Boys on the Radio

Chapter Nine

Love hates you.

I live my life in ruins for you

And for all your secrets kept.

Harry awoke with a shake, and the first thing he felt was a terrible splitting headache. He didn't seem to think it was possible he could have slept much at all. It felt as if he had just fallen asleep minutes ago, though he had never felt so tired in his life. He was exhausted.

Harry opened his eyelids and there was Draco. The boy looked like he had gone to hell and back. He looked very sick and pale. His hair was completely ruffled and disordered, and all the color was gone from his face.

"Draco ... What time is it?" He had meant to ask him if he was okay, but he hadn't.

"It's just past seven," Draco explained, his voice weak and soft. "But I paid for a portkey to get us to Hogsmeade. We don't have to fly."

Harry was extremely grateful for this. The idea of flying had never been more unappealing. He wanted nothing more to continue sleeping. He, at that point, did not care if the whole world was to find out he and Draco had spent the night together because he felt like such shit. He wanted to ease the pain.

Draco helped him up a bit, walked him to the bathroom, and helped him wash up. But right when Harry felt he was feeling better, he felt a terrible sick feeling in his stomach and ran to the toilet, but did not make it. Harry threw up terribly all over the bathroom floor.

"Damn you Potter," Draco said. "That's on the bill you know."

But Draco suppressed a smile. He seemed to be enjoying this.

Harry moaned in pain.

"When is the portkey going to be ready?" Harry asked faintly, still on his hands and knees, very sick.

"Ten minutes. Get up." Harry glared at him, but Draco continued, rather sympathetically, or as sympathetically as Draco Malfoy could be. "I feel like shit, too. But we have to go back. You know we do."

"I hate loving you sometimes," Harry said, before he had realized what he had said. He looked up at Draco. He had never seen Draco looked so shocked before. Perhaps Draco didn't feel the same. Or perhaps he hadn't expected Harry to feel the same. Or perhaps he just didn't expect Harry to say it.

Draco did not respond immediately, but waited a moment. Finally, some color returned to his face and he spoke. "I know what you mean."

And that was that, and Harry did not speak again, but with Draco's help, got up, and dressed himself in a hurried fashion as to not miss the portkey, neither speaking of what had just happened.

*********

Draco and Harry had literally run back to the castle together, under the cloak, as fast as they could, not caring if their legs occasionally showed, as they wanted to get to their dormitories. Draco prayed no one had noticed them being missing. It was still quite early, after all.

As they entered the castle, Draco took Harry quickly in his arms. He had been shocked by Harry's slip-up in speaking of his feelings for Draco. Draco imagined that was the only way it could have happened. Harry wouldn't have - at least not then - sat Draco down and deliberately told him. Draco knew he felt the same way, but it took Harry saying it for him to come to the complete realization of his own feelings.

Draco kissed Harry rather lightly. It was a goodbye kiss, but not a long one. As soon as he awoke, he would want to see Harry again. But this time, he vowed to remain sober. They would have to do something innocent and fun ... of course, that was almost impossible. It was part of their compatibility. The crime of passion, all their secrets kept.

Draco left Harry at Gryffindor Tower, feeling extremely dizzy and lightheaded, rushing for the Slytherin dungeons. He wanted to be in his dormitory, dozing off into a dreamless sleep. He would let nothing stop him. As he quickly muttered the password, a rush of relief poured over him as he found a nearly empty common room. He rushed upstairs and as he fell onto his five-poster bed, he really, really slept.

*********

Harry had slept fine, but he had remembered someone, most likely Ron, trying to awaken him, and Harry threatening to hex them. But then later he would wonder if that had just been a dream. When he awoke, it was around dusk, and there was a letter sitting right next to him.

Of course it was from Draco. It asked him if he was feeling any better, and to meet in the same place tonight. Harry swore after the events of the night before he would never drink again. It was an overstatement, yes, but he was in no fit mood to drink again tonight.

Harry got dressed rather quickly, as he was feeling quite hungry. He proceeded down to the Great Hall where Hermione and Ron ran over to him and were panicking about him. They fretted for a moment on why he had slept all day, and Harry had simply said he was tired, knowing he had given a pretty unconvincing answer.

"Harry, Ron felt your head earlier, you were burning up," Hermione explained. "I gave you a cooling charm and then you went right back to sleep."

"That must be why I slept so much, then," Harry said. "I had a fever."

Harry smiled to himself at the oddness of partial truth in that statement. He ate rather quickly, as he had obviously been much hungrier than he had earlier anticipated. The more he ate, the better he felt. Finally, the insufferable pain was easing a bit more. Some of the color returned to his cheeks.

Later on that night, Harry accomplished some long-forgotten homework with Ron and Hermione. He felt quite relieved, as he had concluded before he would more than likely never finish it. But now, it felt absolutely wonderful having accomplished that task. To many, finishing homework was such a simple task. But right now, he felt he could do anything.

"Good night," Harry said to Hermione and Ron, an hour before meeting Draco.

"I reckoned you wouldn't be tired, mate," Ron said, sleepily.

"Well, yes, he woke up quite late," Hermione said.

And they went to bed.

***********

Draco had not enjoyed detention with McGonagall in the slightest bit. He had hoped he'd be writing lines or something ridiculously pointless as that, but he did not get that privilege, not at all. She had had him peel gum off the bottom of the desks of the classrooms on the fourth floor ... and without magic.

Draco had thought he wouldn't make it to the meeting with Harry. And as he had no way of contacting Harry, he became quite worried. He became working steadily faster, reaching a peak. But it was in his nature to still somehow make his work absolutely perfect. Somehow, he accomplished it in time. He could not miss Harry.

It was ten minutes before midnight when he finished and Professor McGonagall let him go after a very thorough inspection, in disappointment that she had nothing unsatisfactory to report. Even so, it was not in her nature to deny fairness at the same time, and she allowed him to leave. Having had no proper time for a quick clean-up, he rushed to the Astronomy Tower.

For the first time, it was Harry waiting for him, examining his fingernails, looking pleased and bored. Harry had stolen his role. Ah, bloody Harry ...

"Very funny," Draco said. "But those who mock Draco Malfoy only mock themselves."

Harry laughed out loud at this. "Where were you, Draco? Honestly, I was worried," Harry said, still smiling brightly, but Harry Potter could not lie to him. He really had been. It was a bit embarrassing, but Draco admitted it.

"Detention, remember. I actually finished as quickly as I could," Draco said casually. He had meant to add 'for you', but Draco was never that affectionate to people unless he was under the influence, and even then it was rare.

"Ah," Harry said quietly. He made it painfully obvious he felt so guilty for Draco being caught. "Was it bad?"

"It wasn't fun at all, no," Draco would have liked to lie, and say it had just been lines, or something stupid, but he found he too, was incapable of lying to Harry, even for something as miniscule as that. "But it's fine, Harry."

"I'm sorry, Draco, I should have told her ..."

"It's fine, Harry ..."

"You wouldn't even be in trouble ..."

"Be quiet, Harry ..."

"It's my fault ..."

"SHUT UP, POTTER!" Draco finally said in an outburst. "I said it was fine, and it is!"

Harry didn't speak. He looked at Draco rather confused. Draco understood. It was nothing more than a simple clash of personalities really. Harry was the kind of person who apologized and made it clear how he felt ... and Draco was not, not necessarily. Draco never said he was sorry, he showed it. And Draco's emotions were difficult to read, they took time to be easily recognized.

"Where are we going, Draco?" Harry finally asked quietly.

"I don't know, but I have to say whatever we do, we stay sober. I can't take another night like that," And Draco smiled at Harry. He was not angry at Harry at all.

"Good, me either," Harry said, smiling back. "How about we take a stroll in London again, but that's it, just a stroll?"

"All right, Harry. But we have go to Gringotts first," Draco said. "Good thing you brought two brooms ... Who'd you nick the other one from?"

"A school broom I decided to get and just keep for a while," Harry said. "Just in case. I'll return it in a bit. I figured you might have forgotten or something."

"I didn't forget, I had no time."

Another dead silence.

"So why do we need to go to Gringotts?" Harry asked.

"Well, Harry, do you think my muggle money comes out of thin air? I have to trade it with the goblins," Draco explained a bit impatiently.

Draco smiled evilly at Harry, but then kissed him on the cheek much more romantically then he normally was.

*************

Harry was freezing terribly as Draco and he walked down Diagon Alley and approached Gringotts. Draco had rushed him while they had been flying, as even though Gringotts closed late, they had less than an hour to get there. When they arrived, they had less than ten minutes' time to spare. Harry felt so cold his muscles were burning.

"Damn, Potter," Draco said, and quite casually, as if it was nothing, took off his own jacket and put it around Harry. "Don't bloody turn into an ice cube on me."

"Thanks, Draco," Harry said, as they walked into Gringotts.

The goblins looked pretty harassed as Draco made them switch out his galleons, sickles, and knuts for muggle pounds. But as unwillingly as they did it, they still did the job absolutely perfectly.

"About time," Draco said. "They took long enough."

"Draco!" Harry said. "Don't harass the workers."

"Could be faster though, my God," Draco said as they left.

"Let's just go through the Leaky Cauldron, then," Harry said.

"No, Potter," Draco said immediately, as though there could have been no such dumber suggestion.

"Why not?" Harry asked.

"The innkeeper knows both of us," Draco said simply. "We'll fly again."

Draco and Harry secured their brooms with anti-stealing charms behind a shop and began strolling around muggle London under the Invisibility Cloak. They would have to at least until they found themselves some muggle clothes. So taking off the cloak, they entered a late night shopping center. The people there looked shady enough, so they were able to play it off as though they had just come from, or for that matter, on their way to, a late night costume party.

Draco found the men's clothing department with Harry. Though he had never admitted it to anyone before, he had always had a strong fondness for muggle clothing. Of course he had never been allowed to wear them and he had never asked to for that matter. But he had seen muggles a lot from time to time, and thought they were quite nice.

Draco could tell Harry thought it was funny they were finally in a circumstance in which Harry knew much more about the situation then he did. Harry, still, did not make it into a big deal. He was browsing through jeans quickly, looking for a size for Draco. Draco was actually anticipating dressing up as a muggle.

Shirts ... there was such an assortment of muggle clothing. Harry found him a rather nice, casual collared shirt that was rather expensive. To go with it was a pair of faded blue jeans. Draco smiled at Harry in a playful way. Draco Malfoy in muggle clothes. Certainly something to remember.

Draco tried on the clothes in a rather untidy, small fitting room. There was a cracked mirror on the side wall in which he examined himself. It really did look quite nice on him ... A perfect fit. He preferred it to wizarding clothes, which he always thought everyone looked the same in. Draco honestly didn't mind being conceited ... he looked sexy.

"Let me see, then," Harry's voice called, and Draco, trying to look humble and unsure, walked out of the fitting room and walked to Harry, who was smiling. "Wow, Draco. You look good in anything."

"I know, Harry. Must you rub it in?" Draco said, winking at Harry with a smirk on his face. "I want a new coat with this, too."

When Harry got dressed in his own outfit, he knew he would not be able to pull it off as Draco did. But Draco had that natural charm, and had twice as good composure and poise as he did. But Harry still thought he looked decent. He was dressed in a long sleeved, striped, button and collar blue shirt along with black jeans. Draco and Harry purchased their new clothes right after Draco selected a rather trendy, comfortable jean jacket.

"Where shall we go?" Harry asked.

"I have this idea. It's quite funny really," Draco said and Harry became scared. Draco's sense of humor wasn't exactly normal. "I want to get my ear pierced."

Harry actually laughed. "No, seriously, what do you want to do?" Harry said, still giggling. Draco looked serious. It was a bit much, really, taking a joke like that that far.

"Do you think I'm joking, Potter? I want my left ear pierced. Don't you think I would be even more dashing?" Draco asked slyly.

Harry eyed Draco. He was quite shocked. Draco Malfoy with a muggle fashion statement was so awkward. But knowing Draco, he would make it seem absolutely cool. He'd have some lame excuse about how he was truly mocking muggles or some cock and bull story. But Harry smiled. It would make Draco look very dashing indeed.

"Well, all right then."

***************

Draco was actually scared, but of course he didn't show it. He sat in the uncomfortable chair with perfect composure making small talk with the worker. She was a punk-looking teenage girl who looked barely older than them and tattoos all over her body. She seemed to be annoyed that she had to work so late.

"Yes, well, when you have a kid at eighteen you got no choice," She remarked at some point. "But anyway, you ready?"

She did not wait for a response as she prepared the proper tools to perform the piercing. And then, waiting for Draco to look at her she took the needle to his ear.

"One ... Two ... Three."

A sharp pain ran though his left earlobe. But the pain lessened momentarily. Draco tried his best not to flinch. It had not hurt terribly, but it had not been pleasant either. He pulled himself together rather fast.

"That wasn't so bad," Harry said, smirking at him. He knew Harry knew he had been in pain.

"It looks good, Draco, it does!" Harry reassured Draco as they talked as they as they walked down an empty London street. Draco had been moaning about how awful his new earring looked, but Harry kept telling him it looked good, as in his opinion, it truly did.

"It looks like someone took a blade to my ear!" Draco said, sounding much more panicked then normal. At Draco's horrified look, Harry laughed out loud.

"Oh, Draco, when Voldemort's taken over, you'll be worrying about whether you combed your hair that morning!" Harry said, and Draco too, laughed at this

"You really like it then?" Draco asked sincerely in a tone begging for the truth.

"Yeah, I really do," Harry said firmly.

"Good. I can't wait to show it off," Draco said, and his arrogant attitude returned quicker than a ray of light.

"Ah, Draco, Draco," Harry said. "I think that girl had it in for you."

"What are you talking about?" Draco asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"You have a wad of gum in your hair," Harry said, looking at Draco completely seriously.

"WHAT?" Draco exclaimed, looking as though he was facing ten Death Eaters.

And then Harry burst into hysterical giggles.

"Very funny, Harry," Draco said, though rather playfully, and he crossed his arms. "Oh how lovely."

Draco stopped suddenly a few moments later. He grabbed Harry's arm, and Harry could feel him shaking. It was the rare fear in Draco, but he could feel it. Harry looked into Draco's pale eyes, and they were full of fear. The horror of seeing Draco in that state had to be worse than whatever it was.

"Draco," Harry whispered. "Draco, what is it?"

But Draco did not respond. He stood staring, looking horrified. Harry grabbed his shoulder. He began shaking him. "Draco, please ... What is it?"

"A dementor is here. Here, in London. And near."

Draco could feel its presence. He had grown up around dark magic his entire life, and with this he knew, simply knew, when a form of dark magic was near him. And near them, in the streets of London was a dementor. He could feel the terrible chill running through his body already. And all the happiness in the world was being slowly sucked away ... Everything he had been feeling since he had spent time with Harry ...

He saw it ... a black-hooded creature ... and Harry grabbing his hand ... his world was slowly fading away ... before, in their third year, it had not been as bad, but now ... his eyes were half shut, where was Harry taking him? He could hear Harry's voice but it was fading ....

He was three and his father beat him for talking to a muggle in the village ...His father was performing the Imperius Curse on him for the first time ... Professor Moody was turning him into a ferret ...He had lost to Harry Potter in quidditch again ... His father was screaming at him for being second to Granger in exams ...

**************

"Draco, please wake up!" It was Harry's voice, sounding desperate, booming into his ears, and causing him to shake and become conscious. Draco blinked. He was right where he had last been, on the streets of London, only now he was lying on the ground. It was still night. "I couldn't do a spell. We're outside of school. And the Patronus charm is too powerful and the Ministry would detect it. The smaller spells they won't because it's such a busy area, but if I had even tried the Patronus ... I took your hand I ran with you until you became unconscious. Then I carried you. We escaped, but we have to get back."

"Harry, I'm sorry," Draco said. He meant it, too. He had failed Harry. "I should have stayed strong."

"Draco, it's okay. Can you get up?" Harry asked firmly.

"I feel so weak, Harry," Draco said and he meant it. He felt as if all the strength in him had vanished. "I can't fly back, I'm sorry."

Harry lied Draco down in the small inn he had found closest to where they had left their brooms, as he had to retrieve those first. It was quite cheap, really. But Draco had been quite ill. Harry had to put his arm around Draco's shoulder to assist him in walking. He was so shocked.

Harry quickly helped Draco undress and pulled the covers over Draco on the grungy bed. He kissed Draco on the forehead as Draco became comfortable in the bed. Harry took the muggle alarm clock by the bed and set it to seven and then he, too, undressed. Then he joined Draco in bed.

"Are you sure you're all right, Draco?" Harry was so worried about him.

"Yes, Harry. I just need to sleep. But do you think the Ministry knows yet?" Draco asked quietly.

"I don't know. I think we should send a letter tomorrow to the Ministry. I could have gotten rid of it, but we can't use magic outside of school. We would have been in quite a mess," Harry said, sounding unsure of himself. He had seriously debated whether to use his wand when the dementor came after them.

And as Harry lay down, he wondered. Why had Draco reacted so badly to the dementors? Yes, Draco had terrible experiences behind him. But Harry did as well. Before, Harry would faint at the mere sight of dementors, but after dealing with them, he had become stronger towards them. Was that why he had managed?

**********

Draco arrived at school the next day safe and in perfect health condition. But at breakfast time, there was uproar. Everyone was speaking of the dementor sighting in London. And not only that, but it seemed as though there were no missing dementors in Azkaban, so they were coming from another source, from somewhere else. The ministry had not retrieved it, but one wizard who spotted it had gotten rid of it.

Draco was scared. He knew this was all the work of the Dark Lord. His father had mentioned that The Dark Lord would do something like this eventually. Draco could not think of what to do. Perhaps he could owl his father and he would tell him something. But whatever he put in writing would have to sound very good.

Draco knew very well why the dementor had affected him the way it had. People like Harry were very conscious of what had happened to them. In no way was Harry a traumatized person, and in no way could he be. He was so aware of what happened in his life. But it wasn't in Harry's nature to let it destroy him. Draco was different.

Draco had been raised to not show his emotions. Showing his emotions would only make him seem weak, of course. Or so his father had told him. And when bad things happened to him, he had learned to shut them out, to put them in a separate place. He would not speak of it or reminisce on it.

So when the dementor attacked him the previous night, all the terrible memories of his childhood and of his present that he had spent his life forgetting came back to him with a jolt, ripping him apart. Harry was conscious of everything that he happened to him, accepting it all, so he wasn't as badly affected. But Draco was forced to in a minute relive a past he had worked so hard to forget.

And Draco understood. His father had told him to shut out the memories which would make him weak. But it was that morning Draco understood that putting the memories away was what had made him weak. Telling those who loved him of the horrors he had lived did not make him weak; it made him brave.