Of Hope And Love

Of Hope and Love

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Chapter 8:

Questions

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"Severus?" asked a familiar voice from the doorway of his quarters. Severus cursed inwardly.

"Yes, Albus?" he asked back, not turning to look at the ancient wizard. It would be no use, he knew it; Albus would come nearer anyway, and he would not mind that Severus didn't turn around.

"I didn't see you in the Great Hall at the dinner," said the Headmaster casually. Well, as casually as he could, anyway. The day when Albus Dumbledore didn't have some ulterior motive was yet to come, that Severus knew better than well after so many years with the ancient wizard. Well, two could play this game.

"That might be because I wasn't there," the Potions Master replied with a perfectly calm tone. His hand, which was stirring the potion in the cauldron, did not stop for a single second. "Another person's absence can do funny things to your eyesight when it comes to seeing them, I've been told."

"Why?" was the only reply he got, not even this half-joke bringing the twinkle into the blue eyes. Severus didn't have to turn around to see that those eyes were full of worry, he could feel it from the gaze that was locked on his back. Like previously stated, he'd spent more than enough time with the Headmaster.

"Why should I have been there?" he asked back snappishly. "I didn't happen to be hungry, Albus. Surely you're not trying to make me fat to have me as the head course at Christmas, are you?"

"No, I'm not," the other wizard replied with a humourless chuckle. "I'm merely worried of you, my boy." Now, he noticed that the Headmaster had reached his side. "What are you making?" Albus asked quietly.

"What, this? Oh, it's just a potion to help Lupin's morning sickness," Severus replied briefly. "It should have gone past already, I really wonder why I still have to bother." Of course, he carefully kept from mentioning that the potion would be for the Potions Master himself as well.

"I see." After a moment, Albus continued, "What do you think of his pregnancy, Severus?"

"I think that he's foolish not to be more careful," replied the tall man stiffly. "And that it's very probable that something bad happens to him or his child. However, I do not hope anything bad for the child. Even if it is an offspring of one of the insufferable Marauders and Harry Potter, the child itself is innocent."

"Well, I'm glad that you realize at least that," said the Headmaster with a bit sad chuckle. "Would you --" To Severus's great surprise, he saw for the first time in his life Albus Dumbledore struggle with words. At last, the ancient wizard forced himself to choke out, "Would you have wanted children... with Kingsley?"

Now, Severus's back straightened, and he looked even more stiff than usually. "Once the war is over, I'll want them," he said sharply. "Kingsley is not dead, so do not use the past tense. He will come back."

"Of course he will," the Headmaster hastened to say. "I'm sorry for even suggesting anything else. I suppose you know the best what is going on with your lover."

"Well, I suppose so, too," grumbled Severus. He only hoped that the other wizard would leave him into peace. Even more he wished so as it was about the time a house-elf would bring him his dinner, and it wouldn't do to let Albus see the full, balanced meal that awaited him. The Headmaster knew all his bad habits too well not to suspect that something was out of ordinary if he was eating properly.

"You haven't been eating well," Albus said with obvious concern in his voice. "It's not that you had the world's best appetite even usually, but lately, you've eaten less and less. I've noticed that you've been even skipping meals. Is there something wrong with you?"

"There's nothing wrong with me," Severus replied coolly. Then he added with a tad softer voice, "There's something wrong with Kingsley. The fact that he's not here, to be exact."

"Oh, Severus." Albus sighed deep, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder -- as if anything could comfort him when Kingsley was away and had left him alone with his unborn children. "I wish I could do something for you, my boy."

"You can," came the curt reply. "Leave me alone. I need to be by myself."

For some time, Albus stayed silent. Then he said, "If that is what you want and need, Severus, I will respect your choice. But I still do hope you would trust me enough to tell me. I only want the best for you, my boy."

"I know that, Albus," the Potions Master replied evenly. "But nobody can help me now. Not you, nor anybody else. Only Kingsley could help, and he's not here to do that."

To that, Albus only nodded. Then he turned around slowly, leaving the room without another word.

"Masters Severus?" asked a sharp voice behind him. "Masters Severus, Grimpy is bringing your dinner, Masters Severus, Sir." Turning around, he saw the one house-elf he'd been expecting.

"Thank you, Grimpy," sighed Severus. "And thank you for not coming when Albus was still present."

The house-elf just nodded briefly. "Always on your service, Masters Severus," it said.

Grimpy was a house-elf Severus had called to his aid from his childhood home. The very same elf had taken care of him when he'd been a little child and his parents had been away or just simply too busy, bringing him a bottle when he was a baby and cried, picking up his toys when they fell out of his reach, even helping him collect ingredients when he'd been older and started to brew his dear potions. Grimpy was the only one he had trusted with his secret, and the only one he would trust until something happened, to worse or better. When the children were born -- and if everything went well -- Grimpy would help him to take care of his babies, change their nappies, feed them from their bottles. No matter what happened, he knew that he could trust Grimpy to help him.

Severus had truly taken care of everything. Grimpy would take a special message to Albus and Poppy if something happened to him. He'd already researched spells that would help him add a nursery to his dungeon quarters, as well as made sure that if he died to the complications of the pregnancy or the birth-giving, and his babies survived, his whole fortune -- which was not that little -- would be transferred down to them. If they didn't survive, though... Well, even to that occasion he'd named his heir. All this information was well and safe with his family's goblin lawyer, who knew better than well when to keep his mouth shut.

Yes, everything was really in order. He'd done everything he could to make sure his children would grow up in a safe place, and that even if he died, they would be taken care of the best way possible. He could have maybe chosen better godparents if he considered only what they would teach his children to be like, but when it came to taking care of the children, nobody could be a better choice.

...No, not Arthur and Molly Weasley. He still wouldn't sink that low, even though he did want only the best for his precious babies.

But the godparents wouldn't probably be needed for that, anyway. He'd tried to ensure that nothing bad would happen, that he wouldn't die. His babies would grow up with him, and with their other father, too, since Kingsley would return in the end. He knew he would, Kingsley surely would not leave him alone and let him handle their little babies all by himself. Kingsley was far too noble and Gryffindor-ish to ever do that, he would gladly want to bear his responsibility.

Unless the circumstances were against him, of course. But that wouldn't happen, because he wouldn't let it happen. Everything would be in order. There wouldn't be any complications, Severus and his children would all live, and Kingsley would return to him, and everything would be well again. He knew that.

So why in Salazar's name couldn't he force himself to actually believe it?

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