted last night! I swear to Gods! So was I though. I don't even remember what he looks like! How sad was that!? We did the thing and then he left! I wouldn't even know if I didn't have a piece of paper with his name and Floo number on it! Lemme check," I dug through my pants and found a chewing gum wrapper. "Oh, yeah. It's Draco Malfoy. Weird name, huh? I know! It's a positively dreadful name! I do hope that he carried around black, cherry flavored condoms because if not we're screwed. I ran out and I absolutely refuse to use any other contraceptive."

He's twitching like mad now. Not just his eye, but like he's having periodic spasms. It's soooo great! And fun to watch. "You know what!?" I whisper loudly. "I recognize that name! Oh, my, Gods! I can't put a name to a face, but I know him! He was a year above me at Hogwarts. I just remember that he was blonde and pointy! I hope that the baby isn't pointy. Yesterdaywas the day that I'm most fertile too. Damn alcohol! Anyway! At any rate, I think I used my stage name last night. If I didn't he wouldn't have touched me, I can guarantee that much. I mean he used to taunt me soooo badly! Just because my last name is Weasley!"

Haha! The prat fell off of the sofa. I looked at him, and I looked intently. "Claudia I have to go! Someone just fell off the sofa and I think he's hurt. He keeps twitching."

I pressed the button on my fellytone, just to make the scene look realistic and knelt down beside him. I did a double take. "Hey, you're that one guy from the coffee place. What are you doing here?"

"Work," he ground out. I swear to God the boy had a tick in his eye. It was ssoooofunny!

"Oh," I nodded once. I stood up and brushed myself off. I helped him up and held out my hand for him to shake. "Ginevra Molly Weasley."

There was a pause before he responded. "Thomas Matthews," he stated. I smirked to myself. This was going to be fun. I knew Thomas Matthews. He was an Auror, a well known Auror. Did he think I was completely thick? The jerk.

December 4

Daria-

Nothing that important happened. I haven't seen Malfoy at the café since the incident. If I didn't know better I would say that he was avoiding me. I've been going to school. It turns out that I am actually good at undercover work. Go figure! However, my professor said I should make less of a spectacle out of myself. I shall try that later. For now....here comes Malfoy. I shall go properly introduce myself.

-After the 'proper introduction'-

"Malfoy!" I yelled; he visibly stiffened. I love myself at this very moment. I sat down at his table clutching you and a cup of coffee. Ha! He twitched! "Yeah, I figured it out. You're Draco Malfoy! Why did you lie to me?"

"I-I-" he started. Well! I never thought that I would see the day when Draco Malfoy would stutter out an answer! Good thing I used the fact Luna saw him at the club the night before to my advantage.

"Oh! I see! You were eavesdropping and didn't want to take responsibility for your actions! That is soooo... male!"

Twitch... twitch... twitch... it's so awesome! "I think you've made a mistake, Miss Weasley."

"Oh! Recognize me now do you? Didn't bother to remember me any other day! Nope! Can't expect the high and mighty DRACO MALFOY to remember the name of a lowly Weasley! We are beneath you after all. Can't expect your beautiful self to remember someone whom you taunted for years upon years upon years upon years upon years. Do you know what, Malfoy? The best day of my short little life was when I hexed you! Never mind that I suffered a traumatic experience that day, the look on your face when that hex hit you was priceless and worth any cost." Of course, I didn't mean this, but he didn't have to know that. I miss Sirius.

The boy looked absolutely terrified; I was horrified as well. I'm not kidding either. I called him beautiful. I don't think he caught it, though. He looked as if he were going to say something but refrained. He should not refrain! I want to hear exactly what he has to say! I wanted to get it out of him, so I did.

"Besides," I continued. "I knew who you were since you walked in the café. I was messing with you last time I saw you. I was having a conversation with myself. Claudia is nonexistent. "

"ARE YOU BLOODY MENTAL?! DID YOU FALL ON YOUR HEAD AS A SMALL CHILD OR SOMETHING?! DID YOU-KNOW-WHO HEX YOU?! DID POTTER BANG YOUR HEAD INTO THE HEADBOARD ONE TOO MANY TIMES?!"

"NO! I'VE NEVER DONE THAT! ESPECIALLY WITH HARRY! MAKE ME RALPH, WHY DON'T YOU?! AND AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DID HAVE THE CRUTACIOUS CURSE PLACED ON ME FOR FIVE WHOLE MINUTES, BUT THE DOCTORS SAID THAT I WOULD BE FINE!"

"THE DOCTORS WERE WRONG!" HE (I can stop with the capital letters now, I suppose.) shouted. I stood up and told him the plum truth then.

"WELL, THEN YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOUR FATHER!" I shouted. I swear, that boy needs to take a class on coordination or something, because wouldn't you know it, he looked horrified, backed up, and fell over a chair. He was on the floor for about thirty seconds before he stood up and ran out of the café. I don't think I'll be seeing him in a long time.

December 10

Daria-

I was quite right. I haven't seen Malfoy here. It's dreadfully boring here now. My life is now boring. He even ruined the chance I had at a fun life! Oh, well, the coffee is yummy.

December 17

Daria-

I have a solid job for a month! A MONTH! I'm working as the secretary for the Head of International Cooperation. I don't know who has the job now, but I know Barty Crouch had it before he died. I bet its some old, boring guy. Sighs deeply. Oh well, at least I'm getting paid. Who knows maybe some cute Quidditch player will come up and I can get laid. I had to put that because paid rhymes with laid.

I know, I know. My logic is awesome!

BTW-I was too happy today to mess with Malfoy, but I have noticed him dropping by in the morning, picking up his coffee, and leaving. Men! (You can't see it, but I just rolled my eyeballs.)

December 20

Hi, Ho! Hi, Ho! It's off to work I go!

December 21

Daria-

It's currently midnight and I am still trying to absorb the day that I had. I remember it perfectly. So I went to my favorite café. Yesterday was the day that I spoke in gibberish and let me tell you it was awesome! The look on everyone's face. Especially Malfoy's! (I screamed it when he dropped by. I have taken up the habit of eating inside). Classic! However, that was short-lived as I had to go to work.

I entered the Ministry of Magic and it was no bigger than it was the thousand other times I entered it. I went up to the International Cooperation floor and I waited for the current secretary to introduce herself. She did. Then she told me she would bring the boss out. I waited patiently. The doors opened and... then the doors slammed shut again. I didn't get to get a good look at him; however, in the next moment, Sharon (the secretary) was dragging him out of his office. You'll never guess who it was, Daria! It was Draco Malfoy! He's the boss! I almost ran away and I almost laughed. I couldn't decide which; however the look on his face as he was pushed over to greet me was priceless. I smiled cheekily. He shook my hand and inclined his head slightly. Sharon stood there smirking at the both of us. I will be working with her for a few days because I have to be 'trained up' before she leaves. Like I need training!

I do like Sharon, though. I learned something very interesting from her.

"You've made quite an impression on the boss," she said. "The first time he saw you, you were the 'most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes upon' then you were 'clinically insane' then you were 'psycho who was possibly the mother of his child' then you were 'one of his father's victims.' You sound like a colorful character."

I gaped at Sharon in horror. Draco Malfoy thought that I, Ginevra Weasley, was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes upon! Me! I've never heard those words to describe me in my entire existence. I could have been the rich, powerful, influential wife of Draco Malfoy but I decided to blow it on a bit of fun... okay, a lot of fun. It was really fun! I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm crying right now. They're tears of joy, of course, I remember him twitching. I must go to bed now, I can no longer see