Harry Potter, Blue's Clues Style

ChooChoo awoke in the middle of the night with a start, trying not to wake Fred and Brad, who were sleeping on either side of her. (at this point, the author of the story would like to mention that nobody really knows what events took place leading up to this moment,and is going to ask the readers not to 'assume' that anything went on between the aforementioned characters. Really people, get your minds out of the gutter!)

"Give me the prrrrrrecioussssssss," a voice hissed from out of nowhere.

"Who's there?" ChooChoo asked frantically, looking around.

Finally she spotted a dark silhouette standing in the corner.

"I musssst have the prrrreciousssss."

Brad and Fred were now awake and staring at the stranger.

"Show yourself," ChooChoo said impatiently after ten full minutes of the stranger rambling about his 'prrrrreciousssss'.

He stepped out of the darkness to reveal a man with long blond hair and pointy elf ears.

"Legolas?" ChooChoo asked incredulously.

He nodded.

"What the hell are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be fighting some Orcs in Middle Earth right about now? And wasn't that Gollum's catch phrase?"

Legolas nodded again and spoke, "I have come for the prrrecioussss."

He pointed at Brad. ChooChoo looked from him to Brad, and back to him again. "No, Legolas, you can't have Brad Pitt, he's my precious."

Legolas blinked a couple of times, then reached into his pocket for a ciggarette. "Got a light?" he asked ChooChoo.

She used her wand as a lighter. Legolas proceeded to smoke the ciggarette, pacing back and forth, occasionally mumbling and cursing to himself, "shit, I still don't have a precious. What the hell am I going to do now?"

"You could go over to Bob's room. There's a blond boy in there,and he's rather precious if you ask me," ChooChoo offered.

Legolas looked at her thoughtfully, "How precious?"

"Very precious."

"Precious enough to be my precious?"

"Yes, definitely."

He smiled at her, "Thanks, Fred, I owe you one."

"Oh, my name isn't Fred anymore, it's ChooChoo."

"Well, thank you ChooChoo. Now, I must leave you. To Bob's room!" he yelled and pointed.

He was gone in a flash, not bothering to use the door in his haste, but succeeding in making an elf-shaped hole in the wall.

"Does he know where Bob's room is?" Fred asked ChooChoo.

"Probably not."

_______________________________________________________________________

Ron woke up suddenly to find someone with long hair standing over him. "That you Hermione?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Are you the precious?" a male voice asked.

Ron sat up quickly and turned on a light. He took one look at Legolas and screamed, "Ahhhh! Elf in the Dormitory!"

Legolas gave a shrill cry and ran away.

Several minutes later ChooChoo, Brad, and Fred burst into the room.

"What happened? We heard you scream." Fred asked his brother.

"I woke up, and there was an elf standing over me, asking me if I was the precious!"

"You screamed at Legolas? Why'd you do that?" ChooChoo asked.

"Because he frightened me!"

"You probably frightened him more."

"Well he shouldn't go sneaking up on people like that."

_______________________________________________________________________

Bob woke up to the sound of someone bursting through the door, "Legolas? What the hell? It's three in the morning!"

Legolas looked at his watch, "So it is...oh yeah, Fred...I mean ChooChoo, said you had my precious."

"Ummm...I'm not quite following you buddy."

"The precious, God Dammit!"

"What precious? I don't understand."

Legolas walked up to the right side of the bed, where Draco was still sleeping. He knelt down and examined his face, "Hmmm...she's right, he is extremely precious. He'll do. I'll be taking him now."

"Wait...what? Taking him where?"

Legolas sighed and pulled out another ciggarette, "Let me explain this to you. I need a precious, I wanted Brad Pitt, but apparantly he belongs to ChooChoo, so this boy will have to do."

"You can't take him, he's my precious!"

"Ummm...no, he's my precious," Harry said from the other side of her.

"Legolas...if you don't mind my asking, why do you need a 'precious'?"

Legolas blinked a couple of times and scratched his head, "Umm... well...Gollum gets to have a precious, why can't I?"

"Yes, well Gollum has a ring. You want a blonde male as your precious. Ooooh, I see. You're really gay and this is your way of coming out of the closet! Isn't it?"

"Goddammit! Shit! Frodo told me it wouldn't work. He said it would be easier to just come straight out like he did..."

"Legolas, first of all your straying from the subject. Second, Frodo's gay, too?"

"Oops...damn, he's gonna be so mad at me."

"Well if you need a precious, and Frodo's gay, then why not Frodo?"

"He's err...already taken. Besides, he's not my type. A bit too short... and his feet aren't pretty enough. Well I must be off now, I plan to roam the school in search of my precious...but first, I need a snack...To the kitchens!"

"Don't forget to tickle the pear!" Harry mumbled sleepily.

_______________________________________________________________________

"So Bob, where do we go first?"

"Dumbledore said to just follow Fred and George around, since we're in the same year, and you seem rather uhhh...'friendly' with them."

"Yes that's it, just friendly, because teenage sex is BAD!" ChooChoo said very loudly, causing people around them to stare.

She turned to them all, "That's right, it's bad! But if you must, wrap it up, everytime!"

"Well, now that you've succeeded in sounding like a cheesy condom commercial, I think we'd better be going."

Dumbledore approached them immediately as they stepped into the Great Hall.

"There is an elf running around the school," he said flatly. "I saw him on my way to the bathroom last night, then I saw him on my way back, twice, going in the opposite direction. Finally, I saw him when I came down to breakfast...and I'm quite certain he stole my eggs and a piece of toast. Now I hate to assume anything, but I have a feeling this is somehow connected with you two."

"Oh yeah...sorry about that. He's our friend, Legolas...and might I warn you, he can turn very violent when harassed," Bob explained.

"Could you at least teach him to use a door? I'm tired of finding elf-shaped holes in the wall everywhere I turn."

"Yeah he's just a...a little excited. That should wear off in a day or two."

Dumbledore gave them a strange look and walked away.

"So where do we go first?" ChooChoo asked as she and Bob sat down next to Fred and George.

"Potions," Fred answered glumly.

"Ohhh...fun!" ChooChoo exclaimed.

"You find getting yelled at and being verbally abused fun?" George asked in confusion.

ChooChoo giggled and was about to answer when a scream broke out from the other end of the table.

"No, it's the crazy elfman again! Get him away from me!"

Ron practically flew over to ChooChoo in hopes of hiding behind her.

"Umm...Ron, it's okay," she said, patting him on the head, "he doesn't bite. He might hump occasionally, but trust me, that doesn't hurt."

Everybody stared at her except Bob, who was busy jellying a piece of toast.

"I'm going to go back to my seat now, and try my hardest to pretend you didn't say that," Ron said, backing away from her.

ChooChoo turned to Bob, "Did I say something wrong?"

Bob shrugged, "sounded okay to me."

"You two really are crazy, aren't you?" George asked with a hint of admiration in his voice.

"Honestly, you people act like you've never been humped before," ChooChoo said in exasperation.

They stared at her again.

"No, thats errr...never happened," Fred replied slowly.

"Oh," ChooChoo looked crestfallen, "well don't worry, it'll happen eventually."

"I can't wait?" Fred offered, looking at her strangely.

"I think we should go to class now," George said quickly.

"Oober!" Bob and ChooChoo cried simultaneously.

"Where?" Fred and George yelled, ducking and covering their heads.

"Okay...how about I refrase that," ChooChoo said reluctantly, "we meant...NEATO!"

"Yeah...that was one of our words...nobody seems to understand it though," Bob explained sadly.

"Cheer up groupie! We need the happy for lessons, remember?" ChooChoo asked.

Bob giggled. "Hehehe yeah, this is going to be an interesting day. Well off we go." Exit stage left.