Uric the Oddball and the Wild Hunt

The Sorting finished quickly, with Uric sitting uncomfortably next to a very depressed Mena. Professor Stewart removed the hat and stool from in front of the teacher's table, pausing to bow to the Headmistress. He found his seat next to Professor Baker, and the Headmistress stood up to give the welcoming speech. The room went utterly silent.

"I am Headmistress Kurze. Welcome to Hogwarts, the top magical school in Britain. Here you will embark on an education that will serve you for the rest of your lives. I expect..." Uric lost interest at this point and noticed that Eustace was quietly reading a book under the table.

"Eustace?" he whispered.

"What? We're not supposed to talk."

"How long will she talk?" Eustace glanced up at Mrs. Kurze, who was expounding on school spirit.

"It will be awhile Uric. You should at least listen to her speech the first time. Next year you'll know to bring something to occupy your time." He went back to his book and Uric saw that the rest of the table was ignoring Headmistress Kurze as well. A girl in pigtails was busy sketching her friend, who in turn was working hard on some sort of puzzle. A red headed boy was slowly shredding a copy of the Daily Prophet, while the boy across from him worked industriously on the most complicated paper airplane Uric had ever seen. Except for the first years, no one at the table was paying the Headmistress the slightest attention.

Uric wondered what the professors thought of this, but a look at the head table revealed a similar state of boredom. Every teacher except Professor Stewart was involved in some other activity, whether writing furiously like the huge, brown-haired professor near the end, or playing with string like Professor Baker. Other teachers were reading or (and this seemed to be the most popular) sleeping. Uric shrugged and devoted some time to a theory of his about midgets and their secret warrior society, The Raging Giants.

******

A stomach rumbled hungrily, and Uric realized with a start that it was his. He glanced at Headmistress Kurze and wondered how long this would go on. Abruptly, Eustace closed his book and placed it beneath the bench. He saw Uric looking at him and inclined his head towards Mrs. Kurze.

"She just mentioned how she became Headmistress right?" he asked in a low voice. Uric listened for a moment and nodded. "That means she'll be finishing off soon." Sure enough, Mrs. Kurze spoke a couple more sentences, exhorting them to have a good school year and a couple of other things.

She stopped talking and slowly the applause grew, as each person looked up from their activities and realized the speech was over. Uric gently nudged Mena who seemed to have fallen asleep, and got a nasty glare for his trouble.

"Hasn't someone told that woman she's a bloody bore yet?" she said to the table at large. A few of the students glanced at her, but it was Eustace who answered.

"Considering what she'd do to anyone who did, no." Their plates were filling with food and Uric dug in, listening with only half an ear to the conversation. Mena looked up at the rather harmless looking headmistress.

"She can't be that bad," protested Mena. Eustace speared a potato with his fork and pointed it at her.

"Headmistress Kurze is the scariest person on this earth, with the possible exception of Satan himself. She is horribly strict and those eyes..." He shuddered. "You never want to be called to her office. Every student leaves there crying. You see that boy over at the Slytherin table? The one with the dark brown hair and the build of a Beater?" Both Mena and Uric looked to see whom he was talking about, and spotted a massive boy who looked more like a rhino than a human being. "That's Stark Chanson. A seventh-year Slytherin. He got called to Kurze's office for fighting and had nightmares for weeks, not to mention the crying and general trauma. Didn't he, Xanos?" The boy next to Eustace nodded and went back to his meat pie. "It was all over the school, and they say that Stark got off lucky. Just trust me when I say never to cross her." Mena still didn't seem convinced, but decided to drop the subject.

"What about the other teachers? Are they all so bad?" she asked. She didn't seem too interested in eating, but Uric was. He carefully edged a bowl of pudding as far away from him as it could get. It figured that the pudding would try to get at him, even while he was at Hogwarts. He would have to be on his guard.

"Most of the teachers aren't so bad. You just have to know how to deal with them," explained Eustace. For instance, see Professor Leonard there? Blond hair, skinny and talking to Professor Bear? He teaches Transfiguration, and you'll be all right in his class so long as no one mentions ducks."

"Ducks?" asked Jasper Kullman from across the table. He had apparently been listening as well.

"Ducks, mallards, residents of the family antidae, whatever you want to call them. Just don't mention them in his presence!" Eustace said fiercely. Mena and Jasper starred at Eustace like he was insane. Uric, meanwhile, had divided his plate in half and was conducting a war between the peas and the mashed turnips. The peas had just made a daring foray into the turnips, but were about to be pressed back by a counter offensive mounted by the turnip's general. He looked up from the battle, the confusion evident on his face. Had someone said something about ducks?

"I think they get the point Eustace," said Xanos, "Could you just continue with your acclimation speech before we get the entire rant on why ducks are evil?" Eustace, being older and more mature than the first-years, stuck out his tongue at Xanos.

"Okay, so there's Professor Bear. That's not his real name, but everyone calls him that. You can see why." Professor Bear was tall, muscular and looked like he could easily give a bear a run for its money. "He teaches History of Magic and has the deepest voice you'll ever hear. Personally, I think he did a sonorous charm that went horribly wrong when he was younger. Next to Bear is Professor Kerman. He's our head of house and teaches Herbology. As long as you don't insult his plants you'll do fine." Professor Kerman was at that moment holding what appeared to be a very serious conversation with a plant on the table in front of him.

"You should see what he's done to the common room," chimed in Xanos again.

"Do you want to tell them about the teachers?" said Eustace in an annoyed voice. Xanos grinned at him.

"Sure," he said easily, and pointed towards the teachers' table. "Kerman's sitting next to Professor Wright, who teaches Arthimancy, not that you'll care about that until third year anyway. He's flirting with Professor Baker, who you probably already met since she rode in the first year coach. Eustace here's got a crush on her." He elbowed his friend.

"Shut up!" Eustace was blushing slightly.

"He's in good company. Not only does Baker have half the boys in the school after her. She's got Professor Wright as well. Then again, I've seen Professor Wright flirt with the Headmistress and she's already married to the caretaker!" Xanos saw he was loosing his audience at this point, since eleven year-olds really weren't interested in such mushy things as flirting, and decided to go on with his descriptions.

"Of course, you've met Professor Stewart," he said. There were nods all around. Even Uric was listening. This was mostly because he had eaten all the turnips, and the peas were in the middle of their celebratory victory, but he was listening. "Stewart's as strict as Kurze, and is intolerant of other peoples weakness'. He likes logic though, so if you can justify everything he'll give you full credit. Let's see..." Xanos was scanning the teacher's table, looking for the ones he wanted.

"The one with the short brown hair, adding lots of whip cream to his pie is Professor Thacher. He's Head of Slytherin, believe it or not. Don't laugh at his jokes in class. You'll just encourage him." Xanos, finally spotted who he was looking for and pointed proudly. They saw an Indian looking man with dark hair and eyes, chatting happily with a willowy blond woman. "The woman's our new Divination professor, Hirt or something. The man is Bhanu Darshan. The best chaser to come out of India for over four hundred years. He would have led India to the World Cup last year if it hadn't been for the tragic demise of their seeker."

"What's he doing here then?" asked an incredulous Jasper. Xanos shrugged.

"No one knows. I mean, who in their right mind would give up that sort of job to teach Potions at Hogwarts?" He shook his head. "It just isn't right."

"Would someone pass me the chocolate syrup please?" said Uric suddenly. Jasper picked it up and made to hand it to Uric, but froze when he got a look at Uric's plate. Slowly everyone else focused on the plate as well.

The feast had changed over to desert while everyone was talking, and Uric had taken full advantage of the change. The various cakes, éclairs, tarts and ice cream had been turned into a scale model of what was obviously Hogwarts, complete with little flying buttresses made of sugar sticks. Uric ignored their stares and leaned forward slightly to remove the small pitcher of chocolate syrup from Jasper's hand. He promptly upended it on the castle, leaving it a gooey, chocolate mess.

"What did you do that for?" demanded Mena. Uric looked at her blankly, then back at the desert castle.

"It was raining," he said. At that moment, the Headmistress chose to stand up and lead them all in the Hogwart's song. She painted the words up in the air in front of them and told them to all sing it to the tune of a popular wizarding song. The first-years valiantly attempted to sing along, except for Uric, who sang to the tune of a lullaby his mother used to sing him instead. The words seemed to fit surprisingly well, even if he did end a couple minutes earlier than everyone else.

After that, Headmistress Kurze dismissed them. Uric walked reluctantly out, gazing longingly at his uneaten chocolate Hogwarts. Mena followed him, "accidentally" stepping on his heels to keep him moving. She happened to glance up at the enchanted ceiling and saw heavy raindrops falling from a dark, gray sky. She shook her head and followed, the now disappearing Hufflepuffs out the door.

*****

All the first-year Hufflepuffs followed Eustace and his fellow prefect Charis Masterfield through a twist of confusing corridors. Abruptly, Eustace stopped in front of a beautiful painting of a maiden and a unicorn in the middle of an enchanted forest. The Maiden smiled upon seeing them.

"Puffskein," said Charis and the painting swung inward to reveal the Hufflepuff common room. It looked very green, and humidity seemed to be flowing out the door and into the passageway.

"The Maiden doesn't talk, but she'll let you in if you know the password. If you forget, you can always find a prefect and ask," said Eustace as he led them through the entrance. When all of them were in, the painting swung shut behind them, leaving them in what Uric first assumed to be a jungle.

Plants of all shapes and sizes decorated the room. Ivy somehow grew out of the carpet to coat the stone walls and frame the few pictures. Potted plants hung down from the ceiling at various heights, making it impossible to navigate the room without constantly watching where one's head was. A tree actually grew in one corner, its roots twisted into the semblance of a large chair. Flowering vines, crisscrossed the floor and any other open space, leaving very little room for the chairs and couches that were scattered throughout the room.

"We have to be careful not to set the room on fire in the winter," said Eustace cheerfully, gesturing towards the plant surrounded fireplace. "Luckily, many of the plants are sentient and can move further away when we light the fire."

"Girls can follow me up to their dorms," said Charis. She led them up a ladder, her long black hair swaying as she climbed. Eustace grinned at the remaining first-years.

"Guess that means I take the boys. Follow me." He headed towards another ladder, this one leading down into a room. Uric wasn't following however. A large painting over by the window had attracted his attention. Strange animals were snuffing about in it and the silly looking creatures enthralled Uric. He tapped impatiently on the shoulder of a girl sitting in one of the chairs reading.

"What are those creatures in the painting?" he asked. She gave him an odd look.

"They're badgers silly. You know? The symbol of our house?"

"Badgers..." Uric could feel the large grin that split his face. The girl was inching away from him, but Uric turned and went down the ladder to the first-year dorms. He took the only bed that was left, checked on Simon, than got ready for bed. His last thought before he fell asleep was that the Sorting Hat had chosen the right house for him after all.

*****

It was dark in the dorm. Uric couldn't even see Simon's cage beside his bed. But he could hear the muffled breathing of the three other boys overlapping with the beating of his heart. He rolled over, burying his face in his pillow in an attempt to get back to sleep.

It was no use. He quietly turned over and sat up, his feet dangling over the edge of the bed. Everywhere he looked was an unrelenting blackness, and Uric began to wonder where that pudding from dinner had gotten to. Listening carefully, Uric identified where each bed was by its occupants breathing, or snoring in the case of the one on his right. Using his memory of the room before the lamps had been snuffed, Uric made his careful way across the floor and to the bathroom.

He entered and closed the door, before turning the knob that magically lit the lamps. He pushed himself up on the edge of the sink and sat with the back of his head against the mirror, his knees pulled up to his chest. Other than the faucet digging into his back, it was rather comfortable. Now, he just had to wait for everyone to wake up.

The crack in the wall was extremely interesting. What if there were tiny, little people who lived in that crack, the Great Canyon? He could almost see the lights of their windows flickering on and off when he squinted. Uric quickly became absorbed in this new world.

The door opened, and in stepped one of his dorm mates. He had dark brown hair that was sticking out in all directions and looked around the room with bleary eyes. Had Uric been paying attention, he would have identified the boy as Alpolonius Nester, or Al to his friends. Uric was instead engrossed in watching one miniscule daredevil's attempt to fly across the Great Canyon on his broom. It was too bad about that crosswind.

Al did not seem to register the boy crouched on the sink and starring with great intensity at a miniscule crack in the wall. He walked by Uric, who sunk in the world of the Great Canyon, attributed the momentary dimming of the light to a solar eclipse. He went to the urinal and relieved himself, still more than half asleep. Fumbling with his eyes nearly closed, he reached for the handle on the sink. He got Uric's knee instead.

Abruptly, their respective realities converged, leaving Uric and Al in a rather awkward position. Uric looked down at Al's hand on his knee and said the only thing he could think of.

"Would you like my knee?" Alpolonius stared at him, sure that he would awaken in a moment. A moment passed. Uric waited politely for Al's answer, his hazel eyes shinning golden in the lamplight. Al slowly realized that this was not a dream he would be waking up from, and began to get angry.

"Are you insane?" he yelled, heedless of the boys in the other room. "Playing a prank at three in the morning?" He looked down, realized his hand was still on Uric's knee and jerked it away. "And such a stupid prank too. You could at least have rigged a dung bomb or something." He tried to stifle a yawn. It was too early to be angry and embarrassed.

Uric for his part, looked down at the red-faced boy and was at a loss. People had a tendency to accuse him of the weirdest things, and this was one of those times. He opened his mouth to say something, but Al was through with waiting.

"Get off the sink you jerk!" Al pushed at him angrily, knocking him off the sink and bruising Uric's arm in the process. Uric frowned at the boy from his position on the floor and rubbed his arm. Al finished washing his hands and walked out of the room, turning off the light as he went. He didn't even glance at Uric.

Uric stood up, bumping his head on the sink in the process. Something touched his foot, and he bit down on his tongue to keep from yelling, thoughts of pudding rushing through his head. With agility born of fear, Uric leapt across the room, found the light knob, and frantically twisted it on. There was a fallen washcloth on the floor. Uric sighed.

He turned off the light and slowly opened the bathroom door. It was still very dark. He made his way over to his bed, but did not get back in. Careful searching at the foot of the bed, revealed a neatly folded robe on top of his trunk. Uric pulled it on and made his way up the ladder and into the common room.

In the dim lights of the room, he could see the Hufflepuff insignia that had been sown into the left side of his robes by some industrious house elf. He grinned at the little badger. Suddenly, something hissed at him. Uric stumbled backwards and nearly fell back down the ladder, as a cloud of pink smoke enveloped the space where he had been standing.

Perched on the couch nearest him was a decidedly belligerent looking pink and white flower. Its stamen was gyrating rapidly and it appeared to be hissing at him. Pink smoke leaked from the tip of the stamen, giving the flower the appearance of a perpetual smoker. Uric gave it a hurt look then jumped when he felt something curl around his foot. A glance down revealed a vine winding its slow way around his ankle. He shook it off and examined the rest of the room. Everywhere he looked, plants were moving, making the common room resemble a giant snake pit.

It made Uric dizzy.

He brushed by the still crazed pink flower, holding his breath and trying to avoid the writhing vines on the floor. He worked his way quickly to the portal and pushed his way out. The portal shut slowly behind him, revealing a very sleepy Maiden. Uric felt bad about waking her up, but she smiled sleepily at him, put her head back down on the unicorn and went back to sleep.

Uric turned to his right and headed down a dimly lit corridor. He was used to big castles. He had grown up in one after all, but Hogwarts was, well, more magical than anything he was used to. The stairs seemed to be playing leapfrog with each other, making them nearly impossible to climb, and corridors seemed to be switching places and orientation on a regular basis. One particularly vicious carpet nearly gnawed Uric's socks off before he got away.

He managed to get totally lost in about ten minutes. This wasn't exactly hard in a castle that had more secret corridors than it had students, but it was a special achievement for an eleven-year old boy who had memorized the layout of his own castle at the age of five.

Hogwarts was enough to befuddle the most perfect sense of direction, so Uric didn't really mind being lost. All he had to do was wander around for a couple of hours until everyone woke up. Eventually he would run into someone who knew where to go.

Besides, Hogwarts at four am was one of the most interesting places Uric had ever seen. He watched, nonplussed, as two suits of armour waltzed by while a violin playing itself, followed behind. He wished he had Simon with him. The bird-lizard loved music, and enjoyed singing along, so long as he thought no one was looking. Uric of course didn't count. Simon thought his master was a bird, and half the time Uric agreed with him.

The violin disappeared around a corner, and a gust of wind blew down the corridor, snuffing the lights. A ghost horse with a knight in glowing armour rode by. The knight looked rather angry, but that might have been the spear through its head. Uric pressed himself against the wall, unwilling to suffer the chill that came every time a ghost passed through the living. The knight passed and the lamps came back on.

Uric realized that although his back was up against one of the many tapestries that lined Hogwarts walls, the tapestry was not lining a wall. He pushed the fabric to one side and found himself gazing into a green-lit corridor. Uric looked back into the hallway, saw he was alone except for the statue of Flummoxed Francis, and ducked into the corridor.

He walked slowly down the passage, the green light making his shadow dance against the floor before him. Uric thought it was one of the neatest places he had found so far, and his shadow agreed. A shaft of white light slanted down the passageway, splitting his shadow in half. Uric turned to look, and saw the strangest thing.

The tapestry was twisted back and around the arm of a strange witch. She was wearing gray robes and had unruly brown hair. Her face was screwed up with anger as she tugged on some sort of silvery blanket that was twisted around the tapestry. Uric thought he heard her curse.

"Excuse me?" Uric said, "Would you like any help?" The woman looked at him, then back at her predicament. Uric definitely heard her curse this time. She frantically pulled out her wand, pointed it at the tapestry and muttered a spell. With a large ripping sound, the tapestry came loose and the woman ran off, dragging the tapestry behind her. Uric considered following her but was distracted by his shadow doing a passing imitation of a flamenco dancer.

"Boy!" said a voice out of nowhere. Uric tore his eyes away from his shadow. There was a man on the steps. His wispy, white hair glowed green in the light and he held himself with the slight stoop of the extremely old. He wore an old, white nightgown and slippers. He had a magical lamp in his hand. It was the lamp that had been causing Uric's shadow to dance. Uric found him self strangely disappointed.

"Yes sir?"

"Who was that woman, boy?" the old man asked. Uric look at him blankly.

"A woman, sir." The old man looked annoyed.

"Yes. I noticed that," he said. He shook his head. "I don't know why I expected you to know anyway." He seemed to see Uric for the first time. "You're a first year aren't you? What are you doing up and about at this time of the morning?" Uric looked at his shadow then back at the old man.

"Exploring, sir. I'm sorry to wake you," said Uric politely. The old man frowned at him.

"Let me give you some advice, boy. This corridor has an alarm on it because it leads to the Headmistress' office. You don't want to go there. My wife will eat you for breakfast."

"Your wife?" Uric was curious.

"Yes. I'm Mr. Kurze. I take care of the school, while my wife runs it. It's a good system." He seemed to be trying to reassure himself.

"But you're scared of her," said Uric, who technically wasn't afraid of anything other than a light fruit pudding. Mr. Kurze smiled wanly.

"And there's a good reason for that, boy. You mark my words, if you keep wandering around at night like this, you'll learn exactly what I'm talking about. Now," He clapped one of his hands against his thigh. "What house are you in?"

"Hufflepuff."

"Well, two points from Hufflepuff. Now get back to your common room, and don't go wandering through green-lit corridors."

"But..." protested Uric.

"Don't but me, boy. Now get before I take off more points," said Mr. Kurze in a gruff tone. Uric shrugged and walked back out into the now exposed hallway. For no particular reason, he decided to go left. As he had tried to tell Mr. Kurze, he was still lost.

*****

Uric jumped on the banister and slid down feet first. It bucked under him, but he held on until he reached the end. He flew off and went sliding across the polished floor. Uric came to an abrupt stop against someone's feet. He looked up.

"Hi Mena. What are you doing up at five in the morning?" he asked. Her blond hair hung limp and uncombed around her shoulders, and her robe was crooked.

"It's six now, Uric, and Al said you left the dorm at 3am and he hadn't seen you since. We were worried you would be caught, and get points taken away."

"Oh, that already happened," said Uric cheerfully. He stood up and carefully brushed away the dust on his robes.

"What? You tell me what happened Uric or I'll...I'll punch you." She held up a fist. Uric regarded her curiously. Were all Muggles this violent?

"I met Mr. Kurze, and he took away some points, and told me to go back to the common room. Only I was lost, and I couldn't find the common room, though I did find this really neat room full of biting teacups..." Mena placed her hand over his mouth. She put her face next to his, and Uric froze.

"How many points, Uric?" Her voice was very low.

"Two," he said. She released him.

"Two! You go out wandering at three in the morning, and Mr. Kurze only takes away two points. You didn't even get a detention?" she demanded.

"No. Right, Mr. Kurze?" he asked. Mena froze, and turned slowly around. Sure enough, Mr. Kurze stood in the doorway behind them. This time he was fully dressed. They could see a thick sweater beneath his plain black robes.

Uric waved.

Mr. Kurze shook his head. "You're insane, boy. You know that right?" Uric nodded his head politely, though he knew nothing of the sort. Mr. Kurze looked between the two students and came to a decision.

"The next time I see you two this morning, you had better be eating breakfast," he warned. Then he walked out the door. They were left alone on the landing. Uric turned to Mena.

"Want to see the biting teacup room?" he asked eagerly. Mena punched him.