Insanity

Insanity

Part Two

Malfoy: ::sneaks around corner:: Is she here?

Harry: No. She's watching Kung Pow. It's safe.

Malfoy: Thank God. Did you see here face? That was scary.

Harry: You didn't have to listen to it after you ran away.

Malfoy: How bad was it?

Harry: Real bad.

Malfoy: Well, she started me on the spandex and the music from "Chicago". So it's not all my fault.

Mandy: Boy, what a good movie.

Malfoy: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! YOU!! STAY AWAY!!!

Mandy: Oh, stop. I'm not mad at you.

Malfoy: Really?

Mandy: Yep. ::Harry snickers::

Malfoy: What?

Harry: If you thought the spandex was bad...

Mandy: DON'T TELL HIM!! YOU'LL SPOIL IT FOR EVERYONE!!

Harry: Oh, alright.

Malfoy: I got a bad feeling about this... ::Harry and Mandy start to laugh manically as thunder rolls in the background::

Ron prepared himself to pull out his wand and just perform a reviving spell. He was hoping Draco didn't have bad breath because he could smell fish in the air and hoped that it wasn't him; also because he hated the smell of fish and didn't want to be anywhere near it. Hermione told him only to perform it in case of extreme emergencies because he was not the best at the spell. He cleared his throat when Draco popped up and grabbed hold on Ron's robes and stared him straight in the eyes and said, "MR. PEEPERS!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU GOT THE MILK!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU GOT THE MILK!! I NEED TO HEAR THESE WORDS, MR. PEEPERS!!" Ron kneeled there, not knowing whether to be horrified by Draco's expression, or laugh at what he was telling him. Ron just decided to stare. "WHY DID I THINK CAN YOU DO THIS? JUST THIS ONE SIMPLE THING? IT'S LIKE I'M TALKING TO A MONKEY! A REALLY, REALLY BIG, STUPID MONKEY NAMED MR. PEEPERS!!" Ron then decided to stand for himself. He was not a monkey...or at least we hope.

"I'm not a monkey! And I'm not Mr. Peepers!" Ron yelled.

"No, you're right. You're not a monkey. You're an orangutan, Mr. Peepers. I'm so sorry..." Draco then started to cry. "I hope you can forgive me, Mr. Peepers. Oh, I feel so filthy!" He put his head in his hands and started to bawl. He wailed more than Moaning Myrtle. This brought out a crowd from the other end and was heading towards them.

"Draco, you have to calm down! There're people coming!" Ron whispered.

"Quick! To the boats, mateys! The SS Pickle awaits us! And it's Roxie!" Draco yelled and immediately stopped his wailing. Then he took Ron by the arm and ran away as fast as they could. "The killer bees have brought in their mutant cousins from Nuascothia. No matter! I brought my bombs made specially to kill Nuascothian killer mutant bees!!" He took out what looked like a power-ball that was a bright color of yellow with white swirls in it. Ron was mesmerized.

"Ooohhh... preettyyy...can I touch it?" Ron asked in a hypnotized tone and reached out a hand. Draco immediately pulled them away from Ron.

"NO! These things are highly explosive and if anyone but me touches them, they'll turn into snowballs, which will only make the Nuascothian killer bees stronger!" He looked at the crowd behind him and yelled at them, "YOU KILLER BEES WILL NEVER BEAT THESE!! AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!" He started pegging the people behind him with the power-balls and laughed manically as each one of the members of the crowd fell down like flies. "TAKE THAT!! AND THAT!! EEEEEEHEHEHEHE!! MR. PEEPERS, HAND ME THE RADISH!!"

"WHAT RADISH?" Ron yelled. "I DON'T HAVE A BLOODY RADISH!!"

"Ah fiddlesticks. Oh well. RRRUUUUUUNNNN!!" Draco yelled. He ran and was almost to the Slytherin common room. "HOME BASE!! RUN, MR. PEEPERS!! DON'T LET THEM CATCH YOU!! THE CONSEQUENCES COULD BE DIRE!! THEY'LL USE THEIR STINGERS TO-"

"THAT'S NICE, MALFOY!!" Ron shouted.

"ROXIE!!" Draco shouted back. "Good luck, Mr. Peepers," Draco said as the Slytherin door opened for him. Ron continued to run to the Gryffindor common room. If any of the teachers found out it was his fault Draco was here in the first place...he didn't want to think about it. He kept running until he got inside Gryffindor Tower, he heard numerous people pass by the room. When the door started to open, he ran to the chair by the fire and immediately pretended he was asleep. Harry and Hermione entered the room and saw Ron in the chair.

"RON! WHAT...DO YOU THINK...YOU'RE DOING?!" Hermione screamed and her lip twitched in anger.

"Hermione, calm down. I got Draco's wand. So that's one problem down," Ron said, out of breath.

"BUT HE'S STILL UNDER THAT DAMNED CURSE!!" Hermione continued to shout.

"Would you calm down already? You're starting to sound like my mother," Ron replied back. "Besides, how much more trouble can he cause without his wand?"

"Well, in case you didn't notice when you were 'helping' Draco, he blew a hole straight through the ceiling with his wand," Hermione said.

"I just hope he runs into at least one thing before that curse wears off. That would be bloody hilarious."

"Well, I think we need to go to bed. Draco's-" Hermione said.

"It's Roxie now," Harry and Ron said in unison before looking at each other with smiles brighter than the fire. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Yes, yes I know." They looked at her like she was not taking this seriously (hint the sarcasm). She groaned. "Fine. I think we need to go to bed. Roxie is going to need some assistance tomorrow. He's not stable. Think of what he will do to the teachers..." Hermione worried. Ron and Harry just continued to laugh at what he would do, especially in Snape's class.

"He calls me Mr. Peepers; imagine what he'll call Snape!" Ron exclaimed.

Harry laughed. "I can see it now. 'Mr. Malfoy what do you think you are doing with the toad's blood?' 'It's ROXIE!'" Harry imagined.

"Would you all come off it and go to sleep? It's going to be a major job trying to keep track of Roxie and making sure he doesn't get into trouble!" Hermione said.

"He's already in trouble. How much more do you think he can cause?" Harry asked.

"A lot more than you both know. I'm going to sleep. G'night," Hermione said and climbed up the stairs to the girls' dormitories. Harry and Ron just looked at each other, shrugged and did the same. It was going to be one hell of a day.

Draco-er-Roxie woke up and stood straight up in his bed. How he got there, nobody knows. But he caused a major commotion when he woke up. "I...feel..." he then put his hands on his face as if checking it was still there. He then continued the sentence. "I feel...Pretty!! I feel prettyyyyy! Oh so prettyyyy! I feel pretty and witty and fiiiiiiiinnne! I feel pretty!"

"By God, mate, shut the hell up," one of the Slytherins said and threw a cupcake at Roxie. It hit him square of the forehead. Where the cupcake came from is beyond me.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!! BATTLESHIP DOWN!! Wait...Oh dear. I believe I've been shot," He held a hand to his heart lightly as if he was in a civilized conversation about himself. Then held his other hand on his head and smeared the icing all over his hand and pretended to faint. He died yet again; but from this time, a chocolate cupcake instead of killer bees. Everyone crowded around Roxie. He then grabbed hold of Flint's robes and looked around wildly. "Don't you hear it? Can you hear them? The squeaks and squawks squealing and whining like Quacker himself?!" He let go of Flint's robes and pretended to have a magnifying glass and look around. "You sir," he said as he looked at nothingness. "I've got a few questions to ask you. Where were you on the day of today? Sorry, mates, but this speck of dust looks suspicious, and so does this wall! SHUT UP, YOU SPECK OF NOTHINGNESS! YOU STOLE THE SQUEAKY SHOES OF ZANZIBAR!! I KNEW IT! WHERE ARE THEY? DON'T PLAY GAMES WITH ME, MISSY!!" Then he looked under his bed and found a bright green pair of clown shoes. "GASP!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID!! YOU'RE GOING TO THE BIG HOUSE FOR THIS!" Roxie then put on the clown shoes and walked around in them. They squeaked louder than rusty door hinge. Then he had a huge smile on, probably of satisfactions that he had finally solved the Great Clown Shoe Mystery. Everyone else got dressed and went down for breakfast.

They entered the dark dungeon of Snape's classroom after breakfast and Roxie was yet to appear. "Probably wants to make a grand entrance," Harry said as they took their seats at the back. As they sat down, they saw Roxie in a loose silvery shirt, tight black leather capris, and a pearl necklace. He still had on the squeaky neon green clown shoes *squeak squeak* that's *squeak* could be heard halfway down the hall. Everyone started to snicker as Roxie took the seat ahead of Ron. *Squeak, squeak, squeak*

"Mr. Peepers! I didn't know you took school! I thought you would be off doing orangutan business! Learn something new everyday!" Roxie said to Ron. *Squeak* Then Snape entered the room. Roxie's eyes lit up as he seen him and ran to Snape. *squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak* and gave him a huge hug "MR. SPANKY-PANTS!!! I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN!! Listen, I'm so sorry about my orangutan. He didn't mean to...be caught in that kind of...situation with your chimp. He can't control himself sometimes," Roxie explained to Snape. Snape pushed Roxie away.

"Mr. Malfoy, may I ask what has gotten into you?" Snape asked.

"It's ROXIE!! Why can't anyone see that? I am ROXIE, you baboon!" *Squeak-squeak-squeak*

"Fine... Roxie, what has gotten into you?"

"Well, last thing that got into me was some sort of exploding pie that was cherry-flavored. I got some bad heartburn after that. And I just thought it was a pepper-flavored." *Squeak*

"That's not what I mean,"

"Oooohhh, you mean that? No, Mr. Spanky-pants. I'm still a virgin. Contrary to popular belief," Snape shook his head and told Roxie if he needed to see Madam Pomfrey. *Squeak* "BBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Everyone jumped at Roxie's outcry. "I HAVE FINALLY RECEIVED A GREAT GIFT FROM DUCOSECUTHA!" He broke out into church choir song. "With this frying pan, I shall vanquish all the evil lemons and tacos out there to their rightful place among the chickens! I like tacos, Manny. HOLY CHA-CHA!!! YOU HAVE A POT GLUED TO YOUR HEAD!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!" Roxie then pointed his frying pan at Seamus. He looked at Roxie with an eyebrow raised. "I'll save you from the evil pot!" Roxie then started beating Seamus with a quill.

"ROXIE! TAKE A SEAT!" Snape yelled.

"Yes, Mr. Spanky-pants. Moof. But I'm afraid I must dance! Dance the dance that my great uncle Bon John the XXIII did before he killed the peanuts in all of Ireland by his own gas and caused the Great Peanut Famine! BBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Roxie started to jump up and down while howling and flapping his arms in circles and jumping on desks *SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK*.

"YOU WILL NOT DANCE ANY DANCE, ROXIE!"

"Are you suggesting that the coconuts migrate?"

"NO I'M TELLING YOU TO SIT DOWN NOW BEFORE I GET YOU IN DETENTION!"

"Fine. Moof."

"I never thought I would have to do this, but I'm giving you detention, Draco."

"ROXIE!"

"Whatever. I'll be back."

"Mr. Spanky-pants! Where are you going?! Moof, moof!" *squeak* Snape walked out the door to get detention slips. Roxie got up on Snape's desk *squeak, squeak, squeak* and stood proud and tall. "Well, before I leave the building, I shall perform one last time. Wait a minute. Oh, here's your friggin' pickle, Mr. Sanders." Roxie then handed an imaginary object to imaginary friend, which imaginarily flew out the window. "Mr. Depp! You shall get a special treat from Roxie, because I love your hair." Roxie pointed a finger at Harry. All heads turned towards him. Harry looked more bewildered than ever.

"Wha-what?" Harry replied. Luckily, Pansy wasn't in the room.

"You. Yes, you." He got off of the desk and took off the *squeak, squeak* squeaky shoes. "They'll be safe for now. Now, Mr. Depp..." He started walking seductively towards Harry as his faeries wings bounced with each step.

"I'm Harry. Roxie, you hate me remember?" Harry tried to say. Roxie still had a seductive plan and did not want to just hang it up.

"Don't talk nonsense." He took Snape's wand and said, "Musicalitor." There was a fast paced drumming at the beginning like Harry's heart, and then a seductive beat came on. Ron was too busy trying to get out because he didn't feel like vomiting.

Draco twirled around gracefully and started moving his hips to the beat and ran his hands up and down his chest and neck.

I have the tendency of getting very physical...

Roxie continued to move and Harry watched with eager eyes.

When it gets cold outside and you got nobody to love...

Roxie was moving in on Harry and their eyes connected. Harry had lost all contact with Earth right then and didn't care about anything else but Dr...

Is there anyone out there 'cause its getting harder and harder to breathe?

Now (Ah, screw it. I'm sayin' Draco because this is about over) Draco was straddling Harry and his shirt was off, revealing some very nice muscles. He was about to unzip his pants when his sanity came back to him. He looked wildly around at everyone who was awestruck and wondered what everyone was looking at. But as soon as he felt the warm body underneath him, he looked to discover the legs he was sitting on, he looked at Harry with horror. "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, POTTER?!?! GIMME' BACK MY BLOODY SHIRT BEFORE I KILL YOU SOONER THAN I PLAN TO!" Harry returned the shirt. Draco put back on all the articles that had been "lost" and was too busy looking back at Harry to notice where the door was. He ran into the wall at top speed and landed flat on his back, knocked out, with a bloody nose. Ron rushed back in.

"Did I miss it?!?" he shouted.

"The lap dance? I never knew you were like that," Dean said.

"No, you git. I heard a thump," Ron replied.

"Oh. That was just Draco running into the wall," Ron burst out laughing.

"HAHAHAHAHA!! STUPID GIT!!" Ron laughed.

"WEASLEY..." Draco said as he woke up. He sounded as though he was possessed. "I'M GOING TO HEX YOUR BRAINS OUT!!"

"Well, it's been nice knowing you all. I'm going to run now. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!" Ron ran faster than a jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the desert in the middle of August. Draco got up, ignoring his bloody nose, and was hot on Ron's heals. The class stayed in silence while listening to the screams of Ron and until Snape caught them and told them to go back to the classroom, but needed to have a word with them before they went back in. Harry had a pair of Extendable Ears that George sent him a while back and got it out. Hermione told him not to, but he went straight to the door, placed the string under the door and went back to his desk, ignoring her. He heard Snape speak and everyone was silent, looking at Harry.

"Now, Weasley and Malfoy, you shall be serving detention with me tonight at six. Weasley, after detention, I will not tell the Ministry about this, and Malfoy, I will make sure everyone forgets this...but at a price," Draco and Ron both agreed wholeheartedly to do anything, which they probably shouldn't of. Harry's eyes nearly fell out of his head as he heard THE PRICE (DUN, DUN DUUUNNN!!). He threw the Extendable Ear away from his as if it was poison. He decided not to tell the class for Ron and Draco's sake. "Poor kids," was all he said.

Draco: YOU RUINED ME!! AND NOW YOU'RE DOING THAT?!?! I'M NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!! NEVER!!

Mandy: Relax. Nobody but me knows what you had to do in order to not disgrace your family's honor. It's actually quite brave.

Draco: Really?

Mandy: Yes. I would have done that.

Draco: Honestly?

Mandy: HELL NO!! I WOULDN'T TOUCH THAT GUY IF YOU PAID ME!!

Draco: So much for reinforcement.

Harry: Back up... you just enjoy torturing us, don't you? Making him do a lap dance.

Mandy: Oh, you enjoyed it and you know it.

Harry: No, I didn't. Don't make these people think something else about us, either.

Mandy: What if I want to?

Draco: You do and you get hexed.

Mandy: I KNEW IT!! THIS ISN'T JUST AN OBSESSION!! AHAHAHA!!! ::covers her mouth:: Did I just say that out loud?

Harry and Draco: Yeah.

Mandy: Hehehe. Uuuhhh... well, I'm gonna' go now... watch LOTR two, and... get back my sanity. You two have fun! Use protection! ::Mandy walks away::

Harry: That girl has gone off her rocker.

Draco: Maybe she hasn't...

Harry: What are you suggesting? ::Draco smiles malevolently:: Wait... so...it's true?!?!

Draco: NO!! That would only make things worse. Besides I hate you.

Harry: I hate you, too.

Draco: Glad that's clear.

Harry: Indeed. ::Long silence before Draco walks over to Harry and puts an arm around his waist, and kisses him passionately::

Draco: She doesn't have to know, does she?

Harry: Of course not!

Draco: Good. Let's get out of here before we make a scene for her to come back to. ::Harry and Draco run off together, leaving Mandy totally clueless about them::