Insanity

Insanity

Part One

Malfoy: I can't believe you're doing this to me. What did I ever do to you? I love Harry in all the fics you write!

Mandy: It's just because I adore you. ::bats eyelashes and smiles sweetly::

Malfoy: Spare me.

Harry: Oh c'mon, Draco. I think it's hilarious.

Malfoy: You want her to torture you next?

Mandy: Actually, that wouldn't be a bad idea...

Harry: Oh no...Malfoy look what you did! ::Malfoy sticks tongue out::

Mandy: You want that tongue to go somewhere else than your mouth? ::Malfoy quickly puts his tongue inside his mouth and put his hands over his mouth and shakes head:: That's what I thought. The rest of you enjoy! Now, you two...::smiles evilly at Harry and Draco::

Malfoy and Harry: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

A long time ago (well actually, it was about a week ago, tops), there was the day of the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw Quidditch match. It was the first, and was the one to officially kick off the season. That's when it all started. The whole period of...INSANITY (echoes)!! Well, not yet. But this was when they made THE BET (DUN DUN DUUUUHHH)!!!!

"Weasley, why do you expect Hufflepuff to win? They haven't won a game in three years!" Draco said.

"Well, I'm sayin' they're gonna' win because I'm not going out with a pig!" Ron replied.

"You mess with my girlfriend, and I'll...I'll...pull a curse on you!"

"Oahu, I'm shiverin' in my boots! My boots, I say!"

"Weasley, you're not wearing boots."

"Oh yes I am! See!" Ron pulled up a bit of his robes and his pant leg revealing really tattered brown boots with off-white fluff at the top. It was cold outside that day, and Ron had a lot of hiking to do. You can't blame him! I don't want my toes being cut off! "They're the latest on the runway in New York City. Here comes Ron Weasley, dressed in our grade A yak hide and pure sheep's wool! Oh, it's marvelous!" Ron mocked and pretended to be a super model.

"You are so gay."

"I RESENT THAT!!" said a voice who was eavesdropping. Ron and Draco both looked in the general direction of the voice. But it quickly scurried off before they could get a good look at it.

"Anyways, how about we make a bet, Weasley? Or are you scared?"

"You wish."

"Fine, then. I say Ravenclaw wins. You say Hufflepuff wins. Ever heard of the Insanatus curse?"

"Can't says I have, Malfoy," Ron said with a mix of a Redneck trying to do a British accent. Draco rolled his eyes.

"Anyways, it's a curse that wizards put on others to make them go insane, temporarily of course."

"Well, how long does it last?"

"Oh, twenty-four hours. Not too long."

Ron smiled at the thought of Draco running around the school, completely insane, running into things, oh, this would be rich. "Alright, Malfoy. You're on."

"Shake."

"I don't wanna' touch that hand of yours! God knows where it's been!"

Malfoy rolled his eyes again and said, "It's been nowhere. Now just get it done. Shake, now or deal's off."

"Fine." Ron looked at his hand like it was a Blast-ended Scroot that was ready to blast his hand off. Then he closed his eyes, and shook Draco's hand. Then he ran to the nearest bathroom to either throw up, wash his hands, or both. Draco walked off not knowing what was in store for him afterwards.

The Quidditch match came in the afternoon after THE BET (DUN DUN DUUUUHHH). During that game, Ravenclaw was ahead by fifty points. Ron thought he would have to loose his bet with Draco. He didn't think he could handle it. He lost all hope. Hermione asked what was wrong with Ron. "Oh nothing. I'm just about to loose a bet," he said sarcastically.

"Really? How much did you bet?" Harry asked.

"My sanity," Ron said.

"What?" Hermione and Harry asked in unison.

"My sanity, you idiots. I made a bet with Malfoy," Ron spoke.

"How and why?" Hermione questioned. Then Ron explained THE BET (DUN DUN DUUUHHHH) between him and Malfoy.

"That would be thoroughly humorous for Malfoy to be insane for a day," Harry said, smiling. "God, I hope Hufflepuff comes through," then he zoned out, thinking about...stuff.

"You're not the only one, Harry," Ron commented and ignored Hermione's lecture on gambling.

"AND CORNER CATCHES THE SNITCH!!! ENDING THE GAME AND GIVING HUFFLEPUFF ONE-HUNDRED AND FIFTY POINTS!!! HUFFLEPUFF WINS!!" Lee Jordan announced. Ron could not believe his ears.

"Doth mine ears deceive me?" Ron hollered.

"NO, RON!!! YOU WON!! YOU WON THE LOUSY BET!!" Harry yelled.

"I GET TO KEEP MY SANITY!! YAY!!! BREAK OUT THE FIRE WHISKY AND DUNG BOMBS!!! Well, hold off on the Dung Bombs," Ron shouted. "I can't wait to see the look on Malfoy's face. Bloody priceless." Ron couldn't do anything but dream about how funny this was going to be.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN RAVENCLAW LOST?!?" Draco shouted at Ron. "IMPOSSIBLE!! HUFFLEPUFF-THEY-I-"

"Give it up, Malfoy. Gimme' the curse. Bet's a bet, Malfoy. Hand it over," Ron said and held out his hand. "I know you have it written down, or you wouldn't have you hands in your pocket." Malfoy did not move. "Accio spell!" and the parchment came flying out of Malfoy's pocket. "There now that wasn't so hard, was it?" Ron mocked Malfoy. Malfoy's pale face was turning pinker and pinker with rage by the second. Ron thought he better turn him insane right now before things got worse and THE BET (DUN DUN DUUUUHHH) got cancelled. He followed the directions and as he said, "Insanati defiti!" a little purple and green light shot out of Ron's wand and hit Draco. Draco fell flat on his back and did not move for several minutes. He looked at Draco, then his friends who were there to witness the event.

"You don't think that was a spell to knock him out, was it?" Hermione said.

"Who cares? At least he's not attacking me," Ron remarked.

Suddenly, Draco sat up and said, "Have you boys seen my goat? He's big, brown, and eats lemon snow cones!" Harry, Ron, and Hermione looked at each other with huge smiles. "Well I need to find him before he shits all over the barbeque sauce, again. The mayor wasn't too happy about that when it happened. In fact, he gave me a squirrel and told me to buy a rocket-powered leaf blender! What an idiot! Tell ya' what. I'm gonna' throw these rocket-powered snow globes at you and hope that they explode into confetti! If they don't they'll just turn into yaks and fly away!" He threw imaginary orbs at the three and stared in horror. "AAAAAAHHHH!!!" Then he pushed the trio down. "GET DOWN, YOU BLOODY IDIOTS!! THEY TURNED INTO...INTO...OH DARE NOT SAY!! OH IT'S HORRIBLE!! Oh well. I'm hungry." Draco then started to gnaw at Harry's shoulder.

"OUCH!! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Harry shouted and jumped up.

"HOLY SHIT!! MY RUMP ROAST TALKED TO ME!!!" Draco yelled. "Well, I don't have time to talk to rump roast! There's a zebra with a magic muffin that needs to be saved! TALLYHO!!" Draco ran off to the sounds of the charging music he was singing.

"Oh, boy. This is gonna' be fun," Hermione said sarcastically as she stood up.

"Indeed it will be," Ron retorted, not wanting to get up, and just continued to smile.

Dinner was a short time after the Quidditch match. This they could not wait for Malfoy to show up in. Pansy would not have a clue about what had happened or why. "Priceless," Ron said.

They showed up at the Great Hall and looked to the Slytherin table. Draco was not to be seen. "I wonder where he went," Harry wondered.

"I remember him sayin something about a magic monkey or something, but who cares? That outta' take him a while to find," Ron said. "Let's eat. I could smell the food all the way in the Gryffindor Tower." Just as they sat down and ate, Ron, Hermione, and Harry saw all the heads of the table turn to the entrance of the Hall. They could not have laughed harder. There in the entrance, stood Draco Malfoy the Proud, dressed in pink spandex, a yellow bandana around his forehead and had on a headband with bunny ears on them, sparkly blue stilettos with black knee socks, wearing pink bracelets that Barbie would dress in along with spiked ones and chains; he also wore shiny rings the size of golf-balls that glistened in the candlelight and some rather frightful spiked ones too that looked like they could kill. Then he wore a mesh bright green shirt with faerie wings attached that could stand out in a Grateful Dead concert. Then he had a dog collar on that could fit a Great Dane and many chains around his neck. No one could have looked more ridiculous.

"Good evening, everyone," he said charmingly.

"Oh...my...God," Hermione said. Ron and Harry were too busy laughing their heads off to even pay attention to anything even more. Snape got out of his seat to go ask Malfoy what had gotten into him.

"Sit down, Severus. Mr. Malfoy has finally decided to find himself. That is not a crime," Dumbledore said calmly. Snape did as he was told with a huge scowl on his face. How DARE one of his students embarrass him like this! The staff would not let him live this down.

"Everyone, from this day forward, you shall refer to me by the name of...Roxie..." Draco announced and smiled devilishly.

"Oh, no. I feel a song coming on..." Harry guessed.

Draco then got up on the Slytherin table and started dancing to the show-tune music in his head, using the table as a runway, and gesturing the words with his own body, if you know what I mean, and snapping to the words. "The name on everybody's lips, is gonna' be...ROXIE!" Then he threw his hands in the air as if he was on a real stage, really performing. "The lady rakin' in the chips, is gonna' be... ROXIE! I'm gonna be a celebrity, that means somebody everyone knows. They're gonna recognize my eyes, my hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose..." The music in his head continued to play and he continued to strut down the walk, until he met up with his girlfriend, who did not look too happy. He bent down to her and looked at her red fan. "May I borrow this?" he asked and took it from her. The show continued and he unfolded the fan to cover his face except for his dashing silver eyes and folded it up every time he said "ROXIE!". "From just some dumb mechanic's wife, I'm gonna' be...ROXIE! Who says murder's not an aaaaaarrrtttt? And who in case she doesn't hang, can say she started with a bang...Roxiiiiiieeeee Hart." Then he did a cute little wink at Harry and giggled. Harry felt himself smile, then shook himself out of it. Draco continued to dance around. His faerie wings bounced up and down as he danced and the tops of the bunny ears kept flopping up and down. This made Pansy, Harry, and...other people think impure thoughts despite the pink spandex.

Harry then heard himself mutter, "Damn." Then Hermione turned around to stare at Harry. "What? What did I do?"

Hermione said nothing, and Pansy no longer looked angry at Draco...or any kind of emotion besides...well...you get the picture. "Boys..." Then he threw the fan back at Pansy and used his hands to gesture the music. "Think of those autographs I'll sign 'Good luck to ya!'...ROXIE! And I'll appear, in a lava leer, that goes all the way down to my waist! Here a ring, there a ring, everywhere a ring-a-ling, but always in the best of tastes! Mmmmmmmhhhhh...I'm a star, and the audience loves me, and I love them, and they love me for loving them, and I love them for loving me, and we love each other. And that's 'cause none of us got enough love in our childhoods...and that's showbiz...kid..." Then he ended the song by putting both his hands in the air and looked like he was going to use the table as a runway to fly away along with the hugest smile anyone had ever seen. Everyone burst out in laughter and did not know whether to point or to clap. Some did actually. Someone whistled a few times, but hopefully in a mock tone. Then he got down off of the table and sat next to Pansy. "Draco, honey, are you feeling alright?" she said.

"I am ROXIE, thank you very much. Don't you recognize my teeth, my eyes, my b-" Draco sternly replied, but Pansy interrupted.

"Yes, yes, they're all very nice. Now eat so you can regain your sanity,"

"I CANT EAT THAT! Last time I did, it talked to me! It bloody TALKED TO ME!! ME!!" Then Draco had a face of pure horror on as he looked at Pansy. "OH...MY...GOD!!" Then he started to slowly scoot down the bench. "Maybe if I just slowly move away, it won't attack..."

"Draco, what are you talking about?" she asked.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!" He grabbed a huge thing of broccoli out of a gigantic bowl and waved it in her face. "BACK, MUTANT PIG-MAN, BACK!! I HAVE EXCALIBUR WITH ME! King Arthur gave it to me as a Happy Christmas/ Chanukah/ Kwanza/ Birthday/ Bar Mitzvah/ whatever holiday it was present. Seemed awfully glad to be rid of it." Then he looked at the broccoli and scratched his head. "I shall battle you later, evil mutant Pig-Man. I need to fuel up my rocket to go to the moon." He then took bites out of the broccoli that was supposedly Excalibur. "Sorry, King Arthur, it looked delicious and I was hungry." He said to himself. "Now, everyone, Roxie has left the building!" he announced to the table. He then got up on the table yet again and walked down it like it was catwalk. Then jumped off and yelled, "SAVE THE JELLYFISH!!" and ran down the halls, pretending he was Tarzan. The entire Hall was silent after that. Then they heard Draco come running back from the direction he set foot in screaming like...well...a madman. "KILLER BEES!!! KILLER BEES!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! YOU'RE WEAPONS ARE USELESS AGAINST US!! TAKE THAT, KILLER BEES!!" and they all heard the sound of a spell come out of Draco's wand. Then they heard Draco yelling in cries of pain. "MR. PEEPERS!!!" he called out, which sounded like his "final words".

"Oh shish kabobs...Ron, you put him...under an insanity (echoes!!)-" Hermione looked around for the source of the echo, but found nothing. She continued seething. "curse...and forgot to TAKE AWAY HIS BLOODY WAND?!?!?"

"Hermione! It's not my fault."

"Oh yes it damn well is!" Hermione was now becoming really scary. "Do you have ANY idea what could happen with that curse and a-a-a WAND?!? Ron, you go and remove that curse right now before I kill you, and don't think I WON'T!!"

"HERMIONE! I don't know how to remove it! There's no counter-curse! We have to wait it out!" Now Hermione was looking very scary and Ron was about ready to make a run for it before she put on a hockey mask and pulled out a chainsaw.

"Then get his wand before MATTERS GET WORSE!!" she instructed. Ron ran off as well as a number of other students to see Draco the Mad. When Ron found Draco, he was laying on the floor, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

"Oh no," Ron said. "Hermione's never going to date me now." He walked towards Draco, who was lying lifelessly on the floor. He bent down to Draco, and listened to here any breathing. He didn't hear any. He did find Draco's wand, though, which he took immediately. "God, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this..." he said as he took a deep breath. "Hermione told me only to do this in case of extreme emergencies... Oh God, I hope he doesn't have bad breath." He took another deep breath to prepare himself.

Malfoy: WHAT?! YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE IT THERE?

Mandy: Yep.

Malfoy: YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!

Mandy: Oh yes I can.

Harry: Mandy, you can't. That's torture.

Mandy: I know, but I can only have 3000 words on this entire thing and so far I only have a few more left. I decided to waste it on this and leave it on a cliff-hanger because I like to see you all squirm.

Harry: You're terrible. ::Harry sits in his chair, crosses arms, and starts to pout::

Malfoy: Wait...back up...WHAT THE HELL?!?! YOU DID NOT TELL ME I WAS SINGING IN THIS!! OR DRESSING IN SPANDEX!!! YOU RUINED ME!!

Harry: Hey, it's not as bad as thinking you're hot dressed in those pink spandex.

Mandy: Hey, I don't mind... neither does most of my audience.

Malfoy: If you had one.

Mandy: ::Death-glares at Malfoy, but then has an evil, evil idea and smiles malevolently::

Harry: I don't like that look...

Malfoy: Should I start running now?

Mandy: ::Cackles insanely:: You can run, but you can't hide!! Mwahahahahahaha!!