Harry Potter and This Year's Interviews

Chap.5: Draco Malfoy

Draco: Finally, someone important!

Sirius: Where?

Draco: Shut it dead guy!

Sirius: Who ya calling dead guy, wimp?!

Draco: The only idiot who was stupid enough to stand before the Veil!

Sirius: Oh, is that right?!

Draco: Yeah! Wait. Did you call me a wimp?!

Sirius: Just caught it now did you?

Draco: Oho! You are so going down!

Ennil: Okay, I gotta stop you right now. Draco, you're British mate, use the accent your mother gave ya!

Sirius: Let's get this interview rolling.

Ennil leans over to whisper at Sirius while Draco settles himself on the Slytherin sofa.

Ennil: (Whispering) Why do you hate him?

Sirius: What's not to hate?

Ennil: Sirius...

Sirius: Okay, okay...he's...Snape's favorite student.

Ennil: Here we go with Snape again!

Sirius: NO! It's also that, Harry hates him and he sits there like a snob! (Darkly) And you were eyeing him!

Ennil: (Shocked) What?! I would never eye someone so low!

Draco: Hey! I can hear you!

Sirius: No, you can't!

Draco: No, I can't but I always wanted to say that.

Ennil: Well, back to the important matters...

Sirius: Which was what?

Draco: Me.

Sirius: She said important, not gross and torturing.

Draco: And a snappy and stupid comeback from M. Psychoescapedconvict/Deadguy.

Ennil: A snappier and stupider comeback from M. Ithinkhavetheworldinmyhand/I'mlessintellegentthanCrabbeandGoyle.

Sirius: You go girl.

Draco: Let's get on with this bloody interview!

Ennil: Ya, ya! Okay here's a question that I wanted to ask.

Draco: I am not single. But we can work it out.

Sirius: ...grrrrrrr...........

Ennil: Bad dog, Padfoot! Sit. Good boy.

Draco: Way to tame him. But it won't work on taming me. (Smirks)

Ennil: Shut it, okay? I don't want to deal with both of you!

Sirius: Can I at least bite him?

Ennil: At the end of the interview.

Draco: What was the real question you wanted to ask me En?

Ennil: What is your normal reaction whenever confronted by a holy symbol, garlic, silver weapon, or holy water?

(Pause)

Sirius: Good question.

Draco: Did Snape tell you to tell me that?

Ennil: Yep.

Draco: Okay. Um...

Sirius: Yes, we know. You are a bloody vampire.

Draco: Oh, good! I didn't know how I was gonna tell it.

Ennil: How about...I'm a vampire?

Draco: That would make it too easy. And I'm not for the simple things. (Smirks)

Sirius: Don't want to know what you mean.

Draco: Not gonna tell ya what I mean.

Ennil: So... "The Form" how are you feeling?

Form: What?

Ennil: How are you?

Draco: Why are we talking about him?

Form: Yeah, why are we?

Sirius: That's exactly what I wanted to know.

Ennil: Well, it's a little early for the form, and you guys are starting to really bug me off.

Sirius: But...

Ennil: If you're gonna disagree with everything I say and argue with my guests... I'll... I don't have the heart to do something to ya, but I'll figure something out!

Sirius: Okay, I won't try to disagree with everything you say, and I promise I will be a great person to the next person. (A/N: I hope you guys remember who the next person is.)

Draco: How touching.

Sirius: What, you little...never mind...what?

Draco: I don't know! Why are you asking me?!

Ennil: It's your interview.

Draco: Is it?

Pansy: Draco!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Darling!!!!!!!!!

Draco: Pansy?! (To Ennil) Bloody hell woman! What did I ever do to you?!

Ennil: Do you really want me to answer that?

Sirius: We needed to buy some time. And apparently it was too pricey, so we brought Pansy here so that his father will give us the money to buy the time.

Pansy: Yeah...so...Draco!!!

Draco: What do you want?

Pansy: Well, as one of your girlfriends, I needed...

Ennil: One of your girlfriends? That I didn't know.

Cho: I heard you cheated on me! But I never thought it was true!

Ennil: Cho?

Harry: Cho?!

Sirius: Cho? Wait... who's Cho?

Ron: (Really dumb) Cho...hehe...weird name.

Parvati: Oh! Draco! Tell these stupid bitches to get away!

Padma: No! Draco! Tell my sister to go away!

Draco: Wait, you guys are twins! (Evil grin) Cool.

Parvati: You never noticed we were...

Padma: ...twins?!

Draco: I don't remember all the faces of my girlfriends!!!

Ennil: Okay, this seriously-No, Sirius- turned into Jerry Springer!

Sirius: Who's he?

Ennil: Idiot talk show host.

Sirius: Muggle?

Draco: No, dragon! Of course a Muggle you moron!

Sirius: Don't you be calling me a moron! You...what do you call a guy who has ten girlfriends?

Draco: Thirteen.

All: What?!

Draco: Well...

Girlfriends of Draco: Well, let's make it simpler for you! You have now zero!

Draco: (To Ennil) How can they say the same thing all at once like that?

Ennil: Special fanfic effects?

Sirius: Probably.

Draco: (Sad) Now I'm alone with my million fangirls. Wait... I got a million fangirls. Why am I sad?!

Sirius: Only you can answer that.

Draco: Fangirls! Come on in!

A million blonde, cheerleader and jumpy fangirls start pouring from the doors, literally. Draco and Sirius look excited.

Ennil: Freeze!

They do.

Sirius & Draco: What?!

Ennil: I cannot have fangirls ruining this fic! Get out of here!

They do, again.

Sirius: Ennil!! You're so stupid!

Draco: The Psycho is right!

Ennil: You two shut your mouth!

Sirius: Yeah! Shut your mouth Draco! I'm behind you Ennil.

Ennil: Oh, that's great comfort!

Draco: This is supposed to be my interview!

Ennil: Yeah? So?

Draco: I should be able to do what I want!

Sirius: I didn't.

Draco: Well, this is not about you!

Sirius: It should be.

Ennil: Here's "The Form"

Form: 1. Are you bored?

Draco: Did you ask this question to the others?

Ennil: Yep.

Draco: Then why are you asking me?

Sirius: 'Cause this is an interview you bloody idiot!

Draco: Yeah, well, I don't want to answer this!

Ennil: Draco, the question only was "Are you bored?"

Draco: Well, duh. So I don't see the point in asking that question.

Sirius: What do you mean?

Ennil: That we should change the question.

Sirius: Oh.

Form: 2. Do you believe in God?

Draco: Should I?

Ennil: Draco!

Draco: Okay, okay! Voldemort is God! I can not believe you asked me a question like that!

Sirius: Yeah, I can not believe!

Ennil: Oh! For God's sake!

Form: 3. What was your first word?

Draco: Why do you wanna know?

Ennil: Don't be a smart ass with, Malfoy!

Sirius: Strike one!

Draco: It's hard not to!

Sirius: Strike two!

Draco & Ennil: Sirius!

Sirius: And I'm out!

Ennil: What was your first word, Draco?

Draco: Mirror. I wanted to look at my beautiful self.

Sirius: (To Ennil) And you didn't think of that!

Ennil: I thought he would give a decent answer!

Sirius: I was giving good answers!

Ennil: You're different. You annoy me less.

Sirius: Yay!

Form: 4. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Draco: Casanova.

Sirius & Ennil: ....................

Draco: What?! I achieved my goal didn't I? And a little earlier than I imagined.

Ennil: You're sick.

Sirius: He is.

Draco: I am.

Form: 5. What's your favorite food?

Draco: Do I really answer that?

Ennil: Man! You're worse than Snape!

Sirius: (Looks around) Someone is worse than Snape? Where?

Ennil: (sigh)

Draco: He's really stupid isn't he? (A/N: As much as I love Sirius, I had put this line, sorry Pad.)

Ennil: Don't even.

Sirius: So, what's Blondie's favorite food?

Draco: Hair gel.

Ennil: Well, at least your hair's not slimy.

Draco: Yes, I wash my hair.

Sirius: Unusual for a Slytherin.

Draco: (sigh) Nobody gets us.

Ennil: There's nothing to get.

Form: 6. What is the weirdest thing you have ever done?

Draco: (smirks) Do you want me to answer that?

Ennil: No!

Sirius: Yes!

Ennil: Sirius!

Sirius: What?

Ennil: Men!

Draco: But the weirdest thing where? In bed?

Ennil: I want to keep this fanfic on PG!!!!!!

Draco: Let's spice it up then!

Ennil: I said PG!!!! Not R!!!

Draco: I was thinking about NC-17, (To Sirius) or what comes after that?

Sirius: XXX.

Draco: That.

Ennil: Kill. Men. Stupid.

Form: 7. If a naked man would jump here right now, what would you do?

Draco: (smirks)

Ennil: Oof...

Sirius: Harry wanted the man to be you.

Draco: Oh the boy has some style!

Ennil: Next question.

Form: 8. If you were stranded on a desert island?

Draco: Call Father, tell him to send my millionaire's boat.

Ennil: What if you didn't have a phone?

Draco: (smirk)

Ennil & Sirius: What?!!!!

Draco: Can't I just smirk?

Ennil: No!!!

Draco: Next question.

Form: 9. If you were stranded on a nude beach?

(Pause)

Form: Never mind. 10. When will you die?

Draco: Never! (Lightning strikes, special sound effects start working, and it all gets dark and horror moviesish) MWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sirius: (Joining Draco) MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ennil & Draco: .......

Sirius: Next question.

Form: 11. If you would take a picture of one glorious moment which one would it be?

Draco: The moment I rule the world! (The same effects appears) MWAHAHAHHAAH!!!!!

Sirius: (Joining Draco) MWHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!

Ennil: That's the end of this interview! Thank god.

Draco: Fangirls! Come and please me, who's the only important one!

Sirius: (To Ennil) Can I bite him now?

Ennil: (Bored) Yeah, go on.