The Longing Heart

Chapter 4: Road to Hope

Tonks sat in that chair almost in a trance. She thought about Remus, how much she cared for him, how much she worried about him, how strongly she knew she loved him. She thought about how he had turned away from her. How he had almost run from her and decided that he must never be allowed to be happy. He was cursed by that evil werewolf Greyback, she thought almost cursing the dreaded werewolf man, but he had not let that curse live his life for him. He had gone to school after the bite, had made a lot of good friends. He had many adventures with those friends. Tonks knew that one of the things that he feared most by having feelings for her was that all his other friends had been killed in the cause against Voldemort. First he had lost James and Lily. Then he thought he had lost Sirius to evil and Peter to death. He had hope again when he learned that Peter was still alive and that Sirius was innocent, but then had to face losing Sirius again, this time to death not too long after that.

Tonks knew that the biggest fear of his was the loss of control he felt when he transformed into a werewolf. He feared harming his students when he was a professor, he feared harming her if he ever forgot to take his Wolfsbane Potion. Tonks knew the risks, but she also knew that he would never deliberately hurt anyone. Remus had a heart of gold! Remus deserved to have a family of his own, to be a father and nurture his own children. Remus deserved the chance to let her love him!

As this thought rang through her head Blenkin was again there in front of her. "Tis time to face the past, my lass," said her as he guided her towards a door she did not remember seeing before under the staircase.

The door was carved with hourglasses and lines that seemed to portray the passage of time, but in this case, the arrows next to the lines pointed backwards. She was fascinated by the beauty of the door itself, the deep mahogany wood stood out and the carvings almost seemed to move across the wood grain. He put her hand on the ivory door knob and backed away, smiling at her in encouragement.

"Go ahead, that is the door to the past and nothing will change what has been, but we can learn from it all the same," said Blenkin.

Tonks turned away from him, pushed open the door, and stepped through.

Tonks found herself in a wooded meadow; a small terrified boy crouched in front of her. The setting sun was over his shoulder in the west. A wild looking man with yellow eyes stood in front of the boy laughing. "Revenge upon your father is mine tonight," yelled the man as his body stiffened, and a look of pain filled his face. The boy started to run, into the tree line away from the man. The man only laughed harder, "Run as fast as you want boy, the son of Lupin will live up to his name tonight though! I always enjoy a hunt!" yelled the man after the boy. His last word cut short by the moon peaking out over the horizon and he transformed in a werewolf.

Tonks gasped in horror. This had to be the night that Greyback had bit Remus. That boy must be Remus, how could she stop this, she had to stop this! Tonks stepped out in front of the werewolf, but he ran right through her. Then she remembered Blenkin's words, "nothing can change the past." Her heart screamed within her chest, but she knew that the werewolf's bite could not be prevented. The terror that child must have faced! She shut her eyes as she realized that she had never allowed herself to think about how Remus came under the curse.

When she opened her eyes again she was no longer in the meadow. Tonks found herself standing in the room she had grown up in, her childhood bedroom. There sat her mother reading a bedtime story to a young girl, herself, who must have been about eight.

"The end," said her mother, looking over at her daughter at her side. Love rained down her the young girl who was not ready yet to go to sleep.

"One more story, please Mommy! I want to wait up for Daddy!" said the young Tonks.

"You can see him in the morning sweetie," said her mother.

"I think I'll let her see me tonight! I had to make it home to say goodnight to my little girl," said her father. The look of love that went between her Mom and Dad made the older Tonks wish she had more of those moments to remember. The look made her long for that for herself. She knew she could have that with Remus if he would only let her!

Tonks realized that she must have closed her eyes again because when she opened them she was standing on the banks of the lake at Hogwarts. A teenage boy with Remus's eyes sat under a tree there reading when a couple of other boys came up behind him. One reminded her of Harry, so had to be James. The other was a younger, more innocent looking Sirius. The laughter that rang out about the two told of their friendship. Another boy followed behind James and Sirius, had to be Peter. The four starting laughing as Sirius pulled Remus's book away from him. Tonks moved closer to hear what they were saying.

"Remus, what are we going to do with you! Always studying! The sun is up and the spring formal is right around the corner! Do you even know who you are going to ask to the Formal?" asked Sirius.

"If I go, I won't have a date," said Remus. "You know that I can't have a steady girlfriend! What would she say about my...er...um...affliction? I'd have to tell her about it eventually!"

"Well, I don't know about you, but I think any girl would be lucky to have you! You're smart, a prefect, and one of the best friends a guy could want! Why wouldn't a girl feel lucky to have you?" said Sirius.

"He's right Remus," said James. "Just because you're a werewolf doesn't mean that you can't ever be happy! There would be challenges, but everyone has those. Look at Lily and me! Lily may not talk about it much but it hurts that her sister will not come to our wedding next year. She longs to be close to her sister and misses the companionship they had as children, but that does not mean she does not want her older sister to be out of her life! Challenges come with any relationship. You just have a few that are better defined then others!"

"A girl would be lucky to have you Remus! You are great at remembering dates, and girls love that. You are a great friend, and you'd always be able to tell her when the full moon was," added Peter.

"Maybe you guys are right, but I would not want to put her in any danger!" said Remus.

"Just make sure you have a house with a real strong basement door! I've mastered a charm that reinforces doors to sound proof my room at home, although haven't needed it now that I've been staying at James' house on holidays, but I'm sure I could help you where ever you live after leaving Hogwarts," said Sirius.

"Thanks for cheering me up guys! Maybe there is a hope for romance in my future!" said Remus.

Tonks looked at the younger Remus and wondered if she'd be able to remind him of this day when she was ready to go back into the world. Perhaps since he had hope once in his life, it was still there, hidden under years of toil and despair of loosing these friends that he joked with this day at Hogwarts.

Tonks opened her eyes again and the door she entered was in front of her again. She opened it up and was taken back to the "Green Dragon". Thoughts of what she had just seen enveloped her and she wandered back to her chair to ponder these things.

Tonks thought about Remus. The night he was bitten by the werewolf and then the young man he was at Hogwarts. Her own life and the love she always saw between her parents. Her heart longed to taste that strong of a love. A love that stood up against oppression, enough so that her mother defied her family for the man she loved. A love that she grew up surrounded by; and yearned to find for herself.

Nelly brought her some lunch as she sat and pondered these memories. They may not have all been her memories, but they were a part of her because two were a part of Remus.

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After Tonks had eaten and sat there a little while, Blenkin approached her again.

"The past is a memory,

What makes us each whole.

Where dreams begin forming,

And strengths are unsure," Blenkin said as he came to her side.

"Ready to take a look at the present, lass?" he asked as he took her hand to help her stand once more.

"Yes, I am," said Tonks as she realized that she was ready.

"Well, then here we go!" said Blenkin as he lead her to another door. This one was made of glass. The etchings across the door also seemed to move but this time the lines pointed straight ahead, towards what was behind the door. "The present is happening now, and changes the future, learns from the past, but also is unchangeable," advised Blenkin as he gently put her hand on the knob, this one was made of crystal that was cool to the touch. Tonks grasped the handle and turned it.

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Tonks blinked and found herself in the Gryffindor common room. Ron and Hermione sat together at the tables studying. Harry was also nearby.

"I can't take this anymore," exclaimed Ron! "I need a break!"

"Ronald, you are not yet finished with your homework!" said Hermione!

"Well, neither am I, but I also need a few minutes break!" said Harry. "I've been meaning to tell you, I ran into Tonks in the hallway today. She was looking for Dumbledore, but he's away. She is looking so sad! I wonder what happened over the summer to depress her so!"

"Isn't it obvious Harry? She's fallen in love with someone who has rejected her. My guess would be Professor Lupin," said Hermione.

"Why would you say that?" asked Ron.

"Because anytime Professor Lupin is around she runs away, or her cheeks get even paler. Didn't you ever notice that?" asked Hermione.

"No, I can't say that I have," said Ron and Harry together.

"I wonder if she saw the reports of increased werewolf activity lately. I've been reading about it in the Daily Prophet. Maybe it made her worry about Professor Lupin" said Hermione.

"Maybe," said Harry as he opened his books again to continue with his homework.

Tonks blinked and found herself standing in a dirty, run down pub surrounded by a bunch of yellow eyed men and women. This must be the werewolf pub that Remus had mentioned to her one time. A man and woman were at a table in front of her and drew her attention.

"He actually stood there in front of Fenrir and defended that Auror! Can you believe it?" asked the man of the woman.

"Does he treasure his neck at all?" asked the woman.

"Well, Remus told Fenrir that the Auror had character and did not fear werewolves. That she could hold her own. Fenrir actually laughed his agreement! Guess he'd run into her a time or two and she had put up a good fight. Guess Remus lucked out in that argument!"

Tonks stood there in disbelief, could they be talking about her?

Tonks opened her eyes again. This time she was standing in the kitchen of the Burrow. Molly Weasley was sitting at the table crying. Arthur was sitting next to her trying to console her.

"No one has seen her in a few days Arthur! What might have become of her?" sobbed Molly. Tonks realized that her disappearance must have worried Molly. She felt a bit of remorse, but knew that she needed this journey to keep moving on with her life.

"I'm sure she'll be okay. Dumbledore did not seem to be concerned when I mentioned it to him. He said something about her needing to find her will. I'm sure she'll come back when she's ready. She does deserve a break! She has been putting in her normal hours as an Auror, and working all her free time for the Order. She needs a break! I just wish that Remus would come around. I know that he cares for Tonks. He just cannot get past the fact that he's a werewolf."

"Her heart has been breaking for months now! No wonder she is working herself so hard! I wish I could help her more!" said Molly. Molly's tears finally started to abate.

Tonks blinked again and found herself facing the glass door again. She went to ponder these latest visions in her comfy chair. It seemed that everyone was worried about her. Hermione, Harry, Ron, Molly, and Arthur all were talking about her today. That helped brighten her spirits. At least someone out there cared! It seemed that Remus had also risked his cover when she had been brought up...standing up for her, even in front of Fenrir Greyback. That sure was risky on his part! Nelly brought her afternoon tea as she pondered the worry of her friends and the conversation between the two werewolves.

After about an hour Blenkin was back at her side.

"Today is gone as tomorrow appears.

Now is past in a moment.

Love may fleet, and hate may wane;

Death may come, and hope appears," said Blenkin as he pulled her up to guide her to the last door. He lead her past the wooden door, and the glass door to an opening that was just...there. He pressed her hand forward and she felt a door of...air, almost like a strong wind dividing the room she stood in from the future. She saw images of color, almost like rainbows that pointed towards the future of the lines that blew around the door. The handle of the door was also transparent, but felt very much real as Blenkin put her hand on it. "The future is change with each heart beat. What is seen here maybe, or may not. Dreams can become reality. Just remember that nightmares are also dreams," said Blenkin as he encouraged her forward one last time.

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Tonks stepped forward. She found herself standing next to a beautiful house. A porch wrapped around the side of the house. A boy with shaggy brown hair sat on the front porch step writing with a quill. Suddenly a little girl with bright blue hair came running out the front door and pulled the paper away from the boy. The boy looked up and yelled, "Give that back! I was writing a poem for Mommy!"

Tonks saw the yellow glow of his eyes and her breath caught in her throat. The girl ran around the boy and started taunting him, holding the paper just out of his reach as she was a little taller than him. Tonks had moved closer to get a better look of the children and she saw that the eyes of the girl were also yellow. A voice rang out of the house that sounded a bit like her own, "Aria, give your brother back his paper! I asked you to help me get the guest house ready for tonight! Your father has been taking his potion, but you know how he hates for us to see him transform. The full moon is tonight."

"I know Mommy, but it's so much more fun when he stays in the house with us, like having a dog!" exclaimed the girl.

Tonks opened her eyes and found herself in front of the door again. She wanted to go back and learn more about these children! She hoped that this future was true!

Tonks opened the door and made her way back to her chair. She was allowing hope to finally have a place in her heart again. A bit more color was in her cheeks, but her hair remained a dull brown. Not until Remus gave way and stopped making excuses would she be truly happy, but at least she had found hope. Blenkin and Nelly soon joined her for a hearty dinner.

"You may stay one more night in your room, but I think in the morning you'll be ready to be on your way," said Blenkin with a nod to Nelly.

"What you have seen here is for you to share with whomever you wish. Or you can hold it in your heart to get you through the tough times," reminded Nelly. The ushered Tonks back to her room for another good night of rest. The next morning she thanked them heartily and then was on her way. Hope restored to get her through until she could talk to Remus again.