- Harry Potter/Severus Snape
- Harry Potter Severus Snape
- Slash Angst
- The Harry Potter at Hogwarts Years
- Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Published: 01/12/2005Updated: 02/09/2005Words: 146,361Chapters: 30Hits: 275,831
Green Eyes Sublime
- Story Summary:
- When Harry returns to Hogwarts for his sixth year, only Severus seems to truly notice how deeply Harry's despair goes. Since Dumbledore is as blinded as everyone else, Severus decides to take matters into his own hands and help. But doing that means opening up his own soul and secrets to the Boy-Who-Lived, because Harry isn't going to just heal in one day. SS/HP, SLASH and depression related theme.
- Chapter Summary:
- Harry returns to Hogwarts for his Seventh Year with a new determination to overcome all obstacles in his way. It doesn't take him long to realize that there is just a little more that he has to learn in order for him to win the love of a master. And in the confines of love and war, Severus must now learn when to let Harry go. SS/HP SLASH and Violence.
- Author's Note:
- Thanks: To my wonderful beta readers Amanda_Saitou and Philo whose wonderful help kept me sane.
Six Steps to Infinity
"Albus, I need to have a word."
Severus stepped out of the fireplace and into Dumbledore's office with one fluid motion, speaking the words as soon as he got the Headmaster's attention. Dumbledore looked at him amused but not at all surprised by the visit. He had been expecting it for some time.
"Are you sure you wish to discuss this now? Might I remind you that my walls have ears?"
Severus' eyes narrowed into suspicion. "So you are aware of what it is I wish to discuss?"
"I suppose I am aware," Albus smiled. "Are you here to elicit my approval? You have very rarely requested my permission in anything Severus. This must be rather important to you then."
"You are the Headmaster," Severus growled through clenched teeth, folding his arms across his chest in a very affronting manner. "This is your school."
Albus nodded shortly. "Yes I am and indeed it is. This is a very delicate issue. You don't expect that I give you my opinion and approval at this very moment?"
"That is exactly what I expect." Severus was glaring again. "Don't tell me that you haven't muddled over the situation for hours at a time before. You have meddled in our lives enough times already to not feel the urge to meddle some more. Just tell me if I have your approval or not."
Albus seemed to consider his options for a moment.
Of course he had already decided on the issue at hand. It had taken much of the three months of Harry's time away from Hogwarts to reach a decision in fact, but in the end his decision seemed obvious. He had a noticeable soft spot for both Severus and Harry. The fact that they, especially Severus, would ask his approval to become involved with each other made Albus feel both old and honored.
"All I ask is that you be very discrete," Albus said, suddenly very serious and speaking very softly. "Understand that if the situation is ever discovered then I can have nothing to do with the issue. I would prefer if I were kept out of all discussions concerning this matter henceforth. The less I know is the more I can retain my role of authority."
"Otherwise from that." His eyes were back to twinkling mode. "You have my total support. In fact I am pleased. I wondered when you would realize that some boundaries are meant to be breached in the larger scale of life."
Severus nodded his appreciation, and since he had achieved exactly what he had desired in coming to see the rather irritating old couth, he returned to the fireplace. Pulling the canister of floo powder off its shelf he grabbed a handful of the powder and threw it into the fire.
"Severus, be careful, but be happy. Both of you."
Severus silently disappeared into the flames.
"Focus Potter. I'm sure you've noticed that this transfiguration is not the easiest. That does not mean that I will allow you to simply dispense with the effort needed to achieve the required result."
Harry tried not to glare at the piece of smooth rock that he held within the palm of his hand. He tried not to scowl in a very Severus way at the Witch who stood hovering before him, issuing orders every three seconds. He failed on the first count, but managed to refrain from frightening Professor McGonagall on the second.
Somehow he didn't remember her being quite this maddening during regular Transfiguration class, when there was a roomful of students who she could have always tortured.
"Professor, this is never going to happen," he declared in frustration.
Harry returned the rock to the small mahogany table that the room had kindly provided, with a groan of disgust and a good amount of irritation.
The room had transformed itself into a small piece of the Forbidden Forest, complete with a tree near the door, grass underfoot and vines twined around the legs of the table and along the walls. The roof had become reflective of a lovely early autumn day. There was even a light breeze. Yet, although the room was a sea of green and natural colors, the little rock was the only one in the room as there was not even a pebble in sight.
Harry's task was to transfigure the small rock into a combination of a rock and a tulip. In other words, the tulip was to grow directly out of the center of the rock and as McGonagall had stated, it would do no harm if he managed to transfigure the rock into a fifteen inch piece of marble also.
Harry began his efforts again. Raising his wand he cast the spell he needed, pulling from the core of the little rock. Twisting his wand, he twisted the piece that jutted out at the center, molding it into the shape of the flower as if it were a piece of clay. Having completed that part, he had no idea what to do next. It was one thing to have a solid version of the design he wanted to achieve but it was entirely another thing for him make it come alive.
"What do you do next, Potter?" McGonagall asked when she realized that Harry was not doing anything else but stare at his creation.
"I don't know Professor," Harry said through clenched teeth. "Why don't you tell me so I don't have to stand here doing this all day."
McGonagall gave him an impatient look. "You have to figure this out by yourself."
"What's the use?" Harry rounded on her angrily. "What am I going to do? Turn Voldemort into a bloody flower when I see him next!"
Harry had raised his voice and that made McGonagall very shocked. She could not remember a time when he had ever been anything but polite to her. She had heard rumors of his insolence with Snape, but had never thought herself to ever be on the receiving end of his temper.
Honestly, she wasn't sure if she liked it. Especially since he was Hogwarts' Head Boy and the role model of all younger Gryffindors.
"Mr. Potter, perhaps you need to take a short break. You may be able to consider the project from all other angles and perhaps then you can control yourself," she said coldly.
Harry nodded and blushed deeply. Getting angry at his professor was never his intention and he knew that it didn't cast a very flattering light on him in her eyes when he behaved less than properly.
Walking over to where the tree grew, he took a seat with his back against the trunk and tried to calm himself with deep breaths. Then, as he did regularly now, he raised his hands and began his Wandless Weave. It appeared between his fingers just a little larger now and very tightly packed together. Remus had looked at his weaving for a while the day before and told him that it looked impressive and perhaps soon it would be complete.
Harry had taken his word for it since he never opened his eyes when he wove.
In and out, his fingers danced and the strands danced with them. Slowly or quickly, he could change the tempo and the design and always the weave accommodated him. It was relaxing, like his very own calming mechanism. In anger he would weave and the weave would be orange to gold. In sadness it would be blue to black.
When he missed Severus the strands would become Slytherin green and silver.
Harry didn't know this because usually he would weave until he spent all his pent up emotions. By then the strands would become multi-colored before he opened his eyes and caught a glimpse of it glistening in the space between his two hands, before it shimmered and disappeared.
With a long sigh this time, he opened his eyes as the weave disappeared. Rising from the ground he strode over to where McGonagall stood beside the table and with a swish of his hand he changed the rock back into its original form. Then he began the transfiguration again. This time with a triad spell combination, his wand swished rapidly through the air as his voice spoke the three spells in rapid succession.
When he was finished there was a lovely red tulip growing from the core of the little rock.
He had forgotten to try and get the spell to transfigure the shape, size and composition of the rock into marble also, but all in all he thought he did a good job. So did his professor since she gave him a smile of encouragement.
"In life you will need to be able to use all the resources there are available to you and sometimes there is not much. Being able to form a transfiguration of a living thing out of an inanimate object is a great test. Once you can do this many doors of opportunity will open for you." She explained with a wry smile. "Not everything I teach you here will be for you to use in battle. I am sure that Flitwick, Lupin and especially Snape, have been doing the same thing. What we teach you now, we hope will remain with you for a long time."
Harry smiled in appreciation, though the realization that his professors all seemed to think that this was the perfect opportunity for them to pass to him all their knowledge was very daunting.
Hermione should be the one learning all this! She'd love it.
"You may go now Potter." Her voice pulled him from his thoughts. "I certainly don't want to be the cause of you forfeiting a perfectly good Saturday. I'm sure you wish to go to Hogsmeade today with all the other Head students. I won't take up any more of your time. We can practice this in our next session."
Harry didn't need to be given permission to leave twice.
Flashing her a grateful smile, he tucked his wand in the inside pocket of his robe and mad a dash for the door. He had been locked into the room with her for three hours and as much as he loved the extra, and sometimes illegal knowledge that he was gaining, there were many times when he felt as if this room was the only place he ever was.
When Harry entered his dorm room the first person he noticed was Hermione sitting on Ron's bed and Ron was nowhere in sight.
"Hello," he said softly, sitting beside her on the bed. "Where's Ron?"
She smiled at him sadly. "Would you believe I don't know. One minute we were in my room talking and the next minute he just suddenly storms out. I thought he would be in here but he's not. Now I don't know where he is or if he even wants me to look for him."
"He stormed out? Well, maybe you should give him a few minutes to calm down. What got him so upset?"
She sighed and shook her head. "I haven't a clue! I've been sitting here mulling over the conversation and can't think of what I said wrong. In fact I was thinking that the conversation was quite good and intimate and all going really well. I don't know what I said to destroy it."
She turned to him with tears in her eyes and he reached out to her and pulled her into his arms like he knew she wanted. She clung to him half sobbing and half muttering to herself.
Harry smiled despite himself. Where had he heard that one before?
Amidst all that, the door to the room opened and Ron stood surveying the scene before him from the doorway.
"Hello Ron," Harry said softly, while Hermione spun in his arms to glare teary eyed at her boyfriend. "How's it going?"
Ron was silent, his eyes never leaving the sobbing form of his girlfriend. Hermione stood.
"I'll leave then if it's what you want," she said softly. "I'll still be going to Hogsmeade so I'll just get the Deputies."
Harry glanced between the two of them. "I can come with you, Hermione, if you want."
"No stay with Ron," she replied. "Maybe he'll talk to you."
Giving Ron one last sad expression she brushed by him and disappeared out the door. Finally Ron moved to sit beside Harry on the bed with a deep sigh.
"Have you ever been around someone for so long that you forget where you end and the other person begins? You know, the way the three of us were for first to fifth year?" Ron asked quietly. "That's the way I feel being around her now except it's so different it's scary."
He made a face. "I think I'm in love with her."
"Really? I could have helped you out there and told you since last year, but then you are very dense," Harry teased with a smile and Ron blushed deeply.
"Well I only just figured it out today while I sat in her room and uh...talked with her," he blushed even deeper red.
"You should tell her."
"I will! I just spent the last half an hour wearing a path down by the lake while I thought of all the ways to tell her, but you know Hermione, she's so much smarter than the two of us put together. I want to give her time, because maybe she isn't in love with me and won't ever be. I don't want to put any pressure on her."
"Then you should at least go talk to her now. Go find her before she gets to Hogsmeade or use the Marauders Map and the passageway. You really shouldn't have her thinking she did something wrong."
Ron looked at Harry as if he had never seen him before, then suddenly his face lit up.
"You know you're right. I'll go find her. I hate it when she cry, it makes me feel as if my heart is breaking. The least I can do is kiss away her tears."
They laughed together.
"So what will you do for the rest of the day?"
Harry answered immediately. "Take a walk by the lake now, then get dinner. Hopefully by then the two of you will be back. Then I have to see Professor Snape for you know what. If he is even there that is."
"That sounds rather boring."
Harry laughed but he went over to his bed, took a few sheets of paper and his Muggle drawing equipment before waving goodbye at Ron and hurrying out the door, wanting to get started on his drawing as soon as possible.
Standing alone in the room, Ron's expression suddenly became very serious.
He went over to the drawer that Harry had left open and pulled out the Marauders Map. Laying it on the bed his search did not stop there. Instead he did a bit more ruffling of Harry's previous drawings and pulled out one at the back of the pile. It was as if he had looked before and knew exactly where to find what he was looking for.
Sitting on the bed, he stared at it deep in thought.
"I bet you do know what it's like Harry," he muttered to himself. "Keeping secrets again, are we?"
He stared at the drawing of Harry against a shadowed background, being embraced tightly from behind by someone that could only be Professor Severus Snape. Harry's head was hung almost shyly, while the Professor's gaze seemed to pierce the confines of the paper. Their fingers were entwined, wrapped around Harry's waist.
It was obvious that a lot of emotions had gone into the drawing.
With a sigh, Ron returned the drawing and closed the bedside drawer. Taking up the Marauders Map he tapped it with his wand and muttered the unlocking phrase. Spotting Hermione as a tiny dot on the paper, he hurriedly left the room, racing down the hallways to get to her.
"Harry, open your eyes."
Robe and wand laid to rest on the floor when he had yet again entered, Harry stood in the center of the room with his eyes closed and his thoughts bent upon weaving the magic between his fingers
That didn't stop his pulse from escalating when he heard the quiet words.
He hadn't seen Severus for private lessons since the night they had their confrontation in the dungeon a week before. Yet, he didn't obey the instruction to open his eyes because he was half afraid that he was imagining the words and perhaps he missed the relationship they had established the previous year.
Besides, if he opened his eyes, the weave would disappear.
"Harry," Severus' voice came again. "This is unacceptable. You have almost completed the weave and have done it with your attention focused entirely upon it. Surely you don't cast spells with your wand with closed eyes? If you complete the weave this way, you will never be able to cast wandless spells properly."
Harry groaned. The weave wavered and Harry decided that he might as well open his eyes anyway, although Severus didn't sound angry despite his words.
On opening his eyes, Harry's pulse spiked again.
The lighting of the room had changed from the pockets of white light it provided whenever Remus taught him, to the shivering glow of floating candles as they lined the wall. Near the door, with the soft glow of light casting shadows, Severus lounged against the wall, looking for all the world as if he was carved into that very spot, half into darkness and halfway into light.
"I don't know how to weave with my eyes open. You never taught me how. It always disappears," Harry managed to force the words pass his suddenly muddle thoughts.
"I see." Severus moved away from the wall and walked over to Harry in one very fluid looking motion. "Then perhaps tonight I will have to teach you compromise and concentration. Close your eyes and begin the weaving again."
Harry obeyed although it was difficult because he was aware of Severus standing very close behind him. So close, he could feel the warm streams of breath on the back of his neck.
"It won't do to have you be so entirely unaware, Harry. The Dark lord will not stand and wait for you to concentrate and gather your magic. You will have to learn how to perform wandless magic as you do with your wand and that is to be able to do it even when your thoughts are occupied with many other things and have to be doing a thousand actions at once."
Severus' arms came up about Harry on either side and his fingers were laced with the dancing fingers. Harry leaned into the solid figure behind him as Severus's lips grazed his ear. Severus' fingers began to move in accordance with Harry's and it was all Harry could do to remain focused on the weave.
Whatever Severus was doing was sending little shivers down his spine.
"Open your eyes."
Harry shook his head and Severus didn't push the issue.
Instead he lowered his head and began to trail light kisses down Harry's exposed neck. Harry gasped but Severus seemed to ignore him, adding little nips and sucks in his path along the soft flesh.
"Open your eyes, Harry."
Harry groaned softly and obeyed.
Their fingers continued to dance together and between his fingers, the weave was a combination of red, silver, gold and green. Harry stared transfixed at it. Never before had he seen it being created and now it was amazing as it glistened. Each strand was continuously changing between the four colors almost as if they were alive and moving.
"You've woven our magic together," he gasped. "Isn't that dangerous?"
"Yes," Severus whispered in his ear, having abandoned his method of distraction for the moment. "It's very dangerous. I don't suggest you try this on your own. After all, I am a master at this and you're not ready yet."
Severus retracted his strands of magic and Harry watched transfixed as the red and gold left the weave. Instead they became little electric currents that streamed and cackled from the tips of Severus' fingers. Slowly, Severus dragged his hands along Harry's bare arm and up to his elbows, sending trails of tingling along Harry's skin as the crackling currents danced against his skin.
Harry bit back a whimper and immediately his weave disappeared. Severus' fingers paused at the sleeves of Harry's shirt.
"Harry, you really need to get better at this," Severus murmured and Harry shivered at the sound of the molten voice of silk.
"You're distracting me," he complained.
Severus sighed and removed his arms, moving around Harry to stand before him. Harry folded his arms against his body in defense.
"I'm not distracting you nearly enough yet," Severus said with a small tilt of his lips. His eyes blazed with amusement and a fire that sent Harry's senses reeling.
Severus reached out to grasp the bottom of Harry's shirt and with a raised eyebrow got his intentions across without words. Harry unwound his arms and raised them about his head. His shirt was skillfully removed and quickly added to the place where his robe and wand laid.
"Begin the weave again," Severus commanded softly.
Harry closed his eyes and immediately the weave appeared between his fingers. Automatically his fingers began to move.
"Good." Severus was behind him again, but this time not as close. "Now open your eyes and keep your focus. Somewhere inside, you will continue to reach out and stream your magic but you will have to push that to the back of your mind. For now, just focus on your fingers as they weave. You have to learn to do this with your eyes open."
Harry hesitated, knowing instinctively that he would lose whatever grasp he had inside as soon as his eyes opened. He would no longer be able to see his magic and that was apt to making it so much more difficult.
"Your fault. Missed lessons. I've practiced." He barely breathed the words as his brain formed them, already knowing that the weave was faltering just by his lapse in attention.
"Well I am here now and you have a lot to learn tonight."
Harry summoned all his Gryffindor courage and opened his eyes quickly with a nervous gasp. He caught a glimpse of the weave, as always, before it began to fade. Instantly he clenched his eyes shut again and reached out to his magic.
"Good, but not good enough. You can do better."
Severus reached out his index finger, once again cackling with magic, and slowly trailed it down Harry's spine. The snake in the tattoo on the smooth back curled even tighter around the blade of the sword. The jewels of the sword changed from ruby red to almost black, but after that the tattoo became very still.
Harry shuddered and groaned.
He opened his eyes again more tentatively this time. Once again the weave began to fade and Harry had to regain his focus behind closed eyelids.
"Stop focusing on how fragile it looks," Severus chided. "In fact, stop thinking about it so much. Just weave. Do what you do with your eyes closed, without the thoughts and the worries."
Easier said than done.
Three more tries later and the weave had completely disappeared.
"Maybe if you stopped touching me this would work!" Harry protested, but his body was having an entirely different reaction.
"I'm not nearly touching you enough yet."
Harry clenched his teeth, closed his eyes and began the weave again. Not a minute later, he opened them, glaring of the already flickering strands of magic. Yet, they held. Harry was barely breathing. His fingers continued to weave as strands appeared from his fingertips magically. The more it flickered was the more determined Harry became for it to last.
"That's good," Severus declared as he came to stand before Harry. "Now we see how well you can multitask."
"What?" Harry breathed.
In reply, Severus removed his long black robe and then the white shirt that he was wearing beneath. The room immediately provided a stand near where Harry's clothes laid. Severus carefully hung his clothes before returning to stand before Harry's still determined form. Now they were equally undressed from the waist up. Except for the silver chain that hung from Harry's neck.
"Are you ready?"
Harry violently shook his head while the weave in his hand seemed to quiver.
"Just pay attention to the weave. No matter what I do, try to keep the weave going. I will be very disappointed if you fail at this. So far you are doing reasonably well. You have come thus far. I doubt that it would be too much to ask that you put forth the extra effort needed for you to complete your lessons in Wandless Weaving tonight. Besides, I need to begin your training in Potions soon.
"Are you ready now?" Again Harry shook his head, but this time Severus ignored him.
Strong arms wrapped around Harry's bare waist while Severus' chest was aligned completely against his back. The heat from both their bodies mingled and Harry fought against the urge to give his thought entirely over to the sensation of Severus touching him so intimately.
Cool lips trailed tiny nips, kisses and licks along his neck and his upper back. Fingertips, trailing magic, glided up along his chest, teasing his nipples and his navel. Each kiss punctuated sentences that were whispered softly as Severus' voice broke though the determined thoughts in Harry's head that reminded him to continue weaving.
"So you think you love me. Do you Harry Potter? With all my faults? Don't tell me that adoration has blinded you to them. I am still Severus Snape. Whoever I am with you in private does not take away from the wizard I am to everyone else. I wonder, Harry Potter, if you understand the words that you speak with such conviction. To love a master is never easy. To love me will provide quite a challenge. As you've already seen, I can be a very unpleasant person at times."
One of Severus' arms was snaked around Harry's chest and across the somewhat broad shoulder of the opposite side.
The palm of his other hand cupped Harry's growing erection through the fabric of the pants.
"Is this what you want Harry? And are you sure? There will be no going back. There can be no retraction of words or actions once we begin this," Severus' voice sounded almost angry as he murmured the words against Harry's ear. "You are not a child anymore and I most certainly am not one. You have to be very confident that this is what you want. In this we are equals and will be at all times. Understand though, that we would have to be very careful."
"Sadist," Harry gasped with a shaky smile.
"Yes. I have been called that before," Severus unwound his arms and pulled away from Harry. Once again he walked around the now slightly trembling form to stand and stare into emerald eyes. The currents of his fingertips completely disappeared. "I would never hurt you. At least, I will try to never have to."
Slowly, Harry relinquished his grasp on the weave, dropping his arms at his sides. His eyes shimmered with heat and desire.
"What do you want Harry?"
"To be with you Severus," Harry answered, making one of the most serious decisions of his life. "I don't care much about the spaces in between and what I have to do. All I care about is having you. I want you...I...please..."
Severus nodded once, closing the small distance between their bodies, he pulled Harry's body roughly against his and lowered his lips onto the already waiting ones. Their teeth clinked as their mouths fought for dominance, but soon Severus' tongue plunged into the dark of Harry's and their tongues flickered against each other in a dance of themselves.
Harry was lost.
Feeling beyond actual thoughts, he grinded his trapped, aching erection into Severus' hip. His breath caught more than once in his throat as it came in contact with an answering bulge. Harry groaned, whimpered and perhaps begged against Severus' lips. He was so close to coming and didn't really care if he would in his pants.
Then Severus' hands closed around his hips tightly, pulling him away and severing his contact with the friction he had found access to.
Harry groaned, understanding the reason behind the action and yet not wanting to accept the loss.
"This is not how I wish for this to go Harry," Severus said in a much calmer voice than Harry's ragged breathing. Although, his own eyes were glazed with unspent desire and his body was begging too for release.
Harry smiled wryly. He tilted his forehead to rest upon Severus' shoulder, forcing his arms to stay unmoving by his side and not give into the temptation of touching Severus.
"If it's a bed you want, the room has already seen to that."
Severus turned slightly to look behind. Indeed the room had provided a four poster queen sized bed completed with a bedside table stacked with potions that Harry could only have been able to guess at if he tried.
"Of course it would. Trust Albus to recommend lessons in a room that read its occupants desires and emotions like a book," Severus growled in irritation. His hand came up to stroke the sea of ebony hair near the nape of Harry's neck. "Not here. Not like this. Do you understand?"
Harry removed his head off Severus' shoulder to nod. Giving into the urge, he pressed a soft kiss against willing lips then sighed.
"I understand." He smiled wryly. "I can wait."