Of Hope And Love

Of Hope and Love

*

Chapter 7:

Bad News

*

Remus leant his forehead against wash-stand. Even rinsing his mouth numerous times didn't help him get rid of the foul taste in his mouth.

'It's going to end soon,' he thought to himself. 'I'm almost three months along. Morning sickness will end soon. And it will be worth it in the end.'

Then, however, he felt again the overwhelming urge to throw up, and had to dismiss any other thoughts that might have entered his mind.

*

Unknown by Remus, in another part of the castle Severus Snape was doing just the same as he was: Throwing up in the toilet. This would have shocked the werewolf badly if he had known. Even more shocked, however, he would have been by the knowledge that Severus was doing this for the exactly same reason as he was.

...Well, not exactly, however. It wasn't like Severus was throwing up because Remus had morning sickness. No, Severus was throwing up because he had morning sickness.

Yes, he knew very well he was pregnant. He wasn't that stupid, thank you very much. When he started throwing up every morning, he'd casted the pregnancy test spell on himself -- he certainly wasn't going to tell Poppy, Merlin knew what the woman would think of, like making him stop teaching or something -- and seen that it was positive. Then he'd calmly updated his syllabus so that none of the potions the students made would cause any fumes that might harm a fetus through him, as well as asked the house-elves to bring him something healthy to eat. Everybody knew by now that he ate very little, it would have been suspicious if he'd suddenly changed his habits. And somebody noticing was the last thing he wanted.

However, even though everything else was settled, there was one thing he still had to do: to tell the father. That was Kingsley, rather obviously -- ever since their relationship had begun several years back, Severus had never slept with anybody else -- and it really shouldn't have been that hard to tell him. The black wizard obviously wanted children, and just as obviously he had nothing against the thought of having some right then, so there was no reason to hesitate telling him.

Even though there shouldn't have been any reasons to hesitate, Severus still had. He'd had experiences before -- bad experiences. If something like that happened again, he didn't want somebody else to be hurt along with himself, and definitely not the man he loved.

Now, however, he was far along enough to consider telling. However, he still had to wait for some time, because Kingsley wasn't there -- yet.

Kingsley had gone for a mission a few days back. He was supposed be back for the meeting that night, and Severus longed to see him. The Potions Master had something important to tell to his lover, after all. Something that just happened to be the fact that he was pregnant with Kingsley's child.

"I'm going to tell him today," he whispered quietly to himself. "I'm so far along that I simply have to tell him. It's a small miracle that the usual thing hasn't happened already. Maybe I'll be lucky this time?"

But he couldn't hope. He'd a long time before noticed that hoping had only bad consequences, as broken hope hurt even more than hope that hadn't even been.

*

When the Order meeting started, Severus swept to the kitchen of the Grimmauld Place well in time. As he glanced around, he noticed that not many people were there already. That wasn't a surprise -- very few of them ever came early.

Then people started to gather into the kitchen, distracting him momentarily. Remus Lupin was the last one to come, the Concealment Charms seemingly perfectly hiding the small bump he had on his stomach already -- Severus knew it both from taking the Wolfsbane to the werewolf and from his own experience -- and Nymphadora Tonks happily chattering with him. It was a true miracle that the witch hadn't told everybody about Lupin's pregnancy yet. Seemingly Albus's warnings had been enough. Even Molly Weasley could stop herself from mother-henning, even though Severus couldn't help seeing that this made her fidget all the time, her eyes flickering towards the werewolf every now and then. Truly. If she'd been a spy, she'd been dead in five minutes. It was a common fault in Gryffindors -- to be too transparent.

He noticed to his surprise that even though Kingsley was usually early, he wasn't there yet. Still, as soon as Tonks had got herself seated, Albus stood up. "Now that everyone's present, I think we should start this meeting."

So that meant that Kingsley had not returned yet, Severus concluded. He frowned slightly. It was not like Kingsley to stay on a mission for longer than expected and not inform him of it. True, it was dangerous to the Order members to inform anybody about their tasks, but Kingsley and Severus had developed their own code language. The dark wizard should have owled him about not coming.

Albus's next words, however, changed his whole life.

*

"I fear I have some bad news to you," the Headmaster said seriously. Letting his gaze go over his suddenly silent audience, he continued, "Like you've all surely noticed, we don't have everybody here who's supposed to be present. Well, there is an unfortunate reason for this." Drawing a deep breath, he then continued, "I'm truly sorry about this, but Kingsley Shacklebolt never returned from his last mission."

For a moment, everybody just sat there in a stunned silence. Then this silence was broken, however, by the last person anybody could have expected to break it.

"Tell me it's not true," whispered Snape, his wide eyes fixed on the ancient wizard. "For the love of Salazar, Albus, tell me it's not true..."

They all turned to stare at the Slytherin in shock. Why did he care whether Kingsley died or lived? It wasn't like they were even friends; they hardly even stood each other -- hell, they rarely even acknowledged each other's existence. They weren't enemies, like Sirius and Snape had been, but they were not friends.

Dumbledore, however, merely nodded in grave confirmation. "I'm sorry, Severus," he said quietly. "It is indeed true. Not a trace could be found of him."

The members of the Order watched in fascination and wonder as Snape paled even past his usual whiteness. Then the Potions Master hid his face in his hands. He wasn't crying -- if he had done that, not a few people would have been carried away after either fainting or having a severe heart attack -- but he was indeed the image of absolute desperation.

"Um... what's wrong, Snape?" asked Nymphadora Tonks, being the first one who dared to say anything. "Why are you so distressed?"

"None of your business," the black-haired man snapped at her, raising his face from his hands. Then, however, he sighed deep. "Let's just say that I have personal reasons to be concerned about Shacklebolt's whereabouts. And that's all you need to know."

"In English," Mad-Eye said dryly, "they're shagging." Of course, this statement caused them all to be shocked, on Molly's part even to the point of fainting.

"Well, thank you for adding to the shock value, Mad-Eye," said Snape sharply. Eyeing then the even more shocked expressions around him, he snapped, "Yes, it is true. I and Kingsley Shacklebolt were in a sexual relationship. No, I did not curse, poison, or charm in any way, and yes, it was wholly consensual. In fact, it was he who initiated our relationship. Happy now, or do you have some more questions?"

This time, nobody dared to question him. They all saw the dangerous glint in his eyes that told that anybody having questions would be killed very slowly and painfully.

*

A heavy sigh escaped Severus's lips as he finally got to the safety of his quarters. The meeting had been extremely hard. Everybody had been staring at him, and at the same time he'd had to try to concentrate on about anything else but Kingsley.

Letting the Concealment Charms fade away, he sat down in an armchair. 'Kingsley is not here,' a little voice inside his mind taunted him. 'He's gone. Away. Disappeared. Dead.'

'No, he's not dead!' thought Severus in response. 'He's just captured, and he will return to me.' Placing his hands over the bump on his stomach, he then added, 'He will return to me and the babies.'

Yes, babies. Severus already knew that he was carrying multiples -- at least twins, maybe even triplets, the spell couldn't tell the exact amount yet, just that it was multiples. Anybody else might have been happy about this, or maybe a bit worried about how they could deal with many infants at the same time. The Potions Master, however, was just terrified. Multiple pregnancy meant more possible complications or other troubles during both the pregnancy and the actual birth-giving.

And now he was seemingly going to face all those alone, without the support of his lover.

*