A House Party... Wizarding Style

Chapter Six: Preparations

“Hey look guys, I squished an ant!”

“That’s nice James.”

“Hang on...wait....there you go! Look at it! All its little legs are squished in all different directions!”

“That’s nice James,” said Sirius again, completely ignoring him.

James waved it in front of Sirius’ face. “Antie...antie...dead little antie...” he sang with morbid glee.

“JAMES!” exclaimed Sirius, jumping back several feet. “You didn’t have to peel it off your foot!!!”

“It goes squish squish!” yelled James, dancing around in circles.

“Whoa...how much butterbeer have you had?” asked Remus from the couch, where he was attempting to open five butterbeers with one charm.

“The question, my dear Moony,” said Sirius wisely, turning and extending his hand in wisdom. “Is how much butterbeer he has not had.”

“God, this party is going to su–” began Remus, shaking his head.

“WHAT?” exclaimed James, whipping around.

“–per! Super!” said Remus with a big smile. “It’s going to be amazing! Swell! Nifty! Groovy!”

“My parents once said that in front of me. I was scarred for life,” commented James, taking a seat on the floor in front of them.

“What, ‘It’s going to be amazing?’” asked Remus.

“No,” said James. “Nifty!”

“Nifty actually has an interesting etymology, if you think about it," said Sirius thoughtfully. I mean who would of thought that the words Niffler and tea could go together? Which intelligent wizard would...”

“ANYWAY!” said Remus loudly. “While you were squishing that ant (‘SQUELCH!’) did you actually manage to move the couch?”

James stopped doing a ritual dance around the coffee table and looked quizzically at Remus, who was holding his wand in one hand and a book in the other. “What couch?”

Sirius gave a long suffering sigh. “The couch you were supposed to be moving right now!” He glared at James and raised an eyebrow. “So we can have a dance floor?? Remember?"

James looked at him blankly.

" The PARTY?” asked Sirius loudly. A look of dawning comprehension crossed James' face.

“Ah. Yes. About that. You see, while I was laboring away at this...um...strenuous task...my mind began to wander onto other things,” James said.

“James?” said Remus. “You. Have. A. Wand.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus. “Thank you for that enlightening piece of information...”

James snickered. "So...while I was...er...sitting there...my mind was wandering onto such things as Lil- I mean...er...” James’s eyes flicked around the room. “What we’re going to do about neighbors!” he said triumphantly.

There was a silence.

“NEIGHBORS? You have neighbors?” shrieked Sirius, sitting down abruptly.

“Of course!” said James. “You do realize that we live right next door to a Muggle family?”

Sirius blanched. “I think we’ve overlooked that.”

Remus studied James for a moment. “Well,” he said reasonably. They won’t be home until around 3 in the afternoon, will they? I mean, Muggle schools aren’t on holiday yet.”

Sirius looked at him. “How the hell did you know that?”

Remus shrugged. “I live near a Muggle family too. I usually watch them out my window when things get slow. They have very interesting lifestyles, Muggles. I mean, just from my Muggle Studies class, I would have never known that-”

“Remus?” said Sirius.

“Yeah?”

“No. One. Cares.”

Remus looked highly offended.

James sighed. “Yes, they are all very nice when they’re at school, but what about when they get home? What about the party? I doubt they will have conveniently moved to Estonia.”

“Whatever,” said Sirius. “We’ll deal that when the situation arises. Now, let’s continue with the preparations!!”

“Continue?” asked Remus pointedly. "I didn't see you doing anything to help."

“I prefer to see the glass half-full,” said Sirius scathingly.

“I don’t seem to remember saying it was half-empty,” said Remus, scowling menacingly.

“ANYWAY,” said James again. “Either way you don’t get lemonade, so can we continue?”

“Hey look,” commented Remus, scanning the page he was reading in the book. “How to Set Up a Wizarding Party At Your Friends House in a Muggle Neighborhood in Less than an Hour when 800 Students From Hogwarts are Coming Over!”

James and Sirius exchanged a look and then bounded onto the couch. “Where did you get that?” exclaimed Sirius.

“Oh, I’ve had it all the time,” said Remus breezily.

James' face clouded over.

"I mean, I just noticed this now, of course!" said Remus, his voice an octave higher than usual.

“Did you really?" asked James, his hand twitching.

“Okay, okay, I'm really sorry, now let’s get down to business,” said Remus, eyeing James’ twitching hand.

“Hey,” said Sirius, scanning the page. “Look! A spell for putting the furniture on the ceiling! That would save us some time!”

He stood up, teetered for a moment, and promptly sat back down on the rug. Sirius giggled. Remus started to stand up to stop him from doing anything, but it was too late. Sirius had brandished his wand at the furniture. James made a sudden move with his arm, but... “Cingere Super” exclaimed Sirius, still giggling.

The furniture all began to levitate, and Remus teetered on the edge of the couch before sitting back down on it. Both Remus and James peered down at the rapidly retreating ground, and then looked at each other.

“Is it going to be...this way up?” squeaked James.

His question was answered a second later, as the couch and every other piece of furniture flipped upside down, emptying all contents onto the floor below that wasn’t attatched...including two sixteen-year-olds.

James landed hard on his arse, his head then fell back onto the floor. A few seconds later he regained consciousness, only to see the punchbowl two feet above his head, and falling at a highly disturbing rate.

“Oh look,” said James. “Gravity works.”

Remus, meanwhile, had landed on his back. The book hit him squarely in the eye and he fell back with his eyes closed. “I’m going to kill him” he mumbled

Sirius had remained unharmed, as he was sitting on the floor at the time of this event. He was currently laughing as James’ secret stash of magazines fell to the floor around him. Then, he felt something graze his cheek. He glanced to his right, and immediately stopped laughing. The firepoker was vibrating, point down, right next to his right thigh, imbedded deep in the shag carpet. It was emitting a high pitched note of vibration, and Sirius began to hyperventilate.

“R-Remus? Was that you?” Sirius stuttered, looking up. “O-oh...that’s what happened.” He began to laugh hysterically, his eyes wide, staring at the upside down fireplace. He then passed out cold on the floor.

Remus got up, and looked around at the two unconscious boys. He began to smile a very evil grin...

–20 minutes later–

James slowly began to come back to reality, sweating and very, very uncomfortable. He tried to move to rub his eyes...then realized that his hands were tied behind his back. He found, to his surprise, that he was sitting on a slab of granite (or at least...he though it was granite...) and his arms were tied to something. He craned his neck around, and saw that it was Sirius. The walls had strange occult signs on them, and the shadows flickered across them, making them seem to move. Black candles were placed in a circle around the granite slab, flickering menacingly.

“Sirius? You awake?” whispered James. There was no reply. “Sirius” he said a bit louder after about a minuet of silence he yelled “SIRIUS BLACK WAKE UP!!”

Sirius’s head quickly shot up and he looked around.

“James? Is this a joke?”

“I don’t know. I’ve seen those signs before though. They were in the screaming book in the restricted section. Something about sacrifices..." said James quietly trying to remember. Sirius felt him twitch. "Holy shit," said James.

"You read my mind Prongs," said Sirius, gulping.

At that moment a hooded figure walked into the room holding a knife. He knelt before them, holding the knife in front of him, his hood obscuring his face. He then began to speak in a low voice that sent shivers up the boys' spines. “My the Gods of Hell take these sacrifices and use them as you see fit in your holy land of Hell. I worship you oh great father Satan..."

The figure then lifted up the knife and shrieked “IIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!”

James and Sirius screamed as loud as they possibly could, kicking each other in the shins, each trying to pull in a different direction. They screamed and screamed, eyes popping and shaking. The lights went back on, the black hooded figure pulled off his cloak, and there was Remus, standing with his plastic knife. Remus' laughter joined their screams, and somewhere in London a woman picked up her phone and dialed...9...9...9....