Remember Your Heart

Harry glided through the dungeon corridors, stealthily following the small form in front of him. A glimpse of the person under a sputtering torch revealed a dark-haired boy, a Slytherin, Harry believed, out after curfew. He was curious as to why. Harry peered from the shadows as the boy opened the door to Professor Snape's office and slipped inside. Quite a young Slytherin, mused Harry, since he hasn't learned to close doors properly. He crept closer to peek through the cracked opening. The office was dimly lit with only a few flickering torches. Snape's collection of ghastly specimens, floating in viscous liquid, seemed as bottled nightmares in the dim light. Harry shivered. Professor Snape sat behind his desk, drawn and troubled looking, a nearly empty bottle of Firewhiskey and shot glass before him. The boy moved close to Snape and lean against the desk.

"What's wrong, sir?" the boy asked.

"Nothing that a whelp like you can help me with," hissed Snape.

"Well, if I can't help, maybe I can make you forget." The boy took Snape's face in his small hands and caressed his cheeks. Snape was startled but then he quickly composed himself and smirked.

"Perhaps you can," Snape murmured. The boy leaned forward and Harry let out an involuntary gasp. Snape and the boy jerked around to look at the door. Harry stared; his body unresponsive to the internal cry of flee! The boy wore a Gryffindor crest. The boy was Harry.

Only years of experience waking abruptly from disturbing dreams kept Harry still and quiet. His eyes darted around the room and settled on Severus beside him. Or rather on top of him. 'At least I didn't wake him,' thought Harry as his racing heart slowed. He lay on his back; Severus on his stomach, shoulder resting on Harry, arm flung across Harry's chest. It had been several nights since their 'talk'. Each night Harry asked Severus to sleep beside him and each night Severus crawled into bed after some deliberation. Severus seemed embarrassed in the morning when he woke up wrapped around Harry. Harry thought it best to make no mention of that, as much as he enjoyed it.

Last night, Harry had gone to a Chudley Cannons game with Ron, so the sleeping arrangements were left to Severus. When Harry stumbled in, late and more than a little tipsy, he couldn't help but give a goofy grin upon finding Severus asleep in 'their' bed.

Harry squinted at the clock, but couldn't determine the time. 'Must be early still,' he thought. 'It doesn't sound like anyone's up. Severus is usually up early as well.' He looked back to Severus, pleased to see him so relaxed, face smooth and not held in a rigid emotionless mask. 'Shame I have to move,' thought Harry, but Severus' weight had caused his arm to go numb and his bladder was screaming as well. Harry ran his tongue along his teeth, grimacing at the gritty film on them. He picked his head up slightly to survey the best way to extricate himself and stifled a groan at the aching the motion elicited. 'Feels like they used my head as the bludger,' he whined to himself. He debated moving versus not moving and decided that Severus wasn't likely to sleep next to a bed-wetter. Slowly sliding out from under Severus, Harry sat up and noted that Severus seemed undisturbed. He shuffled out to the bathroom, pledging never to drink again.

A much happier man returned from the bathroom. Severus had left him a freshly made hangover potion. Just before he climbed back in bed, he glanced down and saw he still wore last night's Cannons' t-shirt. 'Eww,' he thought, getting a whiff of sweat and alcohol. He pulled off the shirt, dropped it to the floor and started for the bed. He paused. 'I don't want to give Severus the wrong impression if I come to bed only in my boxers.' Harry pulled a clean t-shirt from the armoire, shrugged it on and then slid into bed. An arm slipped around him almost immediately.

"Thanks for the potion. I'm gonna try to sleep a bit more," whispered Harry.

"You're welcome. It seems that I correctly surmised how Weasley would celebrate the Cannons' win." Severus was smug.

Harry chuckled. "You're a regular master of the universe."

They lay quiet for a time, neither falling back to sleep. Severus fidgeted for a while before speaking.

"Your sleep was disturbed this morning. In fact, it has been disturbed every morning I've slept here." Severus looked uncomfortable. "Perhaps this arrangement troubles you."

Harry hesitated.

"Considering all I've discussed with you and what you've intimated, I should think you'd be more open." Severus growled.

Harry sighed. "I've been dreaming about following a boy to your office at Hogwarts. I spy at the door. The boy offers himself to you. You accept. The boy leans in to kiss you. I give myself away by gasping. You both turn to me. I'm shocked to see that the boy is me. I've had a similar dream each night, yet I'm always surprised that the boy is me."

Severus was quiet for several moments before responding. "You seem to be more disturbed by this wrong that I've done, one that I regret and where the victim was not unduly hurt than by the murder of my father, which I do not regret." Severus was looking at Harry in puzzlement.

Harry looked and felt equally confused. "I can't explain that even to myself. On one hand, I know your father's death was wrong; on the other hand, I can understand it. I've had to deal with death a lot over the years. I've killed people. I wanted Voldemort to suffer before he died, even though that didn't happen. I had already accepted that you had probably done some heinous things as a Death Eater. And from what you've told me, I feel that you were driven to kill your father." Harry rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, brows knotted in thought.

"Is that good enough? I was driven to do it?" asked Severus.

"No," said Harry slowly, "but he deserved it."

Severus quirked an eyebrow. "Vigilantism, Harry? What would our world be like, Harry, if we could hand out punishment just because we believed it was deserved?"

Harry frowned. "That's not really what I meant." Severus snorted. "Okay, it is what I meant. Your father deserved what he got, but it was still wrong of you to do it." Harry raised a hand to rub his temple.

"Did my father really deserve to be tortured and murdered by his son?" asked Severus softly.

Harry dropped his hand. Severus' eyes were unfocused and Harry assumed he was reliving the memory of that death.

"I'm not sure. I don't really have an adequate answer for anything," replied Harry with a soft sigh.

Severus focused on Harry and gave a small smile. "This reminds me of my talks with Albus. You sound a great deal like me then. I shall have to endeavor to remember all the questions he threw at me."

"Did you talk often?" Harry asked.

"Yes," whispered Severus. "He became my surrogate father, my confident and my counselor over the years." Severus' face grew sad. "No muggle psychologist will ever replace him."

"No one could ever replace Albus Dumbledore," Harry softly said. "But I think it will help you to talk about some things."

"I've agreed to go." Severus tightened the arm he had around Harry. "Considering your difficulties with my error with Mr. Mulciber, perhaps you should seek counseling as well?"

"Yeah," Harry muttered. "I should. I don't know why it bothers me so much. Maybe because I can see myself in Michael's place. We were both seekers, similar builds, similar coloring."

"Mr. Potter," Severus began in a formal tone, "I assure you that at no time while you were attending Hogwarts did I ever consider you in a sexual manner." Severus twisted his face into an evil-looking leer and dropped his voice to a low growl. "However, your torture and murder were a favorite fantasy of mine." Harry stared at Severus, a nervous tingle skittering through his system, until Severus winked, of all things. Harry let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding and smiled at Severus' attempt at levity.

"Harry, I was never interested in my students in that manner." Severus paused. "Frankly, I was not interested in anyone at all at that time." Severus slumped a bit. "I cannot explain that night."

Harry reached out and caressed Severus' cheek. Severus looked surprised but didn't pull away.

"I'm going to talk to someone as well." Severus nodded at Harry's decision. "You've got enough going on; you don't need to deal with my issues as well."

"I think it might serve you best. Talking with Albus had a dramatic effect on my life." Severus said sadly.

Harry scooted closer to Severus and gently placed his arms around him. Harry felt him tense for a moment before relaxing and returning the embrace. Severus didn't break down but they stayed like that enjoying the closeness.

Harry was starting to drift off to sleep when he heard Petunia go into the bathroom.

"Vernon's coming today," he muttered. Severus started at Harry's voice, having actually fallen asleep.

"Sorry," Harry murmured.

"Should be," said Severus, voice thick with sleep. He began stroking one of his hands up and down Harry's back.

"Mmm," sounded Harry and snuggled closer to Severus.

"What happens when they leave?" asked Severus.

Harry mumbled into Severus' neck, "big party."

"Imp," said Severus. "I'm serious."

Harry raised his head. "It's up to you, Severus. I like you sleeping with me and I want you to stay. But I'll understand if you want your privacy and want to reclaim your former room. Whatever you're comfortable with." Harry rested his head on Severus' shoulder and gazed up at him.

"You are implying more that sleep," said Severus.

"While I am attracted to you and would enjoy an intimate relationship, I know that's not where you're at now. Maybe that will never happen between us. I'm just offering a place to sleep and some human contact."

"What if nothing can ever happen?" whispered Severus.

Harry looked confused.

"Because of the potion I took, after the incident with Mr. Mulciber," said Severus, now staring at the ceiling. "You're a young man, with needs, desires..."Severus' cheeks flushed. "You're not going to want some old man, who could never satisfy you, taking up bed space."

Harry propped up himself up on one arm, leaving his other draped over Severus' chest. "I'm surprised to hear you thinking along those terms; especially after all you've been through."

"I don't know that I'll ever reach that point, Harry, but why should you be waiting for me? It's been pleasant sleeping with you; perhaps other things may be pleasant as well. I have spent years talking things through with Albus and I'm not as dysfunctional as I once was. I'm just not sure if I can, if I reach a point where I want to." Severus was crimson by now and definitely avoiding Harry's gaze.

"Wow, Severus, you're really thinking further ahead than I am." Harry paused to gather his thoughts. "To start with, I want you to sleep here with me and I don't see that as taking up bed space. You're not an old man. My so called needs and desires are under my control and I think I've drunk enough from the well of casual sex to be sated.

"Also, I'm confident with your abilities that you can produce a counter potion if that's the problem. And even if you can't, there's a lot more to a loving relationship than sex, just as there is more to sex than a penis." Harry laid his head back on Severus' shoulder. "You figure out what you want and take your time. I'm sticking around until you insist on getting rid of me and I'm convinced you really mean it."

Harry smiled as he felt Severus' arms wrap around him.

"Loving relationship?" Severus murmured.

A pounding reverberated off the front door, making Harry sigh. "Vernon's here." Harry disentangled himself from Severus' warmth, put on his glasses and padded over to the wardrobe. As he pulled on a pair of baggy jeans, he noted Severus watching him and grinned. Vernon banged on the door again. "Yeah, yeah, coming," Harry muttered.

Instead of heading for the door however, Harry crawled on hands and knees across the bed, eyeing Severus, like a cat tracking a mouse. Severus arched an elegant eyebrow. Harry leaned down and placed a soft kiss on Severus' cheek. "Loving relationship," Harry whispered in his ear. He felt Severus shiver; saw that his eyes had closed and that his lip curled into a small smile. Harry moved to kiss that tempting mouth when he heard Petunia call from outside the bedroom door.

"Harry, you need to let your Uncle into the house. I can't open the door." She was clearly aggravated and Vernon was pounding again.

Harry sighed, kissed Severus on the forehead, and left to let Vernon in.

***

Harry and Severus were enjoying a late breakfast when Hypericia arrived, followed closely by several owls. Severus looked up from reading The Daily Prophet to see what had disturbed his quiet meal.

"Sit and have some tea, Hypericia, while I sort out these owls," Harry called over the hooting.

A gray owl had stopped in front of Severus and held out his leg. Severus retrieved the parchment. "Go see him," he muttered with a wave in Harry's direction. Harry had divested the three remaining owls of their letters and offered water and owl treats. Two of the owls remained for replies while the others departed.

Hypericia chuckled. "Only four owls, Harry? Slow day?"

"I didn't expect to see you on a Saturday," Harry said with a smile.

"Got to explain that fat reducing potion to Mr. Dursley," she grimaced. "Is he here?"

"Yes, he's upstairs with Dudley and Aunt Petunia." Creaking floor boards over head confirmed this. Harry snickered and glanced to Severus, who was intent on reading his letter. Harry watched his eyes reach the bottom and flick back to the top to read the letter again.

"Good news, I hope, Severus?" asked Harry.

Severus looked up, shifted his eyes to Hypericia for a moment, and nodded. Harry opened his mouth to ask more but was pecked by two irritated owls. "Ow! Alright, alright, give me a moment." He picked up his letters while Hypericia laughed merrily.

The first letter was from St. Mungo's wishing to honor him for his contributions to the hospital at their annual banquet.

"Well, that's rather sudden," Harry said, noting the banquet was only two weeks away. "Doesn't the hospital plan further in advance?"

"Oh, is that the invite to the hospital banquet?" asked Hypericia and Harry nodded. "Are you the new guest of honor? They were going to honor the mediwizard Humberto Puddlemuffin for his 100 years of service to the hospital. But, it seems his recent affair with the director's 18 year old daughter and the assistant director's 17 year old son changed those plans."

Harry looked wide-eyed at Hypericia. "Bloody hell, I hope I feel half that feisty at that age! They should honor him for stamina. Both at the same time?" Hypericia nodded and they both laughed, while Severus snickered.

"Only the backup guest of honor, Potter? Losing a bit of public cachet?" Severus teased.

Hypericia puffed up to reprimand Severus but Harry only smiled, "Guess I'll need to speak to my publicity people."

Harry jotted a short note indicating his acceptance and sent off one of the owls. The next letter was from the Longbottom's.

Dear Harry,

We apologize for the short notice; however, we would like to invite you to dine with us this evening. Terry and Hannah Boot are coming by this evening and we thought that you might enjoy joining our impromptu get together. We will be eating around 7 pm and would

love to have your company. Winston is looking forward to meeting you again. Please don't disappoint us!

Sincerely,

Neville and Susan Longbottom

"I think they are trying to set me up," said Harry.

"Who?" asked Severus sharply.

Harry translated Severus' intense expression. "Not set me up to hurt me, Severus." Severus visibly relaxed. "I think Susan Longbottom is trying to get me and Winston Chamberlain together." Severus picked up his letter and began rereading it, a dark look upon his face.

"Do you know Susan well?" Hypericia asked.

"Not really. We were in the same year, different houses though. Does she work at St. Mungo's?"

"On a consulting basis. She's quite skilled at-" Hypericia was interrupted by shouting from upstairs.

"Get out!" Dudley's shout rang through the house clearly, despite the closed door. Garbled yelling followed. 'Most likely Vernon,' thought Harry. Then a creak followed by a tremendous groan of stressed wood and all eyes went to the ceiling. Bits of plaster dusted down, causing them all to blink and look away, and a great weight lumbered across the floor. Petunia's shrillness was heard, the words incomprehensible. Dudley's door was thrown open, banging violently against the wall.

"Get out!" screamed Dudley. He stopped to take a deep breath, panting from his exertions to reach the door. "I've decided," another gasping breath. "Come back when you can support my decision," more labored breathing. "And that's different than just giving in to me."

The door slammed behind a purple-faced Vernon and a white-faced Petunia. Vernon stomped down the stairs, hesitantly followed by Petunia. The silence of the floor joists upstairs indicated Dudley wasn't moving back to bed.

"I'll just see to Dudley," murmured Hypericia and she slipped past the Dursleys and up the stairs.

"This is your fault!" shouted Vernon, storming up to Harry, finger pointing. Harry leaped to his feet. Severus rose gracefully a moment later, wand smoothly retrieved and leveled at Vernon. Vernon, blinded by anger, didn't notice, and advanced on Harry. "You've done something to Dudley's mind. Undo it now!" Vernon roared.

"Idiot!" snarled Severus. "If he had tampered with your son's mind, what would stop him from tampering with yours?" Severus wand remained pointed at Vernon's chest and he paled, finally noticing it. "Although I might recommend that to Harry," Severus' lips curled into a feral smile.

Vernon swallowed and took a step back from Harry. "Dudley is not acting himself."

"Dudley's been through a lot, Uncle Vernon," said Harry in his most soothing voice. "And no one is tampering with anyone's mind." Harry shot a look to Severus, who muttered, "pity," sheathed his wand and nonchalantly sat down to finish perusing the paper.

"Sit down, Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia," Harry gestured to the table. "Let me finish a few things and then we can talk." Vernon and Petunia slowly sat at the table, each nervously eyeing Severus. Harry set out a fresh pot of tea and a plate of apple cinnamon muffins.

Harry quickly jotted down his regrets to the Longbottom's and sent the remaining owl on its way. Picking up the third letter, he saw the White Bumblebee Foundation seal, slit it open and brief scanned the contents. Smiling at what he read, he banished the letter to his desk to deal with later. The Dursley's eyes tracked the letter across the room as it floated to the living room.

"Now, I imagine this morning's uproar has to do with the fat reduction procedure?" asked Harry. He picked up a muffin and began breaking off bits of the top and popping them in his mouth. Severus snickered at something in the paper and muttered about werewolves. Petunia blanched.

"Yes," hissed Vernon, glancing at Severus before facing Harry. "I can't understand why he would subject himself to such a dangerous, unnecessary and abnormal thing."

"Hypericia feels it's best for him to lose the weight so he won't undo the healing she's accomplished. While there are risks, she feels they are acceptable," Harry explained.

"I don't feel the risks are acceptable!" said Vernon. Severus turned a page and murmured about a sale on armadillo bile and rat spleens. Petunia put down her tea cup and pushed her muffin away.

"But Dudley does and since he is 24, it's his decision to make." Harry turned to Severus. "How did the Harpies do against the Montrose Magpies?"

"Harpies won 370 to 120, but the team was fined 10,000 galleons for skinning," responded Severus.

"That's a bit much for skinning," Harry said.

Severus took a sip of tea and continued his reading. "The Magpies' Seeker was unfortunately impaled on a Nimbus 2001 during the foul." Petunia got up and left the room.

Vernon looked from Harry to Severus and cleared his throat. "I don't want Dudley to undergo this fat reduction. I think it's time for him to come home."

"There's the door." Harry gestured. "Bye-bye." He turned back to Severus. "What do they say about the Cannons?"

"Did the Cannons play last night? Are you sure?" Severus began quickly turning pages, searching. "Seems that information was discarded in favor of reporting on the vampire revolts in Buenos Aires. After all, how many Cannons' fans are there, really?"

Harry chuckled. "Tease," he said fondly. Severus smirked, found his original page and returned to his perusal.

"Dudley refuses to listen to me," said Vernon. "He's my pride and joy, my son. I've given him everything he's ever asked for. I can't lose him." Vernon looked so helpless that Harry almost felt sorry for him.

"Why should he listen to you? You did give him everything he's ever wanted; whenever you didn't do it immediately, he'd put up a fuss and you'd give in. I'd like to think that Dudley's actually taking responsibility for his life but frankly I think he's just decided to take the easy way out and is fussing until you give in again." Harry picked up his napkin, wiped the crumbs from his face and hands, and then sent the dishes off to get clean.

"Your son is a spoiled self-involved brat," said Severus as casually as discussing the weather. "It will be amusing to see what he makes of himself when you're dead and are no longer available to cater to his whims." Severus pointed to an article in the paper. "A Welsh Green Dragon is down outside of Cardiff. Quite unusual. They've fooled the Muggles into believing there's been a hazardous material tractor-trailer accident. We should see what salvage company has claimed it. We might get a discount on potion ingredients if they don't have to figure in packaging, shipping and handling."

Harry nodded. "I'd like to get up close to a dragon without worrying about being scorched." Both men got up to leave.

"What...what are you doing?" asked a confused Vernon.

"Going to Cardiff to see a dragon," replied Harry, as if that was an everyday sort of thing to do.

"But Dudley, what about Dudley?"

"Counsel your son, then let him make his own decision to reap or regret the consequences," said Severus and handed Vernon the paper. Vernon took the paper, staring at it, and then dropped it to the table when he saw figures moving in a picture.

"Dudley's decided already. You've got to accept that and move on." Harry summoned his socks and trainers. "See you later."

They left Vernon sitting at the table, drinking cold tea and looking bewildered.

***

That evening, Harry and Severus busied themselves in the basement sorting out and shelving a variety of dragon related potion ingredients. It turned out that Severus had known the salvage operator, who was one of the few people so far actually pleased to see Severus Snape again, and they acquired their ingredients for far below market value.

The house was quiet when they returned, even though Vernon's car indicated he was still there. Petunia was working in the kitchen, preparing a 'proper meal' and had even chosen to make enough for Harry and 'his friend'.

"So, are you going to tell me about your letter?" asked Harry. He was currently pouring dragon blood, from the large jug that they brought it home in, into smaller, more manageable vials.

Severus looked up from the dragon horn that he was grinding. "It was from John Scriblen of Erudite Press. He wants to meet with me next month when he returns to England and to hopefully read my first chapter. He says he's very interested and wants to see if I can deliver on what I've proposed in my synopsis. He also assured me of confidentiality."

"Severus, that's wonderful!" Harry grinned.

"Mmm, we shall see. I do not know that I can trust him." Severus continued to grind.

Harry bottled up the last of the dragon's blood and spelled the jug clean. He began shelving the vials of blood, after administering them with an anticoagulant charm and a no-spoilage charm.

"Bloody hell!" Harry exclaimed. Severus looked up quickly. "I forgot all about that!" Harry shook his head at his own stupidity.

"What are you talking about, Potter?" asked Severus.

"Ron's been looking into Scriblen for me; he's got some contacts in America. Anyway, he filled me in last night at the game, and I forgot all about it."

"Well?" asked Severus, irritably.

"Sorry," said Harry as he finished with the vials. He walked over to where Severus was working and sat on a work stool. "Ron says so far everything looks fine. Scriblen is a respected editor at Erudite Press, a leading publisher of textbooks and educational materials. He's never been convicted of a crime and has no known associations with any Dark Magic organizations or persons. He's married with three children, raises Jobberknolls for fun, and is a long time member of the Magical Editor's Association (American Division)."

Severus paused in his grinding. "Perhaps, I need to complete my first chapter." Harry could see that he was struggling not to smile. "Advise Mr. Weasley to continue his investigation."

"I have some other good news," said Harry. "Your grant has been approved." Severus took out his wand and charmed the pestle to grind for him.

"And why would you have that information and not me?" asked Severus.

"A grant request of that nature is passed to the Chief Head Muckity-Muck for approval. Since I am the Founder and Chief Head Muckity-Muck of the White Bumblebee Foundation, I approve." Harry grinned.

"I can't accept any more from you, Harry. And why wouldn't you have told me this in the first place," Severus snapped.

Harry sighed. "The foundation money isn't mine; it's all from charitable contributions, so you're not accepting anything from me personally. The mission of the foundation is to aid those people who were victimized by Voldemort and his associates. I know how well qualified you are in that respect. I didn't say anything prior because I wanted you to apply, so that all the proper paperwork would be filed. I knew you wouldn't do that if I told you who oversaw the foundation. Please accept the grant, you've earned it and it's a pittance compared to what you truly deserve. Your book will be of great benefit to the wizarding community."

Harry could see Severus deliberating and he tried to think of a more persuasive argument. "You could always donate a portion of the book's profits to the foundation as repayment."

"Giving my money away before I even have it, Potter?" said Severus. "In that case, the book must be a phenomenal success so that I will not be indebted to your foundation. Rather it shall be indebted to me." Crossing his arms across his chest, Severus smirked. "Considering my talent, that should not be so difficult."

Harry smiled, hopped off the stool and moved close to Severus. "I'm thrilled that something is finally going right for you." Harry slid his arms around Severus and embraced him.

"That's not the only thing going right for me," Severus murmured as he wrapped his arms around Harry.