Writing to a Redhead

Dear Mr Weasley,

Your detention with Ms Granger is tonight. We have realized our efforts to persuade you against your plan of action are fruitless due to your lack of intelligence. This, we should have foreseen. However, we have one last admonition for you before we watch the series of events- it is this.

Hermione Granger is the brightest girl in the school. She is your best friend. She is also Harry Potters best friend. She is the frame holding your delicate friendship group together. Without her you WILL fall apart Mr Weasley. You cannot expect Mr Potter to choose between the two of you. If you are rebuffed by Ms Granger, which is highly likely, you will not be speaking. Mr Potter will not be able to choose. Therefore it follows logically that your little trio will disband. If you are willing to risk the loss, go ahead. The choice is in your hands, and we can only hope you will consider the consequences meticulously, before you choose to act.

Many Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

PureBloods United.

* * * * * *

To -- PureBloods United, The Chairman,

We would appreciate it if your interference in the Weasley- Granger situation would cease immediately. We happen to have solid evidence that Ms Granger's birthright has no effect on Mr Weasley. He happens to be in love with her. We are unsure as to whether at any point in your lives any of you have managed to pull your heads out of your arses long enough to be in love, but if you had, you would realize your efforts to dissuade Mr Weasley are quite simply, stupid. To phrase it in teen- speak-

It's not gonna happen.

Mr Weasley is going to get the girl. We feel it. We also feel that you are really quite useless and need to get a real job.

Many Thanks.

Yours, rather irritated, and already quite anxious enough without your interference,

The Hopeless Romantic Society.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

Admitting your love to Ms Granger this evening will seriously jeopardise your position in 'Classics'. Love- Love relationships don't count. Just a word of warning.

Many Thanks,

Yours Sincerely,

The Love- Hate Relationship Office.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

It has been brought to our attention by the Association of Magical Teenagers that you have ceased writing in our information pack, and it is lying under your bed. We can only hope this is simply a lapse in concentration, and you will pick it up presently. We also feel it is our duty to tell you The Hopeless Romantic Society has somewhat of a reputation for fabricating stories and brainwashing its clients into believing they have a chance with the object of their affections. We realize they have been writing to you, and feel we should warn you, so you are not caught up in the moment this evening, and end up doing something stupid. And we don't mean loser- stupid, which we like. We mean Stupid- Stupid.

Many Thanks,

Yours Sincerely,

The Board Of Absolute Losers In Love, Life, And Pretty Much Everything Else.

* * * * * *

Dear Diary,

I'm quite nervous. There, I've said it, so leave me alone. I'm nervous about the detention. I don't know why, Hermione and me have had tons of opportunities to talk alone. But this time it's different. That bloody hug has demented everything. All of a sudden I can't even sit next to her in lessons without feeling uncomfortable. And it doesn't end there. On prefect duty, I find myself walking down the corridor with her, and staring at her. And then, horror of all horrors, she notices, and asks what's wrong! Good god, what a conversation that'd be. I can picture it perfectly-

"What's wrong?"

"I am hopelessly in love with you, you absolute idiot. In all your reading, and revising, and with a mind like yours, have you failed to notice that I can't stop thinking about you, and can't behave normally around you? I am in love with you, my best friend."

"Oh."

Hermione runs away screaming

Great, huh?

Ron.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Potter,

We are writing to you about a rather delicate matter, which we would appreciate you keeping to yourself. Enclosed are confidential papers from our archives, which we feel will be of interest of you, and possibly persuade you to help us. We are sure you are aware of your best friends predicament. They are in love with each other. Therefore, we feel we need some help. From 'the other best friend'. After reading the enclosed papers we would be most grateful if you would have a pep talk with Mr Weasley before his detention. We would be eternally grateful. We would also appreciate you sending the papers back, we could get into considerable trouble if they fell into the wrong hands.

Many Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Hopeless Romantic Society.

PS- That Ginny Weasley's a lovely girl isn't she? And doesn't she look stunning at the moment? She's really blossomed, eh?

ARCHIVED RECORDS OF THE WEASLEY- GRANGER RELATIONSHIP.

PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL

Footnotes, extracts, anecdotes etc.

1) Mr Weasley has recently procured a diary, which we feel is promising.

2) He Has admitted he may have feelings for Ms Granger in the diary-

I HATE it when she's mad at me.

Whoa. Recap. What did I just write?

I hate it when she's mad at me.

3) Mr Weasley has continued the diary extract by stating he does not hate it when Ms Granger is mad at him, but when anyone is mad at him. However we have reassurance from The Love- Hate Relationship Office, that this is a simple case of denial, and will disintegrate shortly. We can but wait.

4) Mr Weasley has today failed to meet Ms Granger for a study session. She had a tutorial instead. Although at first glance, this seems negative, it has in fact, had a positive after effect. Mr Weasley has finally admitted he is in love with Ms Granger. This can only be good.

5) PureBloods United's continued interference in the situation is jeopardising our chances. We have been forced to contact them on this matter, and are still awaiting a reply, which will no doubt be rude, aggressive and typical of the organization. Ingrates.

6) The detention is going ahead as far as we are aware. We are planning correspondence with Mr Potter beforehand, to ensure Mr Weasley is prepared.

7) Diary Extract 2-

She's really cuddly

Just a little something to keep us going. He has hugged her.

* * * * * *

To--- The Hopeless Romantic Society, The Manager,

It has been brought to our attention that you have been in correspondence with Mr Potter with regards to Mr Weasley. We would like to remind you that this is in violation of the code of conduct, and any further correspondence between Mr Potter and yourselves WILL be reported to the Ministry. You are cheating.

Many Thanks,

Yours Sincerely,

PureBloods United.

* * * * * *

To--- PureBloods United, The Chairman,

Tattle-Tale. Goody- Goody. Snitch. You run to the Ministry, see if we care. We're going to win. And who are you to call us cheats? You tried to make him feel guilty about the friendship- trio- thing. Now THAT is underhand. So take that, and shove it up your over-sized pure blood arse.

Many Thanks,

Yours Sincerely,

The Hopeless Romantic Society.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

Just so you know, the organizations are going crazy over this pathetic little upcoming detention you've got. Merlin only knows why, it's not like you've done anything before, why the hell would you do anything now?

Right?

Many Thanks,

Yours Sincerely,

The Association Of Magical Teenagers.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

Here we go. It's here. The biggie. The one you've been gearing up for. The detention. The detention where you will actually DO something about your feeling for Ms Granger, right? You wont just stare at her will you? Because, this is the NEW Ron Weasley. The New, able- to- hug- Hermione Ron. So now, all you've got to do is go for it. And all that is left for us to do, from all the committee here, is to wish you all the luck in the world. Not that you will need it. (We hope).

Many Thanks for the countless days of fantastically far- fetched nonsensical romanticisms you have provided us with. You truly are a special case.

The Hopeless Romantic Society.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

Special case of what? Severe delusions?

Many Thanks,

Yours Sincerely,

The Reality Check Corporation.