These Deep Solitudes

Chapter One - Return to Hogwarts

Katraina McGonagall strode briskly into the entry hall of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Her steps, quick and sure, belied the jangling in her nerves. Hogwarts, after all this time, had changed very little, and the world outside was becoming as grim as it had been in her school days. It was as if the past fourteen years had never happened. Almost as if.

"We need a new History of Magic professor," her cousin Minerva had written, "and I'd like to have you close." Nothing held Rain back from accepting the position; several of her friends had already been recruited for the Phoenix Order--what a shock it had been to see Sirius Black again--and her books could be written at Hogwarts just as easily as they could at Heatherhall.

She climbed the stairs that led towards Minerva's office near Gryffindor Tower. She had been glad to see Sirius, but he only reminded her of how things had been, long ago, before Godric's Hollow. She had had to bite her tongue to refrain from asking about Remus, but Sirius had always been able to read her.

"I would have sent Moony, but Dumbledore's sent him on some sort of mission. I haven't heard from him much this summer."

Rain hugged Sirius and offered him tea, but the delivery of the letter was done, and he had other people to summon. A black dog left her yard a moment later.

"Umph!" Lost in her memories, Rain had collided with someone.

"Really, Katraina, I would think you'd be a little more careful!"

"Min!" Rain hugged her cousin enthusiastically, and after a moment Minerva hugged her back. When she pulled back, she studied the older woman's face. "You look tired, Min."

"Things have been difficult since the Third Task," Minerva replied. "Come up to my office. Severus has agreed to join us."

Rain nodded and followed silently, keeping her concern over her cousin to herself. When they were at school, the Marauders had hated Severus; but tagalong Ravenclaw Rain, a year younger, had always seen loneliness lurking in the Slytherin's eyes. "I appreciate his help," she said.

Severus stood as they entered, and when his eyes met Rain's he drew in an audible breath. For a minute he stood frozen, wide-eyed, then he swept her a deep bow, startling her.

"Lady McGonagall, you honour us," he murmured, his acerbic tone marred by slight breathlessness.

Rain snorted. "Drop it, Severus," she suggested. "You're looking well."

"For someone who's been leading a double life?" he retorted, pure acid now.

Rain lifted an eyebrow. "I wasn't going to say that." But it was true. He was thinner, his face more sallow than in his youth. There were shadows under his eyes. If he had only had someone to make him take care of himself-- "Did Minerva tell you?"

"About your...condition?" He nodded. "There are several potions that will keep it in check. They aren't entirely safe, however. I don't like to mix some of these ingredients. If it were anyone else--" He broke off and pressed his lips together, which made him look as if he'd eaten an underripe lemon.

She put a hand on his wrist. "I understand. Thank you, Severus."

He stared down at her hand, but she refused to remove it. She was aware of the lack of a wedding ring on her third finger, as she was also aware of the McGonagall seal on her forefinger. Let him think what he wanted.

Minerva looked at her sharply. "If you'll excuse us, Severus." It wasn't a question. The Slytherin nodded curtly. Rain dropped her hand as he swept out of the office. "I have errands to run in Hogsmeade. I'll show you your rooms before I go. I assume Hagrid brought up your trunk?"

Rain grinned. "Yes, both of them, and my broom."

"They'll be waiting for you, then. Come along, Katraina. I'd like to have you settled in before I leave. I have errands to run in Hogsmeade."

"Yes, you said that," Rain said, amused. "Min, what are you not telling me? You know I can read you."

Minerva sighed. "Better than anyone, I think. Rain, there are--certain conditions here." She led the way out of her office and down a narrow staircase. "I don't know how much I should tell you, and how much I should leave to Albus. I--I find I'm not quite comfortable--" She broke off and opened a door, beckoning Rain in behind her. "Here is your office. Through the far door is your bedroom and a small private bath. Yes, Hagrid has brought your trunks. I really must go, Rain. I'll see you at dinner."

And quick as a whirlwind, Minerva was gone. Rain gazed at the empty doorway speculatively, but whatever had Min as jumpy as a cat in the kennels would have to wait, at least until dinner. She stared about her in happy bemusement. It had been years since she'd been a student here, and now Hogwarts was hers again. She looked again at the open door, where the brass nameplate waited blankly to announce her presence. She pulled out her wand and rested the tip lightly against the brass. Tracing her name over it, she whispered, "Engravium," and smiled when her name flowed across in sparkling blue script.

Turning from the door, Rain went past the empty bookshelves and giant rolltop desk, and opened the bedroom door. When she saw her room, she laughed with delight. On the wall opposite the huge curtained four-poster--blue and silver curtains, she noticed--was a large bay window with a deeply cushioned window seat.

"It really is you."

It was a man's voice, soft and slightly hoarse, a voice she would know anywhere, a voice from her past. She closed her eyes briefly, took a deep breath, and turned.

"Remus." She drank him with her eyes, tracing his jaw, picking out grey hairs among the longish brown, noticing the fine lines on his face. She noted the slumped shoulders and patched clothing. Then she met his eyes and saw the wary joy that brimmed up in them. She smiled widely at him. "Remus," she said again.

He took another step and she went to him, reaching to clasp both his hands. He smiled down at her, and she wondered if he was as at a loss for words as she. He lifted one hand and touched her face with two tentative fingers.

"Rainy Day," he murmured, and she was seized by an almost overwhelming desire to throw herself into his arms. One of the last times he had called her that was at James and Lily's funeral, when he held her as they mourned the loss of their three friends and tried to encompass the supposed betrayal of another.

"Moony," she whispered with a hint of mischief creeping into her smile.

"Great heavens, it's good to see you, Rain." He sounded thunderstruck.

Her smile escaped from her and she beamed at him. "I have missed you terribly," she said, fighting back the tears that threatened. But why did you stay away so long? she wanted to add.

His expression became more solemn. "Have you?"

She nodded, and his fingers tightened around hers. "I'm glad you're here."

Her owl, Arcanus, swept in through the open window and landed on Rain's shoulder. Remus offered a finger to stroke his head, and the owl nipped it swiftly. "Arcanus!" she exclaimed, "Stop that! I'm sorry, Remus. He's dreadfully cranky in this weather." She sighed. "Oh, who am I kidding, he's dreadfully cranky all the time."

Remus laughed. "You should feed him better."

"Mm. This letter's for you," she said, surprised. And there was no mistaking the hand: the bold, untidy scrawl of Sirius in haste.

Remus opened it, and a moment later chuckled. "The man needs to work on his timing--Padfoot writes me to tell me he's sent you here."

"Still taking care of his friends," Rain sighed. "I wish I hadn't doubted him."

"It looked bad for him," Remus replied. "Though I've reprimanded myself for it often enough. If we could only make the Ministry see reason..." The hand holding Sirius' letter clenched into a fist briefly, then relaxed. "I'm sorry, Rain. I'm sure you want to unpack. May I come by and see you to dinner?"

He had withdrawn again, into the protective fortress that was his heart. Rain's shoulders slumped. "Yes, yes. Please do." She managed to smile at him, but after he left, the room seemed quite grey.

~ * ~

She had her books all sorted out before sunset, and took the time to wash and redo her hair, pinned up off her neck. It felt strange to be back in Hogwarts, yet somehow it was freeing, as well. She performed a few small cosmetic charms, hands shaking, while she waited for Remus to return. When the door announced, "A handsome gentleman to see you, dear," however, it was not Remus who stood in the hall.

"You make me blush, Miss McGonagall."

"Headmaster," she said, her heart lifting.

He smiled kindly at her. "It is a pleasure to see you again, Rain. I am very glad indeed that you accepted my invitation. I have already seen a smile on Remus Lupin's face. It has been missing for many months."

"Now you're making me blush," she replied frankly.

To her astonishment Dumbledore laughed loud and long. "A breath of fresh air," he proclaimed, eyes dancing. "And yet, I am afraid even that may prove sorrowful to some."

"Headmaster?"

"I would ask you, Rain, to be very careful with young Severus. These times have been a strain on him."

Rain's mouth fell open. He was concerned about Snape? But why tell her this? "I--I'm afraid I don't understand, sir."

"Don't you? Very well. Perhaps I am mistaken. But I am certain I caught him being gallant this afternoon. He and the remaining Marauders have forged a very unhappy alliance. It is necessary if we are to defeat Voldemort, Rain."

"Are you saying I could upset it?"

Dumbledore sighed. "I remember your time here as a student, Rain. A singular child, though perhaps it is simply the traits of the McGonagall clan. You were the only one of James Potter's friends to be kind to Severus Snape in all his time here. Be assured that he has not forgotten either. And I distinctly remember a starry-eyed young Remus Lupin watching you watch Sirius Black."

She really was blushing. She put one hand up to her face. "Are all students so transparent?" she asked dryly.

He smiled. "Most are, I'm afraid. But I admit we watched you rather closely, as a friend of the Marauders."

"Sir, I won't--" She took a deep breath. "I won't deny that I--that is--I'm glad Remus is here. I didn't realize what I--what was--er, until it was too late. After we lost Lily, James, Sirius, and Peter, all at once, Remus disappeared. Perhaps he was trying to draw the danger away from me, I don't know. But it hurt a great deal, losing him, too."

"Believe me when I say I am certain that it hurt him, as well," Dumbledore said softly. "And now, I think..."

"Another handsome gentleman!" the door exclaimed. "My, you are the popular one today, dearie." And it swung open to reveal a surprised Remus.

"Ah, good evening, Remus," Dumbledore said, smiling. "I believe it must be dinnertime."

"Will you join us, Headmaster?" Remus asked.

"No, no, I have Cornelius Fudge coming to see me," he replied. "Another round on the Voldemort issue, I'm afraid." He bowed and headed down the hall.

"You look lovely," Remus murmured, and Rain blushed again.

"Thank you," she said. She wanted to tell him how wonderful he looked, too, but she was seized by a sudden shyness.

She had only felt shy around him once before, when Sirius took Kitty Bliss to his Leavers Ball. Sirius had already asked Rain when Kitty became available, and Rain found herself discarded. The marvelous dream that he would finally love her had fizzled into embarrassment and hurt. She hadn't even been angry at him, silly git that she'd been. It had been Remus who got angry for her. Remus, who was always so carefully controlled, the voice of reason among the Marauders, wise beyond his age. Remus, whom she had only once seen angry, when Sirius nearly got Snape killed. Remus' anger was a frightening thing to witness. And after seeing it roused to her own defense, Rain had felt shy with him.

"You're a million miles away," Remus said in amusement. "You just tried to walk into a suit of armour."

"Did I?" Rain smiled. "No, just twenty years."

"Yes," he said. He wore a faint smile as he looked down the hallway. "I've been there myself today."

~*~

Rain sat between Remus and Minerva at dinner, after being welcomed enthusiastically by her former professors. Sybil Trelawney deigned to join them, and gasped when she took Rain's hand. "My dear, your hand is as cold as death! A very bad omen...I fear your time with us may be short."

Rain smiled. "You're looking quite well, Professor Trelawney. Did you get new spectacles?"

The divinations professor gave her a misty smile. "Why, yes, dear. How kind of you to notice."

Hagrid enveloped her in a hairy hug. "It's good to see yeh, Rain. Professor Dumbledore's happy yer here--great man, Dumbledore." He glanced around and lowered his voice. "And just wait till yeh see what I got for my Care of Magical Creatures class."

Rain forced a weak smile, wondering how many people would get hurt in his class. Those Blast-Ended Skrewts had looked terrifying in the Daily Prophet photos.

Professor Flitwick complimented her on her door's Butler Charm, and Snape nodded silently at her from the other end. On Remus' left, Madame Hooch made a crack at her about the Cannons, and Professor Sprout looked up from her book on magical herbs long enough to smile warmly at her.

The meal was nearly over when a large owl swooped in and landed in front of Minerva. She opened the letter and gasped. As Rain watched, her cousin turned a shade she had never seen, even on a ghost. She took several deep breaths and turned wide green eyes towards her.

"Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have vanished!"

The entire table heard her, and instantly all conversation died. Rain put a hand on Minerva's wrist and looked at Remus. He seemed stunned.

"Does the headmaster know?" she asked.

Min shook her head slowly. "He and Fudge are dining at the Three Broomsticks." She gripped Rain's hand very tightly. "He needs to be told. Rain, will you--will you come with me to Hogsmeade?"

Surprised, Rain nodded. In her memory, Minerva had never asked anyone for help. She wondered what the rest of the letter said.

Minerva stood up and fixed her hat firmly on her head. "Poor Albus, he'll be terribly concerned--oh, hurry, Rain!"

It was painful to see Minerva this upset. Rain looked at Remus, who nodded. "I'll talk to you later," he murmured. "I need to send an owl to Padfoot."

Rain followed Minerva down to the Entrance Hall. Her cousin walked so briskly that Rain was out of breath keeping up with her. When they were quite a ways along the road to Hogsmeade, Minerva slowed and put a hand up to cover her face. Rain saw with amazement that she was crying.

"Min," she said hesitantly. She put her hand on her cousin's arm. "Min, is there more? Something worse?"

Minerva choked and said, "Alastor Moody and Bill Weasley were with them. Alastor was found...the Dark Mark...Avada Kedavra."

"And Bill?" Rain asked, thinking back to the very nice redheaded boy a few years behind her at Hogwarts.

"Nowhere. They found--they found his dragon fang earring." Min pulled out a lace handkerchief and wiped her eyes. "That's all."

"Do the Weasleys know?"

"I'm sure they are being informed. Oh, Rain, what a horrible way for the term to begin. Harry is so important--if we lose him--"

"I'm sure we'll find them before school starts," Rain interrupted. She was feeling decidedly more uncomfortable with each passing second. "We have a week, haven't we?" She tried to put confidence in her tone, but she knew she had failed. What would happen to the wizarding world, if the Boy Who Lived was killed?

~*~

Dumbledore took the news much more calmly than Minerva had, and Rain wondered, not for the first time, if this calm acceptance was a product of divination, or just wise foresight. He sat back in his chair and looked somewhat regretful. "So that is your decision, Mr. Malfoy," he murmured.

"Not again!" groaned Cornelius Fudge. Rain fought a desire to scowl at him--she was a teacher now, for goodness sake!--but had a hard time. His denial of Voldemort's return was going to cause a lot of needless suffering. "I hoped, after that regrettable incident with his aunt and the Knight Bus, that he would have learned his lesson about running away. He's been growing more unbalanced with every year. I shall have to send Arthur Weasley out to find him. If Sirius Black gets wind of this--"

"I sincerely hope that no one will get wind of this, Cornelius," Dumbledore interrupted, his voice quiet yet stern. "Now is not the time to create a panic."

Fudge looked at him and snapped his mouth shut. He cleared his throat. "Well, of course, I shall not spread the story, but the press--well, the press is persistent, isn't it? I must be going." He stood up and tried to sweep his pinstriped cloak around his shoulders. "Good evening, Dumbledore. Ladies." He nodded and left.

"What did you mean earlier, Headmaster?" Rain asked. "About Mr. Malfoy? Did you mean Lucius Malfoy?"

Dumbledore folded his hands and gazed up at her, his brow furrowed in thought; even this concern did not diminish the twinkle in his eyes. "Draco Malfoy. You, of course, remember his father. Lucius Malfoy is a known Death Eater."

"And you think Draco has taken that step?" Minerva repeated. "Oh, Albus. I know you hoped to influence him."

Dumbledore smiled faintly. "It is never too late, Minerva. Just look at Severus."

"Severus?" Rain said, more sharply than she had intended. "He--he truly went over?"

"And returned to us, bringing information," Minerva confirmed.

"He has risked himself for us time after time. It is not an enviable task, and it is one I loathe placing him in," Dumbledore added. "But he has saved us all, more than once."

Rain shivered. She had never imagined Severus would truly go to the dark side. He had been nasty and ambitious as a student, but she had never imagined him to be evil, just--

"--Misunderstood," Dumbledore finished, obviously pleased with himself. Rain started, realizing she'd missed something.

"I'd have to say Remus is the best choice," Minerva replied. They both looked at Rain, and she wondered why they sought her opinion, and about what.

"If the Dark Arts are involved, I would think the Defense teacher would be best qualified," she hedged.

Minerva stared at her in astonishment, and Dumbledore hid a smile. "We were discussing whether Severus or Remus would better serve as your escort to London," he offered.

"Oh dear." Better to give in now than dig herself deeper. "Why am I going to London?" she asked meekly.

Dumbledore's smile widened. "I thought you'd never ask."