Boys on the Radio

Chapter Thirteen

I don't want to die

And I don't want to live.

I just want a chance to be with you.

Harry found himself waking in a strange place, not knowing immediately why he was there. He recycled the events from when he was last awake quickly. Godric's Hollow ... his parent's house ... the graves ... And of course, Jill. He and Draco had stayed at Jill's that night. He felt absolutely cozy. Jill had given him a room to himself.

Harry and Draco had not told Jill of their relationship. It did not seem appropriate, do therefore Draco slept in another room. Jill lived in the home of her grandparents, and she took care of her grandparents who needed much tending to, but Harry had not yet met them. He didn't know how long he would stay. As long as he needed to, he supposed.

He was infinitely glad to have Draco with him. It must have been hard for him, naturally, as the entire scenario was about Harry. Harry wanted to include Draco as much as he could for obvious reasons, but really, the entire situation was so personal it made it quite difficult. He was so amazed by everything new he was learning. He had a strong urge to never leave at the moment.

As Harry lifted himself out of bed, Draco came in the room. He was in pajamas, and he smiled at Harry. He came and sat down on Harry's bed and then kissed Harry gently on the lips. It was nice, he hadn't expected that.

'Slept in a bit, didn't you? It's past noon,' Draco remarked at him.

'I was really tired,' Harry said. 'Where's Jill?'

'She's grocery shopping,' Draco said. 'I told her you might want to stay for a bit.'

Draco seemed to add this in quite casually, but Harry knew Draco had actually given the matter some thought.

'Thanks,' Harry said. 'It's all so great to me, you know.'

It's all he could really do to explain how he felt.

'You want to face it all now though, Harry?' Draco asked, referring to what Harry had told him the night before.

'I won't sleep in peace until I do. I'm going to have to, I know it and it's real simple,' Harry said strongly. But then he looked at Draco and told him something he'd been thinking about. 'But if you can't be on my side while it's happening, it's okay, I'll understand, I mean - "

But Draco didn't allow Harry to finish what he saying, he had taken him in a firm kiss. And now he was on top of him, putting his hands all over Harry's body. And Harry returned the kiss, caught up in the moment, and tried to ignore all thoughts. Harry slid his hands underneath Draco's clothing ...

But then Draco stopped and looked at Harry. 'I'll be with you. I'm never going away.'

Harry knew he would answer this way, but he simply begged silently to himself that Draco meant it.

'Do you want to go home, Draco?' Harry asked him quietly, as they held each other.

'I just want to have something to do ... With you,' Draco said persistently, as if he was begging Harry to understand. 'Harry, do it for me.'

'Do what?' Harry said, returning the whispering tone.

But then Draco spoke in a rough, excited, happy tone next. 'Shag me silly.'

Harry was a bit taken back by this. In all honesty, sex really had not been on the mind. He still felt so tired ?. But then again, it was sex. But they couldn't in Jill's house, right? What if she walked in? There would be a lot of explaining to do ?

But Harry found himself on top of Draco, kissing him all over and feeling him up. It was an opportunity, something he had wanted to do, something he hadn't expected ? A lovely surprise. Harry didn't waste time with much passion, though, before he knew it, he had Draco completely undressed.

And the two had the most passionate sex of their relationship, where they both switched roles and both dominated and then allowed domination.

*****

'That was wonderful - bloody wonderful,' Harry said. But then he realized Jill could come back any moment. 'Get dressed, quickly.'

Harry was completely not into sex anymore now that it was over. He knew this was normal, but it still felt strange. He felt so suddenly guilty and somehow dirty. He didn't want Draco naked like that in front of him right now, and he didn't want to be naked then either. Quickly, they both dressed.

'So?' Draco said, peering at Harry. He looked a bit uncomfortable himself. 'I love you.'

And Harry was reminded of why they had done that in the first place. It had been nothing dirty. It had been an act of love. Perhaps not in the best time or place, but it was all fine now. It didn't matter. They had not hurt anyone had they? Harry smiled at Draco.

'I love you too,' he responded. And then Jill walked in.

'Finally up, Harry, then?' she smiled at them both. Harry felt a little nervous, shaking. Somehow, he felt, she would know. She'd have to know. 'What have you two been up to?'

'Nothing,' they both said at the same time.

She looked at them curiously, but she must not have that much to it. 'All right, then. Harry. How long do you want to stay here?' she looked a bit apprehensive at asking this particular question.

'I don't know. We both have to go back, I know this. Just one more day, I think,' Harry said. He was very firm on this. If he didn't leave soon, he was scared he never would. He got out of bed at this, and smiled at Jill. 'Thanks for everything you've done. I really appreciate it all.'

'Harry! It was nothing at all! Anything for Lily and James's son,' she said, beaming at him.

Harry didn't know what to say. He simply smiled at her. He was definitely very appreciative. He still found it quite amazing to even meet a friend of his mother's. Why had no one showed him his godmother before? Harry felt confused ... Offended, really, was what he felt. Why had they chosen to hide her from him?

They had hid Sirius from him, but at the time they had thought him a murderer. He deserved to know Jill though. She was a kind person. Especially now of all times ... The wizarding world was at war, finally. The Ministry was doing all they could and was very unsuccessful. There were murders all the time in The Daily Prophet. It had started with the dementor and then the siege at Hogwarts.

It had all become all about Harry then. Everyone had turned to him again. He was once again the hero, the one that would save them all, something he, Harry, could not have taken at the time. He felt perhaps a bit more prepared now, ready for it all. He knew he would have to deal with it.

In fact, he felt ashamed of his behavior almost. He was surprised in himself. He supposed it was partly the entire affair with Draco, but at the same time, it was Draco that had inspired him to return. He couldn't be more appreciative to have gone to Godric's Hollow. But he could take it no longer. He had to ask.

'Why has Dumbledore not told me about you before, Jill?' Harry asked softly and carefully.

At this, Jill burst into tears. She looked away from them. Harry was quite taken back. He didn't know quite what to say. He looked over at Draco, who looked as though he was going to burst out laughing. He's so sick Thought Harry, and almost laughed himself at the thought. But Harry contained himself, not saying anything, afraid of making her feel worse.

'It's my problem, Harry,' she said finally. 'All the drugs.'

Harry's jaws dropped.

'What drugs do you do? We haven't got high in awhile,' Draco said and he began laughing pretty hard.

Harry felt beyond uncomfortable, but Jill began laughing ?. She had taken it as a joke.

'I have had problems with heroin since I was maybe thirteen. Your mother had been helping me with it actually. When I as friends with Lily was the longest I had gone without doing it, but I haven't been able to stop for the past fourteen years,' Jill explained. 'I'm not proud of it. It's just become normal. A hit a few times a day and I am fine.'

Harry did not know what to say. He could and would not judge her. He saw things in a different perspective now. It really must have been hard for her.

'Draco and I .. We sometimes smoke pot,' Harry said, hoping that'd make her feel better.

Jill began crying worse. 'Please, oh God, don't do crack, and don't get hooked on the shit I do. Please.'

The next hour or so was very uncomfortable.

Draco had suggested they visit the town to take their mind off things. Jill found herself introducing Harry to everyone, many who were so shocked to see him. They thought they'd never see him again. Others said they'd known Harry would come back some day. Jill even showed them the church in which Harry had been baptized.

At the end of the day, they went to eat at a small little joint. Draco found it interesting. He wasn't used to Muggle diners. He found himself impatient as it took so long for the food to be prepared but he did not show it. He was well trained. When he had been a child, his father had insisted on perfect etiquette or he would have been severely punished.

They ate mainly in silence. Draco was very hungry. They hadn't really eaten much earlier. He had gotten so tired of walking all over town he was very relieved when it had been time to get food.

'I want to let you both know it's been a pleasure having you,' Jill said finally. 'Please come back soon. Christmas is in a couple of months, can you come then?'

'We don't know,' Draco said truthfully. 'It's a complicated situation.'

'Voldemort's back,' Harry said, and Draco shuddered. 'The one who killed my parents. And well, Draco's parents aren't on my side. No one knows we're even friends.'

Draco was a bit taken back by Harry's apparent need to spread their business, but then again, Jill was pretty cool.

'Oh my God,' Jill said, clapping her hands over her mouth. 'Is that why you came here?'

'Basically,' Harry said. 'Everyone's kept everything from me.'

'Jill, Did Lily ever tell you why Voldemort went after Harry's parents?' Draco asked slowly. He knew Harry had wanted to know this even though he had never really brought it up.

Jill did not speak immediately. 'Of course I do. Harry's parents worked actively against him, first of all. Lily didn't want to join him, mind you; she was a very talented witch. She defied him. She even worked as a spy for a short period of time. Voldemort swore because she left him he would take her first-born son.'

'Why not kill her?' asked Harry, who Draco noticed, was listening once again so attentively.

Jill was crying again. 'Lily couldn't have babies, or at least they never thought she'd be able to. She was very lucky ; She was so happy when she found out she was having you. When she left him, she was pregnant in the early stages, but she didn't know that he knew. Oh Harry.'

She had taken him in a fierce hug. Harry's eye had tears in them, but he was not crying. Draco looked at him sadly. It was so difficult being Harry. Sometimes, Draco felt he was taking advantage of him.

'A picture,' Draco said. 'All of us. You brought the camera right, Jill?'

Harry found it hard leaving the next day. Draco had a perfect plan. They would both go to Diagon Alley first. Draco would get a room at the Leaky Cauldron, and Harry would return first. He would return in two days. Harry felt queasy about the situation, but Draco assured him it'd be fine.

'I'll write you as soon as I get back,' Harry said to Jill, and he hugged her a final time. 'Thanks a lot, Jill.'

*****

Harry and Draco decided to leave very early in the morning so they wouldn't be noticed. Harry was the first off as Draco said good bye to Jill. And then Draco followed him. They were headed for London, and Harry privately prayed that no one in Diagon Alley would spot them.

The travel seemed to take no time at all. He had thoughts running through his head so much. His parents ? Jill ?. Everything at Hogwarts ?. Draco ?. Just everything. When they arrived at the Leaky Cauldron, they kept their hoods up and Draco managed to get a room.

'Do you have today's Daily Prophet?' Harry asked in a hoarse voice far from his own.

'Yes, of course,' Tom the innkeeper said. 'God, it's terrible to read these days.'

Harry took it and he and Draco followed Tom to their room. He left them there and they entered. It was nice and cozy as always.

Harry looked at the front cover of the Daily Prophet and nearly fainted.

Horror at Hogwarts!

The boy-who-lived, Harry Potter, 15 and Draco Malfoy, 15, are both still currently missing. Whether their disappearances are at all linked is unknown at the present time, but Albus Dumbledore, headmaster, is in strong assurance that they are most certainly linked in some way, though he refused to tell the Daily Prophet insider how. Meanwhile, the horrible siege at Hogwarts continued.

Albus Dumbledore had only left his school for 6 hours to join the search parties for Potter and Malfoy when the terror of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named arose six days ago. Dumbledore had not left the school unprotected, but they were highly outnumbered.

Dementors, vicious werewolves, and other dark creatures along with dozens of Death Eaters attacked Hogwarts School. Their first attempt had already left a girl, Blaze Zabini, dead. Their second has proven much more successful. The Ministry with Dumbledore is fighting to retake Hogwarts, though the students are being held hostage by werewolves and the Death Eaters.

How exactly the students are suffering is quite unknown at the moment. It is apparently nearly impossible to enter Hogwarts School.

'I believe Voldemort is attempting to lure Harry back at the moment,' Albus Dumbledore reported gravely yesterday.

We can only hope the souls of Hogwarts School can be saved.

Harry nearly fainted upon reading this. Draco was reading over him, and he felt Draco clutch his shoulder in surprise and fear.

'Jesus!' Draco yelled. 'Harry, we need to go ? both of us.'

'Of course we do,' and Harry looked at Draco sincerely. 'I think this could be it. The showdown and all. Voldemort wants me right now, Draco. I love you, and if something happens, something horrible, I want you to know.'

And they kissed. All Harry could think about was Ron and Hermione and his friends. Were they safe? What kind of torture were they being subjected to? He didn't even bare the thought of them not being alive. It was too terrible

'I love you too, and I'm ready.'

'Ready for what?' Harry asked, wanting a specific answer.

'To face it all with you,' Draco said softly.

And neither of them needed the inn anymore as they both left immediately, headed for Hogwarts.