Lily Evans: A History

Lily Evans; A History
Chapter 54 - Loves lost and loves found
Rated: PG
By: Bethany

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The Hogwarts Express ground to a slow stop, jolting Lily awake. She blinked around, yawning.

"Up lazy," Kassie said, grabbing Lily's arm and pulling her into a standing position. "Bast went somewhere a little while ago and hasn't returned."

"Oh great," Lily yawned. Her lack of a good night's sleep the night before was draining her of any patience. Before she could get up to go and look for the cat, though, the compartment door opened and Will came through holding a familiar black and white cat that was covered in yellow thick liquid.

"What happened?" Lily demanded, eyes huge.

"Trolley. She was at the front of the train chasing canary creams," Will said, trying to hide his laughter. Lily put Bast in her cage, and pushed her hair out of her eyes. Will grinned. "It will be okay. Cats give themselves a bath. She'll be clean before you get home."

"I hope so," Lily muttered, grabbing the handle of her trunk and joining the line of people in the hall.

Kassie, looking sour, waved goodbye and she and Kacy joined their Aunt Wanda. Lily said goodbye to Will and went through the barrier into Muggle King's Cross Station. Lily felt like she was leaving her world and returning to one she was no longer comfortable in.

"Lily! Lily, over here!" a voice called and Christine Evans rushed forward, hugging her youngest daughter as if she hadn't seen her in ages. "Oh, look how much you've grown!"

"Mum, really, I haven't."

"You've changed Lily, you look older somehow," Christine insisted. "Well, come on, let's go. I was going to make a huge dinner, but Daniel, as hard as he tried, won't be back from his business trip until tomorrow and Petunia is... well, being Petunia."

Lily nodded, glad that her mother hadn't tried to cover up for her older sister. "Well, is there a huge rush for us to leave London? We could shop a little and eat dinner here. I still have some Christmas shopping to do. Oh, and I'll need to go to Diagon Alley. I've been invited to a party at James' Christmas night. I do hope that's alright?"

"Of course," Christine replied easily. "Who are you going with?"

"Will," Lily said.

Christine nodded. "I thought so. I knew I hadn't heard otherwise, about you two, I mean."

"Yes," Lily replied. But she was more eager to talk about her school year so far, what she had learned and what she hoped to learn next term. Christine was eager to listen and Lily talked a blue streak as they shopped in both Muggle and wizarding London.

By the time they pulled in the driveway, Lily was pleasantly exhausted and looking forward to a long hot shower and bed. But when she came in the front door, she was greeted with the sight of Kassie sitting on the sofa.

"Erm-hi," Lily said uncertainly. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, hello Kassie," Christine greeted her as though people usually came into her home uninvited and this was therefore nothing out of the ordinary.

"Hello Mrs. Evans. I'm terribly sorry to drop by like this, but I needed to speak with Lily."

"Of course, dear. And please, remember to call me Christine. I hardly think we should be so formal."

Kassie smiled apologetically as Christine went into the kitchen. Lily turned to Kassie, thinking the worst. "What's happened?"

"Nothing," Kassie replied dramatically, falling onto the sofa as if she weighed a ton.

Lily's face was screwed into a queer expression. She scratched her head thoughtfully. "Eh-did you say nothing?"

"Yes. And it's driving me mad!" Kassie explained in a semi-high pitched voice. "I came home and Aunt Wanda has been great. Nice, fun, she even made my favourite meal!"

Lily failed to see how this could be as horrible as Kassie was making it out to be. She sat down, thinking hard. "Is this a bad thing? I mean, it's obvious that your Aunt has seen the error of her ways, so to speak. She probably just wants to make amends."

Kassie looked as through the thought had never occurred to her. "Do you think so?"

"That's what I would assume. Of course, you know her better. What do you think?" Lily asked.

"She's up to something. Buttering me up. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop." Kassie crossed her arms. "I just hope it's nothing to do with Sirius."

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Kassie's troubles, although weighing on Lily's mind, didn't do much to dampen her holiday spirits in the days leading up to Christmas. Even so, Lily couldn't help but be on edge every time the fireplace roared to life fully expecting Kassie to come crashing through it, screaming about her Aunt. But usually it was Will visiting, or Kassie just coming over to talk. James had popped over on Tuesday morning to make sure Lily was coming to the party. Unfortunately for everyone, Petunia was visiting and it caused her to go ranting around the house, going on about freaks.

Christine and Lily decorated the house with lights and tinsel, making a festive atmosphere despite Petunia's sour attitude. But as Kassie predicted, the other shoe fell on the day before Christmas Eve. Lily had spent the three days she had been at home relaxing, catching up with her parents, ignoring Petunia's regrettably frequent visits and enjoying herself. She was sitting in the living room floor helping her father fix a broken switch on the tree lights when the fireplace roared to life.

A black haired girl stepped out, but it was not Kassie. Lily stood up, dusting tinsel off the back of her trouser leg. "Kacy? What's wrong? Where's Kassie?"

Kassie's younger sister looked like she had run to Lily's instead of flooing. She was out of breath and bent over, putting the palms of her hands on her knees while she gasped. Her black hair fell into her face and she pushed it aside in aggravation. "It's Kassie," she finally said. "She and Aunt Wanda are fighting really badly. Sirius isn't at home or at James', and Jillian is screaming. I'm sorry Lily, but I didn’t know what to do. I'm scared."

Lily rushed over to the fireplace and grabbed a bag of floo powder off the mantel. "It's okay Kacy. Just come with me and get Jill while I see if there is anything I can do." Lily reached for a box on the top shelf of the bookcase near the fireplace, pulled out her wand and pocketed it. Daniel gave her a warning look, but Lily ignored her father for perhaps the first time in her life. She disappeared seconds later in a whirl of green flames.

As soon as Lily stopped spinning she could hear arguing. Heart pounding, not really sure what she was suppose to do now that she was here, Lily waited for Kacy. Seconds later the young witch came out of the fire. "Go and get Jill," Lily instructed. "What about your brothers?"

"They're at a friend's house."

"Good. Get Jill and take her to my house. Wait for us there." Lily watched Kacy go down the hall before she made her way to the stairwell going up to the second floor. It sounded like the voices were coming from upstairs.

"Please just go away. I don't want to hear anymore," Kassie was pleading. "It's not like you think it is. Sirius isn't a muggle." Lily took a deep breath and went up the stairs. At the top of the passage was a relatively large room with several doors and one hall sprouting off it. Thinking that her pounding heart was surely loud enough for the entire house to hear, Lily tried to follow the voices and found herself going down the hall. Two doors down on the right the door was open and Lily could see Wanda standing there. Determined, Lily went forward.

"Kassie?"

There was a pause, then Kassie's head poked out the door. "Lily? Oh, I'm glad you're here. Can you help me with this trunk?"

"Er-sure." Lily went in Kassie's room, trying not to look at the woman in the opposite corner, who had tears in her eyes.

"So you're going to do this?" Wanda said softly, her angry tones gone like helium deflated from a balloon. Lily almost felt sorry for her. "Kassie, I only want what is best for you. I only wanted to spare you the heartache that I watched your mother live through."

Kassie lifted the two bags that were left in the room. "I'm not my mother. I'm not marrying a muggle that doesn't know I'm a witch. I'm going to be seventeen in just a few months and I had planned on moving out then, anyway." Kassie motioned Lily to go into the hall. "Aunt Wanda, I appreciate everything you've done for me and my brothers and sisters. And even though I know you don't believe me, I love you. But Hayden, Jill, everyone-they don't need to see us fighting all the time. This is for the best; for me and them."

Without another word Kassie and Lily carried Kassie's luggage down to the fireplace. Wanda didn't follow.

When they arrived at Lily's house, Kacy and Jill were sitting on the sofa. Christine had brought them biscuits and hot chocolate and besides looking slightly anxious, both seemed no worse for wear. Kassie put her bags down and sat between her sisters. "What are you two doing here?"

"I told Kacy to bring Jill here because she was frightened," Lily answered before either sister could.

"Oh," Kassie said. Jill climbed up in her lap. "Well everything's okay now, so you should probably go back home."

"Are you coming, too?" Jill asked, her large violet eyes staring up in hope.

"No. I'm going to stay with Sirius for a while. But I'll come and visit. I promise."

"Pinky promise?" Jill asked sadly, holding out her small pinky finger.

Kassie looked liked her eyes were tearing up. "Pinky promise," she said, joining her pinky finger with Jill's. "Now, come on, let's get you home before Aunt Wanda worries."

After Kacy and Jill left, Kassie and Lily went out and walked around the neighbourhood. The air was chilly, but no snow littered the ground. Kassie and Lily walked in silence for several blocks, then the red head finally said, "What started it?"

Kassie sighed deeply, looking up at the overcast sky. "Aunt Wanda intercepted a letter from Sirius. I really don't know if she meant to, or not, but we got in a fight about me moving out. It was only a matter of time before something like this happened. I just hate that it happened before Christmas. I actually thought we'd have a nice Christmas this year, for once."

"I'm sorry," Lily said, stopping since they were back in front of Lily's house. "We'll try to make it good, anyway. There's the party at James'."

Kassie nodded. "Well, I suppose I should get my stuff over to Sirius'."

"I thought he had a one bedroom flat?" Lily asked cautiously.

Kassie shrugged. "We'll make do."

Lily raised an eyebrow, but Kassie didn't notice.

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"Lily. Lily, wake up. It's Christmas morning."

"Mum! Why did you have to wake me up early?" Lily moaned, pulling the covers back over her head to block out the light. "I need my beauty sleep," came her muttered voice.

"Early?" Christine said, confused. "I'll have you know, young lady, that it is nearly noon."

"What?!" Lily gasped, the blankets flying off into the floor dramatically. "You mean I've only got six hours to get ready for the ball?"

Christine watched her daughter jump out of the bed. "Surely you think that's enough time?"

"Since I can't use magic, hardly." Lily bit her bottom lip. "Well, I'm sure if you help, I can manage."

Her mother smiled. "How about we take this one step at a time. First, breakfast, then we'll get started."

Lily nodded, pulling a robe on and grabbing Bast up. "How about presents, then lunch, and then we get started."

"Deal."

Lily bounced down the steps, put Bast down and kissed Daniel's cheek. "Happy Christmas Daddy."

"Good afternoon, Angel," Daniel chuckled. "Come to get your presents?"

"Of course. And to spend time with my wonderful parents on Christmas Day," She added, throwing an innocent grin at her father.

"I'm sure you did. Christine, is Petunia and Vernon coming?"

"In a bit," Christine said, handing Lily a cup of hot tea and sitting down on the sofa. "She said to start without them."

Daniel said nothing, but Lily could feel his relief. She felt sad that she was tense in the second before Christine answered. It was nice to not have the tension in the room, but sad that her family couldn't spend a holiday together without the fighting and bickering that would come in the door with her sister and brother-in-law. Lily took the first present handed to her by her mother and looked at the name tag. It was from Daniel.

Lily took her time opening the paper, it was much to pretty to just rip into. The shiny green paper revealed a small velvet box and inside a gorgeous pearl cluster drop down necklace with a single diamond at the centre of the drop. Her eyes watered as she pulled it out of the box.

"Oh... it's so beautiful."

"I thought it would go nicely with your dress robes for tonight," Daniel said, smiling proudly.

"It's perfect. Thank you," Lily said, hugging Daniel tightly.

"Well, come on, open another," Christine urged.

By the time Lily was finished, she had a good sized pile of presents. She had received a few more pieces of jewellery, nothing as fancy as the first piece, but beautiful nonetheless, make-up, chocolates, money, shoes and a few books were also added to her pile. And a mud covered rock from Petunia. She wrapped it back up and put Petunia's name on it, placing it back under the tree. Christine sighed, shaking her head.

After eating a light brunch, Lily set off to get ready for the ball. It took Christine the better part of two hours to curl all of Lily's red hair into ringlets - and at least half a bottle of hairspray. Lily wished she could use magic, but it was rather relaxing to spend some girl time with her mother and Christine was more than happy to help.

"There," Christine said finally, pulling a curl loose from the flowing cascade down Lily's head and letting it fall gracefully down to lay on her shoulder. "I'm really glad you decided to go with the silver crystal clips. They will catch the lights perfectly."

Lily nodded, getting up to put her dress robes on. They were a beautiful emerald green with small glittering stone holding up the straps on her shoulders. She had a silver shawl to go over her arms. Christine snapped the necklace Daniel had got her for Christmas around her neck just as the door bell rang.

"That can't be Will," Lily said, looking out the door of her room.

"Lily!" Daniel called.

"But wouldn't he have flooed?" Christine asked. Lily shrugged, grabbed her shawl and followed her mother down the hall.

When Lily entered the living room it was to find Will standing nervously by the door, making small talk with Daniel. When she turned the corner from the stairwell, Will's eyes lit up when they landed on her and Lily felt her face turn as red as her hair. He stepped forward, clearing his throat. "Y-you," he said, making Lily smile sheepishly. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," Lily said, a full grin on her face. Will looked equally as handsome in his emerald green dress robes to compliment her dress. His hair was brushed back, allowing his eyes to sparkle in the light in the hall. Lily felt her heart swell; she couldn't wait to get to the ball.

"I hope you don't mind, but I borrowed my dad's car instead of flooing. I didn't want to risk ruining your dress with soot," Will explained.

Lily shook her head, took his hand and headed towards the door. "Oh no you don't, young lady!" Christine said indignantly, rushing into the room with a camera in hand. "You will not get out of here without a lot of pictures."

Lily sighed, threw an apologetic grin at Will, but he only chuckled lightly. "Of course, Mrs Evans. I wouldn't dream of it."

Christine snapped picture after picture until Lily finally raised her hands up. "Enough, Mum. You must be out of film by now." Lily hugged her mother and father and took Will's hand once more. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Angel. Have a good time. Don't be too late, ok?" Daniel said playfully.

"I won't," Lily promised. "I love you." Lily turned once more before going out the door. Daniel was sitting in his wheelchair at the doorway to the foyer, Christine standing behind him. Lily waved once, smiled and closed the door with a small clang.

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There was a small line going around the Potter Mansion drive way when Will pulled up. There was a wizard standing just outside the massive gates checking invitations and Will pulled theirs out without hesitation. Once inside, another wizard took the car to park it and Will escorted Lily inside the mansion.

"This place is huge," Will whispered to Lily as they passed through the double doors and were directed to the ballroom. Lily nodded, not as in awe as Will, since she had been here many times before.

The ball room was decorated festively with many trees alight with an array of colours and Christmas ornaments. Tables lined with food covered the far wall between two floor to ceiling windows draped with heavy green curtains accented in poinsettias. A beverage bar was set up along the wall to their left and on the right a band was fine tuning their equipment. Closest to them were dozens of small round tables draped in white cloth with either green or red accents and candles in the middle. Over all the view from the entrance was breathtaking and very romantic. Lily felt her face warm with excitement for the evening to come.

After nibbling on some food and drinking a little punch, the music was in full swing and Lily was eager to get on the dance floor and enjoy herself. Will, however, seemed slightly reserved about it. "Hey! Wow, Lily, those robes are beautiful!" Kassie said as she approached, cutting through the crowd and dragging Sirius with her. Kassie was dressed in floor length robes of lavender, her hair pulled into a pony tail, the tight ringlets cascading from the clip to her waist. Sirius was beside her, plan black robes on and boots. He scratched his goatee and grins mischievously at Lily.

"I love yours, too," Lily replied. "That colour looks wonderful on you."

"Thanks. Hey, why aren't you dancing? Come on Will, don't be a sourpuss. Get Lily out there!"

Will looked in a slight panic, but did as Kassie said and offered his hand to Lily. The two couples made their way to the dance floor just as a slow song came on. Will nervously followed Sirius' lead and placed his hands on Lily's waist. "Er-Lily?" he said in a small voice as the music kicked into full volume.

"Yes?"

Will's face brightened into a red hue, his eyes avoiding Lily's at all cost. "I, eh, well, I don't dance. Very well," he added, trying to hide the fact that Lily guessed; that he had never danced.

"Don't worry, just follow my lead," Lily reassured him, whispering in his ear so that no one around them could hear. He did as he was told and soon looked much more confident.

Lily saw many couples she knew from school including Remus and Madison, who looked blissfully happy dancing around the floor. Lily had no idea that Remus could dance so well, but he was twirling her around the floor like a pro.

As night wore on Will got more and more enthusiastic in his dancing and Lily found that she was having every bit as much fun as she had expected the night would bring. It was wonderful.

But, long before she was ready, the night came to an apparently abrupt end. Will got a call from his dad, saying that something had came up at work and he had to leave. Will would need to come home and watch his younger brother.

Lily smiled and said it was fine, even when she really wanted to stomp her foot and say that he couldn't leave. But she understood, really. He had other responsibilities. She couldn't stand in the way of that. She kissed him goodnight and went back in the ball room alone, determined to continue her night of fun. After all, the rest of her friends were there, so it wasn't as if she would really be alone.

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After around an hour, Lily found she wasn't entirely sure why she had bothered to stay. Since saying goodbye to Will, the party had taken a definite down turn and she currently found herself staring at her drink while idly swinging her foot in time to the music. All around the dance floor people were talking and dancing, laughing and having a good time. But Lily suddenly felt sick for the comfort of her home and perhaps a nice, hot bubble bath. She sighed, finished her drink and sat the empty glass back on the table a little forcibly.

"Now what did the glass ever do to you?" a voice questioned.

Lily looked up to see James coming across the floor from another table. He looked very uncomfortable in his dress robes and kept pulling at his collar as he approached. He smiled none the less when he caught her eye. "You look bored out of your mind," he noted seriously. "And as the son of the host and hostess, I feel obligated to make sure every guest is having a good time. Come, dance with me."

James held his hand out to Lily, but she shook her head. "No, thank you. I'm fine just sitting here."

"I'm not taking no for an answer," James insisted, holding his hand toward her again. "We are wasting valuable time by arguing over the inevitable."

Lily shook her head, smiling. "You are one of a kind, James Potter," she told him, placing her hand in his larger one.

He tugged her towards the dance floor where he pulled her hands up to around his neck, then placed his hands on her waist. "No truer words have ever been spoken. Alas, if you were attempting to insult me, dear lady, you have not succeeded."

"I was not," Lily giggled, suddenly very happy that James had dragged her onto the floor. "It was a compliment, good sir."

"Then I thank thee." James tipped his head towards Lily, making her giggle once more. "I love to hear you laugh, Lily. You sound like an angel."

The redhead's face flushed the same colour of her hair. She ducked her head down, suddenly very aware of the fact that she was slow dancing with James Potter in front of about two hundred people. She swallowed. "Thank you."

The song ended, but if Lily thought she was going to get away to go sit by herself, she was very wrong. James refused to let her go, so that she ended up spending the better part of the next hour on the floor. Kassie and Sirius had danced by at one point and they had spoken briefly, the black haired witch giving Lily very questioning looks that she was ignoring. But they had moved on because Kassie had complained she was thirsty, leaving Lily alone in conversation with James.

After the first initial unease about dancing so close to James when only a little while had passed since her boyfriend had left, Lily found that she was enjoying James' company very much. He would tell her funny things about wizards at the party and make snide remarks about some of the dress robes the witches wore. She found herself growing more and more at ease to the point that she almost felt like she belonged here on the floor with him, talking and laughing. She felt more comfortable joking with him than she had dancing with Will. And that thought scared her.

"What's wrong?" James asked, his jaw very close to her temple. Lily hadn't realised they had been dancing so close.

"I'm tired," she offered as an excuse. "Can we sit the next few out?"

James nodded and they made their way back across the floor just as the band stuck up another song. James stopped, tugging on Lily's hand. "Can we please just dance to this one? I love it."

Lily felt herself sigh, but since James had spent the better part of his evening make sure she was having a good time, she felt bad for refusing. Slowly she nodded and James, looking very happy, led her back to the dance floor she wanted to get away from so badly.

The song was called 'If I never love again' and was a fairly new release from Cella Onthrope, a witch who had several love songs out. Lily had heard Kassie singing along to it when it was played on the W.W.N., but hadn't actually paid that much attention to the lyrics. She found herself listening very hard to them as she slow danced with James.

"And if I never love again, it's because you have all I could ever give. You are the one, the only..."

Somehow, in the course of the three minute song, Lily decided that she could understand why Kassie loved this song so much. It was beautiful. And somehow, without Lily actually remembering doing it, she found her head was lying on James' shoulder. But it was ok, it fit perfectly. As the song came to an end, Lily suddenly became acutely aware of exactly how close she was standing to James, how she was leaning on him, and how his arms were wrapped very tightly around her waist. Slowly she seemed to come back to reality. She lifted her head up off James' shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

James' left hand moved up her back slowly, his right still around her waist. He stared at her, his heart pounding in his chest. This wasn't right, he told himself over and over. She has a boyfriend. She'll never speak to you again... But James couldn't help himself. His body seemed to have taken over his mind and without consenting to the action, he dipped his head down and brought his lips to Lily's.

The talking, the music, the general chatter of the party seemed to have been put on mute. Lily watched several emotions play across James' face, then before she knew what was happening, he was kissing her. And Lily, for reasons she would come to understand later, even though reason currently escaped her, closed her eyes and kissed him back.

As soon as Lily's eyes slid completely shut it was as though fireworks erupted behind her eyelids. James tasted sweet, like strawberries, and Lily found that her knees were trying to buckle under her. But this only caused James to holder her tighter, deepening the kiss until the fireworks in Lily's mind gave way to the sensation that her blood was running through her veins so fast, and her heart pumping so quickly, that she would faint. Her one hand clutched James' forearm while the other tightened around his neck. It seemed she had kissed him a thousand times, it felt so familiar, so wonderful, so... so right.

The kiss ended long before Lily was ready, but a desperate need to catch her breath was making her pull away. James leaned his forehead against hers and licked his lips.

All at once the music and conversation in the room was turned back up. Way up. Lily felt it was so loud she could barely hear herself think. Which may have been just as well, because if she thought about what had just happened, her emotions became so confused that she wanted to run and hide. James watched her, and ever so slowly his grip on her waist lessened. "I-I'm sorry," he blurted. His brown eyes was searching her green ones worriedly. "I don't know what came over me, but--but you, you kissed me back," he said, a little wondrously.

Lily swallowed again because her mouth had suddenly become very dry. "Eh--"

"Lily! James! There you are!"

Both Lily and James jumped apart and turned their heads to see Olivia Potter rushing through the crowd of guests, clutching a handkerchief in one hand and a piece of parchment in the other. When she got to where they were standing, she stopped and it was clear from her eyes that she was fighting tears. "Come quickly. There's an emergency."

Lily's mind seem to explode into a million questions. With a sense of doom, and without asking any of them she followed Olivia back through the room and out of the ballroom. James was on her heels, and behind him were Kassie and Sirius. She couldn't image why they would be coming, too, unless they had simply been near enough to hear Olivia.

James' mother led them into Harold's office and shut the door. There were several wizards in black Auror robes talking to Harold when Olivia and Lily came in. Harold broke away from them and approached Lily. "What's happened?" Lily asked urgently, looking from Harold to the Aurors and back again.

"Perhaps you should sit down," Harold said uneasily, indicating a chair.

Lily shook her head no. "What's happened?" she repeated, louder this time. "Is it my parents? My sister? What is going on?!"

Harold didn't seem upset over the fact that a sixteen year old witch was screaming at him. He sighed deeply and ran his hand over his face. "There was a fire at your home tonight." Lily gasped, but before more words could leave her lips, Harold continued; "I'm so sorry, Lily, but Daniel and Christine are both dead."

Lily’s colour dropped immediately to white, and she felt a scream building up in the pit of her stomach. She gasped for air once, twice, then turned in an effort to run out of the room. "No," she gasped, the effort to breathe making her chest constrict painfully. She took a step forward. James put his hands out to steady her, her vision became hazy and then black as she fainted straight into James' outstretched arms.

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Lily woke up in a nearly pitch black bedroom, lying on a bed that was definitely not her own. She looked around for a minute, unsure of how she had come to be in the bed. But as her memories returned with her conscience, Lily immediately bolted off the bed, making a beeline for the adjoining bathroom where she vomited into the toilet. She clutched the side of the bowl, her head pounding and tears starting to pour from her eyes. Someone else in the room was running water, then that same person handed her a wet cloth and she pressed it to her face.

When she looked up again she found James leaning beside her, but there was no room for embarrassment over her actions. Her entire being was filled with disbelief, fear and a stabbing pain that made her want to scream. She stared at the blue cloth in her hands before slowly moving her gaze up to James and gasping for breath. "Why?" she asked, her voice watery and broken. "Why?" James was at a loss for words, and even more so when Lily suddenly bolted herself into his arms and began sobbing so hard that she was gasping for every breath.

James sat back on the cold tile floor of the bathroom, pulled Lily up in his arms and onto his lap and held her as tight as he could, rocking her gently back and forth. He had no idea what to say; not that anything he could say would make a difference. Lily's sobbing was uncontrolled; her agonised cries were so loud that they echoed around the walls. She clutched at James' neck, her entire body shaking with the effort of her cries.

It was at least a half an hour before the rough, heart wrenching cries eased. James couldn't help crying with her; his own face was streaked with tear marks. Her cries broke his heart. He held onto her as tightly as she did him, wishing nothing more than to make it all go away. That was how Kassie and Sirius found them. Kassie's face was blotched red from crying. She knelt down and eased Lily's grasp away from James. Lily looked up, silent tears still easing down her face and allowed Kassie to pull her from James' lap and into the bedroom. Sirius helped James up, whose legs had long ago lost all their feeling. "She looks bad," Sirius whispered, glancing in the bedroom where Kassie was trying to get Lily to lay down.

James ran his hand through his hair, holding onto the counter with the other in case his legs gave out. "You didn't see the worst of it." James took a towel and rubbed his face free of tears. "God, Sirius, what the hell happened?"

Sirius took another step inside the bathroom, keeping a look out to be sure Lily couldn't hear. "Apparently the fire started in the living room with the Christmas tree. You know how muggles have their lights run on electricity. Daniel and Christine was both upstairs, it looked like maybe she was trying to get him out and then neither of them--"

James held his hand up and shook his head. In the bedroom Lily was sitting up, pushing Kassie away. James and Sirius looked at each other, then went in the room just as Lily stood up, "I have to see, Kassie. I-I have to know. And Petunia, where was she?"

"Not there," Kassie whispered. She put her hands on Lily's arms. "You really should lay down. We'll go tomorrow."

"I want to go NOW!" Lily screamed, pushing past Kassie. "I have to know, Kassie, I have to--I can't--I--"

"Come on," James said, putting his arms around Lily. She instantly melted into the embrace. "I'll take you."

Kassie looked at Sirius, who shrugged. "We'll go with you," Kassie said. "Let's just tell Olivia that we're going. No need to worry her further."

"We're going to go on in my dad's car," James told them as they parted ways in the hall. "We'll meet up with you there."

Kassie bit her lip as James led Lily outside. In the ball room the party was still continuing, oblivious to the chaos ensuing in their lives. Sirius and Kassie found Olivia quickly, as she was explaining to Remus and Peter what had happened. Remus bolted for the door as soon as Sirius and Kassie entered it. "Where are James and Lily?"

"They're going to Lily's, if you hurry you can catch them. Kassie and I will follow on my bike."

Remus and Peter didn't spare any time, both of them left the ballroom at a run and pelted towards the front of the house. Sirius and Kassie started to leave when Olivia stopped them. "Why are you going to Lily's?"

"She wants to see for herself," Kassie said in a small voice. Sirius reached out and grabbed her hand. Olivia nodded, her hand over her mouth to help fight the tears she wanted to shed for a girl she had watched grow into a beautiful witch. A witch her son had been in love with for years. It was heartbreaking to watch.

Kassie climbed onto the back of Sirius' motorbike and wrapped her arms tightly around him, pressing her face to his back. Sirius hit the invisibility booster and the engine roared to life as they lifted up in the sky. Usually Kassie loved to watch the scenery go by; loved to enjoy the feeling of the wind on her face as they flew high above the world. Not so long ago Kassie had been scared to death of heights, but Sirius had given her a new respect for them. But she couldn't enjoy that ride. Tonight her heart was aching for her best friend and the grief of the days to follow.

Sirius turned his head to the side. "Hold on, we're going down."

Kassie nodded just as they started descending into a darkened alley way. Sirius hit the invisibility booster and the gas at the same time so that they shot out of the alley way and onto the street while reappearing. Kassie supposed had any muggles been looking they may have been in trouble; but the street was empty. Sirius made the turn into Hollis Drive and Kassie peeked around him towards where Lily's house stood.

Or used to stand. Kassie gasped as they approached. Sirius slowed down, came to a stop and turned the bike off. For a moment both of them just sat and stared at the remains of what once was a two story house. The frame was barely standing; the rest ashes. There was a black car sitting across the street and Sirius recognized it at once. "Come on, James and Lily are already here."

There was still two fire engines sitting on the street in front of the home, but apparently the flames had already been put out. Several police cars were parked here and there, some of the officers were talking with the firemen. Sirius and Kassie approached and at once were spotted by a group of officers. "Hold it! You can't go in there!"

"Sorry," Sirius said at once, holding one hand up and gripping Kassie's hand with the other. "Is Lily Evans here? She's a friend of ours..."

"Over there," the man said, nodding towards a police car where Sirius could barely make out James' head.

They made their way over to where James and Lily were talking to a firemen. Lily was sitting on the back seat of the car, the door open and her feet on the pavement. James was standing beside her, one hand on her shoulder and looking very worried. Sirius and Kassie approached with yet another fireman trying to stop them, but Lily shook her head. "It's ok, they're friends of mine."

Remus and Peter was standing at the end of the car, talking softly. Kassie let go of Sirius' hand and reached down and hugged Lily. "Are you ok, Lil?"

Lily nodded, though it was easy to tell she was anything but ok. Kassie fumbled with her hand bag and took out a handkerchief. Lily laughed shakily. "Do you always have everything stuck in that bag?"

"Of course," Kassie replied, allowing herself to smile slightly.

"Lily Evans?" a man said, approaching with another police officer close at this heels. Lily nodded and everyone turned towards him. "Your sister and her husband have arrived, if you'd like to speak with them." He pointed across the street where Vernon's blue car had just pulled through the police tape and stopped.

Lily shakily got to her feet and James instantly put his arm around her for support. She pushed him away slightly and grabbed his hand instead. "Stay here," she said softly to Kassie. The black haired witch nodded, though she really didn't want to let Lily close to Petunia. There was no telling what the awful girl would do to her sister if given the chance. Her feeling wasn't far off from what would happen.

Lily approached Petunia, let go of James' hand and tried to hug her. Petunia stiffed and without so much as a warning shoved Lily away from her. "Don't you dare touch me," she hissed, her voice very strong despite the tear marks on her face. James came up behind Lily, his gaze hardening. "This is your fault, you filthy little freak."

James was close enough to Lily that he felt her body start to shake; but she didn't cry. He watched in fascination as the temper he knew Lily to have came burning to the surface. "My fault?" she whispered, so low that had they not been standing so close together it would have been impossible to hear her. "How, Petunia, is this my fault? I wasn't even at home tonight!"

Petunia Dursley seem to swell with anger; she stood straighter and her fists clenched with anger. "And why weren't you home? Was precious Lily out having a good time with her freaky friends instead of at home with her parents? If you had been here, they would still be alive!" Petunia accused, her entire body trembling and tears falling from her eyes. "Mum and Dad always loved you best! It was Lily this and Lily that! You were perfect! But the perfect daughter didn't save them in the end, did she? YOU AND YOUR FREAKY FRIENDS DIDN'T SAVE THEM, DID YOU?!"

"BITCH!"

James spun around just as Kassie came storming across the road, pulling her wand as she did. Before either Sirius or James could catch her, she had shoved Petunia into Vernon's car and was jabbing her wand in Petunia's stomach. "I should curse you into pieces!" Kassie hissed. "How dare you talk to Lily like that? How dare you! That was her Mum and Dad, too!"

It took both Sirius and James to pry Kassie away from Petunia. And then James had his hands full with Vernon, who looked like he really wanted to slap Kassie but didn't have the gall to. Which was probably a good thing. Had he put one fat finger on Kassie, Sirius would have most likely cursed him into nothing. Sirius lead Kassie away, Remus was trying to calm Lily and James and Vernon was having a staring contest. Vernon finally looked away and James relieved Remus of Lily.

"Now see here, there will be none of this foolish fighting or we'll cart you all off, do you understand?" a policeman, who had heard the scuffle and came running over, demanded. "I won't have it!"

"Sorry," James muttered, though it was easy to tell he was more sorry he couldn't curse Petunia rather than sorry for what he had done. Lily was crying again and he ignored whatever insults Petunia was muttering to comfort her.

"Lily? Lily!"

Lily looked up to see a blonde man side stepping the police line and coming towards her. She gasped when she recognized Will; beside her James stiffened. "Lily, oh my God, are you ok?"

Lily allowed Will to pull her to him and hug her, but she was watching James. In the yellow hue of the street light and flashing lights from the fire trucks he suddenly looked very lost. She swallowed, trying to get a grip on herself. "Will," she said shakily, breaking eye contact with James reluctantly and looking up at her boyfriend. "What are you doing here?"

"My dad works for the Ministry and he just told me what happened. I came straight here. I'm so sorry I didn't stay at the party tonight." Will seemed completely unaware how stiffly Lily was standing in his arms. She kept trying to catch James' eye again, but he refused to look her way.

"Actually, I think I just want to be alone for a while," Lily muttered, tilting her head back up at Will. He put one hand on her cheek, looking very worried and upset. She forced her tears to stop for the moment.

"Are you sure? Do you want me to come?" Will asked, looking crestfallen.

"Yeah, I'm sure." Lily let him kiss her, but she didn't respond and he pulled away quickly. She cast one last look at James, but he wasn't looking. Quickly she walked around the police tape, through the neighbours yard and then back into her own back garden. The back of the house was still in tact, if she just looked at the backdoor, it would be easy to pretend everything was alright. Lily sat down on a bench, her eyes travelling up to where her bedroom window used to be. The glass was gone, but it only looked open. "Oh no," she whispered, jumping to her feet and looking around. "Morgana? Bast?!"

It was several moments before Morgana came gliding out of a near-by tree and onto her arm. Lily let out a slight breath of relief. "I'm glad you're ok. But where is Bast? Surely she got out...?" Lily felt her chest constrict. Morgana looked at her woefully. "Go back to Hogwarts, Morgana. Go on." She lifted her arm up and Morgana nipped her finger affectionately before taking off. Lily looked around, bewildered. "BAST?! Bast, please come here! Here kitty, kitty. Come on. Come to me."

The only sound she heard was the distant muttering of voices and the occasional noise as something inside the house fell. Lily wandered into her father's greenhouse. Sometimes she would find Bast in there, sunning herself on a shelf. She searched for twenty minutes, but found nothing. "Why?" she whispered, looking up out of the skylight. "Bast! Come here! Please come to me! Don't be gone... like Mum and Dad..." Lily fell to her knees, headless that she still wore her dress robes. She didn't care if they got filthy; she would never wear them again in any case. She didn't care if the glass house around her fell in and crushed her. She wanted the pain to end. It hurt so badly... too badly... too much... "Please!" she begged, hugging herself and sobbing.

A pot beside her fell and Lily glared at it before picking it up and pitching it across the greenhouse and through one of the glass panes. She wanted to scream. Her tears were blinding. "WHY?!" She picked up another pot and another, throwing them, knocking them over. The flowers lay scattered in the dirt and broken glass as Lily threw things haphazardly and sobbed. She grabbed a large pot of roses, lifted them up and pitched them. There was another satisfying sound of glass breaking into a million pieces but then suddenly someone grabbed her from behind, turning her around.

"Lily, what are you doing?" James asked softly.

Lily shook her head, her hair coming down out of it's clip and falling into her face. "Leave me alone, James! I want to die, too! Just leave me alone!"

James felt like his heart had stopped. He jerked Lily closer to him, hugging her even though she fought for several moments. But he was strong from Quidditch and easily overpowered her. She sobbed brokenly into his chest, clutching at the lapels of his robes. "I don't ever, ever want to hear you say that again," James said sternly, his voice so deep that it vibrated in his chest. He tightened his grip around her. "Do you understand me, Lily? Never."

"It hurts so much..." the redhead sobbed in response. Her hands moved up James' body and around his neck. She brought her face up and looked him in the eye. "I don't understand why this happened, James. Make me understand! Make me forget the pain, please...." And before James could grasp what Lily was saying she lifted her head up and kissed him so hard that he nearly fell over in shock. He tried to pull away; surely she was confused and he didn't want her doing something she would regret later. But Lily refused to loosen her hold on him and James could only fight her so long. No matter how much stronger physically he was than her, emotionally she held his heart. She had for years.

----------

The days following Christmas Lily walked about like a zombie. She got up and got dressed, she ate, but nothing tasted good, nothing seemed worth while. She felt hollow and stayed locked in the bedroom most of the time. Kassie and Sirius came over to James' because that was where Lily was staying. But they saw very little of her unless they went to her room.

The day that they buried Christine and Daniel Evans was one year to the day that Lily attended Alexis' funeral. And this day, like that one a year ago, was bitterly cold. Only instead of rain falling, the Earth was covered in snow when Lily got up and looked out the window. The redhead turned her face away from the window; she doubted she could ever love snow again the way she once had. Nothing seemed as exciting and as beautiful as it had been in the past, when her parents had been there to share it. She sat down at the desk and found a letter addressed to her. There was no sender information. Sucking in a deep breath, Lily opened the envelope and took out a single sheet of parchment.

Dear Lily,

Words can not express how deeply sorry
I am about your parents. What little time
I was around them, they seemed like very
wonderful people. I'm sure you'll miss them
terribly.

I know that today is the day of the funeral,
and I would like nothing more than to be by your
side and comforting you the best I can. But you
and I both know that you don't want me there.

Lily, I've known since I first asked you out
that you loved someone else. I've tried for
nearly a year to get your heart. But I know that
it wasn't mine for the taking. James has it. He
always has. And as much as it hurts me to say it,
you need him to be there with you today. Not me.

I don't want you to feel guilty. I really think
you loved me in your own way, but you could never
love me the way I wanted. I wish you and James
all the happiness in the world. You deserve to be
happy, and whatever makes you happy, will be ok with
me. I love you more than anything, and probably will
for a very long time to come. But I saw you with James
in the greenhouse on Christmas night and I knew
then that we weren't meant to be.

I hope we can stay friends, but if you don't want to,
then that's ok too.

Love always,
Will

Lily re-read the letter then crumbled it up in her hands, tears filling her eyes. As the first one hit the wooden top of the desk Lily felt like her heart was breaking. She had never meant to hurt Will. He was so wonderful, so loving, but so right. She had been fighting with herself since Christmas, knowing in the back of her mind that she had to make a choice between James and Will. And knowing that in light of her parents death, she didn't want to deal with it. But here was Will giving her the easy way out. Somehow she didn't feel like she deserved it. Lily buried her face in her hands and cried; but for the first time in nearly a week she cried for more than her parents. She cried for them, yes, and for Will, whom she hadn't meant to hurt, for Kassie, Sirius and Remus, who had also lost their parents. She cried mostly for herself, though, and the life she would have to lead without the love of her mother and father.

Ever so slowly Lily started to get ready to shower and dress, feeling all the while that what she really wanted to do was crawl back into bed and forget the world even existed. But instead of going to the bathroom to shower, she found herself putting a dressing gown on and going out into the hall. It was still very early, Lily didn't even hear the house elves stirring yet. As quietly as she could, she tiptoed across the hall, knocked on James' door and then eased it open.

"James?"

--End Chapter 54.