Tourniquet

i tried to kill the pain

Draco strode through the foggy streets of London, looking for a taxi that forever eluded him.It had been in a taxi that Harry had said good-bye to him, and since then he had been obsessed with finding that same taxi again. He thought that if he could just find it, Harry would be there again. They could relive the scene with a different ending. He could replace the numbing aching pain with joy at being in the arms of his lover.

but only brought more

Once, he caught sight of the heart-rendingly familiar Verizon advertisement, only to stop a second short of embracing an elderly woman and her two West Highland Terriers.

And then, he saw the taxi. And Harry was sitting in the back of it. With Ginny Weasley. Draco screamed in agony at the universe, and ran out into the street. Blood splattered the pavement as the taxi drove over him, leaving him mortally injured.

i lay dying

Everything seemed to slow down, and he thought he heard laughter, though he wasn't sure where it was coming from. There was a screeching sound as the traffic slowed down, and pedestrians with shocked expressions stared at the body.

"Goodnight cruel world!" muttered Draco. "Goodnight cruel Harry!"

and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal

A crimson halo of his own blood spread over the pavement, leaving a sanguine stain, representing all the vain hopes that were suddenly dashed out of him.

i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming

"I've never been a religous wizard!" cried Draco. "But God, I can't die now! Not while Harry's with that Weasley bint!" Draco didn't care that people were looking at him strange. He knew that all he needed to do was appeal to Jesus Christ and he would be saved. But suddenly, it came back to him that time he had pillaged the church in Essex. Perhaps he wasn't in God's good books.

Yet, as he reviewed his life with increasing uneasiness, a bright light shone in his eyes and Draco felt his entire body fill with saving grace. "God?" he whispered. Evidently, Draco thought, God must have forgiven all that bathing in the blood of infants Narcissa had put him through in the name of 'skin care' as well.

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

Draco breathed raggedly, watching the blood seep out about him. He could see Harry kneeling by his side now, but the look on Harry's face was one of horror not true love. It was all over. Harry had rejected him again. Only the hope of eternal salvation remained.

do you remember me

He stared about wildly, not knowing how it could have got to that point. He knew that the other man was damned to hell. Was he too?

As if it was he that lay dying, he saw his life - their life together - flash before his eyes. They had not meant to kill that little Muggle boy! How were they to know that the abandoned building was where he played? How were they to know that their modern and creative sexual practices would scare the little boy to death? And yet, something about the conspiratorial light in his lover's grey eyes as they furtively disposed of the body excited him in ways his other friends and lovers had never been able to understand.

will you be on the other side

But now God's wrath had fallen upon his ex-lover, ebbing out his last breath in tortured misery. His tormented emerald orbs filled with tears as he wondered what was waiting for him when death knocked upon his august portal. Would he hear the beat of angels wings, seperated from the one he needed to be with forever-more? He cried out, for he felt this heartbreak as a physical pain. Or would he remain behind, a wisp of his former self, transformed entirely into that same pearly silver of his eyes? Was that too much to wish for? Was that more than he deserved?

i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming

It was not his blood that spilled upon the pavement, or was it? It seemed to him that as the precious liquid left the frail calisthenic blond, his own heart's blood poured out too. He might be living, talking, walking, but he was dead. Never again to bathe in the rippling fountain that had been life.

am i too lost to be saved

He wanted to repent badly, but it seemed futile. He was so interwined with the other man's destiny now.

am i too lost?

They were bound together by their sin. Would repenting break the bond between them forever, even if death could not?

my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation

His silvery eyes' light was fading. Fading. Going. Going Forever. Dying. Seeping from him. Reaching out towards another light. But not the same light he had reached out to before, for that was now recoiling away from him, recoiling as though he were drenched with the sins of mortals. Dread shivered down his body. How many times before had he wished wistfully for death? And now to have it sprung upon him so suddenly, his blood staining his fashionable jeans and sweater a terrible red. He could hear the infernal music playing in the tones of his cell-phone which he had just that morning whimsically set to Mozart's "Dies Irae."

my wounds cry for the grave

The music taunted him now with its electronic notes. His body yearned for an end to its pain, an end which came so slowly.

my soul cries for deliverance

He tried to remember a prayer, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to..." but what came next? He couldn't remember. He hoped the intent was enough.

will i be denied Christ
tourniquet

"Oh, please," he thought. It was a rather foreign word to him, but it was suddenly such a beautiful one. His fragile heart continued to beat, powered by that one thought. "Oh, please, let me be saved."

my suicide

Flaming red hair entered the frame of his blurred vision. And and voice spoke, like rain upon a parched desert. "Malfoy, salvation awaits you if you and Harry will get off the road, and stop holding up traffic. You can angst over that grazed arm of yours on the pavement."