The Man With The Golden Wand

The Man With The Golden Wand

Chapter 2: Welcome to the Electric Dragon

This was certainly going to be fun.

I placed my hands behind my head and leaned back in my chair. "So, Hermione, what´s new?"

She glared at me and glanced nervously at the wizard on her right. Her superior perhaps? I could sense the words that she was longing to scream at me. `Act with proper decorum!´ `This is business!´ `Quit being such a prat!´ She didn´t use any of them. After a minute of struggling to keep an impassive face, she focused her glare on me.

"I will begin to debrief you, Mr. Weasley--"

"Debrief me? But I´m wearing boxers." I grinned.

She was beginning to turn purple with suppressed rage.

"Draco Malfoy, one of the leaders of the Dark Arts movement, escaped from the British wizard prison, Azkaban, where you were supposed to be guarding him--"

I interrupted her. "Hey, don´t accuse me, Hermione! I captured the ferret, isn´t that enough? What happened after I delivered him is not my concern."

I could tell that she was longing to snap at me and say that she played an important part in Malfoy´s capture as well, but one glance at the wizard next to her kept her mouth shut.

She continued. "Reports reached us that a man fitting Malfoy´s description and an unidentified woman boarded a flight to Boston. They were not seen getting off the plane."

I nodded. "I know all of that. Go on."

She looked up from her notes. "That´s it. He´s in Boston. It´s our job to find him."

"Now, you said Malfoy `escaped´," I said. "But what if he was kidnapped?"

"Kidnapped," Hermione repeated scornfully. "Who would kidnap a known criminal from a prison?"

I shrugged. "Maybe they, whoever they are, want his help in a diabolical plot to take over the world."

You would have thought I had said something really dirty from the silence that descended on the room. The other people looked at Hermione and she stared at me.

"Gentlemen," she said in a very tight voice. "Will you please allow me to converse privately with my new partner?"

They stood up and Disapparated. I was finally alone with Hermione. She stood up and walked around towards me. I smiled and folded my arms, waiting for her to say she was glad to see me.

Instead she slapped me across the face.

"Damn," I said, holding my smarting cheek. "I was hoping we were past that stage. I´m really getting tired of you hitting me."

She was shaking with anger. "I can´t believe you! You waltz into my case and act like such a, such a, ooh, such an idiot! How dare you act so unprofessional?"

"Unprofessional? Me?" I did my best to look insulted; I failed. "Come on, Hermione, let´s just work together nicely. It will be like old times."

She looked as though she was itching to slap me again. I flinched.

"It will be nothing of the sort," she replied primly. "This is to be a purely professional relationship. Nothing more. And you had better refer to me as Agent Granger while we are working on this mission."

I gaped at her. "Oh, come on! I refuse to call you Agent Granger!"

"Fine," she said huffily. "You may call me Hermione, but no cute nicknames."

I tried to look astonished. "You mean I can´t call you my `Mione?"

She glared again. "To business, Ronald."

"I refuse to discuss business until we talk. Or at least until you return my wallet."

She sighed and resumed her seat opposite me. "Look, I don´t want to talk about our past. If we have to work together on this mission, let´s just pretend as though we´ve never met before. Forget about six months ago, it´s over and done with."

"Fine," I said, slightly annoyed. "If we´re to pretend we don´t know one another...how about you let me buy you a drink, gorgeous?"

She glared again as though to say, `This is not the time for your humor. Never is the time for your humor.´ She cleared her throat.

"Who do you think the unidentified woman was? Blaise?"

I shook my head. "She´s still in Azkaban. Since I killed her, I´m reasonably sure Pansy´s dead, although people I kill have a nasty habit of coming back at the worst possible moments. And I don´t care how much Polyjuice Potion they guzzle down, Crabbe and Goyle could never pass for women."

"Finally something we can agree on," Hermione muttered. "What about Fleur Delacour?"

I fell out of my chair. "Excuse me? She´s my brother´s wife! Why would you suspect her?"

"I didn´t know she had married," Hermione said. "I wasn´t invited to the wedding. And the woman was described as having Veela looks."

"You weren´t invited to Bill´s wedding because you wouldn´t even speak to me at the time. We had cut off all contact with you. Don´t get pissy with me, Miss Granger. And did you say Veela looks?"

Ginny couldn´t have, right? I mean, she was on the plane with me. She wouldn´t have gone to Boston with Malfoy and then returned to London only to go back to Boston with me. My head swam for a moment.

"Ron!" Hermione barked. "Pay attention, will you? We have to figure out where Malfoy is likely to go."

I struck upon an idea. "I know someone, if anything illegal happens, he´s the first to know about it."

She wrinkled her nose. "You know someone in Boston? I thought you had never been here before."

"Sure I have," I said. "Besides, he and I go back several years. He used to have a place in Singapore."

Hermione still looked skeptical. "Who is this person?"

"You´ll find out," I said mysteriously. "Merlin, I haven´t been to the Electric Dragon in years."

* * *

The Electric Dragon looks like your typical nightclub/pub from the outside. Those who don´t know of it pass right past it. It´s not exactly the most attractive building. In fact, it´s downright ugly. But the owner of the establishment was an old friend, and I knew he´d have the answers we were looking for. He knew about every illegal dealing, every Dark Arts wizard, and the phone number of every woman in a hundred mile radius.

Besides, I could finally get a tequila sunrise.

I rapped on the steel door with my knuckles. Hermione was standing next to me shivering and shaking nervously. I had convinced her to put on something from what I called the `Lila Parker Collection´ (for the purposes of looking inconspicuous, of course; it wasn´t just so I could enjoy seeing her in something flashy) and she had chosen a tight purple skirt and a white strapless top. I neglected to remind her to bring a coat.

I had changed into my tuxedo, stuffed a few accouterments in my pockets, and a few more in my shoe. I liked to be prepared. Even old friends can´t be trusted; I think I´ve proved that several times.

Eventually a small slot in the door slid open and a gruff voice called out, "Password."

"I believe in trees," I replied confidently.

"At what price?" he responded.

"Three cans of chocolate body paint."

The slot closed and the door swung open. Hermione was staring at me as though I had lost my mind.

"You´re friend must be very strange," she said as we took a step forward into the dark entry hall.

"You have no idea," I replied.

We walked inside and I pulled back a heavy curtain.

"Welcome to the Electric Dragon," I said grandly.

I could tell from her intake of breath that she was impressed. The inside of the club was definitely more attractive than the outside. It had a lot of neon lights, a shiny dance floor (complete with disco ball), tons of people in outrageous outfits, and best of all--a bar.

We had just stepped into the club itself when a man in an expensive tailored suit walked up to us. His shoes were alligator skin and I knew his suit was Italian; I can sense these things.

"Ron Weasley," he said boldly, a faint smirk tugging at his lips. "It has been a long time. Still, I´d recognize you anywhere. Who is your beautiful friend?"

I shook his hand, smiling and shaking my head. "Hermione Granger, I´d like to introduce you to Neil Dragon. He owns this place. By the way, why are you still using the same password from your Singapore days?"

He shrugged. "The only person I knew in Singapore that I know here is...you." He bowed over Hermione´s hand. "I´ve heard great things about you, Mademoiselle, but I see they hardly do you justice."

Hermione blushed and I rolled my eyes. She wasn´t actually falling for this, was she?

Neil straightened up and smiled again. "Welcome to the Electric Dragon. Allow me to introduce my, uh, ladies." He signaled to the four girls who were lounging around the bar; they sauntered over to us and looked me up and down. I blushed, feeling exactly as I did when Blaise had done the same thing. I mean, really, I´m not a piece of meat!

Neil snapped his fingers and the four girls stood in a line.

"I´m Liz," said the first, a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl, who was eyeing me appreciatively. Her shorts were very short and her blouse was extremely low cut.

"I´m Trisha," said the second. She had curly brown hair and was wearing a tight sparkly red dress that put Hermione´s blue one to shame. Hermione noticed my stare and scowled.

"I´m Itsu," said the third, who was shorter than the previous two with blonde-brown shoulder-length hair and brown eyes. She was wearing a rhinestone studded shirt that exposed her midriff and skin-tight pants.

"And I´m Eden Eve Ellipse," said the fourth. She noticed our stupefied looks, dimpled, and added, "But you can call me `E´."

Neil smiled at them. "These girls are the stars of my club."

"The Dragon considers us his harem," Trisha said, giggling.

"But don´t let Neil scare you, dears," Liz added. "This dragon spews giant balls of pink fluff instead of flame."

Neil glowered at her, and Hermione was scowling, obviously upset at the amount of attention I was receiving. Trisha, especially, was giving me a rather intrusive look.

"So, Mr. Weasley," she purred, "what brings you here?"

Hermione glowered. "We were speaking to Mr. Dragon."

"Call me Neil, love," he said with a grin. "What can I do for you?"

"We´re looking for a man named Malfoy," I said. "We think he´s here in Boston."

The girls exchanged a look. Neil said calmly, "Enjoy yourselves for the time being, we can discuss business later."

He turned to Hermione and asked her a question about something or other--I wasn´t really paying attention to them. While Hermione was occupied, I turned to Liz and pulled her away from the others.

"Look, I don´t know what you´re doing here," I said harshly. "But that stupid disguise won´t fool me again. I don´t know how you got here, how you know Dragon, or even why you´re wearing that ridiculous outfit, but go home now."

She looked at me, her blue eyes twinkling innocently. "Why, whatever do you mean, my dear Mr. Weasley?"

I was still holding her wrist, so I twisted it sharply. "I´ve hurt you before, Ginny, and I´ll do it again if I have to. If Hermione finds out you´re here..."

She was still smiling. I wasn´t sure what happened then except that somehow she twisted her wrist, grabbed mine, knocked my legs out from under me and dropped me to the floor. Okay, so I knew exactly what happened.

"Ow," I moaned from the floor. The other girls, Neil, and Hermione came over. Hermione looked as though she was fighting a laugh.

"What did you do to him, Liz?" Neil asked bemusedly.

She shrugged. "He obviously thought I was someone else. Who is this Ginny? Do I look like her?"

Hermione had paled. "Ginny? Why would he think you look like Ginny?"

"Because," I moaned from the floor, "he is an idiot. Someone help me up."

E leaned down and took my hand. As she pulled me to my feet, I felt a very rude pinch in an inappropriate place. I spun around and glared at her. She smiled and whistled innocently.

"That´s it," I grumbled. "I need a drink."

I moved toward the bar, the sounds of the girls´ giggling in my ears, but Hermione grabbed my wrist. She locked her eyes onto mine. I noticed, somewhat irrelevantly, that she was wearing lavender eyeshadow and mascara.

Her lips said, "Let´s dance," but her eyes said, `We need to talk.´ She always was good at speaking without words. One of the many things I loved about her.

Wordlessly we walked out onto the dance floor. I saw Neil cue the music and the strains of some romantic ballad that I didn´t know began to fill the room.

Have I mentioned that I am a smashing dancer? No? Well, I am. I´ve won several prizes and contests in the past. In the words of the immortal Gilderoy Lockheart, "But I don´t talk about it." After all, I didn´t kill Pansy Parkinson by dancing with her. [insert roguish wink here]

However, Hermione didn´t really want to dance. She wanted to talk. And for the first time since arriving in Boston, I didn´t feel like talking.

"So," I said in the cavernous pause that followed our foray onto the dance floor. "How `bout them Cannons?"

"You sound like a stupid American, Ron," she murmured. "And in Boston, you´re supposed to talk about the Red Sox."

I was confused. "Why would I talk about someone´s socks? Is `red socks´ a code word for something?"

She laughed. "No, they´re a baseball team."

I was still confused. "Baseball?"

She sighed. "Just imagine a muggle version of Beaters and Bludgers without brooms and you get the general idea."

"Oh."

There was more silence. Then...

"Why did you think Liz was Ginny?"

I froze. There it was. I couldn´t tell Hermione the truth, it would get all sorts of people into trouble. If she found out about Ginny and Malfoy, who knew what would happen. I hadn´t even figured out how I felt about my sister and the ferret. To be honest, I didn´t believe it.

"No reason," I replied. "Impaired judgment, a side effect of sobriety. I need a drink."

I pulled away and stumbled over to the bar. I could hear Hermione call my name behind me, but I intelligently chose not to look back.

"Tequila sunrise," I said. "Hurry."

The bartender was female; I wasn´t surprised. Everyone who worked for Neil was female. She made a face in the direction of his harem and plunked my drink down on the counter.

"Are you another one of Neil´s girls?" I asked, feeling much better once the alcohol reached my brain.

She made another face. "Bite yah tongue. I worked heah before Dragon bought the place. If anything he should be below me. They call me Marix. Who ah you?"

"Weasley. Ron Weasley." I turned on my stool and glared at Hermione who was simpering under Neil´s empty compliments. The word `Vicky´ came to mind and I glowered. I thought the girl had more sense than that.

Neil´s harem came back over to me, including Liz. I nodded in their direction.

"Sorry about that, Miss Liz," I apologized. "I thought you were my sister in disguise."

She smiled at me in a way that made me want a shower. "Forget it, Ron. It is all right if we call you Ron, isn´t it?"

I stared blankly. "Call me what ever you want, baby."

Trisha was watching Hermione. "Is she your girlfriend?"

I snorted. "She wishes. She´s just pretending she doesn´t want to get into my pants."

Itsu sat on the stool next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Poor, ickle Ronniekins," she murmured in my ear. "Does Hermione not want to play with you?"

I suddenly felt very relaxed. Maybe it was the alcohol. After I finished the first one, Trisha handed me another.

"Oh, look," E said, "your friend´s going to perform." She sat on my other side.

Liz sat on my lap. I found that I really didn´t mind.

I was sort of aware of a voice behind me saying, "Oh, feh the love of--", before Hermione started to sing.

Things have come to a pretty pass

Our romance is growing flat,

For you like this and the other

While I go for this and that,

Goodness knows what the end will be

Oh I don't know where I'm at

It looks as if we two will never be one

Something must be done:

You say either and I say either,

You say neither and I say neither

Either, either Neither, neither

Let's call the whole thing off.

You like potato and I like potahto

You like tomato and I like tomahto

Potato, potahto, Tomato, tomahto.

Let's call the whole thing off

But oh, if we call the whole thing off

Then we must part

And oh, if we ever part, then that might break my heart

So if you like pyjamas and I like pyjahmas,

I'll wear pyjamas and give up pyjahmas

For we know we need each other so we

Better call the whole thing off

Let's call the whole thing off.

But oh if we call the whole thing of then we must part

And oh, if we ever part, then that might break my heart

So if you go for oysters and I go for ersters

I'll order oysters and cancel the ersters

For we know we need each other so we

Better call the calling off off,

Let's call the whole thing off.

I say father, and you say pater,

I saw mother and you say mater

Pater, mater Uncle, auntie let's call the whole thing off.

I like bananas and you like banahnahs

I say Havana and I get Havahnah

Bananas, banahnahs Havana, Havahnah

Go your way, I'll go mine

So if I go for scallops and you go for lobsters,

So all right no contest we'll order lobster

For we know we need each other so we

Better call the calling off off,

Let's call the whole thing off.

I was feeling oddly dizzy. Hermione completed her song and the club roared in applause. Trisha handed me another drink. Liz slid off my lap and ran her fingers through my hair. Things started to get blurry after that.

"Ron!"

I started and fell off my stool. "What, Hermione?"

"How much have you had to drink?" She was glaring at me with intensity. I noticed Neil´s harem giggling in the background.

"Trust me, Hermione, I am no where near as drunk as I could possibly be."

She shook her head and pursed her lips. I recognized this as one of those patented Hermione "I´m not going to say what I´m really thinking, you twit!" moments. She grabbed my hand and pulled me away from Neil´s harem.

"Look, I really think that Dragon is the man we ought to be after," she hissed. "He´s a very suspicious character."

"You only say that because you don´t approve of his harem," I said, slurring slightly. It was hardly noticeable.

"I do not!" she exclaimed, outraged. "It´s none of my business if he wants to keep a bunch of tarts around! I´m not his keeper!"

I scratched my chin thoughtfully. "I was thinking about getting myself a harem. It wouldn´t be very difficult. Let´s see, I could get Tristen, Amelia, Jennifer...What do you say, Herm? Want to be the head of my harem?"

She was such an easy target.

"Not if you were the last man on earth. For Merlin´s sake, Ron, is there a time when you´re actually sober?"

I considered it. "I´m nearly sober right now."

"You are not!" she retorted. "You´re absolutely smashed."

"Well," I said smiling, "you drive me to drink, darling."

She scowled and stomped away.

I returned to the bar where Liz, Trisha, Itsu, and E were waiting for me. As casually as I could, and believe me, I was feeling extremely casual at that moment, I said to the girls, "So, do any of you know anything about Malfoy?"

"Who´s Draco Malfoy?" Itsu asked, batting her eyelashes.

"A bad person," I told her. "Very bad. He´s an evil smarmy bastard."

"Is he as good-looking as you?" Trisha asked coyly.

"Hell no," I replied. "He´s got a face like a ferret. Ugly little bugger."

The girls were pressed up close around me and I found it difficult to focus on anyone of them. They were beginning to blur together. I briefly wondered how Dragon managed to keep them around, as I seriously doubted the pay was good.

Marix had left, whether in disgust or just because her shift was over I didn´t know, and was replaced by a young girl whose name tag read `Callia´. She was wearing, well, I can´t really remember, but I can tell you it wasn´t much.

She pecked me on the cheek and giggled. "Another drink, Mr. Weasley?"

"Seven´s my limit," I replied somewhat sloppily. "Uh, excuse me a moment."

I stood up and walked towards the back where I remembered the bathroom had been. I stumbled slightly and swayed from side to side as I moved. I hadn´t remembered it being so far before.

I opened the door to a room I was hoping was the loo, but it wasn´t. I had barely taken a good look inside when I was hit on the head from behind and fell to the floor unconscious.