"POOR NEVILLE!"

"You call this a potion Mr. Longbottom?" sneered Snape

"I...er...I thought that I...-"

"That seems to be the problem. You thought. What good could possibly come out of you thinking? Twenty-five points from Gryffindor for your sheer lack of intelligence and your talent to destroy everything you come in contact with. Clean up this mess."

Well we all no something bad is going to happen...it's just inevitable. With that point so clearly stated, Let's all say it together...

"POOR NEVILLE!"

"Professor I think you're being unreasonable."

Silence.

Who would dare challenge Snape?

In an attempt to whirl around to see who it was that had the audacity to question his motives, Snape's robe caught on the end of Neville's potion. The cauldron unceremoniously fell to the ground with a loud bang, sending the viscous, brown liquid splattering over the classroom.

"Yuck!" cried Pansy Parkinson, "It's all in my hair!"

All around the dungeon students gave groans of vehemence and yells of disdain, all directed at Neville.

Let's all say it together...

"POOR NEVILLE!"

"And my robes!" started Draco Malfoy. "Wait until my father hears about this."

All one could hear from Crabbe and Goyle were choking noises seeing as how bits of the potion had gotten lodged in their throats

Neville glanced around the room. Harry and Ron were trying to wipe some of the disastrous potion off of each other's robes but were only succeeding in making the stains spread. The ever-helpful Hermione, who had chunks of the potion in her wild hair, was quickly muttering cleaning spells trying to get some of the goop up to her surprise it wasn't helping much. Neville slowly looked to Snape but to his surprise, Snape was no longer standing there. Instead, in his place, stood three teenage girls, all looking thoroughly abashed.

"Jess where the hell are we?" asked one of the girls. She had honey-colored skin and dark chocolate eyes. Her face was painted in an expression of utter confusion.

"Jess," answered her friend with a rather shaky voice, "I don't know Chels. Any ideas Andrea?"

The whole of Snape's potions class watched with wonder as a lithe girl with black hair and pale complexion slowly pulled herself from the floor.

"No clue."

What a predicament Neville has gotten everyone in! Let's all say it together...

"POOR NEVILLE!"

"Alright," said Chels taking in a deep breath, "there's got to be a logical explanation for all of this...I need to think."

The girl hopped up onto Snape's desk, crossed her legs, closed her eyes and started to chant.

"Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo."

"I knew we shouldn't have been playing with your Wicca kit Andrea!" cried Jess. "This is all your fault!"

Neville watched as the one called Jess was reduced to tears.

"Well how was I supposed to know something was gonna happen when I said the mystical incantation?" Andrea roared.

"Because, *sniff* that's what the *sniff* directions said," sobbed Jess.

"Oh...right."

"I think I should go get the headmaster," piped up a shocked Hermione. "Ron, as the prefects of Gryffindor I think it's our duty to protect and serve. Let's go."

"Hold on just a gosh darn minute...er...what was it I was going to say? Er...OH YEAH! We're prefects too!" cried Pansy. "Come on Draco!"

As the four students left the dungeon the other students shifted uncomfortably in their seats...this was some of the weirdest shit they'd ever seen.

*MEANWHILE*

Severus Snape found himself sitting on top of a pink bed...in a pink room. Everything was so...pink.

"Bloody hell Longbottom," he muttered.

*Back the Hogwarts*

"So you see sir that's what happened," finished Neville guiltily.

Neville, Hermione, Ron, Pansy, Draco, Jess, Chels, and Andrea had all crowded into the headmaster's office to explain the uh...predicament they were currently in.

"Well I personally think this is wonderful!" said the headmaster, obviously delighted.

"WHAT!?" cried Hermione. "WONDERFUL! A PROFESSOR IS MISSING!"

"Oh come on Hermione," began the headmaster, "get the stick out your ass. Neville has obviously severely screwed up royally. But that's all right. Nobody likes Severus anyways! Now out with the lot of you...I trust you'll show the girls a good time while I try and figure out just what the bloody hell is going on."

What of the girls' future! Chels had big plans to become a forensic pathologist. Now she's mad at Neville...and I might warn you, her wrath is NOT pretty. Let's all say it together...

"POOR NEVILLE!"

As the group left Dumbledore's office Andrea let out a small moan of despair.

"I should have NEVER uttered the mystical incantation!"

"You're damn straight," muttered Draco. "Snape was my favorite teacher!"

"Come of it you git." Ron whispered rather loudly. "Let's just do as Dumbledore said and show the girls a good time."

When Ron said good time he wagged his eyebrows suggestively to the portrait on the corridor wall...needless to say, it winked back.

"I suppose Weasley," Draco sighed, "you're right. I'll take Chels back to my common room. I think you and Granger should take the stupid one who uttered the mystical incantation."

"What about me?!" cried Jess.

"What about you?" Pansy cried evilly. "I say we dump her with the Hufflepuffs!"

"Me too," said Draco.

"Me too," said Hermione.

"I think that's a smashing idea!" cried Neville. "I'll walk her myself!"

"Me too," said Ron.

"Sorry Jess," Chels apologized, "but I totally agree."

"Don't worry," consoled Andrea. "You'll make lots of friends...To Hufflepuff she goes!"

And so, Jess' fate was sealed...to Hufflepuff she went. Let's say it all together...

"POOR NEVILLE JESS!"

"Just one question," Chels began.

"Hurry up with it," Draco scoffed. "It's time for us to split up. We're at "THE FORK" in the corridor."

Sure enough, there in the middle of the corridor lies..."THE FORK". Pristine and polished, "THE FORK" was the epitome of sophistication and class.

"I just wanted to know," began Chels very sweetly, "WHY THE HELL ARE WE COLOR CODED! IT'S GETTING ON MY NERVES!"

"You're darn skippy!" added Andrea. "I don't like tan!"

"That's only because you don't have one," said Pansy in a waaaaaay harsh tone.

"That was a good one Pans," Hermione said laughing.

"I don't know why you're laughing Ms. I'm-so-pale-I-look-dead," snorted Jess.

She was very angry indeed that she had to go to the Hufflepuffs...the name reminded her of those demented Pokémon characters her brother loved so much...Jess HATED Pokémon...except for Pickachu...but we aren't getting into that now.

"I've had enough," Draco said exasperatedly. "I'm out. C'mon Chels."

Draco, Pansy, and Chels walked off towards the dungeons while Ron, Hermione, and Andrea made their way up to Gryffindor Tower. Neville and Jess however, didn't move.

"Uh Neville?"

"Yeah Jess?"

"Why aren't we moving?"

"I don't know where to go."

"So we're lost?"

"I think so."

"Damn."

Oh boy! What has Neville got himself and Jess into? Join us next chapter for another exciting upside of...Let's all say it together...

"POOR NEVILLE!"

Starring (in no particular order):

Neville

Jess

Chels

Andrea

Draco

Pansy

Ron

Hermione

And co-starring:

Harry

Seamus

Blaise

Goyle

Crabbe

Ernie

Justin

And Madame Pomfrey

I'd put all the extras in but they're just not important enough folks! G'night and see ya next time!

Your delightfully wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, smart, pretty, charming, gorgeous author:

BAPFORLIFE