Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Harry Potter Severus Snape
Slash Angst
The Harry Potter at Hogwarts Years
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Published: 01/12/2005
Updated: 02/09/2005
Words: 146,361
Chapters: 30
Hits: 275,831

Green Eyes Sublime


Story Summary:
When Harry returns to Hogwarts for his sixth year, only Severus seems to truly notice how deeply Harry's despair goes. Since Dumbledore is as blinded as everyone else, Severus decides to take matters into his own hands and help. But doing that means opening up his own soul and secrets to the Boy-Who-Lived, because Harry isn't going to just heal in one day. SS/HP, SLASH and depression related theme.

Chapter 18

Chapter Summary:
Harry returns to Hogwarts for his Seventh Year with a new determination to overcome all obstacles in his way. It doesn't take him long to realize that there is just a little more that he has to learn in order for him to win the love of a master. And in the confines of love and war, Severus must now learn when to let Harry go. SS/HP SLASH and Violence.
Author's Note:
Thanks: To my wonderful beta readers Amanda_Saitou and Philo whose wonderful help kept me sane.

Chapter Eighteen

Cats and their Cradles


Harry Potter had become one very scarce commodity.

It took four weeks for his friends to realize this and another week to accept the reality that unless he was needed to resolve any student related problems as Head boy, or was seen and greeted in class or on the Quidditch pitch, their resident hero was opt to pulling a disappearing act on them. Even after five weeks of feeling that they were in constant state of asking each other where he was, they still didn't seem to be any closer to eliminating their sudden sense of withdrawal from their previous Harry-dose.

"Neville, have you seen Harry since breakfast?

"No. Have you?

"Hey Dean, have you seen him?"

"I don't even remember seeing him at breakfast, since I woke up late."

Seamus sighed dramatically and threw himself backwards upon his bed. On his own bed, Neville returned to levitating his books into his bag for his next class and Dean quickly began to scribble the ending to an owl he meant to send home.

"Is it just me, or does he seem to disappear for hours at a time these days? I feel as if the only time I see him is in Transfiguration class now. What if we never had the class with him? We'd never see him except at mealtime," Seamus groaned.

Dean laughed. "You make it sound as if that's not the only time we see him these days anyway."

"He's very busy. I mean, we're so busy already and we're not even Head Boy. He must have twice the amount of things to do than us. You know the way it is. The first years take pleasure in asking him to help them as if the professors aren't there for the exact same reasons. It's a wonder he doesn't feel overwhelmed by all the vying they do for his attention," Neville supplied with a glare on his face for whatever first year he was imagining. "He and Hermione are always having to go to the Headmaster's office or meet with one of the Heads of House. Somehow, I don't remember being quite so stupid on everything when we were first years. We never gave our head students so much trouble!"

"We still see Malfoy and Ron a lot and they're Deputies," Seamus muttered.

It wasn't entirely the truth though. The four Deputy heads had come into their own problems also. They were almost as busy as Harry most of the times although they were not under as much pressure as everyone knew Harry was. Malfoy had taken to simply glaring at any of the lower students if they approached him in a manner resembling a 'whine'. At first, Ron had been all too eager to bear the brunt of all the students' problems, but by now he seemed to have taken a page from Draco's book and decided that he couldn't solve every magical malady there was. Besides, perhaps that's what Harry, Hermione and Dumbledore were there for.

"Well, we have Transfiguration next. Here's our chance to see our beloved Head boy," Neville said, throwing his bag on his shoulders then grunting under the weight of his textbook. "Maybe if we hurry we can catch a glimpse of him. Who knows if we'll see him again today."

Dean and Seamus groaned simultaneously at Neville's little gibe, but they managed to grab their own books and were out the door in less than ten minutes.

Soon they were running down the hall with small silence charms cast on their feet, hoping that neither Snape nor Filch saw them breaking the 'no running down the corridors' rule so blatantly as Seventh years.


"Everyone settle down."

The noise level in the room immediately fell to a light buzz at Professor McGonagall's order. The students were supposed to be practicing a very complicated transfiguration and if they did not get it right, they would not be able to complete the ten parchment page report they were to hand in the next morning.

So far, they had all been able to transfigure their jar of pebbles into a jar of water, then a jar of tiny clouds. The hard part had been the sublimation of clouds to pebbles without the substance becoming water first.

Harry was the only wizard in the class whose jar was filled with first clouds, then pebbles, then water then clouds again in a seemingly easy cycle. Hermione and Ron were surprisingly still struggling.

For some reason Professor McGonagall had began to scowl angrily at Harry when she inspected his work. Everyone had begun to whisper excitedly as they wondered whether or not the Professor would take marks from Harry's work and why. Then suddenly Harry's jar had exploded and disappeared into a puff of teal colored smoke.

Needless to say, his experiment had failed because now he had nothing to write up his report on.

That was what had spiked the noise level. Harry would have no choice but to copy one of his friends' reports and lose points for not being able to provide a sample of the results. This seemed unfair. After all, it wasn't as if he hadn't done the experiment remarkably. It was only that it had been unstable. That couldn't have been helped in their opinion. The transfiguration was very hard!

"Harry what happened?" Hermione asked in a whisper as soon as she thought it was safe.

Harry shrugged unconcerned. "Had to do something. With all the extra transfiguration I'm doing this was so easy to do. I just forgot that I'm not supposed to let my new ability show. Didn't you see McGonagall's face? She's warned me about it before."

"But now you'll fail!" Ron gasped, staring intently at his own jar of pebbles as if he could make it do what he wanted by willing it to.

"No I won't," Harry assured him, watching as Ron's pebbles began to melt from the spell that was repetitively being cast. "I'm sure she'll think of a way to not let me have to lose that much marks. We all know why I had to destabilize the transfiguration."

Hermione raised an eyebrow at him. "How did you do that?"

"I have no idea!" Harry declared with a grin. "Now that I've gotten the hang of it and started the weave, my magic has been doing some very strange things. I've been told it's normal though. I even asked Professor Flitwick and he said that I shouldn't be worried. Apparently, everyone has a lot of faith in Professor Snape's ability to teach it. Any way, none of the other professors have an inkling as to how to do it and Dumbledore, I gather, is too busy."

Ron snorted. "How unlucky for you."

"I don't mind," Harry said even more softly. "They're right. He's not so bad in teaching it."

"Are you serious!" Ron exclaimed, barely able to keep his voice down.

"Ron!" Hermione chided anyway. "Of course he would be good at it. I doubt Dumbledore would ask him to teach it if he didn't know exactly what he was doing."

"I don't doubt that he know how to do it 'Mione," Ron declared. "It's the teaching part that I have my doubts on. Do you know how many nights Harry has come in and simply collapsed unconscious on his bed? It's a good thing that we had the keen sense to buy a tub full of chocolate last time we were in Hogsmeade. There are nights when he doesn't even come back to the dorm and half the time I know he must have simply passed out somewhere else and couldn't make it back."

"I told you how sorry I am about those times Ron," Harry said sadly. "I'm usually safe. I just sleep in the room or, uh, find somewhere else to go. I don't always go unconscious you know. I still like to go walking about the castle after practice. This is my last year to do it."

"Yes. I bet that's what you do Harry, and all alone too," Hermione said with a small smile which gave Harry the feeling that he was in for a 'Hermione talk' soon.

"It's okay Harry," Ron was suddenly smiling teasingly. "You're a big boy now. You don't need me always looking out for you. But, uh, just in case you don't make those nighttime walks alone anymore, you can tell me. Only it's not Will is it?"

Harry made a face. "What do you have against Will, Ron?"

"Nothing!" Ron was quick to reply. "It's just that I've been doing some research on him and he's not exactly the closet gay of Ravenclaw. Not saying that he gets around, only that it's not his biggest secret."

"So total opposite of me then? Not my type?"

Ron laughed while Hermione rolled her eyes dramatically and returned to her task of transfiguration. It was quite obvious that she was still listening though.

"Mate do you even have a type? I'm a good guy with lots of good qualities, not to mention being your best friend in the world and far as you told me you're not attracted to me at all. No complaint on my part of course, but that doesn't leave much more to build a good 'type' on."

Harry shrugged, but he didn't offer an explanation as to whether or not Ron was on the right track. Hermione, however, winked at him with a small smile in such a subtle manner that Harry wasn't even sure that he saw it.

"Every one, please gather your belongings. Class is dismissed for today," Professor McGonagall surveyed the room with the intensity of a Hippogriff, resting her eyes on the trio in the corner who had been whispering in conspiracy for the entire lesson. "All reports are due tomorrow. Anyone who has not met the requirement of ten parchments will lose ten points for each missing parchment. In the same way, try to limit your report to the ten parchments. I am in no mood to grade unnecessary words."

With a flick of her wand and a quick spell word, the board cleared of all instructions for the lesson. The students took that as their sign to leave so they began to gather their equipment with levitation spells.

"'Mione wait a bit!" Harry pulled at Hermione's arm while Ron shuffled his way out of the room, ahead.

She looked at him expectantly in mock innocence. "Yes Harry?"

"I saw that wink and the little looks you give me as if you know something I'm not telling. What do you know?" Harry glared.

Hermione smiled then sighed with a searching look at her best friend. "You're very good at hiding it. I wouldn't even suspect it if I hadn't been a part of all the events of last year and wasn't into analyzing the bits. I suppose that's why I see it and Ron doesn't. Only Harry, be very careful. He is not...well he's for real you know. Liking him seems very risky and it's not the same as liking...uh...one of our...friends. You're playing for all or nothing when it comes to him. But, you don't only like him do you?"

Her words were enough for Harry to realize that Hermione really had figured it all out. Harry blushed, suddenly realizing that perhaps now had not been the best time to confront her. He didn't have any other time though. He rarely had any time for himself anymore.

"Do me a favor," he muttered. "Don't tell Ron. Let him figure it out himself. I think he'll prefer it that way instead of me giving him a shock."

Hermione nodded then threw her arms around him in what appeared to be a tight hug. Only, her lips were positioned right against his ears so that only he could hear the words she whispered.

"Just so you know, a lot of how I figured it out had to do with him too. He gets the most intense look in his eyes when he's angry with you in class now. I could have put it down to your private lessons, but then it's the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking at him from the Head table. It's almost as if you're a puzzle that he wants desperately to solve. I think he likes you too."

She unwound her arms and smiled at him, patting him lightly on the nose. "Be careful Harry. Don't do anything that you know Dumbledore would have to hold a meeting with you about though. I know how much you would rather not have to endure one of those."

She took his hand into hers, entwined their fingers, then proceeded to pull him into the direction that her oblivious boyfriend had disappeared. Harry smiled to himself as they cleared a path down the corridor for themselves.

Now if only he could convince Severus of how well they would be together, then his days would get remarkably better.


Harry stood in the centre of his practice room and focused all his energy on the task he had begun. Real relaxation was still key to his wandless ability since he was still at the early stages. His eyes had to remain closed and his mind completely tuned in to the gathering magic within him as he worked.

One strand of magic, spun from his fingertip.

His fingers danced almost automatically now in the way that Severus had taught him to weave the strands that he was continuously producing. In, out, over and through each other, the threads glistened magically. Some were red, some gold, blue, green, purple, orange and silver. Always changing colors, they were always glistening. There were enough now to cause anyone watching to gasp.

Harry had gasped the first time he had seen the strand that he had produced.

He considered it to be one of his greatest achievements in all his seventeen years. The strand had taken forever to be produced that first time and on more occasions than Harry wanted to admit, he had given into the dark realm of unconsciousness. When he had done it that first time he had treasured that strand, wanting to bless it, name it and build it its very own house. It had taken so long to make that he was half afraid that when he tried for the next strand the first would disappear. But, it always came back and so did the second and the third as he wove them. The weave remained strong and growing, looking more and more like the intricate web of three spiders between his fingers.

After it had gotten to the size of palm and fingers together, it stopped getting bigger and started to get tighter as each strand was added.

The more Harry wove now was the more he wondered if he would not need to make about three or four of them to use up all his magic, but so far the structure kept adjusting itself to include each new strand.

"Harry, I'm sorry. It looks as if we'll be doing Defense right now instead of have you practice your Wandless magic. Do you mind?"

With his concentration suddenly broken from Remus' quiet voice, Harry opened his eyes to stare long enough at his work before it shimmered and disappeared from between his hands. He looked up into his godfather's apologetic eyes and smiled sadly.

"He has decided that he has something more important to do then? He's too damn good at avoiding unpleasant situations, don't you think?" he asked, the smile on his face not reaching the dulling green that his eyes had become.

"He's very busy Harry. He didn't stop his duties for the Order when he agreed to teach you," Remus said quietly. Behind him the door closed and latched itself and above them little streams of white light beamed from the ceiling. "I don't mean to make excuses for him, but Severus is hard-headed. I'm sure that as soon as he settles a bit, he will be back to giving you your lessons."

Harry shrugged. "Of course Remus. I can wait for him to come around."

With a nod, Remus pulled out his wand and Harry did the same.

"I'm going to teach you a very complex curse to cause the blood in someone's body to boil and of course, the counter curse. They are both very difficult and rather painful. Pay very close attention Harry, this is a remarkably slow way to kill someone but the result is indeed death. It will take about forty minutes for all blood vessels to burst. I'll only allow the curse to work for ten seconds each time. The sooner you learn to cast the counter curse will be the better for you."

The lesson began with Harry practicing the counter curse over and over to ensure that he got it right. Then without warning, Remus cast the curse.

Ten seconds later, Harry was on the ground with a nosebleed, being fed a big chunk of chocolate by his worried godfather.

"Are you alright?"

"Bloody hell that hurts!"

"Language Harry," Remus chided with a grin. "As Head Boy, I'm not sure such words should be in your vocabulary!"

Harry didn't even have the strength to blush. "Sorry Remus. How do I fight it though? That curse hurt so bloody much all my thoughts went out the window. I really only wanted to scream, but it hurt so much I couldn't even do that. Why the hell isn't it an Unforgivable?"

"It has a counter curse, which means that it can be fought," Remus said gently. "Are you ready for another round?"

Harry groaned long and loud, but he valiantly rose to his feet again with his wand ready. Again he fell to the floor with an even stronger nosebleed. Again Remus silently handed him a piece of chocolate.

Fifteen tries later, Harry was on the ground again, but this time unconscious. The difference was that he had managed to stop the curse. The problem was that, in battle, it would have made no difference if he did the counter curse since going unconscious meant that his quarry would be given the full opportunity to cast the Killing curse. Remus was very proud at the improvement in any event, so as soon as he enervated the young wizard Remus was quick to tell him how good he had done.

"Rest for a while. Eat the chocolate," Remus commanded, taking a seat beside Harry.

Harry obeyed in silence for a few minutes before quietly asking, "Remus, if you don't mind me asking, can you tell me about Snuffles?"

"Harry, I don't think there is anything new that I can tell you," Remus said softly, but Harry did not look convinced.

"There's a lot about him that I didn't know," he said. "You knew him in a way that no one else did. I just want you to tell me about him the way you knew him, truly, not the way everyone thinks I should."

Remus seemed to consider the quiet words carefully.

"There's nothing to tell," he returned softly. When he looked at Harry there was an intense and yet somewhat sad look in the depth of his eyes. "The only other thing is that I loved him. I can now only tell you what he was like from the point of view of his lover. Are you sure that's what you want to hear?"

Harry smiled brightly. "I knew you were! I just knew it. So, what is it like to love a man who is so stubborn and set in his way?"

"To love a man or to love Sirius?" Remus' gaze became as searching as Hermione's had that morning.

"To love Sirius, Remus," Harry's smile became teasing. "I already know what it is to like another male."

"Is that why you went to see the MagiPsych? Did you want a cure for 'liking' another wizard?"

"No. The MagiPsych was for the scars and what I did to get them there," Harry said evenly. He rose to sit beside Remus, taking off his wizard robe to show the scars on his arms.

Remus was silent for a moment as he surveyed the ribbons of pink that crossed Harry's skin, before commenting very softly. "I knew someone who had scars like that. I never asked him about it. I didn't think it was my place to ask and even now I don't think it is."

Severus Snape.

Harry's lips burned to tell Remus about Severus's scars and that there was nothing to be curious about any more because those scars were long gone. Instead, he prodded Remus again to tell him about Sirius in the way that only the werewolf would know.

In the end, they never did get back to the lesson.


"Everyone turn to page four hundred and ninety seven in your text books. Read everything until you get to page five hundred and four. Begin the potion on page five hundred and five. I want a parchment each that should tell the procedure of how to prepare the potion and the results. Each person will have their potion tested on themselves after the initial forty minutes. The effects experienced should then be recorded on your parchments. Try not to poison yourself in the process. I am not in the mood to levitate anyone to the Hospital Wing."

As a result of their previous six years of experience, everyone immediately began to work as soon as their professor stopped issuing instructions. Most knew that the potion would take them at least fifty minutes to prepare if Professor Snape said forty minutes and that meant that the sooner they finished reading was the quicker they would be able to begin brewing the potion.

Severus surveyed the students with a look of disgust upon his face. Most had their eyes glued to the pages of their textbooks and some were busy scribbling bits of information that they thought they might need while preparing the potion.

The room was silent, just the way Severus liked it, but he knew that it wouldn't do to look more than angry when he was around them. Students were like Dementors, they smelled fear and preyed on the weak.

Surveying the roomful of students again, Severus' eyes came to rest on Harry. The Head boy's lips moved as he read. It was a habit that Severus knew Harry took to only when he was concentrating very hard.

Rose red lips that got even more red when Harry bit the lower one.

Harry was driving him mad very slowly. Severus knew that this was the worst way to be tortured.

Fifteen minutes later, the students had all begun to prepare their potions, giving Severus something to do to alleviate his thoughts of ebony hair, emerald eyes and a smile that could make his insides flutter in the most annoying manner.

"Abbot, if you put that piece of dragon tail into your potion before the chameleon eyes I will levitate you through those doors and you will never be allowed to return to my class again!" he growled at the Deputy Head girl. "I will not tolerate foolish behavior in my class, especially since I know that you are quite capable of following instructions."

"Zabini," he turned to the Slytherin side of the room. "Just a pinch more of the crocus seed should be enough. You want the potion to be gray, not black. Don't add any more ginger roots."

A movement from the person two seats away from Zabini caught his eyes. He turned to the Gryffindor section just in time to see the possum feet launched into the air, land neatly into Potter's cauldron due to an Arrow spell.

Harry didn't even blink. Instead, he adjusted the amount of feet he was adding to the position to include the one he had been 'given'.

"Malfoy!" Draco turned his attention to Severus smirking innocently. "No tending to potions not yours. Next time you feel the need to share, resist the urge to be so nice."

"Potter." Harry turned to him calmly with unreadable green eyes. "Two points from Gryffindor for accepting ingredients not yours."

Without a word of protest Harry returned to his potion as if he had not been unfairly punished once again. Somewhere deep inside Severus, he felt something twist painfully as if a dagger had been thrust in him.

"Everyone fill your ladles with your potion," he instructed in a voice that gave away nothing. "Drink the potion, wait two minutes then record the effects."

The students obeyed immediately.

It didn't take them long to realize that the potion was meant to take away all structure in their arms and legs. Their fingers became wobbly, twisting and curling in grotesque ways. Holding their quills were no longer an option and a few of them gave little gasps of surprise as their ankles seemed to mutate and melt.

Writing up their results had suddenly become an impossible task. It was one that they would have to find a solution to soon if they wanted to pass the assignment. Nobody seemed to have any idea how to solve their common problem.

Except Potter. Then Granger. Then Weasley.

Harry had leaned over to whisper to them for a few seconds before the three closed their eyes and began to concentrate very hard. The trick to overcoming the potion was to imagine oneself the way one was before. In a way, it was pretending that the potion had never been induced.

Some potions didn't need antidotes, just strong will.

Having nothing else to do, the other students watched enthralled while the three slowly began to regain control. When their limbs finally returned to normal, Severus watched as the three students scribbled the antidote onto four pieces of paper, cast a projection spell onto each and passed them along to the students of the Houses in the room. Everyone except the Slytherins accepted the help immediately but once everyone else was back to normal and scribbling their report, Draco decided that he had enough of his proud streak and was the first to read the note. As soon as he did, everyone else could see the message. Soon they were cured enough to begin on their report.

All this Severus had watched in silence.

"You have fifty minutes to write your potions report. Try to keep all biases out of the reporting. I need not know what thoughts scurried across your empty heads while you watched yourself melt," he said instead, returning to his table at the head of the class.

When everyone was safely scribbling away, Severus turned his attention to where Harry was sitting. He was surprised to meet emerald eyes looking back at him almost sadly. The moment seemed to stretch on forever, then slowly Harry pulled his gaze away to return to his work again and Severus sighed softly.

Harry was slowly driving him insane.


Three very soft knocks on the door at three in the morning, covered by an invisible cloak before entering the room that opened with the turn of the sliding doorknob. Harry closed the door behind himself and slipped off the cloak before turning around, only to gasp in surprise.

Usually he was careful to enter Severus' room now when he knew that the Potions professor was asleep. Usually he estimated correctly and was able to enjoy the comfort of his couch and the strangely comforting realization that he was safe with Severus in the next room, in secret.

Tonight was obviously not going to be that way, because as soon as Harry turned around the candles in the room flared to life and Severus stood scowling at him.

"You have resorted to sneaking in here I see," Severus said with narrowed eyes. "If you don't feel comfortable enough to come here when I am awake then I see no reason for me to allow you the privilege of sleeping in here when I am asleep."

Harry glared right back at him. "Is that the agreement? Well if it is then I suppose I'll go then and leave you your peace."

He turned to the door but was suddenly spun back around by an invisible force and pulled to stand before the seething form near his velvet couch.

"So my company has become intolerable to you. You could have simply informed me of this. I don't bite Potter."

"No! No you don't," Harry's eyes began to flash irrational anger, because for some reason he could not stand to be so close to the insufferable wizard and remain calm. "You don't bite Severus but you just about do everything else don't you? You shout and snarl and glare whenever you feel the need to hide what you're thinking or feeling. Well I'm bloody tired of it!"

Harry closed his eyes for a second, fighting the need inside him to hurt Severus the way he had been hurting since the moment Severus had all but come right out and rejected him.

"What part of 'I love you' don't you get?" he asked softly. "I love you! And, I can't be near you without feeling as if I'm drowning without you. I can't just pretend that it doesn't exist. You're not just Professor Snape, the evil professor, to me anymore and I can't sit on the couch and tell you my little secrets anymore knowing that you'll help me. I want more than that! I want..."

"You want what you should not have," Severus completed for him and Harry groaned in frustration.

He walked around to the other side of the couch and fell into the seat, burying his face into the palm of his hands.

"Yes," he whispered. "But I don't know how to not love you. If I did I would stop. Hating you was so much easier than this."

Severus walked around the couch also to stand before the distressed teen and Harry removed his hands and raised his head enough that Severus could look into the stormy green of Harry's eyes.

"I agree," he whispered almost to himself.

Tilting Harry's head even more, Severus leaned to press a kiss lightly onto the lightning scar on the golden skin.

"Silly boy," he muttered softly before turning and walking towards the door to his room. "Go to sleep Harry. You'll need it as much as I do."

Harry listened to the sound of the door closing then walked over to the front door, grabbed his invisibility cloak, folded it and laid it upon his shoes at the foot of the chair and settled down in a comfortable sleeping position, before the magical candles flickered out.

"Stubborn Potions Master," he muttered softly into the darkness.

He fell asleep to the image of his snake tattoo wrapped comfortingly around his arm and the cold hardness of the ring in his palm, where it dangled on the chain around his neck. He could feel the ancient protection charms on the ring flare to life and he smiled as he distinguished Severus' trace magic amidst all the other Snape's.

Stubborn Potions Master.