The Curse of Ravenclaw Tower

The girls returned to Gryffindor Tower five minutes later and Ginny went straight up to her dormitory to fetch the book. Hermione looked around and found a glum-looking Ron and a distant-looking Harry both sitting forlornly by the fire. Hermione raised her eyebrows questioningly at Ron who shrugged and looked away. Hermione went over to them and sat down in a chair beside Ron.

After a moment of silence Hermione demanded, "Well?"

"Well, what?" retorted Ron, a bit more forcefully than he had meant.

"Well," growled Hermione, gesturing towards Harry. "Now what's wrong with the malingering git?"

Ron shuffled in his chair, fidgeting with his robes. After a moment or two, he said quietly, "I came up to check on him and... He was trying to make a noose out of his uncle's yellow socks, AGAIN. Hermione, that's the fifth time this week! What's wrong with him? He's... He's... Well, he's not Harry anymore!"

"You're quite right, Ron," Hermione declared. "He's not Harry anymore. He's a bloody idiot."

"Look at him, Hermione. He's really ill. I don't think that he's all there, you know? I don't think he's there, if you catch my meaning." To demonstrate his point, Ron waved his hand in front of Harry's face. This had no effect. Harry hadn't even blinked. "He might as well have a vacant sign hung around his neck - nobody's home."

"He's not the only one around here whose brain has long since departed, Ron," said Hermione pointedly.

Ron, who had missed the point magnificently, replied, "Well, yeah, but what's Seamus got to do with it?"

Hermione did not answer this vocally, but she did glare. Not for the first time in his life, Ron felt as though he was in a tunnel and the light at the end of it, instead of being salvation, was the Hogwarts Express careening towards him.

Time, thought Ron franticly, for a masterful change of subject!

Ron looked at Harry, who was staring into the flames utterly oblivious to the buzz of students in the common room, uncomfortably aware that he couldn't use Harry as a subject change this time. Then Ron remembered why they were there in the first place and seized upon the subject with relief. "So, do you think it'll be in there?" he enquired politely and in the most non-aggressive voice he could summon.

"No, Ron. Once the brain is gone, it is gone. It's not coming back. I had once thought it possible to return but then I realised that it probably wasn't there in the first place. How could something that was never there, return? I then realised that it couldn't. All my hopes and faith was for nothing. The realisation hit me hard and it nearly broke me. I changed from the caring, modest, intelligent girl I used to be, into a cold, hard, brittle woman with a shrivelled heart that is as dry as the pages of the books that I so desperately cling to..." Hermione trailed off, realising that she had said too much.

Ron looked flummoxed. "We're not talking about the same thing, are we?" he hazarded.

Hermione sighed tiredly. " No, probably not. I assume that you were talking about the book?"

"Yep. What were you -"

"Never mind," interrupted Hermione. "In answer to your question regarding the book - yes, I think in all probability the creature will be in there. Campbell's Compendium is quite comprehensive," continued Hermione in a business like way. "I got it out of the library, back in first year, to help me decide what subjects to take in third year. It's very interesting. Mr Campbell certainly has a zest for his subject as the last four pages of the book listed all the injuries that he sustained whilst researching the book. Apparently, a particularly viscous species of pixies really, really, really don't like getting their photo taken."

Ginny hurried through the door leading from the girls' dormitory, knocking a few first years senseless, and then threw herself onto the rug in front of them. "Right. I've got the book. What are we looking under; hobgoblins, goblins, pixies, faeries, brownies, sprites or miscellanous spirits? "

"Based on Ron's description, we can probably rule out faeries, goblins and hobgoblins," Hermione replied, leaning over to see the books contents page. "Try brownies first. That seems most likely."

Ginny flicked through to the section on brownies. She held the book up to Ron's face, "Look familiar?" she inquired.

"Yeah... That one looks kind of like it," he agreed. He took the book and began turning the pages and examining the pictures.

Harry was still entranced in the flames, drawing wistful sighs from the majority of the female Gryffindors and the minority of the males. After hearing a particularly loud sigh, Ron, Hermione and Ginny all looked up and gave the Creevey brothers extremely dirty looks. It was common knowledge that the Creeveys were totally obsessed with Harry. Their lust had driven them mad and made them so desperate that they were considered dangerous and very creepy. Ron, Hermione and Ginny glowered at the Creeveys silently daring them to come-and-have-a-go-if-they-thought-they-were-hard-enough (pardon the pun). The Creeveys didn't even stop to consider the challenge - they made good their escape.

Hermione and Ginny muttered darkly together about whether or not they would have to post a guard on Harry whilst he was showering in the Gryffindor boys' bathroom, whilst Ron turned his attention back to the book. A few minutes later, they jumped as Ron yelled, "That's him! That's the bugger! Right down to his clothes! Well, apart from the turban..."

Hermione grabbed the book from him and began to read the passage that accompanied the picture. "This is a fairly standard type of brownie found mainly in the Scottish Highlands. They live in colonies with a complex matriarchal hierarchy and social structure. They are governed by a select group of colony elders that are required to complete a series of tasks in order to become an elder (these tasks include such activities as caber tossing, sheep rustling, haggis hunting, and having given birth to, at least, twelve children. Colonies usually consist of an average of six different brownie families, however, this can range from as low as three families up to nine families per colony -"

"Hermione," Ginny interrupted, "do we really need to know this?"

Hermione snorted. "One has to understand one's enemy. This is important information! We need to know this!"

"Aww, come on Hermione! Give us a break. You know that we're not as smart as you!" moaned Ron, as this was getting a bit too much like a History of Magic lesson.

"Yes, this is a fact that we know and accept," agreed Ginny, who also thought that this was like listening to Professor Binns.

Hermione tutted and continued reading from the book. "Interestingly, brownies are, for the majority of the time, solitary creatures. They only come together on special occasions, known to them as 'Holy Days'.

"Their natural habitat can range from woodland or forest, to moor and glen. Typically, their diet consists manly of insects and possibly even small mammals like mice and voles.

"They have, like other brownies, a curious sense of cultural identity, seldom are they seen wearing anything but brown clothes. Those that do are, by common agreement within the colony elders, ostracised from the colony and banished from their homeland.

"Their nature can only be described as 'quirky'. Whilst, they prefer their life of solitude from other creatures in the 'great outdoors', they can commonly be found in the houses of both magical and non-magical folk. Witches and wizards can perform a simple test to discern whether or not their house has a brownie, by leaving a saucer of milk on the kitchen floor before they go to bed. In the morning, the saucer will be empty, washed, and dried, with a polite, but firm, note from the brownie asking them not to do that again as leaving milk on the floor will attract all sorts of undesirable pests. Brownies are fastidiously pedantic when it comes to cleaning and tidying. They are even worse than vampires!"

"Oh, fancy!" chirped Ron in an effeminate voice, making Ginny giggle.

"Shut up Ron," replied Hermione sincerely, before again continuing.

"Witches and wizards have even found that if they leave their living room, even for a brief moment, all the cushions have been plumped, creases smoothed and doilies straightened.

"Muggles generally, of course, do not notice brownies. However, in the few Muggle houses that do have a brownie, the owners believe that there is some sort of 'household spirit' watching over the house. This is accepted within Muggle society, as these are rural areas where the old Muggle 'folklore' is still considered important. Brownies can be very protective of their adopted homes and people.

"Brownies tend to have weak magical powers. They can only perform what we wizards would call basic spells. These spells are normally used for cleaning and tidying but, when provoked, brownies can be very nasty creatures to deal with. My advice to you would be simple. Never aggrieve a brownie. Ever."

Hermione paused, a thoughtful frown crossing her features. Ron and Ginny's attention snapped back to where they were supposed to be - on brownies. "Um, is that all?" asked Ginny innocently.

Hermione shook her head, as if to clear it. "Oh... No... It then goes on to state the danger level and such."

Ron's ears pricked up. "Danger level? What danger level?" He leaned across to Hermione and scanned down the page she had been reading and read:

Danger level: 2/7

Author's experienced peril: 1/6

Ministry of Magic Classification: XX upgraded to XXXX when provoked.

"When provoked?" muttered Ron. He blew out his cheeks and raised his eyebrows. "I don't like the sound of that."

"It doesn't sound good," Hermione agreed. "Did Orla provoke it at all? She doesn't really seem the type to do something like that."

Ron wrinkled his brow in concentration. "No... No... I don't think so. I didn't see her do anything, but it was waiting for her. It sniffed the air before she came round the corner - it smelled her."

"Eww!" squealed Ginny. "That's horrible!"

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO BLOODY WELL TELL ME!" exploded Harry. "THE WHOLE SITUATION IS HORRIBLE! IT'S NOT BLOODY FAIR!"

Harry leapt to his feet and looked wild-eyed around at his fellow students, who were all staring at him, wondering with mild interest, what he was shouting about now.

"DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! IT'S NOT BLOODY FAIR - MY WHOLE LIFE IS NOTHING BUT TORMENT AND PAIN!" Harry screamed. He whirled around and dashed up to his dormitory.

There was a few moments silence. "Well," said Hermione briskly, "that was yet another interesting glimpse at Harry's inner-angst." She turned to Ron. "You did make absolutely sure that there were no sharp instruments your dormitory? And you removed the socks?"

Ron nodded and Ginny said, "I enchanted the picture of Dean's family so that it will watch over Harry. If Harry tries anything stupid, Dean's family will trigger the alarm."

The alarm was mounted on the wall above the doorway to the boys' dormitory.

If Harry tried anything stupid, (for example, harming himself or, as he put it, "... ENDING MY UNBEARABLE EXISTANCE! MY PERPRTUAL SUFFERING, FERMENTING IN THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL") a klaxon would sound and the light would flash and any available Gryffindor student would rush to his side and prize his wand out of his hands. Generally, the alarm went off four or five times a day.

Hermione sighed. "Well, I've enchanted his tie so he can't hang himself with it, and Luna cast a charm on his Firebolt so it'll save him if he falls or throws himself off, and Neville has trained all the dangerous plants in the grounds to recognise and avoid him."

"I wonder what Dumbledore has done to protect Harry from himself?" mused Ron. "Something cunning no doubt, because if Harry ever found out..." Ron shook his head slowly. "Well, put it this way, I wouldn't want to be around him when he did."

Ginny raised her eyebrows. "What do you think he'd do?"

Ron sighed, "Well, he'd explode, wouldn't he?" Ron sighed again and rubbed his face in his hands. "Then he'd bitch about it for ages."

Ginny nodded. "True."

"But back to the task at hand," said Hermione. "We need to do more investigation. We need to discover this creature's motivation. Why is he doing these things? I'll hit the library and you two can ask around."

"Ask what?" exclaimed Ron. "Ask who? Hermione, nobody's seen anything! That's why there's such a big fuss!"

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Can I make up a poster?! A 'Have you seen this brownie?' kind of thing?" asked Ginny excitedly.

"Oh for the love of...!" exclaimed Hermione. She took a deep breath, looked to the ceiling and counted to ten. "Ron - ask people, ghosts, teachers, house-elves and portraits. Ginny you do the same."

"What about the poster?" asked Ginny.

Hermione sighed and said tiredly, "If you must..."

However, things didn't go quite to plan. An hour later, Hermione was still busy in the library, Ginny had made her poster and, as the klaxon had sounded, Ron had spent his time trying to talk Harry out of jumping from the roof. All in all, it wasn't an overly productive hour for Ron Weasley - except, of course, from practising his negotiation skills with Harry. Trouble was that negotiation wasn't one of Ron's strong points. He tried different tactics; he tried to convince Harry that life wasn't all that bad; then that Harry still had plenty to live for, and that once he'd murdered Voldemort in cold blood everything would be just dandy. Then, getting annoyed at Harry's obvious attitude problem and his copious amount of self-pity, Ron had given up on negotiation and stunned him, levitated him back inside the dormitory and tied him, spread-eagled, to his bed. Problem solved.

As Ron left the dormitory, he put several locking spells and hexes on the door because Merlin-forbid it if the Creeveys found Harry like that. It really, really didn't bear thinking about.

Back in the common room, Ron surveyed Ginny's poster. It could only be described as a 'good effort'. She had used a reproducio spell to copy the picture from the book onto a spare piece of parchment, she then added the legend 'Have you seen this brownie?' and 'Please contact Hermione Granger with any information'. The picture had been modified by Ginny to include the turban. She had displayed it on the Gryffindor common room notice board, then had gone to point it out to her fellow students and had received a critical mauling. Dean Thomas, had taken it particularly badly and had actually wept, had called it 'an affront to the world of art.' Ginny was, understandably, unimpressed. Ron, however, was quite glad, as it looked like Ginny was single again.

Ron and Ginny were sitting by the fireplace morosely, when the portrait of the Fat Lady admitted Hermione. Somehow, they were not surprised to find that Hermione was nearly spitting nails.

"Bloodly, bloody Pince! What an old Hag!" she seethed. "Apparently, I have reached the limit to the number of books I can borrow from the library! Can you imagine! I've never heard of such a thing!"

Ginny wasn't brave enough to point out that Hermione had almost fifty books on loan from the library in her dormitory. "So did you find anything new?" Ginny said instead.

"Nothing that jumps out at me. I found lots about brownie population dynamics and cultural heritage and customs. What about you two?" Hermione shot them sharp looks

Ron and Ginny exchanged a quick glance. They knew that they would be in very serious trouble with Hermione when she found out how little they had learned.

"I finished my poster, it's over there," said Ginny, gesturing to the notice board. "I found out a some stuff too..." she trailed off.

Hermione looked at the poster. She narrowed her eyes. "Well, the concept of the poster is sound and the execution is passable. The picture of the brownie avec turban is useful, but I'm not sure why the brownie has a goatee, sunglasses, what appears to be a joint in his mouth, and an inappropriately large phallus."

Ginny whipped round to look at her poster. Right enough, it had been vandalised. "Oh bollocks!" she swore. She strode across to the notice board and tore the parchment down. "Alright! Who did this?" she demanded, looking around at the other Gryffindors.

"Well, does the fact that it has a disproportionally large phallus in it give you even the slightest of clues?" asked Hermione dryly. "Or the fact that the embellishments appear to have been drawn by a sack full of blind badgers?"

Ginny looked back down at the poster and shouted, "Seamus Finnigan! What is it about you and huge dongs!"

Seamus who was busy trying not to laugh at Ginny, failed to duck as she aimed her infamous Bat Boogie hex at him. He fled the common room screaming and trailing the gruesome effects of the spell. Ginny looked back down at her poster and tried to repair the damage. The Gryffindors near her could hear her muttering something like, "Bloody Finnigan... obsessive... tripods... psychological complex... he's got a bloody mushroom... bloody Finnigan... Irish titwank..."

Hermione turned to Ron. "Well, Ron, what did you discover?"

Ron shifted uneasily. "Oh, this and that."

Sensing weakness, Hermione closed in for the kill. "And?" she inquired a dangerously sweet voice.

Ron shifted some more, trying to avoid Hermione's mega-watt glare. Ron sighed and rubbed his forehead. He said, "Harry had another episode." He looked up and met her slowly softening glare. "Hermione, all jokes aside... do you think he has a mental disorder?" he asked in a tired voice.

Hermione's face was sad and clouded for a moment as she studied Ron. He looks so sad and tired, she thought, he looks old. Perhaps I should give him a break... Her face suddenly cleared, Perhaps not, she thought. Aloud she said, "Of course not. There's nothing wrong with him," she said briskly. "He just has a bad case of I.D."

Ron looked puzzled. "What's I.D.?"

Hermione gave him a small smile. "Impending Doom."