Swept From the Past

Chapter 38: A Christmas Miracle -- part two

Today was the fourteenth of February. Harry entered the Great Hall for breakfast and gasped. He hadn't seen the Hall that way since Gilderoy Lockhart had celebrated Valentine's Day in Harry's second year. The walls were covered with shiny pink, white, and red flower crowns. Heart-shaped balloons floated in the air. Petals of red roses lay on the floor between the four tables. Dwarves walked around, collecting and delivering Valentine's cards. A few cherubim flew in the air, harps in their arms. Some of them carried bows and arrows. They played tricks upon the students, turned their clothes pink and threw little heart-shaped confetti on their heads. Harry cast a quick glance at the teachers. Sprout, Flitwick, McGonagall, Snape... They all looked stone-faced, like in second year. All except Dumbledore, who was smiling. Burns was not here. Knowing her, she had probably preferred to stay in her chambers. Harry would have preferred to stay in the Gryffindor common room too.

What was the Headmaster doing? Why had he asked those stupid cupids to come? Harry went to the Gryffindor table and took the seat next to Ron.

"What's up with Dumbledore?" Ron grumbled, a big grimace on his face.

"Dunno," Harry replied.

"Either he's drunk," Ron said, "or Lockhart's back!"

"Dumbledore's always been strange," Harry said. The Headmaster was probably up to something, but Harry didn't have any idea what it was.

"Ginny thinks he's trying to seduce McGonagall," Ron said. "I'm going to throw up!"

"What rubbish," Harry replied, disgusted. Dumbledore and McGonagall? He chased that awful idea from his mind. Dumbledore and McGonagall were just Dumbledore and McGonagall. Old people who taught at Hogwarts together. So old that it was difficult to imagine them younger. And Harry didn't want to try.

"Girls," Ron said disdainfully. "Always seeing romance everywhere. What'll be next? Snape and Burns?" Ron laughed.

Harry felt ill at ease. He tried to hide his embarrassment and took a drink of pumpkin juice. Considering Ron's reaction, Hermione had been right to say that he mustn't know the truth.

"Speaking of girls," Harry said to change the subject, "why don't you make up with Hermione?"

Ron's face reddened suddenly. "I'll never speak to her again," he said, anger in his voice.

"I'm sure she regrets what she said," Harry replied tentatively. He wanted to help Hermione, but Ron was very mad at her.

"I don't care," Ron retorted.

Harry sighed and forgot to reply. Burns entered the Great Hall. She stopped and looked around, her eyes wide opened and an expression of disgust on her face.

"Bloody hell!" she exclaimed, walking towards the Head Table. "What's happening here?"

"The festivities for Valentine's Day, Professor Burns," Dumbledore replied loud enough for Harry to hear.

Suddenly, a cherub flew around Burns and turned her cloak pink. Burns noticed and panicked. She quickly removed her cloak and threw it on the floor as if it had been on fire. Then she stared crossly at the cherub.

"You little creature of evil, you turned my cloak pink?" she spat.

Another cupid came from behind and threw a pinch of heart-shaped confetti over her head. Burns' features hardened. She whirled around and hit the cupid with her fist. The creature was knocked down and landed a few feet away on the Hufflepuff's table. The other cupid flew away in fear. Burns turned around. She extended her arm, pointed a finger at the creature, and uttered a spell. A crimson jet of light came out of her gloved hand and hit the cherub. The creature transformed into a little, red devil with black horns and a goat's tail. The creature made a hoarse sound, flew into the air and hunted the other cupids and the dwarves with a pitchfork.

The students had stopped talking. Only murmurs were audible.

"It's Dark Magic," Harry heard some students whisper.

Harry cast another glance at the Head Table. Most of the teachers, like Sprout or Flitwick, looked surprised. McGonagall glared at Burns. Her lips were sealed in a thin line. In contrast, Snape's upper lip curled for a few seconds. Then it quickly disappeared, turning neutral. Dumbledore was focused on his plate as if nothing had happened.

Burns shook her head to get rid of the confetti. She levitated her cloak and touched it with the tip of her finger. The cloak returned to its original colour. Burns put the cloak back on her and went to the teachers' table without a word.

"Whaw!" Ron said, obviously impressed. "This is the best Valentine's Day of my life!"

Harry shared his point of view, although he wondered why Dumbledore let Burns use Dark Magic in front of the whole school. But after all, the Headmaster had also hired Snape, who had been a Death Eater. Harry really didn't understand the old man.

***

Severus Snape was sitting at the Head Table. Like everyone in the Hall, he had observed Burns hitting the cherub and transforming the other into a devil. He was both pleased and irritated. Pleased because he hated those stupid Valentine's Day festivities. Burns had ruined that pathetic display of happiness with a little spell. Gone were the cupids and the dwarves. But he was also irritated. Burns had used Dark Magic. In the state she was in, it could be dangerous for her.

As usual, Burns took the seat next to his.

"Do you think that it was wise to use Dark Magic in front of the whole school?" Severus asked softly, a touch of reproach in his voice.

"It was just a little spell," Burns replied. "And it's really none of your concern, Professor Snape. You hide in your quarters or in your lab to practice Dark Magic. I practice Dark Magic wherever I want."

Severus grimaced. "Who says that I practice Dark Magic?" he hissed.

Burns laughed. "You have certainly mastered the art of lying," she said.

Severus realised too late that he had made a mistake. How could she believe him if he lied to her so obviously? "You're right," he whispered reluctantly. "I've learnt Dark Magic. I practiced it many years ago. But now, I rarely use it anymore."

"Hmmm," she responded.

Several hours later, when the second year Defence Against the Dark Arts classes were over, Severus followed Burns out of her classroom and into her office. When he entered the room, she turned to him, frowned, and stared at him with a questioning stare.

"What can I do for you, Professor Snape?" she asked icily.

"I want you to trust me," he replied seriously.

Burns took her record book from her desk and flipped through the pages.

"Hmmm... No, it's not written in my school syllabus," Burns retorted ironically. She threw the notebook on her desk. "Anything else?"

"I don't want to lie to you anymore," he said, not giving up. "Never again."

"So you'd better shut up," Burns replied quietly. She motioned for him to leave.

Severus didn't move. His stare stopped on a pile of letters on her desk. Were they love letters? Jealousy came over him. His eyes flashed. "What's this?" he snapped. "Love letters?" He scowled.

"You should hide your disgust, Professor Snape," Burns said. "Although I imagine how repulsive it must be to see a little half-blood like me receiving this kind of letter," she continued disdainfully.

Severus almost stopped breathing. Repulsive? A little half-blood like her? He stared at her. Of course, she hadn't forgotten that awful Hallowe'en day...

"You're ridiculous," he hissed. "There's nothing repulsive in you!"

Burns snorted. "Right," she said.

Severus frowned. She didn't believe him? How surprising!

"You're the most irritating woman in the entire world," he retorted. "You have the worst temper I've ever seen and you're always getting on my nerves. But even with those flaws, you're the most attractive woman I've ever met."

"My lovely scar produces that effect," Burns replied mockingly.

"Won't you stop that?" Severus hissed, irate. "I find you beautiful, all right? And I'm apparently not the only one, considering those bloody love letters!" he said with anger.

"Who says they're love letters?" she said, laughing.

It was not love letters? So what was it?

"It's much better than stupid, disgusting love letters," she continued with a sneer. "It's hate letters!" Her eyes gleamed.

"Hate letters?" Severus asked. He gasped.

"This is the day when I read all the letters of hate, threats, and mean things that people write to me," Burns replied. She looked amused. "My favourite day in the whole year. The other days are boring, but this one..."

"Why on Valentine's day?" Severus whispered under his breath.

"It's the best day to celebrate hate, don't you think?" Burns replied, pouting. "All those cherubim with their awful little hearts and all that bloody pink colour all around!" She grimaced. "I want to kick the cherubim, tear the hearts, and change the pink to black."

"I see," Severus said. "But what if you did receive love letters?"

"I keep such letters for April Fool's Day," Burns snapped. "Or Hallowe'en," she added icily. "When Boggarts and broken hearts are not enough."

Severus breathed with effort. His heart sank. He didn't reply immediately. Burns turned from him as if the discussion was over. Several seconds passed.

"The Dark Lord didn't know," Severus said finally, taken by a sudden inspiration.

Burns whirled around. "Didn't know what?" she asked with irritation.

"That I'd asked you to marry me," he replied softly. "I'd said that you asked me. That I agreed because everyone started to be suspicious about me."

"How nice," Burns replied disdainfully. Her jaw clenched.

"In your opinion, silly girl," Severus hissed, "why did I lie to him? Why did I risk being killed? Why did a Pureblood wizard, a Death Eater, ask a half-blood to marry him, risking the ire of the Dark Lord? Why did I say to him that I had made you drink a Love Philtre, although I never had?"

"You're a liar!" Burns spat.

"I was meant to make you drink the Love Philtre at the Spring Ball," Severus continued. "To make you fall in love with me and date me. The Dark Lord has never known that I'd dated you long before. That I had given the Love Philtre up."

"ENOUGH!" She shouted. She suddenly clenched her chest, closed her eyes, and emitted a brief moan.

Severus rushed over to her in a moment of panic. He wanted to help her. She pushed him away. "Don't you dare!" she exclaimed.

Severus sighed from irritation. Burns pulled her flask of Firewhisky out of her cloak and took a drink. Then she sat on the floor with her back against her desk, her eyes closed. She looked exhausted. "Go away," she whispered.

Severus pulled an object from his robes and leant over Burns. He gripped her hand.

"Let go of my hand!" Burns shouted.

Severus forced her to open her hand and to take the object. Then he stepped backwards. He didn't want to rush her again.

"What's this?" Burns asked disdainfully, a grimace on her face. She stared at the shape-hearted medallion that he had given to her.

"It's yours," Severus replied as quietly as possible. "I gave it to you a long time ago. It's one of the few things that remained intact after the fire. The inscriptions are still within. I meant every word of it." He paused, hesitating to say more. "I... mean every word of it," he whispered.

Burns didn't look up. "Go away, now," she said in a sigh.

Severus turned around and left.

***

The Potions master returned to his quarters in the dungeons. As always, his conversation with Burns had ended badly. But at least he had managed to explain a few things. One way or another, Burns had been touched by his words. And he had managed to give her the medallion.

What did she remember about their relationship? What moments had she kept in her mind? Severus remembered that sometimes he had been very mean with her. He knew what he had lost. An angel who had proved to be extraordinarily patient with him. She had borne his bad temper, his whims, his coldness, although she didn't know why he acted that way. And she had only wanted to leave him once. Because he had panicked and said all the awful and stupid things that had entered his mind. He hadn't meant what he'd said, but he had hurt her...

***

Hogwarts, December twenty-second, Severus' third year as a Potions assistant.

Severus waited anxiously in front of the castle door for Dumbledore to come back with Katarina. Damn, she had slapped him hard! Not that he hadn't deserved it...

'Be together,' 'making love,' she had said. How many times had he thought of it? 'Much too young,' he kept saying? Rubbish! In Hogwarts certainly, and probably a few months after they'd left the school. But not now! Katarina didn't know how difficult it was for him to resist her. He was a man, damn! A man with the Dark Mark on his arm... Severus grimaced. The Dark Mark... the best chastity belt in the world.

Severus was furious. Furious with himself for having been so mean. And furious with her for having forced him to be so mean. She had pushed him to his limits. Except the part about the Potters and their urchin, he hadn't meant a word of it. Certainly not the part about her having sex with Black. This simple thought made him sick. But he'd had to find a pretext. His temper had got the upper hand. His anguish had manifested itself in anger.

Dumbledore approached the castle door... alone. Severus swallowed a painful lump in his throat. Where was Katarina? He stepped forward to meet the Headmaster. When he was close, Dumbledore threw him a stare which said they would talk later. Of course, Blazy could spy on them. They both entered the castle and went to Dumbledore's office.

"Where is she?" Severus said as soon as the door had closed.

"Severus, she does not want to see you," the Headmaster replied.

"But--" Severus said, frowning. Bloody hell, where was she?

"Did you really tell her, well..." Dumbledore interrupted, "...her exact words were 'to have sex with Sirius Black to calm her hormones'?"

"Er..." Severus said awkwardly. "I guess so, Headmaster. Those weren't the words I used, but--"

"Severus," Dumbledore continued gently. "I know that you did not mean it, that you said that to protect her, but... I do not think that it is the good way, if you want her to agree to marry you. Christmas Eve is in two days. Do you still intend to propose to her?"

"I still do," Severus replied, full of determination. "I intend to tell Blazy and the Dark Lord that Katarina insisted on marriage. I'll tell them I couldn't refuse."

"So you have to tell her the truth now," Dumbledore said.

"I'm not ready for that, Headmaster," Severus replied sadly. "If I tell her now, I'll lose her." Losing her... Severus couldn't risk that.

"Do not underestimate her love," Dumbledore said. "Katarina is stronger than you think. If you tell her the whole truth, she will believe you. She will understand. Maybe she will need time, but she will understand why you were so cold with her. Why you hardly saw her. She will understand you did it to protect her."

"But she wants to become an Auror!" Severus exclaimed. "She'll never agree to marry a Death Eater!"

"She will marry you, not a Death Eater!" Dumbledore replied. "Do not wait before telling her the truth!"

"I can't tell her now," Severus exclaimed. "I'll explain everything later, after we're married. She'll be magically linked to me! She'll be my wife! She'll have to understand why I didn't want to tell her!"

"Severus..." The Headmaster sighed. "You do not start a marriage with lies. And she has not even accepted yet. She does not even want to talk to you now."

"Is that what she said?" Severus asked anxiously. Of course she didn't want to speak to him. She even regretted their first kiss. Now, she wanted that bloody Black...

"That is what she said," Dumbledore replied with a slight smile. "Fortunately, not what she felt."

Severus tried to control his sudden puff of jealousy. He had to do something to bring her back to him.

***

The Potions master opened his secret drawer. He pulled a little box out of it. The box contained the engagement ring he had offered to Katarina... He stared at the ring with emotion. He thought of the awful day Katarina had given it back to him. She hadn't even uttered a word... No, he didn't want to think of it!

He remembered how difficult it had been to propose to her. She hadn't wanted to speak to him or see him...

***

Hogwarts, December twenty-second, Severus' third year as a Potions assistant.

Katarina hadn't come to the Great Hall for dinner. Dumbledore had said she was in the Hospital Wing, but he had asked Severus to wait before visiting her. Severus was infuriated. Why couldn't he see her? And why hadn't she already forgiven him? They had quarrelled, but... the last time they had quarrelled, Katarina had made the first move. Would they spend the whole holidays mad at each other?

Going against Dumbledore's advice, Severus went to the Hospital Wing. When he entered, he came face to face with Madam Pomfrey.

"Severus," she said. "This is not the time."

"And why?" Severus asked angrily.

"Because she doesn't want to see you," the nurse replied. "I managed to convince her to stay, but you'd better leave her alone. I don't know what you did to her, but she's really angry."

"Right!" Severus shouted, more furious than ever. "But I'll come back tomorrow! Tell Miss-Know-It-All that I won't let her give me orders!"

The following day, he came back in the morning, but Katarina had already left the Hospital Wing.

"Where is she?" Severus hissed.

"I don't know," Madam Pomfrey replied. "She left early in the morning. Yesterday, she heard you would come back. She didn't look pleased."

Severus grumbled and went to Katarina's chambers. He hammered the door. No one replied. He tried to open the door, but it was locked. Katarina didn't seem to be there. Severus was scared. Had she left Hogwarts? Had she used Floo Powder to go back to the University? No, she couldn't. The Floo Network was watched. It was impossible to travel that way to University or to Disapparate there. Although Katarina could Disapparate within Hogwarts, she couldn't do that to go to the University. And if she had been to the station, or left the school, she would have told Dumbledore. Bloody hell! Where was she?

Severus searched Hogwarts without finding her. He tried the Park. He searched for her the whole afternoon. Then he found her. She was sitting on the seats of the Quidditch Pitch. The last place he would have checked to find her, of course. Severus sighed from irritation.

"So here you are," he whispered under his breath.

Katarina cast him a quick glance and didn't reply.

"What are you doing in an empty Quidditch Pitch?" he asked.

She kept silent.

"Won't you reply?" Severus hissed. He realised he should change his attitude, and softened his voice. Katarina wouldn't resist, if he was tender with her. "Come on, if you'd forget all of this," he asked silkily. "I could conjure a branch of mistletoe, and--"

"Do you know where you can hang it?" Katarina interrupted sharply.

Severus was puzzled. That was the first time his technique didn't work.

"Maybe above your head?" Severus responded, as if he didn't understand her reply.

"I don't kiss people who don't respect me," Katarina retorted.

"I respect you!" Severus exclaimed.

"No," Katarina said. "You've treated me badly for a long time. I love you, but I don't have to accept being treated like that!"

"I was in a bad mood!" Severus retorted.

"Well, now I am," Katarina said. She stood up.

"Where are you going?" Severus asked furiously.

"I go wherever I want," Katarina replied. "You're not the only one who can't receive orders. And don't try to find me, you'll lose this game. That's the message from Miss-Know-It-All. Merry Christmas!" Then she snapped her fingers and Disapparated.

Severus felt both angry and miserable.

***

The Potions master knew that feeling all too well, that maddening inability to control events. Burns acted sometimes like Katarina when she'd been angry. She refused any kind of discussion and left him with his frustration.

What had he done when Katarina had left him alone on the Quidditch Pitch? Ah, yes... He had decided to give her time. To follow Dumbledore's advice. But it hadn't worked. She hadn't returned to him by Christmas Eve...

***

Hogwarts, December twenty-fourth, Severus' third year as a Potions assistant.

Katarina hadn't come for breakfast or lunch. Severus had thought she would come for dinner, but he was mistaken. He had been to her chambers, but there was no one there. He returned to the Great Hall and had dinner with Dumbledore, the remaining teachers and students.

He felt relieved Blazy was not there. Fortunately, the Potions master had left for several days. Severus would have been forced to act as if he was pleased Katarina wasn't there. He realised he had hurt her more than he had believed. Maybe he had lost her. No! He had to do something!

He went to her chambers and knocked at the door.

"Go to hell!" he heard Katarina say through the door.

Merlin, she was there! And she didn't want him to enter? Fine. He would do without her permission. He entered. Katarina was putting her clothes in her trunk. Would she really leave? Severus felt scared.

"I don't want to see you anymore," Katarina said sharply. "I'll leave tomorrow! And I'll leave you at the same time!"

She wanted to break up with him? Severus panicked. He didn't think of his Death Eater's mission and his role within the Order. He just thought of what his life would be without her, and it was unbearable.

"But it's not as if it changed anything for you," Katarina said sarcastically. "Our relationship doesn't mean anything to you!"

"Kat," Severus replied, frowning. "We--"

"We?" she asked sharply. "There's a WE, now? WE means you and me! And I am the only one who fights for our relationship. I am the only one who will cry for the rest of the holidays and for the coming year. I am the only one who will have a broken heart!"

"Kat," Severus repeated, half-angry, half-pained. "That's not tru--"

"There's no Kat here!" she interrupted.

What was she playing at? All right, he would not call her Kat.

"Katarina," Severus hissed.

"I don't allow you to call me that either," she retorted coldly.

Severus felt angry.

"What name am I supposed to call you?" he whispered under his breath.

"You can call me Miss Burns, since this is my name," she replied. "But I'd rather if you didn't call me at all!"

Irritating, stubborn girl.

"Miss Burns," Severus said distinctly, "we both know that you don't want to spend Christmas alone. That you want to be with me, and that I want to be with you."

"You're wrong, Professor Snape," Katarina retorted.

Severus hadn't been promoted yet. He wouldn't have the title of teacher until the end of the year. What was she playing at?

"I want to be with Sirius Black for Christmas," Kat continued, "and he wants to be with me. And if you hear noises that night, it won't be Father Christmas, just the sound of good sex with Sirius!"

Severus grimaced. What an awful image!

"Will you never forgive me for that?" he asked.

"Let me think..." Katarina said. "NO! And that's not my hormones speaking!"

Severus was speechless. Damn! He had never seen her so furious.

"Professor Snape," Katarina said, "can you see that big piece of wood behind you? That's a door. OUT!"

"If you consider me your teacher, Kat," Severus hissed, "you have to obey me, stubborn girl." He moved forward, gripped her arms firmly, and pushed her against the wall behind her.

Katarina looked a little confused, but she took hold of herself. "I'm sorry," she replied ironically, "I only obey Sirius Black's sexual desires. And that's Miss Burns to you!"

Now, he had the occasion he wanted.

"Why not Mrs. Snape?" he asked.

Katarina didn't reply. She gasped. Then she frowned and stared at him with an interrogative look.

"That's not funny," she replied finally, a sad expression on her face. Of course she had thought it was a bad joke.

"It's not supposed to be," Severus retorted. "I have the engagement ring in my pocket." He looked her straight in the eye. "The only Sirius thing which will happen in this room tonight. I've had this ring for a month, just waiting for this moment. That's why I was so distant and strange. I was nervous. It's not easy to propose." He paused. "So?" he asked. Her felt her shivering. Her breathing was chaotic. His own heart pounded fast. What would she say? Would she say anything?

They stared at each other for several endless seconds. Her eyes betrayed her emotions. She was confused, angry, and happy at the same time. She seemed torn between her conflicting feelings. Would she give in to her anger and reply negatively? But when he saw the glitter in her eyes, he knew her answer.

"Yes," she responded in a whisper.

Yes. It echoed in his mind like the happiest song of his life. Then he leant forward and kissed her hungrily. She had agreed to marry him! She wanted to be his wife!

Katarina broke off the kiss. "I'm still very mad at you," she said coldly. "You hurt me."

"Can't we call a truce for Christmas?" Severus whispered under his breath. He held her left hand gently in his and kissed it. "A special hour, when engagement rings are given to future brides?"

"I guess that Sirius Black can wait a little," Katarina replied.

"Let him have sex with Father Christmas," Severus retorted. "I'm sure he'll like that."

Katarina smiled slightly.

Severus pulled a little box out of his robes. He opened it. Inside was the beautiful, golden ring he had chosen for her. The ring contained a large diamond surrounded by emeralds, making it look like a flower.

Severus observed Katarina. She stared at the ring and appeared to have stopped breathing. She looked puzzled and touched.

"Severus," she said in a gasp. "It's beautiful! But... are you crazy? This is too much! This ring is... Oh, my God, it must have cost you a fortune!"

Severus stared at her. He was amused to see that her anger had faded. Yes, the ring had cost a fortune. She deserved it.

"When I saw the ring," he said, "I thought of you. You're as solid as the diamond, your eyes have the colour of emerald, and you're more precious than anything to me."

Katarina swallowed and took a big breath. Tears were already trailing down her cheeks.

"Will you marry me?" Severus asked.

"I will," Kat replied.

Severus took her hand and put the ring on her finger.

"Still crying?" he asked teasingly.

"Tears of joy," Katarina replied. "I love you, Darling."

"Not as much as I do," Severus retorted.

The clock chimed. Midnight had come. A few annoying students sang Christmas songs in the corridors. Severus and Katarina kissed passionately, celebrating their Christmas miracle. They were engaged.

***

The Potions master sighed. She had loved him. Him, the least popular student in the school, with his greasy hair and his big nose. She had pushed celebrity-Black away and decided to date Severus without any Love Philtre. She had agreed to marry him. Severus' mother kept saying that he would end his life alone. That no one would ever want him. She had been partly right. Katarina had wanted him, but he had spoiled everything. Now he would probably end his life alone.

He had spent the best moments of his life with Katarina. He wished that one day he could put this ring back on her finger. But his hope was probably in vain.

***

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