Writing to a Redhead

Ron,

Are you annoyed with me?

Hermione.

* * * * * *

Hermione,

No.

Ron.

* * * * * *

Ron,

Because I've said I'm sorry, and we can always do the Trans. another time ok??

Hermione.

* * * * * *

Hermione,

I'm not annoyed with you,

Ron.

* * * * * *

Harry,

I think Ron's annoyed with me.

Hermione.

* * * * * *

Hermione,

Well, ask him.

Harry.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

It has been a week of events for you hasn't it? Indeed it has. And yet, despite all this, your progress is non- existent! Fantastic! You really are giving it your all aren't you? Fantastic! Maybe your position in 'Classics' isn't completely lost!

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Love- Hate Relationship Office.

* * * * * *

STUDENT NOTICEBOARD.

Hey people!!!!

I have a Hufflepuff first year in my possession who owes me his life. He will do odd jobs for you, including completing assignments, stealing Potions ingredients, delivering love letters and hexing your enemies. Very stupid, but works like a house elf. Leave your name at the bottom and I'll get back to you.

1 Hufflepuff Slave- 25 galleons.

* * * * * *

WILL THE STUDENT WHO POSTED THIS NOTICE REPORT TO MY OFFICE IMMEDIATELY. SLAVERY WILL NOT BE TOLERATED IN THIS SCHOOL.

PROFESSOR SNAPE.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

Enclosed is the first part of your information pack! Enjoy.

Many Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Board Of Absolute Losers In Love, Life, And Pretty Much Everything Else.

The Board Of Absolute Losers In Love, Life And

Pretty Much Everything Else Handbook.

Hey fellow Loser!!!

Welcome to the Board. This is your first step to becoming a fully- fledged member of the Society!! Great huh? Ok, so, the first thing to do, is to fill your name in all the blank spaces ok??? Can you do that??? Great!!! Go ahead!!!

Hey Ron ! How are you today? Not good? Wow, Ron tell us what's wrong! And include EVERYTHING. Don't forget to tell us how pathetic and worthless you feel! Remember, we know how you feel!! So go ahead Ron ! Tell us about your day!!

Ron 's Day-

Fuck off.

Wow! Really? That's pretty bad!! Are you serious??? That's kinda loser- ish isn't it?? But still are you sure that's all Ron ? Nothing else?

Fuck you.

We thought so!!!! Well done, we guess you wrote down things people said to you, and how you mucked up a lesson, and tripped in front of some hot person you fancy right?? But did you tell us the little things Ron ? Like how you felt like a retard at breakfast cos you spilt something. Or how your hair really sucks? Or the look on the hot persons face when they saw you fall? Or how you felt this morning and saw yourself in the mirror for the first time this morning? Huh? Didn't think so! Try again Ron !

I can't believe I'm even writing in this. I have hit rock bottom.

That's better!!! See Ron that was easy wasn't it??? A quick, simple, painless exercise, just to get you on the road to joining the Board!! Now, don't forget to take a little break before moving onto chapter 2, ok???

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

We recently procured the information you have received an information pack from out friends and The Board Of Losers In Love, Life, And Pretty Much Everything Else. Oh dear. As if this wasn't enough incentive to get into the broom cupboard. We thought you would take the hint after Ms Granger stood you up on your non- date. Excuse us while we die laughing.

............

However, we have also received a letter from the Love- Hate Relationship Office, informing us of the upcoming detention, and the fact Ms Granger has apologized profusely since the non- date. This is hardly ground- breaking, encouraging news, however, we are a fair society, and are willing to offer you advice. But don't expect it to work. Seeing as our information is written to help NORMAL teenagers.

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Association Of Magical Teenagers.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

I regret to inform you we are becoming increasingly concerned about your continuing erratic behaviour regarding Ms Granger. For example, today, at lunch, when Mr Malfoy insulted her, instead of standing back and allowing the generally heroic Mr Potter to deal with the situation, you stepped forward and hexed Mr Malfoy, before releasing a string of unprintable words. Now, this alone would be tolerable, however the preceding events were totally unacceptable!! Ms Granger had left the hall in a distressed state, and what did you do Mr Weasley? You followed her. You missed a meal, something which you have not done since the age of seven, and why? A muggle born. Unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. And after finding Ms Granger in an abandoned classroom, you proceeded to comfort her. BY HUGGING HER. We of the committee are at our wits end as to how to deal with this situation. Please Mr Weasley, as a last resort, we are appealing to your good nature. LEAVE MS GRANGER ALONE. IT IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD. WE HAVE EXPERIENCE IN THIS MATTER, TRUST US.

Many thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

PureBloods United.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

We saw that! You legend you! Running after her, risking detention, giving her a hug, you old dog you!! Fantastic show! Bloody brilliant!!

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Hopeless Romantic Society.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

Oooh. You hugged her. Wow. That's pretty much having sex with her isn't it?? Oooh, you're in there! Are you feeling the sarcasm Ron??? Are you??? Huh????

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Reality Check Corporation.

* * * * * *

Dear Diary,

Ok, so, today was Weird. I was really off with Mione, cos she deserved it. But then she kept on saying sorry, so I thought it'd be a bit mean to keep ignoring her. So we were talking, like normal, and getting on fine.

Yeah, so then at lunch Malfoy walks past, and started on her. Yeah, I know, weird, not Harry, or me, but her. He normally leaves her alone unless she says something. So anyway he was having a go at her about some stupid random thing that happened in Potions, and she just said something back, and he GOT HIS WAND OUT. Yeah, idiot, he was gonna hex her!! So of course, I had my wand in my hand anyway, so I disarmed him. I didn't even really think, y'know, I just did it. And she was really upset, cos Malfoy, the slimeball, said some really mean things, so she skipped lunch. And I went and looked for her... because. And I found her, and she was crying. It was fucking horrible, I could have killed Malfoy, really. So I went and gave her a hug... and it was so weird. Cos I wasn't too sure whether I should or not, I was just doing that stupid pat- on- the- back thing, but then she looked so upset I just decided what the fuck, I'll go for it.

She's really cuddly.

Ron.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

Aaaaaaawwwww. You know what Ron Weasley. You RULE! You make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Like candy floss. And other fluffy things.

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Hopeless Romantic Society.

* * * * * *

Dear Mr Weasley,

Oh. My. God. Pass me the sick bucket. After you've filled it with water and DROWNED YOURSELF IN IT YOU LOSER.

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Reality Check Corporation.