The Harry Zone: A Bunny Lover's Birthday

A Bunny Lover's Birthday

Voldemort shushed all of his Death Eaters. "Now, today is a very special day for me," Voldie began, "It's Lucius' birthday! To celebrate, I took over Hogwarts, turned it into a giant dance floor, blah blah blah, skip the niceties, and let's all have a karaoke-skate party! " A cheer rose up from the audience.

Voldemort had changed a lot since that day when he got his body back. He realized now those big meanies were really just big weenies! After seeing an elementary school assembly that emphasized tolerance, Voldie decided to leave those poor muggles alone.

All of the Death Eaters and their families were there, dressed in their fashionable hot pink robes. They hid all the wrong curves, and accentuated the right ones, as well as just being darned pretty. The robes had soft lilac buttons on them. When pushed, the velvety buttons started playing the Death Eater theme song. No one really liked the song AT ALL, but the Malfoys had written it, and it *was*

Luci's birthday...

The party was taking place at Hogwarts, which had recently been turned into a giant Dance Hall. The sky-esque ceiling was the only thing that could do justice to the newly renovated Great Hall. The Great Hall now was covered with pink, glowing, furry wallpaper. The floor was lined with tiles that would turn different shades of pink. Strobe lights replaced candles. Really, the Hall looked much better then it did when thousands of twerps were eating there thrice daily.

As for all the Hogwarts students, they had no need of Hogwarts any more. Voldie (and all the Bunny Lovers) decided that all the students and professors who weren't ready to love bunnies with all their soul, should become bunnies. How better to learn the way of the pink and fluffy?

Pink Fluffy Bunnies were the new in thing. That old Dark Mark? Please. Snakes had been deemed 'too slimy and slithery'. Yuck. Now, a bunny replaced it and the marks on all the Death Eaters' arms were bunnies, too. There were bunny logos on the Death Eater's robes, and instead of wearing shoes; the Death Eaters wore adorable pink bunny slippers. Instead of Avada Kedrava-ing people, the Death Eaters - now the Bunny Lovers - would just perform karaoke. That would kill people right there. Their screeching voices would stop blood cold.

But now, the party was starting! The Great Hall, for that was where the party was taking place, was filled with disco and strobe lights! The four house tables had been transformed into a big stage, with all sorts of props. The pink tile floor was ideal for dancing, but also great for skating. The sky-colored ceiling set off the Great Hall into total party-dom.

I need love, love
To ease my mind
I need to find, find someone to call mine
But mama said

Here, the two backup singers conjured snakes. The snakes glowed brightly, a lovely shade of hot pink. They put the snakes around their throats. The snakes and the backup singers started wiggling.

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

"Dear Lord, what are they doing now?" questioned Mr. Parkinson.

The two backup singers had started grinding, while waving the snakes around like a lasso.

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

The two backup singers conjured themselves into the leather red suit Britney had worn in Oops, I Did It Again. If they kept going at this rate, they would have accomplished every odd fashion Britney had tried.

But how many heartaches
Must I stand before I find a love
To let me live again
Right now the only thing
That keeps me hangin' on
When I feel my strength, yeah
It's almost gone
I remember mama said:

Mrs. Nott gasped. "They're doing flips!" Indeed, that's what the notorious backup dancers were doing. The red leather suit ripped on one of the dancers. Quickly, the schoolgirl outfit from Hit Me Baby One More Time appeared.

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

Once more, the backup dancers convulsed. They stuck their hands in a STOP! Position, and made their arms slowly pivot. Oh yeah, they were hot. They knew they were hot. They knew the audience thought they were...

How long must I wait
How much more can I take
Before loneliness will cause my heart
Heart to break?

"HOT?" bellowed Oliver Woods. "Those two back-up lugs up there are not hot." Percy disagreed. "I don't know. Look, they're doing that Michael-Jackson-N'sync-Crotch-Grabbing thing!" Oliver Woods and Percy had finished their sentences of being bunnies. Now they loved bunnies with all their hearts!

No I can't bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
These precious words keeps me hangin' on
I remember mama said:

The dynamic duo decided that, maybe, N'sync moves would be a nice add-in. Those five cuties were so hot, but not as hot as they were. Boom, Swish, Flick, and with a wave of the wand...The Britney outfit from Boys (Coed Version) was now proudly being sported by the two back up dancers.

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

Draco Malfoy looked behind him, and got queasy. His backup dancers were elbowing each other, in some sort of weird, twisted, attempt at the running man. He should have hired someone else to do backup, anyone else. He knew Pansy and Millicent would have been pleased with the honor. But, he hadn't, so Draco continued crooning the sweet, Supreme song:

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

The backup dancers were break dancing. Soon, they'd start the Macarena. When the leader of their little band looked back at them, they knew he had to be proud of them. Our dancers were thrilled with their performance, and the warm response they got from the audience, but somehow, it seemed like Draco got to sing more than they did. He had told them they should be grateful for getting to do the "Oohs", and singing along with the chorus. Maybe next time, the dancers would get to sing more.

No, love, love, don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
To hold me tight
I keep waiting
I keep on waiting
But it ain't easy
It ain't easy
But mama said:

The pink bunnies felt sick. Watching those two on stage was like watching two pro-wrestlers do ballet. The pink bunnies winced. Two more verses, one thought, and it will all be over...

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

You can't hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take

Backed up by Crabbe and Goyle, Draco Malfoy's rendition of "You Can't Hurry Love" was a big hit. Albus Dumbledore was seen doing the running man, and two pink bunnies were doing the tango together. At the end, with the final note still being held by his two lackeys, Draco Malfoy screamed out, "I love you, Dad. You were always there for me. You made me into who I am today. You...."

Voldie interrupted. "Beautiful Draco, Beautiful. Your words are so heart tweaking, and yet I can't allow you to continue, for time reasons. And...Crabbe? Goyle?" The two lackeys had passed out from not breathing. They had held the note too long. The hot pink snakes probably didn't help either. They were still wrapped around Crabbe and Goyle's necks.

Suddenly, the doors of Hogwarts flew open. The music stopped, and

Pansy Parkinson started to cry. Blaise Zabini put a comforting arm around her. Harry Potter stepped into the hall, with Mary Sue next to him. Harry Potter started yelling. "Why wasn't I invited? Luci... You said you'd forgiven me about that Dobby thing. Our friendship was just a big lie, wasn't it? It was!"

Dobby interrupted him, "Me Bad. Lucius evil, Harry Good. Blaise have no gender." Dobby finished off this odd speech, and then followed with an odd look at poor Blaise, and banging himself on the head pointlessly.

Pansy decided right then and there she had been comforted enough for one day. Blaise started throttling Dobby.

Mary Sue patted Harry on the head. "Poor dear". Then, she looked around and noticed that every one was staring at her and Harry. "Reallynastyspell-itas!" she shouted, invoking wand-less magic. After calming every one down, Voldie banished Mary Sue to the realm of Clichéndia. This upset Harry even more, so Harry turned himself into a pink bunny, too. Voldie started to scream. "Draco, don't you ever egg a Boy Wonder on again! Why did you even tell him about this party?". Then, in a calmer voice, "Draco, behave yourself in the future".

"Okee dokee Papa Voldie! Can me and Daddy and Mommy do our version of 'I'm a Pink Bunny Lover'?" Without waiting for an answer, the Malfoys trouped onstage. Malfoy Jr. was already there. The pink bunnies dove underground and barricaded themselves there. They then started their own fluffy country and pink, bunny-ish economic system. Some of the Bunny Lovers started to sneak off, but Voldie stopped them. "This is Lucius' birthday party, and he can do whatever he wants. But, I can leave because I, Uh...I'm Lord Voldemort, semi-omnipotent ruler of pink fluffy stuff everywhere! Toodles Poodles." With an air kiss, Voldie was off, and the Bunny Lovers' torture had begun.

I thought fluffiness was only true in fairy tales
Meant for someone else but not for me
Fluffiness was out to get to me
That's the way it seemed
Disappointment haunted all my dreams

And then I saw the color hot pink
Now I'm a Pink Bunny Lover
There's not a trace
Of doubt in my mind
I'm in love (ooohhhhhhh)
I'm a Pink Bunny Lover
I couldn't leave 'em if I tried

I thought love was more or less a givin' thing
But the more I gave the less I got, oh yeah.
What's the use in trying,
All you get is pain?
When I wanted sunshine I got rain.

Then I saw the color hot pink
Now I'm a Pink Bunny Lover!
Not a trace
Of doubt in my mind.
Now I'm a Pink Bunny Lover
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (yeahhhhhhhh).
Now I'm a Pink Bunny Lover!
Without a trace

Of Doubt In My Mind.
I'm a Pink Bunny Lover!

By this time every wand in the Great Hall was out. "Avada Kedavra!" Two Seconds later, the Malfoys were dead. But three rubber ducks mysteriously showed up, and the Malfoys possessed them. "How dare you kill us before Lucius/Dad/I blew out my birthday cake candles! I mean, come on. That was the only reason we put up with this loser party anyhow. Because of this, we will haunt you forever, ready anytime to blow you up, and/or sing our version of 'I'm a Believer.' Muahahahahaha! " But Voldemort heard the ducks insult the party he had so nicely thrown for Lucius, and decided to get back by becoming an insurance agent. All of the Bunny Lovers decided that this would be a good time to turn into pink fluffy bunnies and go under ground to live in Pink Fluffy Bunny World. Voldemort became an Insurance Agent. Hogwarts became a nightclub, and the three rubber ducks sang there, happily ever after, and they blow out cake candles daily now.

THE END