A Day in the Life...

~Confession~

'Are you sure you're all right Remy?'

Worried grey eyes looked into Remus's as Sirius repeated the question he had already asked about five times since morning.

'How many times do I have to tell you? Yes, I'm fine! I was a bit ill yesterday but now I'm fine! Okay??'

Remus closed his eyes and slowly counted to ten. He never shouted at Sirius. Ever. But the transformation the previous night had been the worst so far. Even now he could remember how the beast had risen from within himself, wrenching control of his body, the utter helplessness, the pain, the fear for his sanity, for others' safety ebbing away till he lost all control to the wolf. He shuddered involuntarily and felt a hand on his shoulder and heard James's voice 'Hey, it's okay. Come on, Remy, what's the matter?'

Remus sighed. How can I tell them? He hated lying, hated to pretend every month that he was ill, or that he had to return home. He had tried often enough to tell them, but he had never been sure that they wouldn't leave him. Shunned for most of his life, he could not imagine letting go of their friendship. He sighed once more.

"Nothing. I'm okay. . . '

Remus looked up just in time to see James and Sirius exchange a look between themselves. Disregarding it, he said, 'So, what do we have first today? Charms?'

When there was no reply, Remus asked 'Now what's the matter with you two then?'

James ran a hand through his messy black hair and looked at Sirius. Peter was sitting nearby, trying very hard not to look at Remus.

'Guys, tell me, what's wrong? Is everything okay?' said Remus, beginning to get worried now, looking from one marauder to the next.

'Look Remus we . . . that is, we were just thinking . . . about you . . . and . . . '

Remus was now feeling a distinct sense of panic. What had happened? Why isn't Peter looking at me? What's the matter? They couldn't have found out! They couldn't have . . .

'Hey, Remus, calm down!' James and Sirius sat down beside him. James said, 'Listen Remus, we were just thinking. About how you were gone every month and we realized that it was always on full moon, see?'

Remus was looking intently at James. 'Yes, so?' he said defiantly.

'There's also how you're always edgy around the full moon and . . . and well, we just wanted to tell you that . . . even if what we think is true . . . ' Sirius looked up at Remus, who stared back, needing to hear it, but afraid nonetheless.

'Even if what we think is true,' said James, also looking at Remus, 'we wanted you to know that we would always be your friends. No matter what.'

Remus turned back to Sirius who said, 'Exactly.' Peter chipped in with a somewhat hesitant 'Me too . . .'

Remus looked at his friends intently, trying to gather up his courage to tell them everything about himself. What if they're not right? What if they think something else is wrong with and when I tell them the truth, what if they change their minds about the 'no matter what'? What if ....

'Look you don't have to tell us if you don't want to. Just . . . just know that we'll be there. Always. Okay?' said James.

Remus nodded. The common room was almost empty by now. The four marauders gathered up their books and headed off to their classes.

~~~~

'Remy, are you in here?'

Sirius, James and Peter entered the common room through the portrait hole. Everybody else was at dinner. Everybody, but Remus.

'Hello,' said a voice from the chair closest to the fire.

'Hey, Remy, what is it? Are you okay?'

Remus smiled. 'Don't you think there should be a limit to how many times a person should have to hear that question in one day?'

Sirius smiled back, glad that his friend seemed to be better again.

'Guys, I thought about what you said this morning,' started Remus. The others seated themselves around Remus, and looked at him expectantly.

Remus stood up, and started pacing the room. 'For these last two years, you three have been my closest friends. You've shared everything with me, and believe me I've wanted to share everything with you, it's just that . . . well, I was never sure how you'd take it and . . .'

Sirius started to speak, but James stopped him. Remus was thankful. It was easier to say now that he had started.

'But after what you said in the morning, well, I don't want to hide it from you anymore.' Remus stopped pacing and sat down once again. 'You know there is a chance that what you found out might not be the truth. Maybe the truth is different. Maybe the truth is worse. Maybe you won't forgive this truth. I don't know. But I just cannot lie anymore.'

Remus paused once and looked up at his friends.

He took a deep breath and started.

'It happened when I was 6 years old . . .'

~The End~

January 14, 2005