Searching for Dawn

Searching for Dawn

Chapter 5

"History"

Harry trudged to Dr. Wilson's office. He was not fond of the idea of discussing his emotions, especially with a stranger, but after his behavior with Ginny at the wedding, he knew things were getting a little out of control. He couldn't let something like that happen again; he didn't want to hurt another of his friends.

The office didn't look threatening. Dr. Wilson had a relatively small desk with several comfortable-looking chairs in front of it. There was no "couch" like he expected from television shows. Three of the four walls were lined with bookshelves filled with books, knick-knacks, and several items which looked magical.

The doctor didn't look threatening, either. She appeared to be in her fifties, with short, light brown hair and a pleasant face. She smiled at him from one of the chairs as he entered.

"Mr. Potter?" she asked as she stood and shook his hand.

He nodded and she gestured for him to sit in the chair across from hers. "May I call you Harry?" she asked politely.

"Sure."

"How can I help you, Harry?"

This question surprised Harry a bit, but he stammered, "Well, Professor Dumbledore and Remus Lupin seem to think you can help me work out some things."

"And you must concur to some degree, or you wouldn't be here."

"I-I'm not really sure what I think."

Dr. Wilson smiled. "Most people are reluctant to talk to me at first. It's ok if it takes you awhile to open up."

For some reason this irritated Harry and he burst out, "Ok, well, I killed two men in cold blood, I dragged my best friends into Dark Magic, I spent a year as a vigilante in the United States, I just watched the woman I love marry my best friend, and I think I might be an alcoholic. How's that for opening up?"

Dr. Wilson's smile broadened. "Well, I guess we bypassed reluctance, didn't we?" Harry was impressed that she wasn't shocked by his tirade. Her expression turned serious before she continued, "Harry, I'll be honest. I know who you are and some of what you've been through, just like every other witch and wizard alive. I know you faced nightmarish horrors before you were an adult. You obviously have a lot of inner fortitude.

"However, I'm guessing you've never had anyone you could really talk to. Everyone you trust is too close to you and the situations, but you can't trust those who aren't close to you. I could be that person for you. I don't know you personally, and I'm not involved in the situations you've so eloquently described, but you can trust me. Everything we say here is completely confidential; in fact, no one will even know you're my patient unless you choose to tell them."

Harry thought about this for a moment. She was right; he'd never been able to talk about his feelings to anyone, even Ron and Hermione. He said slowly, "So you're thinking I can just talk to you, and that will help me."

"I think that would be a great start," Dr. Wilson replied. "Sometimes, just admitting things out loud gives a tremendous amount of relief. Other times people want my advice about situations, and sometimes I give it." She smiled pleasantly. "Why don't you just start by telling me what's bothering you most today - besides having to come see me." Her eyes twinkled again, and Harry felt himself relaxing a bit.

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Remus strolled the corridors of Hogwarts, in no hurry to return to his lonely office. He always resented the wolf, but this month his emotions more closely resembled hatred. He should have been spending the weekend with Susan, but the wolf was keeping him at Hogwarts.

When he arrived at his office, Severus was waiting with the Wolfsbane Potion. Remus forced a polite smile and thanked him in a dismissive tone.

But the Potions Master was in no hurry to leave. He hovered in the doorway and finally blurted out, "Does she know?"

"Who?" Remus was irritated with the intrusion into his private business. But he kept his tone even as he feigned ignorance, "What are you talking about, Severus?"

"You obviously have a relationship with a Muggle," Snape said in a superior tone. "You've received a letter written on paper every day this week. I was just wondering if she knows your little secret."

Remus couldn't afford to get angry, and he decided the best way to deal with Snape was to call his bluff. "Yes, Severus, I'm dating a lovely woman named Susan Chandler who happens to be a Muggle. She's Hermione Granger's aunt - I met her at the wedding. And yes, she knows I'm a werewolf."

Snape looked surprised; he obviously thought Remus would deny it, or that he hadn't told her. But he recovered quickly enough for another barb, "Well, I guess only a Muggle would associate with a werewolf, since she can't possibly understand the implications."

This stung, not because Remus felt he was settling by dating a Muggle, but because he was more than a little worried about how she would react if she ever saw the wolf. He felt anger rising in him as he said in a dangerous voice, "I don't see women beating down your door, Severus. Maybe I should ask Susan if she has a friend?"

Snape's expression quickly changed from a smirk to a frown. "That won't be necessary," he said, his pure-blood sensibilities clearly affronted by the mere thought of dating a Muggle, and swept from the office.

Remus was disgusted with himself; this was the closest he had come to losing his temper in years. He really needed to be more careful, especially so near the Full Moon. All in all, Remus was not in the best frame of mind to greet his alter ego that night.

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On Sunday afternoon, Harry found himself in the only place he had ever really felt at home, the Burrow. Ron and Hermione were back from their honeymoon, and most of the Weasley clan was gathered around the kitchen table enjoying Molly's excellent cooking. Harry was having a great time, despite the fact that he was trying to steer clear of Ginny; he was still ashamed of his behavior at the wedding. He was relieved that Ginny seemed to be avoiding him also, but that could have been his imagination since there were so many people in the house.

Ron and Hermione had taken a week-long Mediterranean cruise (Harry's wedding gift) and were regaling them with stories of exotic things seen and experienced. Hermione, of course, couldn't wait to bore them with all the history she had learned, while Ron talked about the great food and recreation. Arthur kept plying them with questions about things like electricity and running water on the ship.

Harry noticed that Fred and George were both keeping quiet, which was unusual for them, but kept stealing anxious glances at Ron and each other, as if dying to ask something.

As they were finishing their pudding, Hermione said, "We thought we'd save the most interesting story for last." Everyone gave her their full attention. "You know we stayed in London the night of the wedding. Well, after a nightcap in the hotel bar, we headed up to our room. I went into the bathroom to put on my ... er ... to get more comfortable, and Ron was to do the same while I ..."

Harry cut in, "T.M.I.! T.M.I.! That's enough, Hermione!"

"T.M.I.?" asked Ginny.

Harry grinned at the puzzled expressions around the table. "American expression. Acronym for Too Much Information."

"Yes," Molly agreed, "I was getting an image in my head that I'm not terribly comfortable with."

Ron looked affronted. "So what did you and Dad do on YOUR wedding night?" Then he paled, evidently imagining something he wasn't comfortable with. "Never mind," he murmured, as Ginny and Fiona giggled.

"May I PLEASE continue?" Hermione asked, clearly annoyed.

"NO!" shouted George, "I thought that was the whole point of this discussion." Harry noticed the twins were looking extremely uncomfortable.

Hermione merely smiled sweetly at George, then Fred, and said, "Anyway, I came out of the bathroom, expecting to see my handsome new husband waiting for me. But instead, there was a six-foot canary!"

The entire room exploded. Everyone except Molly, Ron, and Hermione burst into laughter. Molly turned to Fred and George, a livid expression on her normally kind face. "HOW COULD YOU ... THEIR WEDDING NIGHT ... A STUPID PRANK ..."

Fred and George stopped laughing and cowered as Molly's tirade continued. Everyone else took the cue and slipped from the room, most still howling with laughter.

Harry joined Ron and Hermione in the living room. Ron, practically shouting to be heard over Molly, said, "Good job, Hermione. I couldn't have done it better."

Harry laughed harder as he realized what Ron meant. "You two told that story deliberately in front of your mum to get Fred and George into trouble with her. Well done!"

Now Ron and Hermione laughed. "They deserved it," Ron said.

"How long did you have feathers?"

"Only for about fifteen minutes," Ron answered, "but we didn't know that at the time. We were so close to owling for help." He paused for a moment, and then said, "Although, I wonder how they did it - the timing was impeccable."

"RON!" Hermione protested. She turned to Fiona, "Are you sure you want to marry one of these loons?"

Fiona wiped her eyes and answered, "Oh, yes! Life certainly won't be boring, will it?"

But Hermione pressed, "Aren't you wondering what Fred might turn into on your wedding night?"

Fiona nodded her head enthusiastically as if she was looking forward to it.

Suddenly, everyone's attention went to the window as the insistent tapping of an owl finally got loud enough to be heard over Molly's raging. Ginny let it in and it landed neatly on Harry's shoulder. His face paled as he read the note.

"What is it?" asked Hermione, concerned.

"It's Remus. He's been injured. I've got to go. Can I borrow some floo powder, Mr. Weasley? I'm sorry, but I'm taking my Apparation test tomorrow."

"Of course."

"Thanks. And thanks for dinner. Please tell Mrs. Weasley it was delicious."

"Thanks for coming, Harry. Let us know how he is."

Harry nodded, stepped into the fire, and said, "Hogsmeade!" It was annoying sometimes that it was impossible to floo directly into Hogwarts; the Headmaster had charmed the castle in many ways to prevent attacks.

Harry walked as quickly as possible to the castle, and practically ran up the stairs to the hospital wing. He burst into the ward, and was relieved to see that Remus was sitting up. As he approached the bed, he saw that his friend's right arm was heavily bandaged and his face was as pale as death, even though his eyes lit up when he saw Harry.

Harry drew in a sharp breath and asked, "What happened? Was it the wolf?"

"Yes." Remus looked down as though ashamed.

Harry sat down heavily on the bed. "I should have been here."

Remus looked back up at him. "Of course you shouldn't have! How on earth can you possibly imagine that this is your fault?"

Harry shrugged. "I could have been here, you know. I could have transformed and stayed with you, like my dad used to. I thought about it, but I figured you'd made it all these years without him, and I was afraid to ask because it seemed rather personal. But I should have known, after all the stress you've been through during the past month, mostly because of me ..."

"Harry! Don't! Quit blaming yourself for everything." Remus's voice and expression softened. "I'm ok. This isn't as bad as it looks. I was able to make it down here on my own power." He paused and looked sheepish. "Well, most of the way down here. Anyway, I'll be fine in a couple of days. Don't worry and don't blame yourself."

"But I could have helped!" Harry protested.

Remus sighed. "Look, if you want to help, I've got something you can do for me. This arm is going to be useless for a couple of days. I sent for you to ask you to fill in for me tomorrow, and possibly Tuesday."

"You want me to teach your classes? But doesn't Snape usually take over for you during the full moon? Won't that make him mad?"

Remus gave Harry a devious smile. "Actually, I'm counting on that. But seriously, Harry, you've got the experience from that club you formed during your fifth year, and I know my students will ... er ... respond better to you."

Harry was uncomfortable. He had reached a tenuous understanding with Snape and didn't want to anger him since he had lessons with him every week. Then he remembered the thrill of watching his fellow club members master the hexes and defenses he taught them, and knew he would agree. "Is Dumbledore ok with this?" he asked.

"Yes."

Harry grinned. "Well, I guess I'll have to reschedule my Apparation test."

**************************************************

Harry struggled to still the nervous tapping of his foot as the fourth years filed into the classroom. Most looked curiously at him and a few started in recognition. When they were all seated, he rose from the desk and said, "Good morning. My name is Mr. Potter, and I'll be filling in for Professor Lupin today." He paused to allow them to ask the question he knew was burning.

As expected, half the class raised their hands. He called on a girl in the front whose eagerness reminded him of Hermione, and she asked, "Are you really the Harry Potter?"

He blushed in spite of himself and said, "Yes."

He waited for the excited murmuring to die down, and then said, "Professor Lupin was planning to talk to you about the Unforgivable Curses today. As you probably know, using any of them is a one way ticket to life in Azkaban. Who can tell us about one?" Several hands were raised, and Harry called on a student in the back row.

"One of them kills you, doesn't it?" asked the boy.

"Yes," Harry answered. "Do you know what it's called?"

"Avada Kedavra?" Several students squirmed uncomfortably upon hearing the incantation.

"That's right. Ten points to Slytherin. Does anyone know a defense?"

Everyone stared at him. Finally, the eager girl from the front raised her hand hesitantly. "Mr. Potter, there is no defense, is there?"

"No, there's not. Sorry, I guess that was a bit of a trick question."

"Then how did you survive?" asked the Slytherin from the back.

Harry sighed. "I said there's no way to defend yourself. My mother provided my defense by dying for me."

Another boy from the back raised his hand, and Harry acknowledged him. With a sly expression, he asked, "You know how to use the curse, don't you? How else could you have killed the Dark Lord? How did you keep from landing in Azkaban?" There were many nervous looks and much murmuring from the other students at the audacity of these questions.

Harry peered at the insignia on his robes; of course, another Slytherin. Note to self: Kill Remus for giving me this particular topic! He forced his voice to sound casual as he said, "I'm not here to teach you how to use the curse - this is a defense class. I know my history seems interesting to you all, but it is just that - history, and I'd prefer not to talk about it." He paused for effect, and then continued, "Does anyone know about one of the other illegal curses?"

He called on a girl with Ravenclaw insignia. "The Imperius Curse is used for control."

"Ten points to Ravenclaw. Yes, the incantation is Imperio. The perpetrator has total control over the victim. The victim could be made to tell a lie, drown himself, kill his wife, anything." Harry paused to let that sink in. "However, there is a defense for this curse, and I think Professor Lupin plans to teach you next week." Several hands shot up. "And before you ask, yes, the Imperius Curse has been attempted on me, and yes, I can fight it off." They all looked impressed at this.

"Ok, who knows another Unforgivable?" he asked.

Eager Girl from the front volunteered, "The Cruciatus Curse causes pain, right?"

"Ten points to Gryffindor," Harry nodded. "The Cruciatus Curse, or Crucio, causes extreme pain. It is used for torture, and can eventually lead to insanity in the victim. There's plenty of proof of that at St. Mungo's. There's no known defense against this one."

One of the Slytherins couldn't resist. "Mr. Potter, have you ever been a victim of the Cruciatus Curse?"

Harry was annoyed at the question; he thought he had made it clear that he didn't want to talk about the war. But it occurred to him that it might do some good to scare the students a little. Even though Voldemort was dead, there was still evil in the world, and he sincerely hoped none of these teens would follow that path.

He walked around the desk and sat down on the edge, facing the students. Every eye was riveted to him as he quietly said, "It feels like your bones are on fire, your skin is being cut with flaming knives, and your head is splitting open. Every part of your body hurts at the same time, and there's no relief. You only want to die so it will end." He looked around the room and noted with satisfaction that every eye was filled with horror. Better this than the horror of feeling it themselves or watching a friend feel it. Maybe they'll never have to experience it. He could only hope.

"The final illegal curse will not be in your book. It was introduced during the Second War, so I will be surprised if many of you have heard of it. The incantation is Eschara Durabilis, and it causes permanent scarring on the skin wherever it hits. It's also very painful. Defense is possible, but tricky. The ministry has just begun training Aurors to defend this curse, and I believe Professor Lupin will be attempting to teach the seventh year class the defense." Harry paused. No hands went up this time, but he decided to answer the unspoken question anyway. He rolled up his sleeve to expose the ugly, jagged scar on his left shoulder, and said, "The person was aiming for my face, but I moved just in time."

Harry looked significantly around the room. Every eye was fixed on him. He cleared his throat, and said, "There are two reasons for teaching you about the Unforgivable Curses. The first is obvious - to inform you so you'll know what to avoid and possibly how to defend yourself. The second is to keep you from being tempted to use them. To that end, your homework is to write an essay describing all four of the curses. You must include at least two examples of real people who have suffered the consequences of one of these curses. You can find these examples by looking in the library, or by interviewing teachers, family members, or parents of other students. Because of the research involved, you will have two weeks to complete this assignment. Professor Lupin is in his office if you have questions. You may use the remainder of this period to begin. Thank you for your attention."

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Harry waved his wand lazily at the door of his flat and said, "Alohomora." The door opened, admitting a fully-healed Remus. "Hi," Harry said without taking his eyes from the television.

"Why did you want to see me Harry? Is something wr..." He broke off as his attention was caught by the image on the television. Two ugly women were stumbling through a train station. No, not women, men dressed as women. "Harry, what on earth are you watching?"

Harry grinned. "It's a Muggle movie called Some Like it Hot. It's supposed to be the funniest movie ever made. I'm supposed to be focusing on the lighter side of life as part of my therapy. Dr. Wilson recommended some movies, but most of them have been sappy romances. This one is actually pretty good so far."

"I've never seen a movie. Susan's taking me to one tonight - something about star wars?"

"The Star Wars movies are great - I'm sure you'll like it."

"Hey, speaking of, I need to get going - what did you want to see me about?"

Harry waved his wand to turn off the television, stood up, and pulled the door open. "I wanted to show you something. Come out here."

Harry led Remus to the parking lot and stopped in front of a shiny red Ford Streetka

Remus beamed. "Excellent! You decided to buy yourself another car!"

"No, it's for you."

"What?"

Harry dangled the keys in front of his face. "You said Susan didn't care for the motorcycle, and she doesn't have a car, so how do you expect to get around?"

"But Harry, you can't buy me a car!" Remus stammered.

"Why not?" Harry grinned. "I have more money than I know what to do with, and I owe you big for bringing me back to Britain." His tone turned pleading. "Remus, please accept this."

Remus was speechless for a moment, and when he found his voice, he could only say, "I don't know what to say."

Harry laughed softly. "Go have fun with your girlfriend, Remus."

"But, Harry ..."

"No buts - GO!"

"This is rather important. Harry, I've never driven a car before."

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Susan hummed to herself as she took extra care with her hair and make-up. She was excited and more than a little nervous about seeing Remus again. Excited because the time they had already spent together had been so perfect. Nervous because the time they had already spent together had been so perfect, maybe a little too perfect. She couldn't help expecting something to go wrong.

Susan had never been in a relationship that had worked. She seemed to gravitate toward the men who lurked on the edges of society. They all had one thing in common: something "wrong" that Susan felt she could "fix" with enough love. One had been extremely shy, another overly obnoxious. She had even dated a petty thief. At least after Rupert, who had been emotionally abusive, she had been smart enough not to marry any of them.

She smiled to herself as she thought of Remus. He was actually normal! How did she manage to attract a guy who was normal? But wait, there was that werewolf thing. And it did seem that even though Remus had a few loyal friends, he still "lurked" on the edges of the wizarding society. She furrowed her brow as she wondered how well she really knew Remus Lupin.

As she was brushing her hair, she caught sight of his last letter. They had written to each other every day they had been apart. Remus had never mentioned the werewolf in his letters; only apologized for not being with her and telling her how much he missed her. Today Leia had been waiting for her after work with his shortest letter yet:

Dear Susan,

I should be able to get away right after dinner tonight, but Harry wants me to stop by and see him first - I'm not sure why. I'm guessing I will arrive at your flat around 8 PM. I've missed you so much and I'm really looking forward to seeing you.

Love,

Remus

Susan smiled again. Why should she worry? The werewolf didn't really seem to be a big deal - she would just have to avoid seeing him once a month. Really, girl, you should just relax and enjoy yourself! What's wrong with you?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a motor outside. She was confused; it didn't sound like a motorcycle, and Sheila was not planning to be home that weekend.

She hurried to the living room and looked out the window. There was a beautiful red convertible out front with two men inside; the driver looked just like ...

Susan flung open the door and ran outside. "Remus!" she shouted as he exited the car. They both stopped abruptly as they met and just looked at each other. Susan was suddenly shy, keenly feeling the two week absence. Would he still feel the same? Did she?

Then a voice behind Remus said, "Go on - I know you two want a snog - don't mind me."

That broke the spell, and laughing quietly, Remus embraced Susan and kissed her gently. "Oh, I missed you so," he whispered into her hair.

Susan looked up and saw Harry smiling from behind Remus. She let go of Remus and said, "Hello Harry. It's good to see you again."

Harry greeted Susan warmly. "Don't worry," he assured her with a huge grin, "I'll be off presently. I had to give Remus a driving lesson."

"A driving lesson?" She turned to Remus. "You've never driven a car before? But you can drive a motorcycle!" It pleased Susan when Remus blushed - his vulnerability was so attractive.

"Well, it's a lot different - bigger, for one thing," he protested.

"So, if you're all right with the car, Remus, I'll just be going. You two kids have fun - and be in before curfew!" With that, Harry Disapparated into the growing darkness.

Susan laughed as he left. "Harry's a delight," she said to Remus. "I can see why he means so much to you."

"He's wonderful," Remus agreed as his gaze lingered on the place where Harry had been standing seconds before. He turned back to Susan and said, "Well, do I have a little time to practice driving before the movie?"

"Hmm," Susan considered. "I wonder if I'm taking my life into my hands getting into a car with someone who only learned to drive tonight."

"You trusted me with the motorcycle."

"You knew what you were doing with it."

"Not really. I had only driven it a couple of times before, and that was over fifteen years ago."

Susan's eyes widened. "You didn't tell me that!"

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They managed to make it to the movie theatre in one piece. Susan insisted on buying a soda for each of them and a big tub of popcorn to share. Remus protested that he wasn't hungry, but Susan told him that he needed to get the full experience of a movie.

While they were waiting for the feature to start, Remus asked, "Susan, do you want me to leave the car at your place, so you can use it during the week?"

Susan was startled. "What do you mean? I thought you were borrowing the car from Harry."

"No, it's mine. Harry gave it to me - that's why he wanted to see me tonight."

Susan's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow! That's quite a gift!"

"I know," Remus agreed. "I almost didn't accept it. But he had a good point - I needed a good way to travel with you. I'll let him use it whenever he wants."

"Then I should thank him next time I see him!" Susan said. A sudden thought occurred to her. "Maybe we could have him over for dinner tomorrow night?" As soon as she said it, she felt silly; she'd made it sound like they were an old married couple.

Remus didn't seem to notice, and agreed, "That's a great idea. He could probably use a good meal - I'm not sure how well he eats being on his own."

The lights darkened, and Susan whispered, "First they'll have previews - advertisements for other movies."

Remus took a handful of popcorn and a sip of soda, and settled down to watch.

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Remus was quiet as he drove her home. Susan wasn't bothered by this; she figured he was just concentrating on shifting gears. But when they arrived at her flat and she asked him in, he agreed rather absently. He sat on the sofa and she went into the kitchen to make tea.

A few minutes later, she heard his soft voice behind her. "Let me help you with that." He reached around her and tapped the kettle with his wand, causing the water to boil instantly.

She turned around to face him and said, "You come in handy. I need to keep you around." She kissed him gently.

He pulled her closer and crushed his lips painfully against hers. She ran her fingers through his hair and down his back as they told each other through their kisses exactly how painful those two weeks apart had been.

Remus suddenly pushed back from Susan, panting, and said, "Er ... we're boiling."

"Yeah," Susan agreed, blushing.

"I mean the kettle," Remus said, grinning at the silly joke. He waved his wand, muttering something. Two cups and two teabags flew out of the cabinets and onto the counter. Remus poured the water and handed Susan a cup. They stared at each other for a moment.

"Well, did you like the movie?" Susan asked.

"Yes!" Remus exclaimed. "I liked the Jedi and all the neat things they could do - reminded me a little of wizards. I liked the idea of the peaceful planet getting the bad guys in the end, too. I never saw much point to television - I thought it seemed silly. But movies are actually fun... I don't know ... they're ..."

"Bigger?" Susan finished, laughing.

"Bigger," Remus agreed, laughing with her. But then his expression sobered. "I couldn't help thinking how the little boy reminded me of Harry. Both were raised in abusive situations, found out they were magical at about the same age, and were taken to another world to be trained."

"Anakin Skywalker? No, Harry's not like him - he turned out ok."

"What do you mean?" asked Remus.

Susan smiled mysteriously. "Do we have any specific plans for tomorrow, Remus? Because I have an idea."

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Remus spent most of the night telling Harry's story. Susan had heard about Harry, Hermione and Ron saving the wizarding world from an evil character, but she didn't know the full story. Of course, Remus skirted the darker details of Voldemort's demise.

Remus was surprised when he woke up the next morning stretched out on Susan's sofa, with a pillow under his head and an afghan tucked around his legs. He must have fallen asleep while they were talking. He rose, stretched, and set off to find Susan.

She wasn't in the kitchen or the bathroom, so that left one of the two bedrooms. He opened the first door and his eyes were immediately assaulted by the colorful posters papering the walls; most appeared to be boys with guitars and oddly colored hair. Moreover, the bed was empty, which furthered his conclusion that this was Sheila's room.

Remus went to the next room. This bedroom was tastefully decorated in navy and yellow, and the bed was occupied by his sleeping host. He closed the door and went back to the kitchen to start coffee and an omelet.

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Susan was awakened by the sound of a deep voice softly calling her name. She smelled the delicious scent of freshly cooked food before she forced her eyelids open and a smiling, handsome face swam into focus. "Good morning," Remus said.

Susan felt her insides melt as she realized his eyes were full of love. He loves me! But she only said, "Good morning, yourself," and gave him a groggy smile.

When she was able to wrench her eyes away from his face, she noticed the loaded tray on the bed between them. There were two plates with omelet and toast, two mugs of coffee, and a bud vase with a single red rose. "Remus!" she exclaimed. "This looks wonderful! Thank you!" She vaguely wondered where the tray had come from - she didn't have one.

"This is to thank you for letting me sleep on your sofa," he replied, somewhat embarrassed.

Susan helped herself to a sip of tea, and then answered, "No problem." She adopted an exaggerated formal tone and said, "You are hereby granted an open invitation to kip on my couch any time you please."

Remus laughed softly. "I'm just glad you didn't chuck me out after all those scary wizard stories I told you last night."

"Oh, I wouldn't do that. And anyway, it can't be too scary if the hero triumphs in the end." She had kept her tone light, but now looked at him seriously. "Your war stories don't have happy endings, do they? Last night, when you told me about Harry's part in the war, you avoided telling me about you and your friends. It's obviously very painful for you to talk about, but I hope you'll be able to tell me someday."

Remus considered her words. He still avoided talking about the particulars of the Marauder's deaths; he supposed he had never properly grieved for them. However, it might be nice to talk to someone his own age that hadn't experienced the wars. And for some reason, Remus felt compelled to open up to Susan. He took a deep breath and said, "Susan, I'd like to tell you, but it's a really long story."

Susan's eyes widened; she hadn't expected him to trust her so easily. She grinned and said, "I've got all day."

Remus launched into the story before he lost his nerve. He told the story of the Marauders and the map; how, instead of rejecting a werewolf, like he expected, his three best friends had become Animagi to keep him company during his transformations. They laughed together about James and Lily's courtship and wedding. But after he'd told her how he'd felt when Harry was born, he faltered.

Susan sensed his reluctance to continue and prodded gently, "You told me Harry's parents died when he was a baby - how did that happen?"

Remus sighed. "Right before Harry was born, there was a prophecy that a baby born at the end of July to parents who had defied Voldemort three times would be the only one who could defeat the Dark Lord. The prophecy also stated that the Dark Lord would mark this baby, but Voldemort's spies only heard the first part. Harry's birthday is July 31^st, and James and Lily had already escaped Voldemort three times. When Voldemort figured this out, he decided to kill Harry before he could be killed by him."

Susan was horrified. "He wanted to kill a baby? But he didn't succeed!"

"No, but I'll get to that in a minute. We had spies in Voldemort's organization, so James and Lily found out he was after Harry and decided to go into hiding. Wizards have an almost foolproof way of hiding - it's called the Fidelius Charm. The location of the person, or people, is concealed inside a single, living soul, called the Secret-Keeper. No one can find the person hiding unless the Secret-Keeper chooses to reveal their hiding place."

Susan's eyes narrowed in confusion. "But what if Voldemort had happened to find their hiding place anyway?"

"He wouldn't have been able to see them, or he wouldn't have realized it was them. Also, only the Secret-Keeper can reveal the location. If the Secret-Keeper chooses to tell a friend, the friend is incapable of telling anyone else."

"So how did this magic charm fail?"

"The charm itself didn't fail. James and Lily decided to make Sirius their Secret-Keeper. They knew he would die rather than betray them. But Sirius knew there was someone close to them who was passing information to Voldemort. Several people knew that Sirius was going to be the Secret-Keeper and those who didn't would have figured it out - he was James' best friend, after all. So at the last minute, without telling anyone, Sirius persuaded James and Lily to use Peter as their Secret-Keeper. He thought this would be an extra security measure - no one would expect them to use Peter."

"They didn't tell you they switched?"

"No. Sirius ... Sirius thought I was the spy."

Remus cringed as he saw the horror and anger in Susan's eyes. This was the one thing he and Sirius had never resolved, and now it was too late.

Susan indignantly said, "How could anyone possibly suspect you?"

Remus sighed, his eyes full of sadness. "I don't know. I've always wondered if it was because I'm a werewolf. But don't judge Sirius too harshly until you hear the rest of the story."

Remus could see Susan's mind working. She said, "Wait a minute - that means Peter was the spy!"

"Yes - you're way ahead of me. Just as Sirius thought no one would suspect Peter of being the Secret-Keeper, no one suspected him of being the spy for Voldemort. Barely a week after the Charm was performed, Voldemort stormed into the house, killed James and Lily, and tried to kill Harry. But for some reason, he couldn't kill Harry, and the curse rebounded and sort of temporarily killed him instead, leaving a horrible scar on Harry's forehead."

"Marking Harry like the prophecy said."

"Exactly."

"Wait a minute - how can you be sort of temporarily killed?"

Remus paused for a moment, not sure how to explain. Finally he came up with, "It seems that he was deprived of his body for a time, but his spirit endured."

"Oh, like Sauron in Lord of the Rings?"

"What?"

Susan smiled. "Just another story I like. Except the one you're telling is real." She turned serious again. "OK, I don't think I like where this story is going - this is horrible."

"Sirius arrived at James's and Lily's house not long after it happened. Of course, he knew right away that Peter had betrayed them. Sirius was always a hot-head. Instead of telling me or Dumbledore or someone what really happened, he went off to confront Peter. He probably would have killed him. But Peter was ready for him. He made sure there were plenty of witnesses, and framed Sirius for his death and the deaths of a dozen Muggles. Peter went into hiding, and Sirius was sentenced to life in prison for betraying James and Lily to Voldemort and for killing Peter and all those people on the street."

Susan had her hand over her mouth, apparently too horrified to speak. Remus had lost the will to continue. Susan finally managed, "What did you do? You tried to tell them, didn't you?"

Remus looked down at his plate. "I didn't know what to think. I was sure Sirius would have never betrayed them, but I was also sure he wouldn't allow anyone else to be the Secret-Keeper. I was aware there was a spy among us, so despite my gut feeling, I had to eventually come to the conclusion that Sirius was the traitor, and I just hadn't known him as well as I thought I did. And even if I had jumped up to defend Sirius, no one would have believed a werewolf."

By this time, Susan's face was streaming with tears. "No one believed Sirius?"

"Sirius came from a family that was steeped in the Dark Arts, like Voldemort. In fact, his brother was part of Voldemort's inner circle. Most found it easy to believe Sirius was a traitor." Remus looked up and saw Susan crying. "Darling, I'm so sorry!" He put the tray on the floor and moved forward to take her in his arms. "Don't cry ... you'll get me started ... it was all so long ago."

Susan continued to cry into Remus' shoulder. "But you lost all your friends in one night! It's just so horrible!"

"Yes, it was. But I survived. And eventually I got Sirius back - for awhile."

Susan pulled back and looked at Remus. "So how did Sirius get out of jail? I thought you said he had a life sentence."

Remus described how Sirius had escaped from jail and convinced his closest friends he was innocent by exposing Peter. Then he fell silent and visibly slumped, as if drained of energy.

Susan looked at Remus silently for a moment, and then whispered, "And Sirius died."

Remus looked down at his hands. "Yes. During the Second War. He was killed by a Death Eater." Remus sighed deeply, and then stood up suddenly and picked up the tray. "Well, I'd better call Harry to see if he wants to come over tonight." Susan started to get up, but Remus stopped her with a kiss on the cheek. "I'll take care of this. You go ahead and get dressed, then come tell me what we're doing today."

Susan watched him leave, puzzled at the lack of emotion he displayed as he told his story. It was odd that he had been comforting her when he was the one who had suffered so much. She stared at the bedroom door for a few minutes, and then threw the covers aside.

************************************

Remus collapsed against the kitchen counter; the strain of holding in his emotions was almost too much to bear. He concentrated on relaxing as he slowly recovered. I'll pay for this next full moon! This was a mistake - I just CAN'T talk about it! He straightened up suddenly when he heard footsteps behind him, and began unloading the tray. He stopped when he felt the arms around his waist and the head against his back.

"Are you ok, Remus?" Susan asked.

Remus turned around to face her, remaining in her embrace, and just allowed her to hold him. He was amazed at how comforting it was; he felt his tension slowly melt away. "It's still really difficult for me to talk about, even after all these years," he murmured into her shoulder.

Susan pulled back just enough to look at him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up."

Remus sighed. "It's ok. I wanted to tell you. Besides, if I hadn't, I wouldn't have known how comforting it can be to hold a woman in my arms." She narrowed her eyes and raised one eyebrow. He smiled and corrected himself, "... how comforting it can be to hold you in my arms - not just any woman."

She smiled back and kissed him lightly. "I was teasing, you know."

"I know." He released her and pulled out his wand to start the dishes. "What are we doing today? You said you had an idea last night."

**************************************************

Harry Apparated into Susan's kitchen at 7 o'clock that evening. Remus and Susan were sitting at a table set for three, and Remus was asking, "Darth Vader is really Luke's father?"

Harry laughed and sat at the empty place. "Thanks for inviting me, Susan - it looks great. Yes, Remus, Darth Vader is Luke's father, and Leia is..."

"Harry!" Susan interrupted. "Shhh! He hasn't seen Return of the Jedi yet!"

"Sorry," Harry replied, giving Remus an alarmed look.

Remus looked from Harry to Susan and laughed. "You Star Wars fanatics are all alike, aren't you? So who is Leia?"

"No," said Susan firmly, "we'll watch it later, then you'll find out."

Remus drew his eyebrows together, puzzled. After a moment, he said, "If Darth Vader is Luke's father, that means he's really Anakin Skywalker! Now I know what you meant last night about Harry turning out ok."

Harry's face popped up from his food. "What about me?"

Remus blushed, but Susan answered, "We went to see The Phantom Menace last night. Remus couldn't help noticing certain similarities between your childhood and Anakin Skywalker's. But he didn't realize that Anakin turns out to be evil."

Harry stared at Susan silently for a moment, and then looked back down at his plate. Remus cursed silently to himself for bringing up such a sensitive topic. Susan gave Remus an alarmed look, and Remus forced his features into what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Finally, Harry spoke, still looking at his food, "So, Susan, I guess you heard my life story."

Now Susan's eyes were as round as saucers as she looked desperately at Remus. Remus quickly answered for her, "Not all of it, Harry. I didn't tell her the story about Neville's boggart during my first week of teaching." When Remus finished the story, Harry and Susan were laughing, and Remus relaxed.

Harry finished laughing, and said, "That reminds me of the time Snape caught me with the Maurader's map."

"Yes!" said Remus. "Tell Susan what it said to him!"

By the time dinner was finished, they were all in tears with mirth, and the awkward moment was forgotten.