Harry Potter and This Year's Interviews

Chap.4: My Late Luv: Sirius Black

We enter Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. There are two big black chairs (A/N: See the irony? Black? No? Damn.). One of them is circled with candles and Ennil sits on the other one, sobbing.

Man who pops up from nowhere: Okay, he's dead so... you really should get over him and do someone else's interview, like... mine?

Ennil: Get out Draco!

Draco: Yeah, yeah! Just that I would be more interesting than a dead man.

Ennil: Out! (The way she says it reminds you of Sirius yelling "Out!" at Kreacher)

The Author & Ennil: (Sobbing) Sirius!

(Oh, come off it!)

The Author: Shut UP! Bring him back Ennil!

Ennil: Hear these words,

Hear my cries,

Spirit of the other side,

I summon thee,

Come to me,

Cross now the great divide. (A/N: Spell from Charmed)

Lights swirl around the chair and Sirius appears. Ennil throws herself at Sirius and starts sobbing real hard. Sirius pats her back.

Sirius: (Real uncomfortable) There, there.

Ennil: Ohh......................

Sirius: Hehe. En? Could you...get off?

Ennil: Sorry, just real... sad.

Sirius: Yeah, it's tragic.

Ennil: How could've it happened?

Sirius: It was a surprise for everyone.

Ennil: I just couldn't believe it!

Sirius: Me neither! I think nobody saw it happen!

Ennil: Well, except for Lestrange, she's gonna burn in hell!

Sirius: Lestrange?

Ennil: She is a real bitch to do that!

Sirius: What?

Ennil: I mean it's not fair!

Sirius: Wait! What the bloody hell are you talking about?!

Ennil: Well, about your death.

Sirius: Oh.

Ennil: What were you talking about?

Sirius: The fact that Sev was actually worried about Harry.

Ennil: Yeah, I never got that.

Sirius: That was the biggest surprise.

Ennil: Yeah, but there was also...

Sirius: Oh, that one was...

Ennil: Obvious...

Sirius: But surprising!

Ennil: Yes and...

Sirius: I know...

The Author: Would you guys stop that!

Sirius & Ennil: What?

The Author: That! That togetherness! If you're so comfortable together you should do the interviews together!

Sirius & Ennil: Okay!

The Author: Then start after this sodding interview! I still need a fic.

Ennil: What do you say, Pad? Can I call you Pad?

Sirius: Yes and yes.

Ennil: So...

Sirius: So...

Ennil: Well, here's "The Form".

Sirius: Do we have to use a form always?

Ennil: Yes.

Sirius: Do we have to call it "The Form"?

Ennil: No.

Form: Yes! It makes me feel special!

Ennil: Well, you're not.

Form: I'm doing the interview, so you better be nice!

Ennil: Sorry.

Sirius: Sorry too.

Form: 1. Are you bored?

Sirius: No, not really. Ones you're the author's favorite, you never get bored!

Form: 2. Do you believe in God?

Sirius: I...Well...When you're dead you really don't have the right to talk about that stuff.

Ennil: Why?

Sirius: Not talking.

Ennil: Well, that's your problem.

Sirius: Still not talking.

Ennil: Okay, don't.

Sirius: Okay, okay! I'm gonna tell you the secrets of death!

......This part is cut due to the author not wanting to write about the secrets of death.........

Ennil: Wow! I never thought about it like that!

Sirius: Yeah... Now what ya gonna do now that you know what will happen when you die?

Ennil: Probably go to Hawaii. Yeah.

Sirius: Good thinking! But not so special.

Ennil: Yeah, I know. How about Egypt?

Sirius: That's better!

Form: Hello! This is supposed to be an interview!

Ennil: And you're supposed to be a form! So, shut up and go on.

Form: 3. what was your first word?

Sirius: Get the bleeding hell out of my face!

Ennil: Huh?

Sirius: Well, my brother was drooling all over my face.

Ennil: You're brothers a dog?

Sirius: Yes.

Ennil: What?

Sirius: Well, look at it, my name means "dog star", my animagus form is a dog. So, it's gotta be a family thing.

Ennil: Or that your mother didn't really care for your name and just opened a Latin dictionary? And the animagus thing was... a coincidence?

Sirius: I don't believe in coincidences... nor leprechauns. (A/N: I quote "Quote from Buffy, Season 3, Bad girls. I think") but maybe you're right.

Ennil: You got a problem.

Sirius: So do you. And don't talk about the dead like that!

Form: 4. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Sirius: (Whining) I am grown-up!

Ennil: Yeah, right....

Sirius: Why doesn't anyone believe me?!!

Remus: Try acting like it.

Ennil: Remus? What are you doing here?

Remus: Well, I figured since I'm not on your program, I should crash Sirius's.

Ennil: Good thinking.

Sirius: What about me?!!!

Remus: Padfoot, you can never grow up.

Sirius: But...

Remus: (To "The Form") You shouldn't ask him that question.

Form: Gotcha. 5. what's your favorite food?

Sirius: Mice.

Ennil: What?! Poor little mousies!

Sirius: Well, if you call them mousies, they sure are poor!

Ennil: But... You ate sweet little mousies!

Sirius: What about sweet little Padfoot?! I needed to survive!

Ennil: You could've survived without eating mice!

Sirius: I was in a cave!

Ennil: So get out of the cave!

Sirius: Yeah?! And risk being found?!

The Author: Now guys, you don't want to fight each other, now that you're working together. Say you're sorry.

Sirius & Ennil: I'm sorry.

The Author: Good... Now get bloody well on with the interview!

Form: 6. What is the weirdest thing you have ever done?

Sirius: Go to Azkaban. (Under breath)And kiss Snape.

Ennil: What?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sirius: It was a dare!

Snape: I can't believe you told that on national... thing!

Sirius: Yeah, well, she asked! You slimy git!

Ennil: Woah! Woah! Woah! I still can't get over the fact that you and you... Kissed!

James: That's putting it lightly!

Ennil: What?!

Sirius: James you're supposed to be dead!

James: So are you!

Sirius: Yeah! But it's for the interview!

Lily: Well, we're in the interview!

Snape: What is this?! "The living dead reunion"?!

Remus: We're alive you know!

Sirius: "We"?!

Peter: Me too!

Snape: Oh! You all came back to make my life miserable?!

Everyone: Yeah! Sure, why not?

Snape: I'm out of here!

Sirius: Could you all other Marauders, get out also!

James: Hey! We're your past! So we know it!

Remus: As well as other Snape relating stories!

Sirius: ...gulp! Ennil? Help?

Ennil: (Who was now real comfy and eating popcorn) What?

Sirius: Help! And get them out of here!

Ennil: I need a bloody vacation!

Sirius: And I need to finish this interview!

Ennil: Wait... I also need to do that!

Sirius: Well... "The Form" has nothing to do!

Form: Oh, no! I'm good!

Sirius: Come on body! Help me! Oo! I know! Author!

The Author: Yeah, sweetie? What's up?

Sirius: (Puppy eyes) Can we go back to the interview? Please?

The Author: Sure, sweet. Anything for you.

Ennil blows a raspberry at Sirius and he responds. Then a raspberry fight starts.

The Author: Would you stop!

Ennil: Whatever!

Sirius: She started it!

Ennil: Oh! So, did not!

The Author: You guys are so childish!

Form: 7. If a naked man would jump here right now, what would you do?

Sirius: Wait! That's a trick question!

Ennil: What are you talking about?

Sirius: You want me to say that it's Snape!

Snape: Would you stop talking about me!

Sirius: It was a dare!

Ennil: Which one?

Sirius: The one we... Hey!

Snape: See! You were gonna get caught, again, Black!

Sirius: Get out of here!

Snape: I'll be happy too!

Ennil: You guys are in love!

Sirius & Snape: What?!

Snape: Are you mad woman!

Sirius: And I'm not gay! I don't know about him.

The Author: Of course you're not gay! I'm not gonna transform my favorite character into a homo! And I don't know about him either.

Snape: Hey!

The Author: Sorry Sev.

Ennil: Just tell what you would do!

Sirius: I would throw him a towel and show him the door. (A/N: Aaaah. The gentleman)

Ennil: Woah! Deja... Wait. You're the first that said that!

Form: 8. If you were stranded on a desert island?

Sirius: I would make a shelter, find food, and then try ways of getting out of the desert island.

Ennil: Would you stop doing that!

Sirius: Doing what?

Ennil: Giving logical and human answers.

Sirius: I don't get ya! (Under breath) And I'm wondering who would.

Ennil: You're supposed to give stupid and pointless answers! And I heard that! This is supposed to be a humor fic!

Sirius: Well, I'm sorry for being reasonable!

Ennil: You should be!

Sirius: No! Actually, I shouldn't be! I made this fic more than 5 pages long!

The Author: He's right you know.

Ennil: What the bloody hell?! You were supposed to be on my side!

The Author: No, actually I don't.

Ennil: That's it! I'm out!

Sirius: Oh, you are so not!

The Author: He's right you know.

Sirius: Is that all you can say?

The Author: No, actually I don't.

Sirius: Hey, En! Check this out! The Author's a sodding engine!

Ennil: Cool!

The Author (Apparently I'm a robot or she is): He's right you know.

Sirius: Shut it.

Ennil: Don't get her angry!

Sirius: Why not?

Ennil: So we can do anything we want with her!

Sirius: Oh yeah!

Ennil: Ok, Author. I hate your stupid questions!

Sirius: And I... well, I thing your ideas for a fic are real bad!

Ennil: That's the best you can do?

Sirius: Yeah, but she shouldn't toy with us! That...! That...!

The Author (I guess the real one): "That" what, Sirius?

Sirius: That... Magnificent creature!

The Author: Get back to work!

Form: 9. If you were stranded on a nude beach?

Sirius: I would get out of there and read a book.

Ennil: What if Snape was there?

Sirius: We never did anything!

Ennil (Giggling): What if Minerva was there?

Sirius: Are you s****ing me?!!!!!!!! McGonagall?!! Woman! Are you bleeding stupid?!! I would kill myself!

Ennil: There you go! That's the kind of answer I've been looking for!

Sirius: Don't you ever do that to me again!

Ennil: Okay! Okay!

Form: 10. When will you die?

Sirius: That's not a question you ask a dead guy.

Ennil: Well, the others weren't dead.

Sirius: Well, I'm not the others, am I? By the way did you watch that movie?

Ennil: Yah, but so not scary!

Sirius: I know! The only parts that were scary, were Nichole Kidman's close ups!

Ennil: Good one!

Form: 11. If you would take a picture of one glorious moment which one would it be?

Sirius: The one Snape died.

Ennil: See, you're the one who always talks about him...

Sirius: See you next time!

Ennil: Hey! I say that!

Sirius: Well if ya gonna be working with me....

And they just kept on arguing.