Swept From the Past

Chapter 35: Pancakes, letters, and babies

Harry couldn't believe what he had just seen. Had Burns destroyed the Dementor with her powers? She hadn't even used a Patronus! She had just... destroyed the creature... How was it possible? Why hadn't the Dementor felt her presence?

Snape had rushed behind the part of the iron gates where Burns had fallen. Burns hadn't really fainted... unlike Neville. Hermione knelt beside the boy, trying to wake him up.

Burns was standing up now. She picked up her swords and pulled them back inside her cloak. The round skylight in the ceiling opened back up with a grinding sound. The sun filtered into the room again. Snape appeared to be... furious. His face was very pale and his jaw was clenched. He was glaring at Burns. His hands seemed to squeeze the iron gates... very hard.

"Are you satisfied?" Snape hissed.

"Pretty much," Burns replied coolly.

"You almost killed yourself!" Snape shouted. "And the rest of us at the same time!"

Burns laughed. "You weren't in danger, Professor Snape," she replied. "The place is secured. The creatures can't leave the arena! As for me... the situation was under control. It was just a little demonstration. Do you think that only five poor vampires can hurt me?" She laughed again.

"What about the Dementor?" Snape shouted.

"The Dementor?" Burns repeated loudly. "There's nothing less offensive than a little Dementor!"

Nothing less offensive than a little Dementor? Harry had spent his whole third year fainting because of those creatures!

"Give me my wand!" Snape yelled. "Now!"

Burns didn't reply. She stepped toward the students. "Detention's over," Burns said, almost singing. "All the Emerald Star's crew wishes you a good trip back to Hogwarts," Burns said softly like a sort of air hostess. "We hope that you enjoyed the excursion as much as we did. We counsel you not to fight again in the corridors of Hogwarts. Especially not when the whole school is watching. Don't forget to get your wand at the exit..."

A big and muscular man was standing a few meters from the group. With a wave of her hand, Burns motioned for the students to follow him. Then she Disapparated. Snape scowled. Harry stopped looking at the Potions master and focused on Neville, who had woken up but seemed ready to faint again. Harry and Ron helped him to stand up. Then they followed the man. Harry wished only one thing now: to return to the castle alive and get some rest.

***

Professor Burns Apparated to the deck and gave Snape's wand to Taz, a thin, blond wizard with an eye-patch.

"Bring it to Snape," she ordered. Then she Disapparated. She Apparated into her quarters in Hogwarts.

She preferred these quarters to her apartments on the Emerald Star. She disliked her quarters in the ship. She'd had so many painful crises in there that she had stopped counting them. And the last time she had been there, she had thrown the chairs and furniture in irritation. She always did that when she was furious. The Firewhisky helped, but Burns couldn't control herself sometimes. She needed to destroy all that was around her.

Someone knocked at the door.

"Come in," Burns said sharply. She hoped it was not Snivellus. She didn't have time to waste quarrelling with him. She had memories to sort out.

Cooky entered. She carried a tray full of food.

"Captain Burns missed breakfast," the elf said. "And she missed lunch too."

"So what?" Burns replied, irritated. "I'm not hungry."

"Cooky is worried," the elf said. "She thinks Captain Burns is ill."

"I'm okay," Burns replied.

"Mistress Burns wouldn't have wanted to see Captain Burns that way," Cooky said. "And Master Snape is very miserable, since--"

Burns' eyes flashed. "My mother is dead," she interrupted sharply. "And Snape will be soon!" She paused. How dare that house-elf come here and give her advice? How dare she speak about Burns' mother, who had been savagely murdered? How dare she mention Snape in front of her?

"Out of my way!" Burns shouted. "I forbid you to come here anymore!"

Cooky looked surprised and scared. She left the room very quickly with her tray.

Burns went in her bedroom, where the Pensieves had remained since the day Alphonso had been attacked by the girls. The Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher stared at the surface of one Pensieve. She pulled her wand out of her robes, ready to let the following memory fill her head...

***

London, New Year's Eve, second year of Katarina's Auror's training.

Katarina and the Marauders gathered at the Potter's flat for New Year's Eve. They all drank champagne at midnight, except Lily, who took orange-juice. Lily's face was beaming, and James never looked happier. The news of Lily's pregnancy had come at the good time. Although Lily was still in mourning, the news of a baby had lit her Christmas. Katarina knew it would take time for Lily to feel better after her parents' death, but she could think of something else. Something that encouraged her to feed and take rest.

"What will you name the baby, Prongs?" Peter asked. "Do you already have ideas?"

"We've just learnt the news," James replied.

"And actually, we shouldn't have told you," Lily retorted. "It's bad luck to reveal a pregnancy so early."

"Not when I check the pregnancy test!" Katarina responded. She didn't want Lily to anguish for nothing.

"Do you think it'll be a boy or a girl?" Remus asked.

"I bet it'll be a boy!" Sirius exclaimed. "A little Sirius Potter!"

"And why not a little Peter Potter?" Peter asked.

"Nah," Sirius replied. "Just imagine him saying his name. Hello, I'm Peter Potter! King of spitting!" Sirius spat on Peter, who grimaced.

"Thanks for the demonstration," Lily said with a laugh.

"I proposed 'James' as a name," James uttered, "but Lily says that--"

"No," Lily interrupted. "One James Potter in the world is enough. If I have a boy, I want him to be gentle and quiet. I don't want to worry all the time about him. Another James Potter would always get in trouble!"

"Hey!" Sirius exclaimed. "That's precisely why I want the baby to be a boy! What's the point of being a boy, if you never get in trouble?"

"I'm sure he'll become famous," James said. "The best Quidditch player in Hogwarts! The best Quidditch player in the world!"

"I hope that the baby's head will not be as big as yours!" Remus said. "Otherwise he won't fit in his pram."

They laughed.

"What if it's a girl?" Peter asked.

"A girl?" Sirius grimaced.

"Hey!" Katarina and Lily exclaimed at the same time. Katarina realised that Sirius had drunk his fifth glass of champagne. He looked a little tipsy. He took another glass. But, after all, this was New Year's Eve.

"Actually, Padfoot," said James, "a girl wouldn't be that bad."

"But a girl will never play tricks on Filch, when she's at Hogwarts!" Sirius replied. "She'll just become a Prefect and always do her homework!" Lily frowned. Katarina felt it was not kind to Lily.

"I'm not sure," Remus retorted. "After all, she'll be half Potter. That's enough to give her a solid reputation for trouble."

"See," Lily said to James, accusingly. She gently hit his shoulder. "It'll be your fault, if our child becomes a criminal!"

"What name would you choose?" Peter asked.

"Anything but Petunia!" Lily responded immediately.

"What about Siria?" Sirius asked. Lily grimaced. "Ok, ok... that was just a thought," Sirius said.

Lily sighed. "It's really difficult to think of a name. Do you have any good ideas, Kat?"

"I don't know," Katarina replied. "This is the first time I've thought of it."

"The first time?" Sirius asked. "Don't all girls think about that stuff?"

"Do you really know anything about girls, Sirius?" Katarina retorted. "'Girls never get in trouble... they only become Prefects...' that doesn't quite fit my portrait!"

"You only got in trouble because of your boyfriend," Sirius said.

Katarina perceived disdain in his voice. She raised an eyebrow. Anyway, Sirius probably said that because he was drunk. She cast Remus a quick glance. He looked worried too.

"Not because you wanted to," Sirius added. He got up, his seventh glass of champagne in his right hand. He staggered. "By the way," he continued, "where is Snivelly today?" Katarina frowned. "First, Christmas; then, New Year?" Sirius asked. "I think he doesn't miss you so much!"

Katarina stood up.

"That's enough, Sirius!" she snapped.

"Hey," Sirius replied, "that's not my fault if Snivellus didn't want to spend the holidays with you!"

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed angrily. He stood up too, followed by James. Peter stayed motionless. Lily looked worried. "You're making a fool of yourself," Remus said.

"Snivellus had family obligations?" Sirius said. Then he burst into laughter. "You are so naive, Kat!" he continued. "I bet he's spending New Year's Eve at the Malfoys', trying to chat some girl up. At least, one who's not disgusted by him!"

Katarina clenched her teeth. Sirius' comments hurt.

Sirius turned back to Lily. "Lily, pleeeaaassseee," he continued. He leant over while he uttered the word 'please.' "If you have a girl, don't call her Katarina. She'll only be interested in awful, greasy gits!"

Katarina had heard enough. "Lily, James," she said, "thanks for the evening. It was very enjoyable... up until the last few minutes. Goodbye everyone. I'll go back to my apartment."

"I'll come too," Remus replied. "Bye everyone, and a Happy New Year." He threw Sirius a reproachful stare.

They left, and went to Katarina's flat. They both didn't utter a word until they entered her apartment. Katarina was infuriated.

"What a cretin!" she exclaimed.

"What an awful prat, you mean!" Remus replied. "He didn't have the right to talk to you like that. And he spoiled the evening! Lily and Prongs were so happy about their baby!"

Katarina's anger faded suddenly. She felt sad. She knew Sirius had said nonsense, that he was drunk. But she felt scared. What if Severus didn't want to spend the Christmas holidays with her? After all, he hadn't explained exactly what those family problems were. And she had hardly spent twenty minutes with him the last time they met.

Katarina went to her desk and opened one of the drawers. She took out the golden, heart-shaped medallion Severus had given her on his last visit. The present he wanted her to open after he left.

"What is it?" Remus asked. He leant over her shoulder from behind.

"It's a present from Severus," Katarina replied. She smiled slightly.

"That's really nice," Remus retorted.

"There are inscriptions in it," Katarina said. She opened the medallion. "With all my love. Forever. S." She read. An awkward silence followed.

"Sirius said rubbish," Remus uttered, as if he had read in her thoughts. "Don't feel sad because of what he said," he continued. "He's just jealous. And he was drunk."

"Yes," Katarina said. "Maybe."

***

Professor Burns stepped backwards and breathed with effort. Why the hell hadn't Katarina understood Sirius was right? Lily and James loved each other. They always proved their affection for each other. They lived together, they were married, and Lily was pregnant! And that stupid Katarina lived alone in London, spent the Christmas holidays away from her boyfriend, and didn't even notice something was wrong? Burns hated that ridiculous girl she saw in her memories.

The Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher approached the Pensieve reluctantly. She had to keep checking her memories. How painful it was. But she had to do this for Harry...

***

Katarina's apartment, first of January, second year of Katarina's Auror's training.

Katarina woke up. She felt tired and miserable. She had had nightmares all night. She dreamt she went to Malfoy Manor and found Severus on a couch, kissing Narcissa. When she disturbed them and asked him for explanations, he just said that she was a filthy half-blood, that he hated her. Even after she awoke, Katarina could not shake the awful feeling left by the nightmare.

She stared at the golden medallion that lay on her bedside table. She took it in her hands and reread the inscriptions one more time. "With all my love. Forever. S." Severus would have never offered it to her, if he thought she was a filthy half-blood. Katarina sighed. With Sirius' attitude and her nightmare, this New Year wasn't off to a good start.

She got up and took a shower, then entered the sitting room silently in case Remus would still be asleep. He wasn't. The folding couch was already tidied up, and Remus had prepared breakfast.

"Good morning," Remus said. He was already dressed.

"Good morning," Katarina replied.

"Did you sleep well?" Remus asked. "More importantly, are you doing better today?"

Katarina shrugged her shoulders. "I had awful nightmares," she responded. "I dreamt Severus kissed other girls." She grimaced. "Remind me to hex Sirius for what he said."

"You miss Severus?" Remus asked.

"Yes," Katarina replied. "A lot. But I don't want to speak about him, or I'll be sad again." She paused. "How do you always manage to wake up before me? You're already prepared, you tidied everything, and you even made breakfast? Are you a kind of Superman?"

Remus liked Muggle comics since he had read one of them in his Muggle Studies class. He had given Katarina an edition of Superman for Christmas, and she had read it with interest.

"Yes," Remus responded. "Half Superman, half Superwolf. I think someone should write a comic strip on me. But I don't save people's lives. And I don't have any great superpowers without my wand, except making good pancakes."

"Hey, I think that's a superpower!" Katarina retorted. "Superwolf," she commented, imagining the punch line of the comic strip. "He keeps his identity secret to save people's stomachs! That sounds good!"

"And self-satisfaction is his only remuneration," Remus said sadly.

"Come on, Remus," Katarina replied, "I'm sure you'll find a good job one day. Superman has one!"

"Yes," Remus retorted with bitterness. "But he can work every day, even on the full moon."

"Ok, you're a werewolf," Katarina replied, "but you're also a wonderful person! A very wonderful person."

"You're the only girl who thinks that," Remus said. "I scare the rest off."

"Just when they know you're a werewolf," Katarina retorted. "Because they're ignorant girls! Because they don't know you enough to see who you are! And it just happened once! It doesn't mean anything!"

Katarina knew how hurt Remus had been when his girlfriend had left him. He had met Marianne in University, when he visited his friends. It had taken him a while to ask her to go out with him. One day, he had found the courage to tell her that he was a werewolf. She had broken up with him. Katarina had felt very sad for him. Marianne's reaction proved that she didn't love him. And now, Remus was convinced that no girl would ever love him enough to accept his disease.

"Only you would be so nice, Kat," Remus replied.

"If we hadn't been so close in our childhood," Katarina replied, "I would have probably fallen in love with you."

Remus blushed.

"I remember the first and only time you kissed me," Katarina continued, teasing him. "We were five." She paused. "It didn't work," she said, shaking her head.

"Nah," Remus responded awkwardly, his face still red.

"It was odd and disgusting," Katarina said.

"Thank you," Remus replied, laughing.

"Hey," Katarina exclaimed. "You thought the same! You even said that you didn't want to marry me anymore!"

"And I made you cry," Remus continued.

"For ten minutes," Katarina replied. "Then Mum made a cake and I forgot about you. But my doll never forgave you. She wanted you to adopt her!"

They both laughed. "Lucky we did it so early," Katarina said. "Things were clear rather quickly! You're my first and best friend. I wouldn't be the person I am now without you. You see, you do have superpowers!" She winked. Remus blushed again.

They sat down to breakfast. Then Katarina went to her room to put the medallion around her neck, when she heard a knock at the main door.

"I'll go and see who it is," Remus said. Katarina heard the creaking of the door.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, LUPIN?" Severus' voice barked.

What? Severus was here? Katarina felt happier than ever. But there was a little problem: she had unfortunately 'forgotten' to tell Severus that Remus would be spending the night at her place. She ran into the sitting room. Severus had already entered. He looked enraged.

"Severus!" Katarina said. "You came?" she continued happily.

"Yes," he said sharply, glaring at her. "I came... face to face with him!" he shouted disdainfully. He stared at Remus crossly. Remus looked very ill at ease.

"So you're having a love-affair with him?" Severus yelled. His eyes flashed.

"No, of course not, Honey," Katarina replied. "He came for New Year's Eve. He slept on the couch, and I slept in my bedroom!"

Severus snorted. Katarina was afraid he wouldn't believe her.

"If you don't believe me," she said, "use Occlumency on me!"

"That's what I'll do!" Severus snapped. He looked around. "What's this?" he asked. A few cold pancakes remained on a plate.

"Pancakes," Katarina responded. "For later." What about the pancakes? Was Severus hungry? "Do you want some?" she asked.

"You made him pancakes?" Severus shouted. "You never cooked for me!" he replied with an offended look.

What? He questioned her about the pancakes for that?

"No, Honey," she replied. "Remus made them." Oh, God, why had she said that? That response sounded better in her head.

"Oh, he made them?" Severus smirked. "What for?" He snapped.

"For breakfast," Katarina replied innocently.

"You know what I mean," Severus snarled.

"He made them because he's a nice guy," Katarina responded. "A nice guy who slept on the couch, and who prepared pancakes because I can't cook! You'll see it when you use Occlumency on me!" she snapped. "And believe me, preventing you from eating my cooking is real proof of love! I'm the worst cook ever! You should thank the house-elves for their meals!"

"He could have poisoned you!" Severus barked.

"Poisoned her?" Remus repeated, a shocked expression on his face.

"He's a werewolf!" Severus exclaimed, pointing at Remus accusingly.

"Oh, God, Severus," Katarina rolled her eyes. "What do you think he did? Spit in the pancake batter to transform me into a werewolf?"

Severus' jaw clenched.

"You didn't tell me he would sleep in your apartment!" Severus shouted.

"Because I knew it would anger you!" Katarina replied. "I knew you would be worried about me!"

"I want him to leave right away!" Severus barked.

"Severus," Remus said, frowning, "I promise I'll leave as soon as you calm down."

"Mind your own business, werewolf!" Severus snapped.

"Severus!" Katarina exclaimed.

"He's a dangerous werewolf!" Severus yelled again.

"I'm certainly not as dangerous as you are now!" Remus replied.

"Are you suggesting that I could hurt Katarina?" Severus shouted, glaring at Remus. "How dare you say that--"

"I'm just saying that there's no need to be angry," Remus interrupted calmly, "There's nothing between Katarina and me."

"I WANT HIM TO LEAVE!" Severus bellowed.

"No!" Katarina ordered. "I invited Remus. He stays here."

Someone knocked at the door before Severus could retort anything.

"Oh, what now?" Katarina asked angrily. She opened the door. Sirius stood in front of her. Nothing could be worst.

"Katarina," he said, "I'm sorry for--"

"WHAT?" Severus barked from the inside. "BLACK'S HERE?"

Sirius pushed the door and entered the room. Katarina couldn't stop him. "Snivellus!" he barked. Sirius and Severus pulled their wands out at the same time.

Snivellus? "Hey!" Katarina yelled. "Don't speak that way to my lover, Superdrunkcretin!"

Remus repressed a laugh. Severus upper lip curled a little. Sirius grimaced.

"Kat," Sirius said, "I--"

"I know," she said irritatingly, "you were tipsy, you said rubbish. Now, get out!" She made a quick gesture to tell him to leave.

"Actually, I meant what I said," Sirius uttered. Katarina frowned. Couldn't he just leave, instead of continuing his foolish game?

"Padfoot!" Remus exclaimed.

"And what did you say, Black?" Severus snapped.

Now, that was enough. Katarina was exasperated. "ENOUGH!" she yelled. Severus, Sirius, and Remus stopped quarrelling and stared at her. She sharply extended her right hand and pointed a finger at Sirius. "Friend," she said. She made the same gesture to Remus. "Friend," she uttered. She continued and pointed Severus. "Lover," she added. "Is that clear?"

"Katarina--" Sirius said.

"YOU... OUT!" she bellowed. Sirius saw how infuriated she was. He stared at her without a word and went to the door.

"YOU... on the couch," she said sharply to Remus.

"AND YOU..." she shouted to Severus, "in my bedroom." The boys stared at her strangely. Severus even looked amused. "What?" she asked. Then she realised what she said. She blushed. "Oh!" she exclaimed. She smirked. "You're so childish, all!"

She took Severus' arm and forced him to follow her. She closed the door behind her. They sat on her bed.

"So?" he snapped.

"So what?" Katarina asked. "I wasn't unfaithful to you with Remus, or with Sirius, or with any other guy. Remus slept in my apartment, it's true! But he slept on the couch. And he's just a sort of brother. We've nearly been raised together! As for Sirius, he drank a little too much yesterday and said nonsense in front of everyone!"

"I'll never sleep on your couch again," Severus exclaimed, "since you let that werewolf sleep on it!" he said disdainfully.

"So you'll have to sleep with me in my bed," Katarina replied.

Severus looked confused. He blanched.

"See how unfair life is," Katarina said ironically.

"We're too young for that," Severus retorted.

"For what?" Katarina asked. "Sleeping chastely side by side in a bed?" She snorted. "I won't jump on you! You'll probably flee to the other side of the bed anyway."

Severus scowled.

"Come on," Katarina said gently, "can't we stop this stupid argument?"

Severus didn't reply. Katarina didn't know if his anger had faded. Then she noticed he stared at her medallion. "Thanks for your present," Katarina said softly. "I really love it. It's wonderful. I found the inscriptions very touching." She tried to caress his left cheek with her right hand. He recoiled from her touch.

"I want to practise Occlumency," Severus said coldly, his lips pursed.

"All right," Katarina replied. She sighed. "If that will reassure you..."

Severus stared at her eyes and pointed his wand to her. "Legillimens!" he said.

Katarina let him see what he wanted to know. Then he stopped after several minutes. He didn't react immediately. His features were still hard, but he finally embraced her. Katarina responded to his embrace and put her head on his chest.

"You see you have nothing to fear, Honey," Katarina said. "Remus is my family. My only remaining family."

"What about me?" Severus asked, displeasure in his voice.

Katarina raised her head and smiled. "Remus is my past," she replied. "You are my future. Without past, there's no future. And without future, the past wouldn't have the same taste. I love Remus as my brother; and I love you as my lover. I know that you don't like Remus, but don't ask me to give him up."

Severus stared at her for a few seconds. He looked deep in thought. Then he frowned.

"So," he said. "I didn't give you your first kiss?" He looked disappointed.

"I don't know if a five-year-old boy's kiss is really a kiss," Katarina replied, amused. "But you gave me my first love kiss. And that means everything."

"I probably was clumsy," Severus retorted with bitterness.

"No," Katarina replied. "I ran from the library because I felt too many emotions at the same time. The kiss was perfect." She put her arms around his neck. "Could I have another one, now?" Severus' features relaxed.

"All right," he said. "But I can't bear seeing Lupin and Black in your apartment. As you can't bear dreams about me kissing other girls."

"Did you?" Katarina queried.

"What?" Severus asked. He arched an eyebrow.

"Did you kiss other girls?" Katarina continued softly. "Oh, I'm not accusing you. I just need you to reassure me. It was a horrible nightmare." She pouted.

"I suppose that's what Black said to you," Severus hissed.

"Sort of," Katarina replied. "I know that's rubbish, but it hurt me all the same."

"That's rubbish," Severus responded. "I don't kiss anyone else but you, idiot girl."

"I'm glad to hear it," Katarina retorted. She smiled.

"Did you kiss Black?" Severus asked.

"Certainly not," Katarina replied.

"Lupin? Pettigrew? Potter?" Severus continued suspiciously.

"No," Katarina responded. "No one." Katarina was delighted to see Severus was so jealous. After all, it meant he cared for her. And after Sirius' hurtful speech and her awful nightmares, it was soothing.

***

Burns snorted. No, Katarina hadn't kissed anyone else. But she should have. Snivellus had probably had a very good holiday with his female Death Eater friends. No need to be a genius to know that he had always been unfaithful to her.

The Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher felt the crisis come. She took her flask of Firewhisky and had a gulp. Then she checked at the next memory...

***

London, April, second year of Katarina's Auror's training.

Someone knocked at her door. Katarina, her eyes full of tears, let Lily enter.

"Kat!" Lily exclaimed. "I've just received your owl! What's up?"

"I'm sorry," Katarina said, sobbing. "I didn't want to bother you. You have a husband, and you're pregnant... I shouldn't have asked you to come." She let her tears drop. She felt guilty for bothering Lily now. But she needed to speak. She had read Severus' last letter, and she felt too miserable to keep the pain to herself.

Lily went to the couch and sat with effort. "That's ok," she said gently. "Tell me what's going on."

Katarina had a lump in her throat. She couldn't speak. Instead, she gave the letter to Lily.

"Severus... wrote... it," she said between hiccups.

Lily read:

"Dear Katarina,

I know we planned to spend a few days together in two weeks. Unfortunately, my presence is required in Hogwarts. Professor Blazy gave me a lot of extra work. I suppose it is a test. If I pass it, he will probably hire me for another year. I can't come. Sorry.

Severus Snape."

"Oh!" Lily exclaimed. "I'm sorry, Kat!"

"He cancelled our weekend," Katarina replied, bursting into tears. "Again..."

Lily reread the letter silently. Katarina noticed a strange expression on her face. A surprised or unconvinced expression, as if she analysed the contents of the letter... or its coldness.

"I know," Katarina whispered, "the letter is not very... passionate..." She sniffed.

Lily raised her eyes from the letter and looked awkward. "No," she replied, "it's not... I mean... I'm sorry..."

"I'm so sad," Katarina said. Her tears doubled. "I miss him more than anything! It's so difficult! I work all the time, trying not to think of him! I do my best to be strong, but when I received his owl... it was too much! I hardly saw him! I only met him once or twice for the last three months! And I just saw him for a couple of hours!"

"Maybe you should write to him to tell him what you think?" Lily asked.

"No," Katarina replied. "He wants this job. He probably didn't have any choice. I don't want him to sacrifice his chance for me. I... I can't sort out my feelings... I'm disappointed, sad, and angry at the same time. And I feel guilty to be angry with him. I know I'm being self-centred. And I'm sorry to cry in front of you. You don't need that in your state!"

"I'm just pregnant," Lily retorted. "I'm not going to die. And I just live on another floor, not in another town! James went to Gringotts, anyway, so I was alone. Just because I'm six months pregnant doesn't mean that I can't listen to my friends anymore. And the baby agrees with me!"

Katarina sniffed again. "God," she said, "I must be ridiculous with my red nose and eyes. I would scare the baby if he saw me!"

Lily laughed. "Have you thought about my request?" she asked.

"For the baby?" Katarina asked.

Lily had asked her to be the baby's godmother. Katarina wanted to accept, but things were not easy. She avoided Sirius, who was meant to be the baby's godfather. And she couldn't even imagine Severus' reaction or James'.

"I don't know if I can become his godmother," Katarina continued. There will be too many problems. James will not be happy, if--"

"James chooses the godfather," Lily replied. "I choose the godmother. Remember our pact. And when you have children, I'll be their godmother."

"James will not agree," Katarina responded sadly. "I'm with Severus. James will never accept me as the godmother of your child. Neither will Severus. Moreover, Sirius will be the godfather. Too complicated."

"Katarina," Lily said seriously. "Take your time. I don't need an answer until July. A lot can happen between now and then."

Katarina didn't reply, but she knew what it meant. Lily had just suggested that Katarina would be separated from Severus by July. And this thought was more frightening than anything...

***

Severus Snape had come back to his office with the students. He had thrown them out, had locked his office, and had walked quickly to his quarters. He was angry beyond reason. Burns had fought against five vampires and a Dementor, and he hadn't been able to do anything! He had not even noticed that she had taken his wand.

He paced back and forth in his quarters. Then he stopped in front of his desk and slammed the wood furiously with his fist. He had felt terrified. A pure terror which had no link to the Dementor. His worst fear -- losing Katarina -- had almost happened in front of his eyes... again...

And all those stupid students, staring at the scene and shrieking with their insufferable voices! Preventing Severus from telling Burns that he was scared for her. Only for her.

Severus sat on his bed and sighed. The Dementor hadn't noticed Burns' presence. It was not surprising. When Severus had used Occlumency on her, he'd had the impression of being in the presence of a Dementor. That there were only rage, despair, and pain in her. No happy feeling. Just the strong desire to disappear.

If he didn't do anything, she would really disappear... forever.

Severus opened the secret compartment in his drawer again. He needed to read one of Katarina's former letters. To have proof that they'd always made up when they had quarrelled. That there was still hope...

Then he found what he was searching for. A letter from Katarina, sent the thirty-first of July -- the day that awful Potter Junior was born:

"My Dear Severus,

I'm sorry that we quarrelled two weeks ago. I know what being the baby's godmother would mean. If something happened to James and Lily, I would have to take care of him with Sirius. I know how much it would hurt you.

You said that being with me would force your involvement in the baby's life. I understand that you don't want to have obligations towards the child of the man who turned your life into a living hell. That's why I refused Lily's request. For you.

However, you must know that I want to be a part of his life. I want to be there for him, although I won't be his godmother. I hope you will understand.

I wish we would make up. I love you.

Your Kat.

P.S.: the baby is born today. He's a boy."

Severus remembered the violent quarrel they'd had. His anger... The way he had stupidly left her apartment, slamming the door. Then they hadn't written to each other for two long weeks. He had felt miserable, but his pride had prevented him from making the first move. Severus had told Dumbledore that he and Katarina had quarrelled. The Headmaster had tried to convince him to apologise, but Severus had been stubborn. Fortunately, Katarina had finally written to him. It was the sign that he'd expected.

The Headmaster had asked some members of the Order to watch Katarina and intercept all her letters. The Death Eaters mustn't know that she and Severus had quarrelled. It would have meant that she had escaped his control. Severus had felt deeply relieved when he'd received Katarina's letter. What had he replied to her? Ah yes... he had made a copy of his letter and kept it in his secret drawer, among his correspondence with Katarina.

It had been the first letter where he had used a touch of 'passion.' A letter transmitted by the Order. A letter the Death Eaters wouldn't read. He had thought of writing that he couldn't sleep since his quarrel with Katarina, that he missed her. But Katarina would have been too surprised to read something like that. She wouldn't have understood anything, since he was always cold in his letters. So he had opted for softening his writing and showing a little more about his feelings.

The Potions Master reread his former letter:

"Dear Katarina,

I'm sorry about our quarrel too. I'm glad that you refused Evan's request. I'm not 'happy' to know that you will be a part of the boy's life, but I think that, in such a situation, I can make a sort of 'compromise.' For you.

I'm overwhelmed with work. I don't think we will be able to see each other for the rest of the holidays. Sorry.

I'm glad we made up.

Severus.

P.S. I hope you still wear my medallion."

Well... maybe 'passion' was not the right word. Severus realised that, although he had made up with Katarina, he had probably hurt her. Saying that he couldn't see her for the rest of the holidays... The Potions master sighed. With his missions for the Dark Lord and the Order, he hadn't had a choice. He had been forced to neglect her.

***

Burns trembled and took another gulp of Firewhisky. Looking at her memories was becoming more and more difficult. It was hard to face the memories of her friends, who had been killed. Hard to remember the moments Katarina had had with Snivellus. Their conversations, the time spent together, every memory... He had played his role perfectly. He had used her from the beginning to the end... Of course, the memories disappeared from her mind as soon as she replaced them in her Pensieves, but they physically damaged her. It caused her great suffering. But after all, she was used to suffering.

The ritual of the four founders of Hogwarts had given the Barrier Keeper the power to protect the school. Such power needed a great physical and mental resistance that no one else owned. Since she had turned to the Dark Arts -- despite her will --, Burns couldn't recreate the Barrier. But she could bear the most intense kind of pain.

The Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher leant over the first Pensieve, trying to find more strength. She breathed hard. She was more and more exhausted.

"One memory more for today," she whispered with effort. "Hold on... Harry... needs them..."

Several seconds later, her breathing calmed down and the crisis passed, allowing Burns to look at another memory...

***

London, middle of December, third year of Katarina's Auror's training.

Little baby Harry was three and a half months old. Katarina went to Lily's and James' apartment to visit her 'unofficial godson,' as she often did. Harry was very cute. Of course, everyone said that every baby was cute. But Katarina knew it wasn't true. She had once seen an ugly baby, which looked like an old wrinkled potato with big ears. She was glad Harry was so adorable. Katarina thought he was a little angel. He always smiled and made funny little sounds when he was happy. He hardly cried.

Katarina knocked at James and Lily's door. Lily opened to her.

"I have something for Harry," Katarina said. She took a package from her bag.

"Oh," Lily replied. "You didn't need to bring anything!"

"But I like bringing presents!" Katarina responded.

"Are you offering him a present again?" James asked. "Lily, she'll spoil our child!" He laughed. "He's only four months old, and his room totters beneath presents! Most of them from you!"

"I also have a chocolate box for his parents," Katarina retorted. "But maybe it will spoil your appetite if I give it to you?" she teased.

"Chocolate?" James questioned. He looked suddenly more interested. "Okay, you won!"

Katarina took another package from her bag and gave it to James. "They're also for Lily," she said. "Don't eat it all with Sirius when he arrives!"

Lily laughed. "Sometimes," she said, "I think I have three babies to take care of. And Harry is the quietest of them!"

"Ib'f nob prue!" James exclaimed, his mouth still full of chocolate.

"You're making a pig of yourself, James!" Lily replied. She frowned. "Our baby is better-behaved than you!"

"I'll tell my mother you think I behave badly!" James replied. "She'll be happy to learn she did a bad job with me!" he teased.

"That's not her fault," Lily retorted. "The brave woman did her best, but you were a special case."

"That's why you chose me," James responded, full of pride.

"No," Lily replied. "I chose you because the Giant Squid had already a date. Remember?" She chortled.

Someone knocked at the door. It was Remus.

"Moony!" James exclaimed. "Thank God you arrived. Help me! I'm surrounded by women!"

"How lucky you are," Remus replied. "I make them flee."

"I don't think we're going to flee, are we, Lily?" Katarina asked.

"Nah," Lily replied. "They have the chocolate." They laughed.

"And where's the baby?" Remus asked.

"In his cradle," Lily responded. They all went into the baby's room.

"Watch out, Remus!" James commented in a low voice. "Now, Katarina is going to become senile."

"Oh, shut up, James!" Katarina replied. She leant over Harry's cradle. "Oh, but that's little Harry," Katarina said. She spoke to the baby with a childish voice. "Do you know how cute you are? Oh yes you are. A cutie little angel."

The baby looked at her with interest, and smiled. He made a funny little noise. Katarina extended her arm to touch the baby's face. Harry moved his tiny arms to reach Katarina's hand. He gripped her forefinger and laughed. As always, Katarina was moved. She emitted a soft groan of emotion.

"Do you know how ridiculous you are, when you speak like that, Kat?" James teased.

Katarina ignored him and continued speaking to the baby. "Yes Harry, that's your Dad. He's not very gentle, but you know what? He'll pay for your studies. So act as if you love him. And put him in an old people's home when you've graduated."

James grimaced. Lily and Remus burst into laughter.

"Will you open Harry's present?" Katarina asked Lily.

Lily undid the package. A nice, white furry bunny was inside. It was dressed in blue dungarees. "Oh, that's adorable!" Lily exclaimed.

"I saw it through the window of the shop," Katarina said. "And I just had to buy it for Harry. That's a flying bunny. It can fly above the cradle and move his legs and his arms from time to time. His clothes sometimes change their colour. And the bunny sings lullabies, when the baby cries."

Lily put the bunny in the cradle. The baby put the bunny's left hand in his mouth.

"I guess he likes it," Lily said. Katarina was pleased to see the great smile Harry had when he stopped munching the bunny.

Lily and James left to prepare the drinks.

"You really love babies, Kat," Remus said. "Especially Harry."

"Who would not love him?" She rolled her eyes. "Except Severus, of course."

"Do you want to have a baby soon?" Remus asked.

"Oh no," Katarina responded. "Severus and I are too young to have a baby. Much too young. Lily and James chose to have a baby now. But I have all the advantages. I enjoy seeing Harry, but I don't have to take care of him all the time. And it prepares me for later, if..." she didn't continue.

"If?" Remus questioned.

"Well," Katarina said, "I'm not sure that Severus wants children. And anyway, we're too young for... er... having children." She continued awkwardly. She felt her face redden a bit. How to say that Severus said they were too young for everything?

Remus raised an eyebrow. "For having children?" he repeated. Then he blushed too. He seemed to have understood that she wasn't speaking just about children. He cleared his throat and looked away.

"Severus is a bit old-fashioned," Katarina said. A bit old-fashioned? A stubborn, stern bachelor, rather! "And we haven't seen much of each other for a long time."

"As long as it doesn't bother you," Remus retorted, his eyes fixed on Harry.

"Hmmm," Katarina responded, to shorten the subject. "No, it doesn't... bother me." Actually, it bothered her. She had enough of wondering every day if her boyfriend would still be with her at the end of the year. She had enough of waiting for Severus. But what could she say?

"I'll take of photograph of you and Harry," Remus said. "I brought my old camera!"

"That's great!" Katarina exclaimed. "You always take wonderful photos! Remember you gave me a lot of them? I put them in my family album. I think it's still in my parents' Manor. I didn't have room in my apartment." Katarina felt nostalgic. It had been a long time since she'd been to the Manor. It was surely full of dust. Maybe she should ask Cooky to go there once and clean everything?

Remus probably saw she looked sad. "Let's go and see what Lily and Prongs are doing," he said.

***

Burns sighed. The photos that Lupin had taken... It was good luck that they had all stayed in Burns Manor. Otherwise they would have been destroyed. And Harry would have never received the photo album that Burns had sent to him for his last birthday.

***

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