Interruptions, Part Two

Meredith

Gross. Teachers never seem to shut up, do they?

Lily

Well, not usually when they're trying to teach.

Meredith

Oh, ha ha. Do you want to start a fight?

Lily

Maybe. It depends.

Meredith

On what, exactly?

Lily

Well maybe it's none of your business!

Meredith

Well, maybe it is!

Virginia

Wow, calm down! There's no need to tear out other people's hair. Yeesh, I never knew you two could be so snappish!

Meredith

Yeah, well, live and learn.

Lily

Forget it. Let's just start with why I have to be here with her.

Virginia

Right. We are ready to tell the real story if what happened with our boyfriends.

Meredith

Especially since Sirius messed it up so badly the first time around.

Lily

Huh. Well, as usual, James did a perfect job with the telling.

Meredith

Only because you helped him.

Lily

Shut up!

Meredith

Like he's really Mr. Perfect anyways...

Lily

Oh, like Sirius is either?

Virginia

Personally, I think Remus did a fine job.

Meredith

Speaking of Remus...

Virginia

Oh, do I have to tell her now?

Lily

Tell me what?

Virginia

Um...please don't be mad at me.

Lily

Oh no. What did you do?

Virginia

Well...I was kinda talking to Remy about the little retelling thing and I sorta ended up inviting him.

Lily

Don't worry about it, that's not so bad.

Meredith

No, but wait until you hear the end of it.

Lily

Uh oh.

Virginia

The news sorta kinda spread.

Lily

You mean...

Virginia

Yeah. They're coming.

Lily

All of them?

Virginia

Yeah.

Meredith

You know, banging your head on the table isn't good for you.

Lily

Shut up!

Virginia

...

Lily

Do you have ANY idea what happened last time I was with Sirius, James, and Remus?

Virginia

Uh...Chaos?

Lily

Much, much more than that. You should have seen it.

Virginia

Oh.

Lily

When will they get here?

Virginia

In about two seconds and counting.

Meredith

Sirius!

Sirius

Meredith!

Remus

Okay, if this turns into a snogging session, I'm out of here.

Virginia

Remy!

James

Remy?

Remus

Shut up!

Lily

I wouldn't be talking, Boo Boo Bear!

James

Shh! No one's supposed to know about that!

Lily

Oh, they're gonna find out sooner or later!

James

What?! How in the world would they find out?

Sirius

So, Boo Boo Bear, huh? How'd ya get that name?

James

Shut up, shut up, shut up!

Meredith

Alright, now that we're all here, we will commence with the retelling.

Sirius

Retelling?

Meredith

Yes! You boys did a terrible job with our stories!

Remus

Hey!

Meredith

Oh, don't get so uppity, Remus.

Meredith

Most of it's your fault, Sirius Lee Black! You know very well that I'm not just your rebound girl! We fully agreed on breaking up before the summer!

Sirius

Ok, don't use so many exclamation points, there!

Lily

Is there some trouble in paradise?

Meredith

No! Nothing's wrong except for the fact that Sirius has a bloated head!

James

Yeah, that's been a problem from day one. It really is a hazard to get him through the doorways.

Lily

Please! I don't know why you, of all people, are talking about someone else's bloated head.

James

What's that supposed to mean?!

Remus

Why do I get the feeling that we're the only non-dysfunctional couple here?

Virginia

Because you're right.

Remus

Did you bring any popcorn? This is gonna take a while.

Sirius

Hey! You two lovebirds! Don't you dare wonder off until I get a chance to talk to you about the birds and the bees.

James

Seriously, I didn't think that there was a color that your face could turn that came after puce until today.

Sirius

Do you think they're getting enough air?

Meredith

This is going no where.

Lily

Gee, who told you that?

Meredith

I'm warning you...

Lily

Oh, please.

Sirius

How much did you bet on Lily again?

James

Not enough.

Lily

Hey!

Meredith

Look, I just wanted all of us to come here and fix this problem.

Sirius

What problem?

Meredith

Arrghh! Do I have to go over it again?

James

Just ten more times, then, if we're lucky, it might be able to stay in his head. But that's a big might.

Meredith

Remind me why I'm dating you before the summer?

Sirius

'Cause I'm cute and loveable.

Meredith

Not the qualities I would have chosen.

James

Why are we here again?

Remus

Are we going to be finished soon? Virginia and I want to go to the library.

James

Again? What do you two do in there?

Sirius

Think about it...

Remus

NO!

Virginia

That's not what we do, thank you!

Sirius

I didn't say anything.

Meredith

We are so off track.

James

Aren't we always?

Sirius

I thought we were supposed to retell something.

Meredith

WE ARE!

Sirius

Whoa! Feel free to actually lower your voice about two notches, thank you.

Meredith

Look, I'm just trying to get the facts straight here. Ok? Can you give me that much?

Sirius

Sure. How much more do you want?

James

Oh, man, that was corny.

Sirius

Beggars can't be choosers.

Remus

That should be moochers can't be choosers.

Sirius

Hey, I don't mooch as much as I used to!

Lily

Sure...

Virginia

Why is it always like this with you two?

Sirius

Like what?

Virginia

Like...shoot, now I can't describe it!

James

Yeah, we are pretty indescribable.

Lily

You mean undesirable.

Sirius

Yeah, that too...wait a minute!

Virginia

That took a while.

Remus

He has a slow brain.

James

Who said anything about him having a brain at all?

Sirius

So...didn't you want dolls want us to re-do something?

Lily

Umm...Meredith left after you said you were a moocher.

Sirius

Oh. I knew that...

Remus

I never doubted your intelligence.

Sirius

You were being sarcastic, right?

Remus

Yep.

Lily

So...now what?

Remus

Umm...you know what? I just remembered I have to 'leave.'

Virginia

What do you mean by that?

Sirius

Gee, she acts just like lily. Are you sure she isn't lily's long lost sister or something?

James

Shh! They hardly ever fight and I like to be reminded that they are actually a normal couple sometimes.

Remus

That I have to leave.

Virginia

Why do you always do this?

Remus

Do what?

Virginia

THIS!

Lily

Umm...do you think we should back away slowly?

James

No...I think we should run away quickly.

Sirius

Which way is the nearest exit?

Remus

I don't know what you're talking about!

Virginia

You always do this to me...nearly every month.

Remus

No...don't cry...I can't stand to see you like that.

Lily

Ahh...that was even more touching than the romantic movie I saw last summer!

Virginia

Well, then just leave like you always do, maybe then you won't have to look at my bloated face!

Sirius

Does her face get puffy when she cries?

Lily

Yeah, you can't see her eyes.

James

Like her neck is blowing a bubble?

Lily

James, that's not funny.

James

Maybe we should be-

Remus

Just trust me, ok? Can't you do that?

Sirius

I think she's already out the door, moony.

Remus

I better go.

Sirius

Well, now that that's behind us, maybe we should have a nice cup of tea and plant some roses.

Lily

Ok, you go do that.

James

Man, talking about overreacting.

Lily

What does that mean?

Sirius

Huh?

James

Well, she was clearly being a drama queen.

Sirius

Uh, oh...

Lily

She has a point, you know.

James

A point?

Lily

Yes, is that thought so inconceivable? You think that girls are incapable of having a point?

James

Err...I...need to go to the bathroom?

Sirius

No you don't, you go every day when potions starts.

Lily

James, you are not getting out of this one.

Sirius

Yeah, 'cause she didn't let you off any of the other times.

James

Sirius...

Lily and James

SHUT UP!!

Sirius

Ouch...I'm gonna go over to the corner now...and regain my ability to hear.

James

Lil, I don't think...

Lily

Exactly, you don't think.

James

Wait, you can't leave-Binns might turn around and actually check on us and see that half his class has walked out! LILY!

Sirius

Sorry, Boo Boo Bear.

James

I thought I told you not to call me that.

Sirius

No, you just blamed lily for bringing it up.

James

Lily. I have to go talk to her...

Sirius

Wait a minute! Like you said, Binns might actually watch us for a change and catch you leaving. Besides...I have a plan.

James

What do you mean, catch me leaving?! Half his class has walked out already! I don't think- ...wait a minute...did you just say that you have a plan?

Sirius

Yeah.

James

You mean you're actually using that brain of yours?

Sirius

It has to be used for something, right? Why not ingenious plots?

James

I don't know...I really need to go after lily.

Sirius

Don't. Listen to me-

James

Those words are famous death wishes.

Sirius

Ha ha. Loved that joke. Not.

James

Alright, what do you want?

Sirius

Come closer.

James

We're sharing the same piece of paper. That's close enough for me.

Sirius

How am I supposed to tell you...?

James

What? Could you whisper a bit louder, please?

Sirius

...

James

I said louder, not inaudible.

Sirius

...

James

huh?

Sirius

I SAID I WANT TO PULL A PRANK ON SNAPE!!

James

Oh. Why didn't you just say so?

Sirius

Sigh.

James

That's no big deal. We do it all the time.

Sirius

Yeah, but we don't usually use Moony as bait.

James

...wha...

Sirius

Yep. This is no ordinary prank.

James

Hold on...let me get this straight.

Sirius

No, no. Leave it crumpled; it's much more fun that way. Leave it that way for once.

James

We're using our own friend as bait for some sort of twisted practical joke?

Sirius

To get at Snivellus-you can't forget that. It makes it all worthwhile.

James

Whatever. The point is we're using Moony when we're supposed to be helping him.

Sirius

Says who?

James

Says every teacher in this school.

Sirius

Oh, yeah...but since when do we listen to them?

James

You really don't see a problem with this, do you?

Sirius

Not really, no.

James

Oh. Well, in that case...

Sirius

You cave in really easily, don't you?

James

It's to get at Snivellus, right?

Sirius

What else would it be for?

James

All right; I'm in.

Sirius

Yea!

Lily

What are you yea-ing about?

Sirius

No reason, why?

Lily

Well the only reason you're usually that happy is when you're about to pull a prank on-

Sirius

Quick James; evasive maneuver number three!

James

No one was yea-ing.

Sirius

We don't know what you're talking about, Lil.

Lily

Huh?

Sirius

So...Lil...how are you doing?

Lily

Uh...fine.

Sirius

Good, good.

Lily

Now I'm really freaked out.

James

Aren't you always?

Lily

What?

James

Never mind.

Sirius

That was just Prong's feeble attempt at making a joke. He just can't measure up to me, no matter how hard he tries...

James

Sigh. Must you always make me hurt you?

Sirius

OUCH!!

Lily

Don't you two want to know how Virginia is?

Sirius

Oh, is that why you came back?

Lily

That and I can't afford to miss class, thanks to James.

James

I didn't mean to get you in trouble!

Lily

Sure...

Sirius

And silly little me thought you might come back to be with James. Now we know where your loyalties lie.

James

He has a point.

Lily

Now that thought is inconceivable.

James

She has a point.

Sirius

I'm about to point you in your eye, Boo Boo Bear.

James

All your jokes are falling flat today, Siri.

Sirius

Don't call me that.

Lily

Maybe it's because he needs Meredith to help him...

James

Hmmm...

Lily

Hmmm...

Sirius

No.

Lily

You miss her!

Sirius

No I don't!

James

Hahahaha! He misses her!!

Sirius

I told you-

James

I think I'm gonna die of laughter!

Sirius

Stop it!

Lily

I'll go get her, Sirius.

Sirius

No! I don't want he- oh, why hello Meredith, my dear.

Meredith

Sirius.

Lily

Ouch. Cold shoulder.

Sirius

Where's a suicide pop when you need one?

James

They're selling them at Zonko's.

Lily

Try to be more helpful, James.

Meredith

If you don't need me, I'll leave.

Sirius

No! Ummm...you can't leave yet...

Meredith

Why not?

Sirius

Because...you haven't...darned my socks?

Meredith

Goodbye.

Sirius

No, wait!!

Meredith

Sigh. What now?

Lily

Maybe we should give them a moment alone.

James

Maybe we should eavesdrop.

Lily

I like that idea better.

Meredith

Look, nothing you can say to me will-

Lily

GROSS!!

James

Do we really look like that when we kiss?

Lily

No, James dear, we don't kiss like penguins.

James

Guys...? As much as I respect both of you, I have to say that there is no possible way that this kiss can continue.

Lily

'Cause it's gross.

James

Right.

Lily

Oh, good, they've separated.

James

Whew...that was close.

Meredith

Wow. I really wasn't expecting that.

Sirius

Heh, heh...well, I didn't mean to...that is to say, I...

Meredith

Don't worry. I forgive you.

James

Thank goodness.

Meredith

Oh! I have to go!

Sirius

So soon?

James

Ok, too much mushiness for me, thank you.

Meredith

Bye.

Lily

Well, aren't you glad that I called her back?

Sirius

Huh?

Lily

Hey!

Sirius

OUCH! THAT HURT!!

Lily

Oh, you big baby.

James

No, really. Your punches really hurt, Lil. Maybe you need to take therapy.

Lily

I do NOT need to take therapy.

Sirius

Don't worry, James. She just has a temper because she's a red-head.

James

Uh, oh.

Lily

WHAT DID YOU SAY, SIRIUS LEE BLACK?!

Sirius

Um...

James

I know; evasive maneuver number three...

Sirius

I said that the grass looks green today.

Lily

What?

James

And the sky is abnormally blue.

Lily

Oh, ha ha.

Sirius

Well, I thought it was funny.

James

Thank you.

Sirius

It wasn't as good as my jokes, of course, but...

James

Don't you need a suicide pop, or something?

Virginia

Hey, guys.

Sirius and James

Virginia?

Lily

Are you ok?

Virginia

I could be doing better. So, are you telling the stories yet? I mean, we have enough time now; classes are over and we're just sitting here in the common room doing nothing.

Sirius

Thank you Captain Obvious.

James

What stories?

Lily

Sigh.

James

OUCH!!

Virginia

You mean that you haven't even started?

Lily

Well, it's kinda hard.

Virginia

Oh. Right.

Sirius

I think that James and Lily don't need to tell their story.

James

Really? Why?

Sirius

Don't narrow your eyes at me!

Virginia

He's right. You two told the last story so well.

Sirius

Considering that it wasn't true.

Lily

We just wanted to make it more interesting.

James

And keep Sirius from not telling his story.

Sirius

How'd YOU know it wasn't true, anyway?

Virginia

I read the notes from your dormitory.

James

How in the world did you get up there?

Virginia

Just because the girl's dorm is locked, it doesn't mean that the boy's is too.

Lily

Plus we were dying all of your underwear pink.

Sirius

YOU did that?!

Virginia

Ingenious, right?

Sirius

More like lucky.

Lily

Lucky?

Sirius

That we weren't up there.

Lily

Oh, and what would you do, huh?

Virginia

Uh oh...James, stop them.

James

I have no control over Padfoot.

Virginia

But what about Lily?

James

What do you think?

Virginia

SIRIUS! STOP BUTTING HEADS WITH LILY!!

James

LILY! STOP KICKING SIRIUS YOU-KNOW-WHERE!!

Virginia

We have to find separate cages for them one day.

James

If only the owl cages were big enough....

Virginia

I don't think Sirius' big head would let him fit anyway.

James

True.

Sirius

Owww....look at me; I'm limping for Merlin's sake!

James

C'mon, it didn't hurt that badly.

Sirius

Yeah? Well, you try getting kicked there five times!

James

No thank you.

Lily

OH MY GOSH!

Sirius

Now what?

Lily

Do you know what time it is?

James

Ummm...about 7:00pm would be my guess, but my watch has stopped ever since Padfoot pushed me into the lake.

Lily

Virginia, we're late for our prefect's meeting!

Virginia

Uh, oh...we have to go. McGonagall gets really testy whenever prefects from her own house are late.

Sirius

See you two dolls later.

James

Hey, Padfoot?

Sirius

Yes, Prongs?

James

Aren't we supposed to be doing something that involves Moony turning into a werewolf?

Sirius

I'm not sure.

James

Padfoot...

Sirius

Huh? OUCH!!

James

Moony is going to turn into a werewolf any second and we're not there to help him!

Sirius

Oh, is that what the fuss is all about?

James

PADFOOT!

Sirius

I'm coming, I'm coming!! Hey, what about the parchment?

James

Just leave it there! No one will notice it!

Sirius

Ok, but...

James

PADFOOT!! WE HAVE TO GO!

~one hour later~

Lily

That's weird.

Virginia

What?

Lily

They aren't here.

Virginia

Who isn't here?

Lily

Sirius and James.

Virginia

That's not so weird.

Lily

No, but...

Virginia

What's weird is what they wrote after we were gone.

Lily

What do you mean?

Virginia

Look.

Lily

...

Virginia

You don't think...

Lily

No way. It's just another prank they're trying to pull on us.

Virginia

Remus can't be a werewolf.

Lily

They must have been playing around or something.

Virginia

Sure...

Lily

Let's just leave it here and pretend we didn't see it.

Virginia

Right.

Lily

Although, it would explain a few things...

Virginia

Let's not talk about it now, k? I need a good night's sleep.

Lily

Alright, then.

~two hours later~

James

That was a close one.

Sirius

Yeah, remind me never to try jumping over the lake again.

James

Why'd you even try in the first place?

Sirius

....you know what?....

James

What?

Sirius

I don't remember.

James

Gee. That's weird.

Sirius

Was that your attempt at being sarcastic?

James

Basically, yeah.

Sirius

Good. I was concerned there for a second.

James

Hey, does something seem different to you?

Sirius

Like what?

James

The parchment was moved.

Sirius

Yeah, 'cause I just moved it. You have really good deductive skills, James.

James

No, I mean it was moved before we came back. Someone was reading it.

Sirius

Dun dun DUNNNN!

James

Funny man.

Sirius

Actually my nickname is the King of all Pranks.

James

In your dreams.

Sirius

No, in my dreams, it's-

James

Enough already.

Sirius

So, who moved it?

James

Moved what?

Sirius

Sigh.

James

OUCH!! What was that for?!

Sirius

I don't know; I just felt like acting like you.

James

Ha, ha.

Sirius

Who moved the parchment? Yeesh, do I have to ask you twice?

James

You just did. And I can't tell.

Sirius

That crosses detective for the department of mysteries off your list of jobs. You know that list is just getting smaller every day.

James

AHA!!

Sirius

Aha what?

James

It was Lily!

Sirius

What was she- oh no.

James

Why in the world did we put that in writing?

Sirius

Because your brain waves disrupted mine.

James

This is all your fault.

Sirius

How's it my fault?!

James

I don't know, but this is the only thing I can depend on in a crisis.

Sirius

True.

James

Look, maybe we should just get out of here-with the parchment- and hope and pray-

Sirius

Now who are we praying to this time?

James

Let's see...Merlin is the only one we haven't tried...

Sirius

Good choice.

James

Thank you. And maybe we can worry about this in the morning.

Sirius

Ok.

James

Ok.

Sirius

I'm hungry.

James

You're always hungry.

Sirius

But this is a pain-in-the-stomach kind of hungry.

James

You had that last night.

Sirius

No, that was a rumbling-in-the-stomach type of hungry.

James

Oh, I always get those confused.

Sirius

Yeah, that sounds like you.

James

Well, at least your stomach isn't talking again.

Sirius

Oh, yeah! I forgot that I could do that!

James

Oh, man...why'd I have to remind him?

Sirius

FEED ME!!

James

You are an embarrassment to high society. If there we any high society people in here, I'm sure they'd be embarrassed.

Sirius

AND I MEAN IT THIS TIME!!

James

So, please just save him the pain that I'm going to give him and stop the fic right no-

Emmablk1: July 20, 2004 ;)

Emmablk1:

Well, I hope you liked it. It's about two pages longer than the first one, but I can't help thinking that it's not as good. Send me some reviews and tell me!!

Sirius

Yes, send some reviews, and while you're at it, send some band-aids.

James

They did not hit you that hard.

Sirius

You wanna bet?

Emmablk1:

Sigh. Where's Remus when you want him?

Sirius

Where was Peter during all this, anyway?

James and Emmablk1:

...

James

Wait a minute! YOU should know, you're the author!

Emmablk1:

Well...he was...indisposed.

Sirius

O...K...James, Defensive maneuver number six!!

Emmablk1:

Hey! What are you doing?!

James

Throwing you into the lake, nothing special.

Emmablk1:

AHHHHHH!!!!

Sirius

That was fun. We should do it to someone else.

James

Like Snape?

Sirius

Yeah!!

Emmablk1:

Hey! You can't just leave me in here!!

James

Will this thing never end?

Sirius

So long, folks. And remember, if you should one day find your stomach talking, that probably means that you forgot to feed it.

Emmablk1: July 20, 2004 ;)