These Deep Solitudes

Chapter Two - Bookshops and Busses

"Quit fidgeting," Rain said for the second time, glancing at Remus. She hid her smile by turning to look out the window. In less than a week this compartment would be full of students heading back to Hogwarts. Minerva seemed to think there would be fewer students, and wasn't sure if there would be any first years at all.

Remus' hand closed over hers and pulled it away from her face. "You're a fine one to talk," he said. She heard the smile in his voice, and his touch sent a tingle shooting up her arm. "You're acting like a first year in the sorting line."

She shot a rueful glance at the ragged fingernails on her left hand. "I suppose you're right." They really needed to be repainted; the Burnt Ogre colour had chipped and faded to A Bit Singed Ogre. She sighed. "Dumbledore's put a lot of faith in us. What if our errand doesn't help them find Harry and Draco?"

"Focus, Rainy Day! Stop thinking of Harry and Draco--what a combination! I almost pity their kidnappers--and think first about Diagon Alley."

"Mmm." She noticed he hadn't let go of her fingers. She slid her thumb experimentally across his. He kept talking, but coloured faintly.

"It's a wonder Dumbledore got Mundungus to help us out; after last year, he's justifiably a bit more paranoid than usual."

"And that's saying something," she agreed, relenting. It was nice to see she could get a reaction from him.

There was a tap at the compartment door and he dropped her hand and shot to his feet. It was a smiling woman--surely not the same one, after all these years?--with the food trolley. Remus bought two meat pasties and tea. He offered some to Rain.

"Thank you." She smiled at him and saw the slow warming of his amber eyes as he smiled back.

"Your books," he said abruptly. "I've enjoyed them. I liked The Defiant Muggle the best, I think. What a fellow, Churchill. Took a lot of praise, didn't it?"

She felt her face heat. "You've been paying attention," she remarked, surprised at how dry she sounded. "It was popular. Everyone knows Dumbledore's part in defeating Grindelwald, but not too many wizards care too much about the Muggle side of World War II."

"I rather liked The Reluctant Hero, too," Remus said, glancing slyly at her. "Not many people out there writing sympathetic books about high-profile werewolves."

"Well, after all, Minister Latrans was very important in ending the Napoleonic Wars. It's not his fault--well, I suppose it is, in a way; those poor children--but still, it isn't fair that people overlook the good things he did, just because of one accident."

"It's like that though," Remus said sombrely. "Never know when you might hurt someone. Always have to be careful. This year is going to be different to my first year teaching."

A tinny voice announced the last stop, saving her from having to answer. Rain felt her pulse speed up. King's Cross, and then Diagon Alley and their meeting with Mundungus Fletcher.

~*~

The Leaky Cauldron was filled with people, but Mundungus Fletcher wasn't one of them. Remus ordered butterbeer for them both and put a hand on Rain's elbow to guide her to a table. She felt her breath catch at that casually familiar touch.

"Did you hear someone told the Ministry they'd spotted Sirius Black in Cornwall?" The voice rose above the other conversations, and any reply to the strident question was inaudible, but Remus' fingers tightened on her arm. When they reached the empty corner table, his brows were creased by a frown. He released her arm and sat down in the chair next to hers, moving it slightly away from her.

"Padfoot is terribly concerned about Harry," he said. "He did write how glad he was to see you again. He wanted to know what you'd thought of his time in Az--in That Place--asked if you thought it would scar a man permanently."

Rain shot him a quizzical look. "Why would he ask me? I'm only the History of Magic teacher. He ought to ask Madame Pomfrey."

"He wanted your opinion specially, Rain," Remus said, his expression unreadable.

"Well," Rain said, and paused. Why did he need her opinion...a woman's opinion? Was he thinking of his influence on Harry? Had he met a nice girl somewhere? She sighed. "I think it would scar someone permanently, yes. But if his friends loved him enough, they could get past it. It wouldn't be easy."

Remus' shoulders slumped. "Of course." He met her eyes and seemed ready to add more, but an excited voice interrupted.

"Remus Lupin! How marvelous, absolutely spiffing to see you again, old chap! And is this lovely thing Minerva's little cousin? You old dog!" Mundungus dug an elbow into Remus' ribs as he sat down, a tankard of cider in his hand.

Remus rubbed his ribs, looking slightly pained. "Mundungus," he said equably. "I hope you're well."

"Would be, would be, if it weren't for all this business with Potter. Poor bloke. Stuck with a Malfoy."

"Unless this young Draco was in on the plan, and only disappeared to seem innocent," Rain suggested, keeping her voice low. The suspicion had been growing in her mind as she learned more about the boy. And yet...she thought of Severus, and wondered if there were more to Malfoy than she had heard.

"I don't think so," Remus said reflectively. "It seems wrong somehow."

"Those Malfoys are a bad lot," Fletcher said. "But no doubt we'll find out sooner or later. In the meantime, you're to wait here for word from Arthur Weasley. He wants to speak with you about something, asked me to set up a meeting. We've sent Aurors out, of course, but Arthur's really the brains behind the search effort. Aurors these days," he added with a snort. "Should never have pensioned off old Moody." He shook his head sadly. "Though I suppose he went in the harness, in the end."

"To Alastor Moody, then," said Remus, lifting his butterbeer, and they drank.

"Well, then, I'll be off," Fletcher said. "Busy day tomorrow. Here's a little light reading for you, courtesy of Arthur." He dropped a thick yellow envelope on the table between them, and left.

Remus looked down at it, his face grim. "Poor Alastor." He picked up the envelope and removed two smaller envelopes, one addressed to Rain and one to him. "I suppose we ought to read these tonight. Dumbledore reserved two rooms for us. I think I'll head up to bed."

"I'll walk with you," Rain said. He handed her the envelope with her name on it and stood up.

Tom led them to a suite on the third floor. From the sitting room, doors led to two bedrooms, separated by a balcony. He carried Rain's bag into her room and checked the fire. "Lovely bloke, then," he said, grinning toothlessly at her. "Don't let 'im slip away now, lassie."

Rain gave him a brittle smile. "I won't."

~*~

Remus waited in the sitting room as Tom settled Rain. His thoughts were whirling as they so rarely did. Level-headed Moony, that was him--except where Rain was concerned.

Tom came out and unlocked his room for him, then offered him the key. "She'm a lovely lass," he offered, taking Remus' battered satchel into the room. "Be sure to take care of her, now."

Remus' throat ached. He swallowed hard. "Yes, sir," he managed. Hopefully Tom didn't notice the strain in his voice. "Wake me early, please," he said, and then Tom was gone and he was alone.

Unless you counted misery and memories as company.

Oh, Rain. For two blissful days he had believed in true joy, had honestly thought he might have a chance at happiness. He had believed Rain was more glad to see him than mere friendship warranted. That somehow he had a chance with her now.

He had written to Sirius about Harry, and received the strange reply: Sirius already knew, keep him informed of EVERYthing, and could Moony ask Rain what she thought of him?

He didn't know why the pain of it surprised him. He had loved Katraina McGonagall for nearly twenty years, and Sirius had never paid attention to her until now.

"Not true," he said aloud to the empty room. "He was going to take her to the Leavers Ball." Remus had frequently resented how Sirius ignored Rain's devotion, but he had rarely been as furious with his best friend as he had over the Leavers Ball. He would never forget the emptiness in Rain's eyes when she told him Sirius had cancelled their plans. He had never seen her cry until that day, and her tears had frightened him inexplicably.

He put his arms around her awkwardly, and she turned, burying her face in his chest, clinging to him. "Rain," he said. "Oh, Rainy Day. I'll kill him. Ass. Bloody imbecile. I'll kill him."

"Oh, no, Remus! Don't be angry at him. After all, every boy wanted to take Katie Bliss. He'll be really happy."

"Don't you stick up for him!" Remus ordered. "He's an ass. Plenty of guys didn't want to go with her. James. Me."

"James has Lily."

And I have no one. As he looked down at her, the idea struck him with frightening force. "You'll show him. Go with me, Rain." He held his breath.

Rain's sobs abated. "You, Remus?" she breathed, looking up at him. His shirt, he noticed, was soaked through, but he forgot that when her green eyes met his. "Yes, you're right." She sniffed. "We'll have fun."

She pulled away then, perhaps feeling as awkward as he did. When she realised she had potions in five minutes and ran off in a panic, Remus had gone back to the Gryffindor common room, where Sirius and James were playing a game on exploding snap while Lily looked on. Remus' anger was simmering dangerously, and when he saw Sirius laughing, oblivious to the fact that he had just broken Rain's heart, his anger boiled over.

He crossed the room in four angry strides and punched Sirius in the jaw. For all his thin frame, Remus had the strength of the werewolf in him, and he had connected soundly. Sirius fell back, cracking the back of his head against a chair.

"What the--"

"You stupid great prat!" Remus spat at him. "I hope you're happy with yourself."

Sirius' dark eyes glittered with shock and pain. "What are you on about?"

"Remus, really--" James began.

"Shut it, James," Remus warned. "This is between this bloody idiot and me."

"Are you mad?" Sirius asked, wiping blood from his lip.

"I'm not. But you must be." He pulled back his fist, ready to jog Sirius' memory. But a hand touched his arm.

"Remus, what is this about?" asked Lily's calm voice.

"Ask him," Remus replied, his voice tight. He jerked his chin at Sirius. "Ask him who he's taking to the Leavers Ball."

"We all know!" James cried, beginning to get impatient. "He's taking Rain McGonagall. What is this about, Moony?"

Remus' eyes were fixed on Sirius'. Suddenly his friend looked a bit shifty. "Well, I--" He broke off.

"Go on," Remus ordered grimly. "Tell them."

"What is it, Sirius?" And none of them could lie to Lily. Sirius looked down.

"Well, see, Katie Bliss broke up with Roger Bell, see, and--"

"Padfoot!" James exclaimed, twigging.

"Oh, Sirius, you didn't," Lily said.

Sirius scowled. "Rain understands. She's a sweet kid, but she's just a sixth year, anyway. She'll have her ball next year."

"She understands," Remus repeated flatly. "Oh, good. That explains why the front of my robe is soaked, then."

"Sirius!" That was all Lily said, but in her tone was such reproach that Sirius hung his head.

"Lily," Remus said, unpinning his gaze from his friend and turning his back on him. "Lily, would you go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow? I need to buy a new dress robe."

Her eyes--bottle green, darker than Rain's--lit up, and she bestowed a brilliant Lily smile on him. "Of course I will, Remus! How wonderful."

"Wonderful? Why are you so damn angry then, Moony?" Sirius growled. "If you're taking Rain, everything's fine. Why do you care if I don't take her?"

His tight rein on his temper snapped. "Because I love her!" he howled. "I love her, and she loves you!"

Remus shivered, bringing himself back to the present. "And that's still the case, isn't it, Sirius?" he murmured, and threw himself down on his bed, the envelope forgotten. But sleep was a long time in coming.

~*~

The next day, Rain was already awake and sitting at the table with a book when Tom brought up a breakfast tray, laden with enough food for two. "I'll just pop over to wake Mr. Lupin, luv," he said, and vanished.

Remus stumbled in a few minutes later, rubbing his forehead and squinting. Rain stared at him, shocked by his haggard appearance. "You look like something the cat brought in," she said before she could stop herself.

He grimaced and sat down across from her. "Thank you, Rain. It is consummately unfair that you, then, should be so chipper."

She laughed and poured a cup of coffee. "Here. Maybe you'll feel more human after you drink this."

He drew back and instinctively she wished she could recall the words. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I wasn't thinking--oh, Remus, I just forget sometimes!"

His mouth quirked in a bemused smile. "Forget," he murmured. "You truly are a treasure. Sirius--" But he closed his mouth and frowned.

"I didn't mean to--" she began, blushing, and he shook his head.

"I know. You didn't hurt my feelings, Rain. It's nice to know you think of me as human."

She felt her face get hot. "Who wouldn't?" she cried. "You are good and kind and wise--"

He held up a hand, laughing. "I'm no saint, either." He snorted. "Saint Remus, patron of beastly transformations."

He was joking about his lycanthropy! Rain stared. "You've changed," she said, her voice small. Suddenly she felt the huge gulf of years between them, years in which he had existed only in her dreams, and she had been only words on a page to him. How could they ever bridge that chasm of loneliness? As she stared at him, his grin began to fade. "How could you go off alone for all those years?" she whispered. "Without a word? And shut me out of your life?"

"Oh, Rain, never. I just--" He paused, and her heart sped up. "I suppose I felt that as long as I could believe you safe in your castle, untouched--happy--I could still have faith that all would be well."

Rain felt tears spring up in her eyes. She reached across and took his hand, making him drop his toast. "Happy?" she heard herself say, though she really hadn't meant to. "Without you?"

He flashed a surprised smile at her, but before he could speak they heard a tapping at the window. Remus looked up and his whole demeanor changed; his smile vanished, his shoulders slumped. He stood up, escaping her hand, and went to the window. Rain stared at his empty seat and took a bite of dry toast.

"It's from Sirius," he announced shortly. "He's had word from Harry. He says he's all right, and that he'll be at school."

"What?" She stood up and went to look over his shoulder. He moved away from her slightly, and she frowned.

"He doesn't explain much in this," Remus said. "He wants us to meet him...he's in Hunter's Combe."

"Harry?"

"No, Sirius. He has something to give us. Tonight, at eight o'clock...on the manor grounds, good heavens!"

"What?"

"Mmm. He's pestering Lady Greythorne while he's there. Shame! You would have thought abandoning her niece--" He snapped his mouth shut and slapped the parchment against his hand. "Well, while we're in London I might as well pick up some supplies. Would you like to come shopping with me, Rain?"

"Abandoning?" she repeating, frowning at his attempt to change the subject. "Did Sirius--"

"Well, he was seeing Julara Greythorne at the time, wasn't he?" Remus said, and she thought he sounded a trifle defensive. "Got himself thrown in Azkaban. Not that Jules cares now, of course; but the Lady has a long memory."

"Well, after all, what female could resist the famous Padfoot charm?" Rain said, thinking to make him laugh. He frowned slightly at her instead, obviously not amused. As she was puzzling over what to say next, he turned away.

"Flourish and Blotts first, I think," he said. "And I should like to visit Quality Quidditch Supplies for a belated present for Harry."

What have I done? Rain wondered, draining her teacup. "Give a girl a few minutes to get ready, will you?" she called after him. He lifted a hand and vanished into his room.

"Hmph!" She piled her hair into an untidy bun and slipped into green robes and comfortable shoes. As she reached for her wand, the bracelet on her left wrist slid off onto the table. She grabbed at it and examined the clasp before putting it back on. "Reparo!" she muttered, poking it with her wand. With a quick glance in the mirror ("Lovely, dear, but couldn't you have brushed your hair?") she ran out to the hall.

Remus was waiting for her on the landing. "I need to go to Gringotts first, please," she said. "I've left all my personal money at Hogwarts." He nodded and offered his arm. She accepted with a thrill of pleasure, and they headed through the back courtyard to Diagon Alley.

At Gringotts Rain carefully blocked Remus' view of her vault--no need to remind him of her wealth or his lack thereof--and took what she thought would be enough. When the cart deposited them back in the hall, Remus touched her arm. As she looked up at him, he seemed almost self-conscious.

"I need to ask a favour of you." He held out his money pouch. "Could you change the sickles for me?"

She had never thought of the trouble a werewolf would have handling wizarding money. She accepted the bag and approached one of the goblins, trying to remember how Remus used to buy things on Hogsmeade weekends. The goblin didn't bat an eye at changing all the silver for gold or bronze, and she wondered if it were a commonplace request; how many werewolves were there in Britain, anyway?

Back in the bright sunshine, Rain allowed Remus to steer her first to Flourish and Blotts, where they browsed contentedly for half an hour before Remus purchased two books on curses and one on countercurses. Rain selected a book about classical Muggle music, Hogwarts: A History, and a small grey volume whose title was noted only on the inside: Werewolves and the Humans Who Love Them. The clerk noted the title and--instead of looking disgusted--smiled at her.

"Studying up on curses for some special occasion, Mr. Lupin?" he said.

"I am a professor, Chumley," Remus said mildly.

"We'll, if you're planning a present for Pettigrew, toss in something for me."

Shocked, Rain stared at him, but he finished wrapping her books in brown paper and smiled benignly at her. "Seven sickles your change, miss," he said. She thanked him and followed Remus out of the bookstore.

"One of Padfoot's old friends," he said once they were on the pavement once again. "Post-Hogwarts, Pre-Azkaban. Dumbledore has had me contacting a lot of the old crowd. Padfoot's one of our best, you know, and he can't do his work if everyone believes he's working for Lord Voldemort."

A middle-aged witch passing by looked at Remus with a scandalized expression and hurried past. Rain tried to laugh. "Be careful, Remus," she said. "You're scaring people."

Remus sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "What did you buy?" he asked, apparently to reach a more mundane topic of conversation.

Rain blushed until she felt her auburn roots prickling--curse the porcelain skin that refused to tan but showed her emotions so well! "Mm," she replied intelligently. "Hogwarts: A History."

"Oh, Hermione Granger will love you for that," Remus murmured.

"A book about classical music, and one on folklore."

"Folklore?" Remus glanced curiously at her. "What sort?"

"Oh, nothing important," she stammered, shrugging. She tried, under cover of the motion, to shift the book further from his reach.

He was almost too quick for her. He darted around her, a mischievous look in his eyes that had been absent, she suspected, since James and Lily died. "What is it, Rain?" he asked. "The casting and use of love spells?"

"Moony!" she protested, dodging and nearly running into an elderly wizard. "Sorry!" she called after the man.

Remus captured her left wrist in one slender but deceptively powerful hand. "Very well, Rainstorm," he said, using Sirius' favourite nickname for her. "Fess up! Are you trying to learn how to have Snape kidnapped by Queen Mab? Going to try to find a genie who'll give you wishes? You've got me curious!"

"Oh, Moony!" she exclaimed, twisting in an effort to get away. "Really!" They were beginning to attract attention, with the normally sedate Remus acting as if they were still school-children. "You're acting like Padfoot!"

"What if I am? You make me feel young again, Rain!" He grinned, apparently unaware it was doing devastating things to her heart. He reached for the books in her other hand, and she pulled them quickly behind her back.

Instead of giving up, as a younger Remus might have done in the face of opprobrium, he took a step towards her, throwing her off balance. His fingers closed on the book just before she fell backwards against a shop wall. The impact knocked the books from both their hands, and he leaned down smoothly as she darted for them. He swept them easily out of her reach, and she gave up, leaning against the wall for support as she watched him remove the book cover from his prize.

When he opened the book, he stared open-mouthed at the title page for a very long minute. It was as startled as Rain had ever seen him. He took a step back, then stopped and straightened to meet her shocked gaze. His golden eyes seemed to have ignited.

"Rain," he breathed, almost as if he were afraid. But afraid of what?

She opened her mouth, unsure what she could say. I love you, crossed her mind, but it seemed too vast and frightening; how would he react to that? "I...Remus, I--"

"Professor Lupin? Professor McGonagall?" It was a young woman's hesitant voice, sounding as if she were torn between being amused and being appalled. Rain exhaled slowly, half irritated and half relieved at the interruption. She and Remus stared at one another for a moment longer before he turned to face the girl. As he moved, he unblocked Rain's view of her, and the girl let out a surprised, "Oh!"

Rain didn't recognize her, so why did the girl know her name? Remus appeared to, though. He smiled. "Hermione, it's nice to see you. Have you had a good summer?"

"Well, it's been a little anxious, hasn't it?" she said frankly. "I hope you've been well. I'm sorry," she added to Rain. "You look a lot like one of my professors. Though, of course, much younger than Professor McGonagall."

Remus chuckled. "I've said before that you're the cleverest witch your age that I've ever met," he said, and the bushy-haired girl looked pleased, if a little confused. "I'd like you to meet Rain McGonagall, Minerva's cousin and your new History of Magic professor."

At this, Hermione looked positively thrilled. "Really?" she squealed. "Oh, how marvelous! I mean, Professor Binns is--well, he's, um, very dead," she finished lamely.

Rain laughed. "Just as dead as when Remus and I were students," she agreed. "But the Headmaster seems finally to have made him understand that."

"Oh," Hermione said. "You were at school with Professor Lupin and Sirius?"

Rain nodded. "Remus was likely my best friend at Hogwarts," she said, glancing at him. She was rewarded with another glowing look.

"Then you must have know...Harry's parents," Hermione said softly.

Rain took a breath and then nodded again. "Yes. Though I was a Ravenclaw and a year behind them--Remus and I met in the library, and he introduced me to the rest of them."

Hermione smiled at her, brown eyes lighting in recognition of a kindred spirit. Rain suddenly found herself looking forward to teaching the fifth years. "Professor Lupin," Hermione said, turning back to him, "what have you been doing for the past year?"

"Oh, this and that," he said with a vague smile. "Dumbledore had work for me to do. I've kept busy, certainly, and I've only left myself a week to prepare for Hogwarts."

"You're coming back?" Hermione clasped her hands together in frank gladness. "Oh, Professor, how wonderful! And very nice for Harry, too...I think it's been a bad summer for him. And he listens to you."

"I'm flattered." Remus gave Rain an amused look. "And have you heard from Harry and Ron this summer?"

Hermione blushed. "Well, of course," she said, her voice a tiny bit higher. "Harry owls me a few times a month, and Ron--well, about every week." Her blushed deepened. "Harry was supposed to be visiting Ron right now; I thought they were going to meet me here today."

"I had an owl from Sirius today that seemed to imply they might be delayed a bit," Remus said, flickering a glance at Rain.

"Ron, too?"

"I'm afraid I don't know."

"Oh." Her shoulders slumped, and Rain bit back a grin. It was obvious which of the two she fancied.

"Well, we'll leave you to your school shopping, Hermione," Remus said. "We've business to attend to, I'm afraid. I expect if you check your letter, you'll see that you'll be needing a copy of Hogwarts: A History this year."

Hermione's eyes lit up. "Oh, Professor Rain, you're wonderful!" she exclaimed, and raced off to Flourish and Blotts as the two teachers laughed.

"Wonderful indeed," Remus murmured, holding her gaze. She felt her face heat.

"Quality Quidditch Supplies," he announced after a moment, breaking the tension with his cheerful tone. As he led the way across the street, Rain noticed that he held the book Werewolves and the Humans Who Love Them very close.

~*~

Remus was still thinking about Rain's choice of reading material as they prepared to go to Hunter's Combe that night. Why had she purchased that particular book? Could it mean what he wished it did? She had definitely wanted to keep it from him--was she afraid to tell him she cared for him, or did she just want to keep it from him because she didn't care for him? He had been feeling strangely vulnerable to her since that morning. They had had a delightfully irresponsible lunch of sundaes at Florean Fortescue's, and had spent the afternoon browsing along Diagon Alley. Rain had disappeared into Madam Malkin's for a while as Remus stocked up on herbs, and she had returned with a good-sized package.

She wasn't wearing one of the new robes when she met him downstairs at the Leaky Cauldron for dinner, however. Like him, she was dressed in black Muggle clothes; black, he thought, brought out the brighter red highlights of her auburn hair. They ate their meal in silence, alternating embarrassed glances. He would glance at her to find her eyes on him, and she looked away. Then as he memorized the expression and lines of her face, she would look up and catch him. He was relieved when she drained her butterbeer and stood up.

"Ready?" she asked, smiling at him. "I believe we can take the bus."

"Ready," he repeated with a tiny smile.

They left the Leaky Cauldron and ventured out into Muggle London to catch their bus. Once they were properly settled on the crowded vehicle, Remus found himself biting his tongue to avoid talking about the book.

Of course he couldn't. Perhaps she hadn't looked at it closely enough to realize it was meant for lovers, rather than friends or family. Perhaps she was simply curious. Really it would probably make her embarrassed or angry if he brought it up. He had never felt this uncertain about anything in his life. He sighed.

"What's wrong?" she asked, leaning her head back to look at his face. Her eyes, he thought, were exactly moss-coloured at that instant. He smiled involuntarily at her.

"Just thinking," he replied.

She smiled impishly back at him. "Fancy that. About what?"

How should he answer that question? Should he just say, "About you," and have out with it? He resisted the urge to sigh again. "Mmm. The history of magic. Why did Binns step down? Dumbledore opened the position for you on purpose, didn't he?"

She tilted her head to one side and shrugged. "I'm not certain. I believe he did--Minerva's letter seemed to imply that was the case--but he didn't say. I had rather hoped you would know."

He shook his head. "Hmm." Drat, what to say next... He glanced out the window at the darkening streets. They were nearing the outskirts of London now, and the sun was setting. The silence between them grew comfortably, and he allowed it to remain unbroken. When he turned to look at her again, her eyes were nearly closed.

"Bit sleepy, are we?" he teased, in a soft voice.

She smiled and scooted down in her seat. "Mm. Public transport does this to me. D'you know, I fell asleep on the train to Hogwarts just a few days ago."

"I see, so I should feel honoured that you stayed awake for me yesterday."

She nodded. "It's a habit formed early. Esme was at Hogwarts for years ahead of me, you know, and I just longed to go with her. When I was finally old enough, I was so excited that I couldn't sleep a wink the night before the train. Of course once I was on the Express, I was so exhausted that I fell asleep."

"Is that what happened?" They had only shared a compartment on the Hogwarts Express twice before, and he had noticed on that last train of his school career, that she had slept. In fact, she had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Half an hour later, Sirius had come in and woken her by jumping on Remus. None of the Marauders had forgotten the way Remus had attacked Sirius for disappointing Rain. Unfortunately, they had also not forgotten that he said he loved her. Remus sighed again, remembering how mercilessly they had teased him about it. How on Earth could Sirius have forgotten about it now? He felt a pang of sorrow and looked down at Rain.

She had indeed fallen asleep. Her cheek rested against the seat, and her auburn curls brushed her face. Her mouth was slightly open, curled into a tiny smile. His heart thumped painfully. She was happy. He had to content himself with that.

She had spoken of Esme. He wondered if that still hurt her, or if she had healed over the past fifteen years. Esme McGonagall had been five years older than Rain--four years above Remus--Rain's beautiful, smart, adored elder sister. Prefect and Head Girl in her day, she had truly been a rising star. She had been killed by Death Eaters during summer term of Rain's seventh year at Hogwarts. Remus had been with Rain the night she got the news; he had returned to Hogwarts as her escort for the Leaver's Ball.

Rain was stunning in dress robes of a shimmery green, her eyes dancing merrily as she looked at him, blissfully unaware that they were about to be horribly interrupted. Remus had, after merciless plaguing from Sirius, finally resolved that he would ask to see her as more than a friend. He had taken her out on a small garden terrace, far from the quivering rosebushes full of snogging couples. The starry dusk was falling around them, and Remus had worked up the courage to take her hand.

Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall had appeared suddenly, the former very grave, the latter pale. Dumbledore stepped forward. "Ah--Rain and Remus,' he said, his voice heavy and lacking the usual hint of amusement. "We have been searching for you. Miss McGonagall's friend Miss Silverthorne was kind enough to smother her giggles long enough to point us here."

Remus' heart had sped with fear as soon as the headmaster spoke, and his fingers tightened around Rain's. They weren't just here to chastise Remus for sneaking into school for the dance. Even Dumbledore's attempt at gentleness was flat.

"What's wrong, Headmaster?" he asked quickly. "James and Sirius--"

"Are in no immediate danger, it is to be hoped," Dumbledore interrupted. "They are, however, working." He paused, and Professor McGonagall choked. Remus realized she was crying. Dumbledore put a hand on her shoulder. "Remus, perhaps you would--"

"No!" Rain spoke for the first time, and her voice, though frightened, was firm. "Headmaster, whatever you have to say, Remus can hear."

Dumbledore nodded, his expression clearing. "Very well. I hate to tell you this, especially on such a lovely night as tonight. Rain--" His voice was extremely gentle. "Rain, your sister Esme has been killed."

A small moan escaped Rain's lips, she went very white. Swaying slightly on her feet, she gripped Remus' hand with an intensity that made his bones creak. After a very long time she said, "What?" Remus put his arm around her shoulders.

"She died attempting to defend two of her fellow Aurors. One of them, Frank Longbottom, escaped and brought us the news. The other..." He looked down. "Your clan has requested that we release you early with your papers." He glanced at Minerva, who was white-lipped and shaking. "I have agreed."

Rain was shaking her head. "I--I can't...I..."

Remus supported her when she swayed, trying to imagine what Dumbledore meant. Then Professor McGonagall went to her knees and pressed her lips against Rain's hand, and he twigged: Rain--no, Katraina, he corrected himself, not Rain ever again--Katraina McGonagall, daughter of the late Lord Fergus and Lady Mary McGonagall...and with the death of her sister, The McGonagall of Clan McGonagall, Lady of Heatherhall.

He wondered if he should release his hold on her, then quickly realized that if he did so she would fall. He tightened his arm around her. "Oh, Rainy Day," he whispered, without meaning to, and the look she gave him, so hotly grateful despite her grief, made his hopeless--doubly hopeless, for a lady and a werewolf--love flare for her anew.

They went up to Dumbledore's office then, as the headmaster prepared her papers and sent messages to the Ministry and Rain's aunts and uncles. Rain clung to Remus' hand and stared at the floor, and Remus thought anxiously of James and Sirius, who also worked for the Ministry and were probably even now trying to find Esme's killers. He tried to swallow his bitterness about the Ministry's no-hire policy concerning werewolves. The work Dumbledore had given him was important; someone had to keep the members of the resistance in communion, and someone certainly needed to keep a subtle eye on Severus Snape.

When Dumbledore looked up from his papers, Rain flinched. The great wizard's eyes were kind as he looked first at Remus, then at Rain. "I am afraid there are great hardships in store for you both," he said in a quiet voice. "Voldemort is gaining strength. Our fight against him is only beginning. And now you, Rain, have immense responsibilities and duties thrust upon you at a young age. I am pleased to see you drawing strength from one another in such a difficult time. Love is our strongest weapon against Voldemort. Never forget that. Rain, I should like it very much if you would correspond with me. And Remus, you and I will speak in a few days. For now, I believe, the train is waiting."

Remus took that to mean he was to escort Rain to her family at Heatherhall; and indeed he thought it best that the new Lady have a protector. Her trunk had been packed by a house elf, and a horseless carriage bore them to Hogsmeade Station. Rain sat so still and pale that Remus found himself watching her chest rise and fall, to be certain she was still breathing. Finally, on the train, after an hour and a half of chilling silence, Rain's eyes closed and she slept for a short time. When she awoke her eyes seemed haunted, and he wondered what she had dreamed.

He stayed with her for the funeral, where Lily and James Potter and Sirius joined them. They offered to find him a broom so he could fly back with them, but Rain had looked at him with such a frightened expression that he said he meant to stay on awhile yet, if the lady didn't mind. The lady stepped over to him and kissed his cheek, prompting Sirius to offer to stay if she'd give him a like reward. Rain had given him a sad smile that broke Remus' heart.

But the day eventually came when Remus had to leave or announce his official intent to court the lady. He knew he couldn't do that--could never do that, now--and still living tore his heart. It was difficult to convince Rain he must leave, but in the end she had accepted with as much grace as she could muster.

Before he left , he ordered from Platt and Orr a delicate platinum bracelet, on which he placed the strongest protection spells he knew, as well as a sort of locating spell.

"If you ever need me," he said, not meeting Rain's eyes as he fastened it around her wrist, "just send this to me with an owl. I swear, no matter what, I'll come to you."

She admired the bracelet a moment, then turned the admiration on him. "Thank you, from the deepest place in my heart. I can't say--" She broke off and hugged him fiercely. "At least I'll host Christmas here. But come and visit before then."

"I will," he agreed. "We all will."

"I meant just you," she said, the faintest glimmerings of a smile on her face.

"Oh." Remus took a deep breath, and before his courage failed him utterly, he kissed her--just a quick, simple kiss that still left him breathless. When he stepped back she was staring at him in a starry-eyed sort of way, and even as he Apparated he had begun to wonder how soon he would be able to come back.

"Remus! Remus!"

He shook himself and discovered he was still watching Rain sleep. Only, she wasn't sleeping anymore. Her green eyes were quizzical, her mouth quirked up in a tiny smile.

"I've been trying to get your attention for five minutes! Were you dreaming with your eyes open or something?"

He smiled wryly. "You might say that. Ah, remembering, actually."

She tilted her head to one side. "And must I torture you until you tell me what?"

He took a deep breath. "Oh--us, actually. Remembering how we were, before."

It was gratifying to see the blush creeping into her porcelain cheeks. What did that mean? he wondered, intrigued.

She turned her face away. "You must miss them so much."

"No more than you do," he protested, thinking of Sirius.

"No, I don't miss them the way you would. They were all your friends, much more than they were mine. I was just little tagalong Rain, after all," she said, with a laugh that sounded self-conscious. "I do miss Lily a great deal, of course. But really I suppose she meant more to me than I did to her."

"She thought very highly of you, Rain," he protested.

"Yes, but she had James...and then Harry."

Remus drew in a breath to ask whether Rain had missed Sirius, but suddenly the bus jerked and began to slow.

"Hunterscombe Lane," announced the bus driver.

Rain sighed and stood up, stretching. Remus held his breath at the way it pulled her shirt, and quickly turned to grab his briefcase. Following her out, he noticed the bus driver's appreciative gaze on her, and felt a brief surge of pride that he was being seen with her. As he stepped off the bus, his foot caught on something and he lost his balance. You're such a prat! he thought at himself, as he began to fall.

Rain squeaked and he felt her grab his wrist tightly, managing to keep him on his feet. He looked down automatically and stared at the McGonagall crest on her forefinger, and the bracelet on her wrist. "Rain," he asked as he regained his balance and they walked away from the bus, "is that silver?"

She looked down and, apparently realizing she still held his wrist, let him go. "Of course not," she said briskly, and he reflected that she rarely sounded so much like her cousin. "I haven't worn silver for twenty years. It's platinum, and I should think you would recognize it, Mr. Moony, as you were the one who gave it to me."

She stalked away, leaving Remus to stare after her.