Writing to a Redhead

PART 2

Dear Diary,

Oh. My. God. What is wrong with that girl? She has a problem. Seriously. She can't bear watching someone make mistakes for themselves. She just has to interfere. Every time. It does my head in. OK, so, today in Potions, she's sitting there, looking smug, the first one to finish, and I'm fucking up my one, of course. An I can feel her eyes on me, and I can tell she's dying to tell me what I'm doing wrong. Absolutely dying to tell me. And there's no way im gonna ask for her help, because... well, because. And in the end right, she just- explodes.

"Oh my god Ron! It's not hard! Just add the eel!!"

Well of course, I just went mad. Wouldn't you? I mean, she could at least try to be polite!! But no, of course not... she had to go all out. She's so bloody rude. So anyway I went a bit mad.

"Some of us have lives! We don't just sit around reading up on Potions to suck up to Snape!"

So yeah, we're having this yelling match, and Harry just stands there, not saying a word. (Great huh?) And she gets really annoyed, and so do I, and then Snape gets involved, and gives us both a detention. Idiot. And then of course, I've tarnished her wonderful record, so she won't speak to me. And Harry nudges me later on, and tells me she's about to cry. Yeah. Sure. As if. She's really gonna cry 'cos I had a go at her, isn't she? Harry Potter. Nice kid. Not too bright.

Ron.

Dear Mr Weasley,

Fantastic!! Absolutely bloody fantastic!! Wow, when you screw up, you really go the whole way don't you?? Fabulous. Marvellous. Superb. But really, you are a bit stupid aren't you? I mean, isn't it obvious she likes you? If she was almost in tears because you yelled at her, then it stands to reason. But I suppose... that's your secret isn't it? To being a loser? I mean, you are so totally and utterly gormless.

Keep it up!

Yours Sincerely,

The Board Of Absolute Losers In Love, Life, And Pretty Much Everything Else.

Dear Mr Weasley,

Ok... so, just when we think you can't embarrass us even more... you make a girl cry. Well, nearly. But that's not the point. I mean, come on. Do you have any idea how painful your life is? Painfully awful. Really. You like a girl. So you make her cry? What kind of cretin are you? Oh, I suppose you think having a crush makes you a real teenager huh? Yeah, sure, so you have a crush, but seriously... so what? I mean, have you had sex yet Ron? Huh? Have you even kissed a girl before? Didn't think so. Pathetic. Why the hell are you wasting your time? I bet Hermione did loads of stuff with Viktor Krum. And Fred and George too! You couldn't tell you're related could you? I mean, they had definitely had girlfriends by the time they were 15! Loads of them!! And what's your grand total so far? Oh yes, NONE. Once again, we urge you, please, just, lock yourself away, and don't emerge until you're 18.

Many Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Association Of Magical Teenagers.

Dear Mr Weasley,

That was amazing!!! Wow! I cannot believe you did that! you are some guy! It was incredible! The way you just sat there in front of her for ages, and then just... said sorry. And in a fantastically cute way too! "I know you only try to help, and I know I'm an idiot. And I'm sorry about the detention. But hey, you get to spend it with me, right?" Bloody brilliant. You are the man!!! And just think... in a few days, in the detention, you'll be alone. Together. Oh the possibilities!!

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Hopeless Romantic Society.

Dear Mr Weasley,

Don't even bother getting your hopes up about the detention you've got coming up. Just don't bother. Cos come on, what's gonna happen, really? Ooh, lets look at last time you two had a detention together shall we? How'd it go? Oh yes, you sat in total silence, while you kept staring at her, then looking away every time she turned around. Wow. Sexy. How could she resist the non- looks of Ron Weasley? You know this detention could be the big break you've been waiting for. If you actually had any guts.

Thank You.

Yours Sincerely,

The Reality Check Corporation.

Dear My Weasley,

It has come to our attention that you are still hopelessly infatuated with the muggle - born Hermione Granger. Oh dear. As we see it, this can only be due to one of two reasons-

1) 1) 1) Our last letter did not reach you for some reason.

2) 2) 2) You are an imbecile.

You should give up now. Quit while your ahead boy! By ahead, I mean she hasn't found out yet, and laughed in your face. Because trust me, that will happen. So, stop it. You are embarrassing. There is no shortage of perfectly suitable pure blood witches around you, who are all perfectly likeable. Not as bright as Ms Granger of course, but still. They are pure blood. Once again, I urge you, give up. This will only end in tears. Or hexes. Carry on the pure blood title for heavens sake. You embarrassment.

Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

PureBloods United.

Ron,

Dumbledore sent for me. I dunno why. You'll probably be asleep when I get back. See you in the morning. By the way, are you and Hermione talking?

Harry.

HARRY,

WHY'S DUMBLEDORE WANNA SEE YOU NOW? YEAH, TELL ME TOMMOROW. COS I'LL BE ASLEEP. I'm KNACKERED. AND I THINK MIONE AND ME ARE OK. I DUNNO. I SAID SORRY, SO WE SHOULD BE. IF WERE NOT, THEN SHE'S JUST BEING STUPID. SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.

RON

Dear Mr Weasley,

It has been brought to our attention that you recently apologised to Ms Granger, and to our disbelief, it went well, and you are now speaking. Oh dear. This is not suitable behaviour for a member of our society, and it is with great regret that I wish to withdraw our offer to invite you join our society.

Apologies,

Yours Sincerely,

The Board Of Absolute Losers In Love, Life, And Pretty Much Everything Else.

P.S- a TRUE loser wouldn't have apologised, but would have sat moping around, and acting in a generally idiotic manner. You didn't do that Ron. Where's your pride? You have to make us proud. Come on boy.

Dear Mr Weasley,

Don't start getting your hopes up just because she's talking to you. So what? No biggie, you're best friends, your meant to talk. But what's this we hear? Oh yes, she got a letter this morning didn't she? From who? Oh, Viktor Krum! Yes Ron, Viktor. The one she's kissed, and all the rest. She's probably even had sex with him. Viktor. The one with experience. What would you do if a girl came on to you Ron, huh? Would you even know what to do? Do you even know what 'come on to' means? We doubt it.

Yours Sincerely,

The Association Of Magical Teenagers.

Dear Diary

Right, so today, I got paired with Hermione in Transfiguration. And we talked. About stuff. Like, I told her I was sorry, and everything. (Again) and you know what she did? She turned around and did that really cute thing she does with her eyes. And she goes- "Ron, you don't have to keep apologising. It's only a detention. I overreacted. Now can we please get back to work?"

How cool is that huh? So we're cool now. Which is a relief, cos I HATE it when she's mad at me.

Whoa. Recap. What did I just write?

I hate it when she's mad at me.

Erm... right. What the hell?? Since when? Why the hell did I put that? I don't hate it! It's just annoying! That's all. We row loads, I'm used to it. We always make up in the end. It's no biggie. I don't hate it. I just find it irritating is all. Cos she has a way of making me feel really small. Like I don't matter. And she ignores me. It's not that I hate her ignoring me. I hate being ignored in general. By anyone. I just don't like being ignored. By anyone. Not just Mione. Anyone. I don't hate it more when it's Mione ignoring me. I hate it equally.

Ron.

Dear Mr Weasley,

Excellent. Even in your diary, you still maintain that wonderful air of denial. You cant even admit to a book you're in love with her can you? Fantastic. Absolutely Classic.

Many Thanks.

Yours Sincerely,

The Love- Hate Relationship Office.