Harry Potter, Blue's Clues Style

It took a good half hour for them to finally reach the castle, Bob and Fred humming the Mission Impossible theme song the whole way. As they reached the entrance,Fred began to run at full speed and tried to dramatically kick in the door. It didn't work. She howled in pain as she flew backward onto the ground.

"Dude, that was like, totally not groovy," Brad commented as Joe nodded in agreement.

"I'm fine! No need to worry!" She yelled as she stood up and began to adjust her wig, stumbling a bit. "Stupid door!" She muttered as she tugged it open.

They couldn't have picked a better time to break into the school, because dinner had just ended and the majority of the students were in the main entrance hall. A hushed silence fell over the crowd as they gaped at the strangers who had just entered the school. Seconds soon turned into minutes as they all stood there. Finally a dark haired boy with green eyes and glasses pushed himself to the front. "Who are you people?"

"Ummm...Charlie's Angels?" Bob answered questioningly.

"Yeah, I'm the blond one!" Brad shouted as he leapt out in front.

"No you're not, I am!" Fred cried as she elbowed him out of the way.

He glared at her defiantly, "I am."

"I have more hair."

"Everything is about you! Why can't I be the star for once?"

"You're such a drama queen!"

"Well you're...stupid!"

"Shutup!"

"You shutup!"

They began to pull each other's hair and tentively slap at one another.

"Catfight!" Joe yelled and began to cheer them on.

"You can both be the blond one...Stop it!" Bob cried.

Finally, she grabbed them both by the ear and pulled them up, causing them to whimper in pain. She giggled, "I'm gonna have to quote Phoebe on this one. If we were in prison, you guys would be my bitches."

The boy with dark hair and glasses spoke up, "I hate to interrupt, but you guys aren't Charlie's Angels, because there is only supposed to be three of them, and there are five of you...so who are you, really?"

"You're a very smart boy, aren't you, Harry?" Fred asked sweetly.

She walked up to him and began to pet his head as if he were a cat.

"Uhh...how did you know my name? And why are you petting me?" he asked, trying to back away.

"I'm a mind reader, Harry, I know everything."

"Really?"

"No, but you're famous, and when you're famous, everyone knows your name. Isn't that right, Brad?"

He nodded.

She turned back to Harry.

"As to your other question...I'm not really sure why I'm petting you, it just seemed right at the time. I'm going to slowly back away now, and we can all forget this ever happened."

"Now then," Bob said giving her friend a strange look as she backed away from Harry, "we've come for Steve...so hand him over, and nobody gets cheesed."

Everyone looked puzzled. "Is that like, some type of American slang for...we're going to kill you? Or attack, or what?" Harry asked.

"Oh no, we're not the voilent type. We just really are going to cheese you. One by one...unless that is, you give us Steve."

"Umm...Steve who?"

"Steve uhhh ... well we don't really know his last name, but he's the guy from Blue's Clues."

"Sorry, never heard of him."

Fred sighed, "Harry, you seem like a nice boy, and your hair is soft and silky smooth...by the way, what do you wash it with?"

"Oh uhh...V05...the moisturizing stuff...I think it's called Free Me Freesia. Smells delightful," he added.

"May I?" she asked, gesturing toward his head.

"Of course," he said, leaning down so she could smell him.

"Oh you're right! It's wonderful!"

"Ahem." Bob cleared her throat impatiently.

"Oh, sorry Bob, you know how it is, really short attention span. Anyways...like I was saying Harry, you're great and all, but I'm afraid we're going to have to cheese you. So now the real question is, do you prefer american, or extra sharp chedder?"

Harry suddenly looked very frightened.

"You'll have to get through us, first," a young boy with red hair and freckles said, as he and three other boys stepped out in front of Harry.

"Who are you? And why won't you let us cheese him?" Bob asked.

"I'm his best friend...and you can't cheese him because I said so," the first one spoke up.

"Yeah, and we're his best friend's older brothers, and you can't cheese him, because... he said so!" the two older boys exclaimed.

The blond one sighed in resignation, "and I'm his secret lover. You can't cheese him because...well it wouldn't be very nice."

"Secret lovers?"

"Ron, look, I didn't tell you because...I thought you might react a little...indifferently."

"A little indifferently? Shit Harry, I thought we had something special going on here, and then you go and cheat on me?"

"But Ron, we never...and aren't you with Hermione?"

Ron giggled, "yeah, I just said that because I thought it would be really wicked if I could freak you out. But seriously Harry, Malfoy? Can't you do better than that?"

"How could he do better than me? I'm dead sexy," Malfoy interrupted.

"Dude's got a point," Fred whispered to Bob, who nodded approvingly.

Everyone was now staring at them again. "The blond one is right, it wouldn't be very nice if we cheesed Harry Potter," Fred said, as Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "Say Bob, do you think we'll have time for any fun on this adventure?"

"Depends on what you mean by fun?"

"Shagging, Bob, I mean shagging."

"Oh...well I suppose."

"Good, then can I have the one with red hair and freckles?"

"Which one? There's three of them."

"Well lets see...that one's already taken so how about..." she closed her eyes and pointed, "that one!" she said as her finger landed on one of the twins.

Fred smiled and waved at her. George threw a tantrum, "it's not fair! How come you get to have all the fun?" he whined at his brother.

"Don't worry sweety, I'll save some time for you, too," she winked at him and blew a kiss.

"So who do you want, Bob?"

"I'm stuck between Harry and the blond one."

"Well if they're together, then why do you have to choose?"

"I like the way you think."

"I've had enough of this insanity! Have any of you seen a man, who looks somewhat like me? He might be going by the name Wildmen," Eric asked impatiently.

"Are you talking about Professor Wildmen?"

"Yes, that would be Steve, because I am the real Professor Wildmen."

"Say Harry," Ron nudged is friend.

"What?"

"Remember last year, when our teacher was Mad-Eye Moody, and then it turned out that he really wasn't, and he tried to kill you?"

"Yeah."

"You don't suppose this is another of those situations, do you?"

"No, I don't think it is."

"Why not?"

"Because when people try to kill me, they usually wait until the end of the year, and it's only September."

"Oh...yes that would make sense."

At that moment the teachers all came striding into the hall, "who are you?" Dumbledore asked, eyeing them suspiciously.

"We are an undercover organization created for the sole purpose of stopping evil witches and wizards bent on world domintation," Bob answered smoothly.

"Yes, and we need to speak to your house elves," Fred added.

"Why?"

"Becaue I would like a cup of hot cocoa...and some peanut butter, lots and lots of peanut butter."

"Right..."

"I enjoy peanut butter."

"Yes, I suppose you do. But really I would like to know who you people are."

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

"Really, really?"

"Yes, yes I would," Dumbledore said impatiently.

"Okay. I..."

"No, Fred don't," Bob interrupted.

"Am..."

"Don't do it man."

"DEATH!" Fred managed to yell just as Bob pounced on her.

Fred laughed evily as she rolled around on the ground, kicking everyone that tried to come near her, "that's right, I'm DEATH! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!" suddenly she stopped. "Brad?"

"Yes?"

"Come here my precious, I need you to help me up."

"K," he sang and pranced over to her.

"You peple are..." Dumbledore started.

"Wait! Do you hear that?" Fred interrupted.

"Here what?"

She leapt to her feat and leaned at an angle, cocking her head to the side, as if to hear something better.

Catching on, Bob did the same, "there is a foul sound in the air!"

"I don't hear anything."

"Shhh..." just then a jellyfish came floating across the scene. Fred flung on a black pair of glasses and frolicked after it, catching it with a net that had suddenly appeared in her hand, "okay, now I really really need some peanut butter."

Draco sighed, "I have to say, alot of strange and disturbing things have happened here at Hogwarts, but this one definitely tops the list."

Fred smiled seductively at him, "I'm flattered."

"I was talking about the jellyfish but...oh never mind."

She strode up to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He smiled suggestively at her. She burst into tears, throwing herself at his feet.

"Oh God, what am I doing? You belong to Bob! Go, run to her, and never look back!" she began to sob hysterically as Draco attempted to release himself from her grasp. "I will never love another!" she looked at Fred and George and stopped crying. "You two are even cuter up close."

"Fred!"

"What?" both Freds asked simultaneously. They looked at each other.

"There's only room for one Fred in this story, and I was here first," the male version reasoned.

"No you weren't, you came in half way through this chapter my friend, I've been here since the beginning."

"But I was born with this name, yours is a nickname!"

"How do you know? Fine! For the sake of continuing this little adventure, I'll change my name. Now lets see, what are we going to name me? Hmmm...damn I wish I didn't have to come up with a spiffy new nickname. Oh I know! How about ChooChoo?" "Damn it Fred! I mean ChooChoo!"

"What Bob?"

"Dumbledore is still waiting for his answer!"

"You think of something, you're the smart one!"

Eric looked down, "Jesus Christ, I'm surrounded by idiots." He put on a winning smile, "Hello Professor Dumbledore, I am Professor Eric Wildmen."

"No you're not, Professor Wildmen is right here," Dumbledore said, stepping aside to reveal a man standing behind him.

"Steve!" Bob and uhh...ChooChoo cried at the same time.

They ran up to him and flung their arms around him protectively.

He scratched his head, "why does that name sound familiar? And you, I've seen you somewhere before," he said, pointing at Joe.

"I'm the happy guy, remember?"

A look of dawning comprehension came across Steve's face, "I'm Steve!"

"Yes, you are," Bob smiled at him.

"I'm Steve!"

"That's right!" ChooChoo answered.

"I'm Steve!"

"Okay, you can shut up now."

"Right, sorry, just got a bit excited for a moment. I remember everything now. I was on the plane, and I was sleeping, and that fellow over there shook me awake and I err...well I hit him. sorry about that, man, I always wake up swinging."

"That's alright, I was mad for awhile, but you gotta figure, it could always be worse," Eric said.

Steve smiled, "exactly, like, you could wake up in a room with padded walls and barred windows, and have a nurse feed you sedatives every few hours."

Eric frowned, "that's err...already happened. Come to think of it, that was your fault."

Steve backed away. Bob stepped between them, "lets just put the past behind us, shall we?"

They both nodded. Dumbledore spoke up, "I am ashamed to say that, for the first time in my life, I am very confused."

"Let me explain the situation to you," Bob said kindly, walking up to him, "see that person right there," she pointed to Steve, "is not your professor, he is a muggle actor. That person there, " she pointed to Eric, "is your professor. They got switched around on the plane...amnesia I guess."

"I see...so you people are responsible for bringing the real professor to us?"

Bob and ChooChoo nodded.

"I will be eternally grateful...I wish there was some way that I could repay you."

"Actually, you could let us crash here for awhile," ChooChoo spoke up.

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, we were kinda getting tired of our old school, it'd be nice to have a change of scenery," Bob added.

"I don't know... you two don't exactly seem... oh what's the right way to put this?"

"Stable?" ChooChoo offered, and Dumbledore nodded.

"Of course we're not stable, but we're not dangerous, either. Just give us a chance, please?"

Dumbledore sighed, "very well, I will have someone show you to the dormitories."