The Exploits of the Fabulous Draco Malfoy

Chapter 2 - Just a Phase

"NARCISSA!"

"Coming, dear," Lady Malfoy answered indifferently. Lucius was always making a fuss. He was never happy unless he was ranting about something or other.

"Flipsy," she said to the house-elf who was dusting the twenty-foot high, black velvet drapes. "Would you fetch Lucius some tea? I'm afraid he's in one of his moods again."

She made her way to the onyx staircase, and placing her hand daintily on the polished, stone railing, she glided up the stairs toward the sound of her husband's roars.

"Narcissa, get up here NOW!"

"Coming, dear," she said slightly more impatiently than before.

"Not fast enough! This is an emergency!"

"Unless the Dark Lord himself is waiting in our parlor, I am not tearing my dress on this staircase for anything. He's not in our parlor, is he?"

"Confound it, woman! It's about YOUR godforsaken son!"

"You mean OUR godforsaken son, Lucius. I'm sure you're just overreacting." All the same, she quickened her pace.

She found Lucius sprawled on Draco's bed, being manically fanned by a house-elf. His face was even paler than usual, if that was possible. Even his hair was -- heaven forbid -- in a state, as if he had been tearing at it.

"Lucius, darling, precious, muffin, what on earth is the matter?" She raced to his side, waved away the house-elf and began smoothing his hair back into place.

"Was I a bad father?" Lucius asked desperately. "I've given him everything he ever wanted. I've taken him muggle baiting since he was four. I even let him keep that stupid niffler that he is so blasted fond of."

"I know," Narcissa sighed. "It keeps stealing the candlesticks."

Lucius continued, "Did I do something wrong? Did I not spend enough time with him as a child? Perhaps I should have bought him that dragon that he wanted back in first year."

"Honey, what is wrong with Draco, exactly?"

"Narcissa," Lucius moaned. "Draco... he's... I'm afraid he's... g-g-"

"Lucius, dearest!" Narcissa exclaimed as her husband began to turn a shade of green that perfectly matched the Slytherin décor. "Don't exert yourself. Should I call for a mediwizard?"

"No!" He sat up and grabbed her wrist. "I have to tell you. And you must swear never to repeat this to anyone."

Narcissa nodded.

"I fear our son..." He took a deep, steadying breath. "Is seeking the rainbow snitch."

"Sweetums, you know I never understood quidditch."

"No!" he shouted. "I mean that Draco is..." He glanced at the open door and jumped up to slam it shut. He then muttered something unintelligible.

"What was that? I didn't catch that last part."

"Draco. Is. Queer," he hissed.

"What?! Draco is..." shrieked Narcissa before Lucius clamped a hand firmly over her mouth.

"Not so loud!"

There was a deafening silence as Narcissa slowly regained her composure and Lucius once again turned a sickly shade of green.

"I'm sure we have nothing to worry about," Narcissa said calmly, to her husband's obvious shock. "It's probably just a phase."

"But Narcissa," Lucius whimpered, "he's lusting after that... that boy! It's a scandal!"

"It's not like he's engaged, Lucius. He's probably just experimenting. All boys do that sort of thing."

"Not in this family, they don't!"

"Honestly, like you never did anything shocking. You dated that Hufflepuff girl for four whole weeks. It was the talk of the school!"

"Well..." Lucius considered.

"Draco will be home soon and we'll be able to sort this whole thing out in a sensible manner." A timid knock on the door announced the arrival of Flipsy with the tea. "You just have a drink, and I'm sure you'll soon realize that this is not nearly as terrible as you've imagined."

"You didn't see... The Book."

"What book?"

"No! You mustn't. It would be too much for your delicate constitution."

"Well, I'm certain this whole thing is just a misunderstanding. We'll have it all sorted out by teatime."