Snogged to His Untimely Death

Snogged to His Untimely Death

"I see," said Professor McGonagall, fixing Harry with her beady eyes. "Then you should know, Potter, that Sybill Trelawney has predicted the death of one student a year since she arrived at this school. None of them has died yet..."

-PoA

Sybill Trelawney didn't just dislike Harry Potter- she hated him. She hated the way he and Weasley would make faces at each other when she announced her Inner Eye predictions to the class. She loathed the way they would treat her visions of Potter's untimely death with an idiotic grin and roll of their eyes.

She was a Seer; in fact, she was The Seer of her time. The world should have worshipped her on a golden throne. Her predictions should have been recorded down in all the books in the world, carefully preserved for the future to come. Kings, Queens, Presidents, Prime Ministers and Quidditch players should have paid homage to her magnificent abode...

But no, what did she, Sybill Trelawney, receive for her all-mighty and omnipotent powers?

A small classroom in the middle of some cold castle in Scotland.

Things, of course, would have been tolerable if her Powers had been revered and treated with respect by the students and staff of Hogwarts. But that wasn't the case either. Her colleague Minerva McGonagall (out of jealousy, Trelawney was certain) made rude jokes about her abilities as a seer. Hermione Granger, a rather annoying beaver-teethed girl, had even doubted the precision of her Field of Expertise.

Transfiguration?

Bah Humbug.

The world did not need Transfiguration, Charms or Defence Against the Dark Arts. Normal lives could still be led without boggarts being banished or beetles turned into buttons.

No, what the world could not do without was she. She was the oxygen that humankind breathed through their lungs.

Professor Trelawney fingered the two photographs in her hand and chuckled evilly. Although she was a Goddess of Divination, even the most patient Goddesses had their limits when it came to mercy. Granger, Weasley and Potter would all have to pay for their lack of respect. And she knew how.

With an evil smirk to rival Lucius Malfoy, Trelawney started to carefully put her plan into action.

...

Harry sneezed. He sneezed again. The misty scent of lavender and sandalwood was starting to irritate his nose. For a brief moment, he wondered if Professor Trelawney had polluted the air to give him premature asthma. Looking suspiciously around the room, he noticed a maliciously evil grin on her face.

Feeling nervous, Harry prodded Ron and voiced his thoughts.

"Ron, have you noticed something different about Professor Trelawney's face today?"

Ron, surprise by the question, glanced at Professor Trelawney. Seeing an evil glint in her left eye, he gulped.

"Bloody hell, Harry. She looks positively loony."

Harry, feeling relief that he hadn't been seeing maniacal faces in his head, replied quietly.

"Do you think she's finally cracked it, Ron?"

"You never know, Harry." Ron gulped again. " Maybe she's plotting to kill you so predictions can finally come true."

"Why can't she wait for me to die an old man in my bed," Harry replied, and glanced at Professor Trelawney again. Was it his imagination or had she just grinned at him wolfishly from the corner of her mouth?

The boys continued to whisper to each other, during which Ron's gulps had exponentially increased themselves to twelve. As they talked, Professor Trelawney suddenly stood up and made an announcement in her melodramatic voice-

"Alas class! My Inner Eye directs us to look at teacups once again. For today, two boys' deaths shall be revealed today through the patterns of their tea leaves."

The class immediately turned and looked at Harry and Ron. Lavender and Parvati huddled together and started conversing in worried tones. Seamus and Dean, however, rolled their eyes and pretended to wail and wring their faces in sorrow.

Harry, however, after hearing Professor Trelawney's announcement, felt somewhat relieved. Teacups, at least, weren't going to kill him. Unless of course, Neville was going to clumsily break twenty of them on his head.

Soon, pink and blue teacups were handed out to everyone in the class. Ron looked into his and rolled his eyes.

"Oh look, Harry, I can see splodges of wet tea leaves. Maybe the Incredible Tea Hulk Monster will tear me to pieces as soon as I step out of this room."

Harry laughed, and was going to make a tea-leafed joke of his own, when, to his horror, the leaves started to vanish one by one. Something was emerging at the bottom of his teacup and it looked liked...

He choked.

Ron looked alarmed. "Harry," he whispered, "what's wrong, Harry?"

Harry, feeling like his eyes were going to fall out of his head, managed to splutter.

"It's... it's a photograph of Malfoy, Ron. "

"Well?"

"Well, he's shirtless..."

Ron's eyes (and nothing else, Harry hoped) bulged out in horror and disgust. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

"And Malfoy's ah..." Harry blushed deeply.

"Malfoy's... er... snogging me to death... Shirtless." The last word sounded more like blissful happiness than disgust. Ron, who was gawking at his own teacup, would have noticed it if it was not for...

"Bloody hell, Harry."

Harry, struggling to tear his eyes off the photograph in his teacup, looked up and saw Ron's pale face.

"What's wrong Ron? Tell me you're not seeing Malfoy snog you to death too."

"No," Ron gasped. "It's Hermione..."

Harry raised his eyebrows. If Ron's teacup was showing him the obvious, then it couldn't really be that bad. After all, how many times had he himself secretly felt like hitting Ron for being such a clueless git?

"Hermione's snogging me senseless Harry..." Ron stammered, his face like an odd mixture of strawberry cheesecake. "Merlin! She's shirtless too..."

...

From her high and secluded tower, Professor Trelawney gave a mad crackle of laughter. Her evil diabolical plan had worked, after all. Thanks to the discovery of a muggle program call 'Adobe Photoshop' and the possibilities of photograph manipulation, she had managed to reproduce two very convincing pictures.

In one of them, Draco Malfoy, the bigoted but good-looking annoyance of Slytherin, was snogging Potter to his death- shirtless. In the other, it had been Ron and Hermione.

After successfully producing the two fake photographs, it had only been a matter of time before they were hidden inside two teacups destined for Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

"Now the world shall finally worship at my feet," Trelawney dramatically crackled, before frowning.

Something felt unusual and out-of-place. Something was not right. Her Inner Eye could sense a disruption to the balance of her classroom. Something was missing...

Looking around, Professor Trelawney suddenly hit herself in the head.

Drat! The two boys had had taken their teacups with them.