Green Eyes Sublime

Chapter Seventeen

Reading Between the Lines

x

"Why did you do it? In your own words Harry, could you please tell me why?"

An irritated sigh was made before the immediate reaction was given.

"Jean-Claude we've been through this a thousand times before! Does it matter why I did it? I stopped. Isn't that more important?"

"Yes. It is important. If you don't know why you felt the need to do it however, you may experience a relapse. It is not uncommon with cases such as yours."

"I won't experience a relapse. I never want to cut again and I won't."

There was the rustle of parchment followed by the sound of the quill scratching words onto the parchment.

"Such determination is remarkable, but our minds are like our magic. Sometimes we lose control and are not able to fully determine the effects of this lapse until it is too late."

Fingers traced the visible scars on the slender wrist and arm almost thoughtfully.

"I don't know why I cut. I just did. Haven't you ever been so overwhelmed by everything in your life so much that you feel that you'll explode if you don't do something? Haven't you ever wanted to scream and not be able to? Maybe that's why I did it. I don't know! I just did."

"Why did you stop then? Do you know this?"

"I needed to?"

"Is that a question or an answer?"

"I just couldn't do it any more. I suppose it became like crying or screaming. It really didn't solve anything in the end. It just created more problems and that's not what I needed. I already have enough issues in my life with Voldemort and everything else. I didn't need another reason to feel like a... freak."

"Is that the only reason?"

A short laugh was followed by the rolling of emerald eyes.

"Jean-Claude are you fishing for information again? I've already told you about him. I've already said that he helped me and made me feel as if I didn't need to cut anymore. There I've even said it again. Write it down this time."

"Harry, prends ça au sérieux! (Harry be serious!) This is serious. Dumbledore... he asked me to help you. I owe it to Dumbledore to help you."

"You have been helping me. You're the best MagiPsych I've ever had and that's a rather big deal."

A sigh followed then the parchment and quill was abandoned as Jean Claude moved to stand before Harry. He leaned against his table with his arms crossed and his blue eyes blazing.

"Harry I am still the only MagiPsych that you know so that is not such a clever joke. You've been making a lot of improvements in the last two months but on this issue I'm still not sure if what you admit to is good or bad. You still have no idea why you used to cut."

"I just did. The reasons aren't important by now. In fact they are moot and stupid. I don't care why I did it any more. The point in that I won't...Ever...Again. Even if he hadn't been there to help me, even if he never had the potion and Voldemort didn't start to play games with my head, I wouldn't go back. I won't. I don't need to any more. I'm tired of trying to dig deeper into this whole issue by now."

Jean-Claude still looked unconvinced.

"Jean-Claude," Harry said softly. "I'm better now. I know you know I'm better and I don't even need to come here any more. Even if I never pinpoint the exact reasons why I cut or why I made my depression get so far, that's not important anymore because I know why I stopped and that's all there is to the matter. Don't you think it's a little unfair to still demand to have these sessions. Tell me that I'm better and I can leave. Let me go."

Jean-Claude sighed again before moving closer to where Harry sat. With slender fingers he traced the determined jaw line of the Boy-Who-Lived, trying to memorize everything about the nearly-seventeen year old's face and smile and emerald eyes that lit up when he laughed or dulled when he cried.

"You are a remarkable wizard Harry Potter," he finally whispered. "And of course you are right. I cannot keep you here if you don't want to. These two months, being your MagiPsych, has reminded me many times of the reasons why I decided to become one and why at twenty-five years old I like being one. These sessions of ours have been the most unconventional ones that I have ever had, but then I should have expected nothing else."

"You're a very good MagiPsych, Jean-Claude."

"Ah yes I know I am," Jean-Claude smiled almost sadly. "But you made me wish I never agreed to have you as my patient, many times, during these two months."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be!" Jean-Claude returned to his own seat behind his table and scribbled a few words onto the piece of parchment that Harry had come to know as his 'file'. "Give this to the Witch at the front desk. Tell her to floo a copy to Albus Dumbledore as soon as possible. It is your release papers. You are officially a sane wizard again Harry Potter."

Harry took the parchment with his own sad smile, though Jean-Claude refused to meet his gaze anymore. He walked slowly to the door for the last time and reached for the doorknob with a new sense of resolution.

"Harry."

Harry paused.

"Do you love him?"

"Is that my final question as your patient?"

"Mais non, Harry (Of course not Harry)," A deep ragged breath was taken before the other words followed. "As another man who... may... have fallen in love with you too. Do you love this Professor Snape?"

A small smile. A nod. Then, "Yes. I love him."

x-x-x

"Hello Harry. Why am I not surprised that you're out here?"

Will's sudden appearance startled Harry out of his memories. With a bit of shuffling of papers, paint, paintbrushes and lead, Harry was able to clear a space beside himself for Will to sit.

"So. I heard you got a tattoo. Is it true?"

"Yes I did." Harry smiled. "Hurt like hell too. If it wasn't for the pain blocking potions I'm not sure if I could have endured it."

Will looked impressed. "Well blimey, I could never do something like that. My folks would send so many Howlers, I'd be buried beneath piles of curses for ages! Uh...do you mind if I see it or a drawing of it or something?"

Harry reached into his pile of equipment and pulled out a painting of his tattoo. It was charmed to look almost as authentic as the real thing. Running his fingers along it, Will was pleased to feel the coarseness of the snake's scales beneath his finger and even the blade of the sword felt sharp.

"Wow," Will muttered, looking up at Harry with new respect. "You got even better at drawing haven't you? What is it now? Paintings?"

"No I still draw," Harry told him. "I paint a whole lot but I don't know, there's still something in drawing the Muggle way, with a pencil and a good piece of paper. Sometimes, what I draw doesn't need movement to make it good enough for me to like."

"You mean like this one?" Will had reached into the pile and somehow managed to pull out one of Harry's favorite pieces.

It was done with charcoal, because Harry had been experimenting and it was all he could find while at the Dursley's. It was a drawing of Professor Snape. At least, it was the way Harry had known his professor to look for five of his six years at Hogwarts. It was a semi-profile of the professor's face. Prominent nose, tight lipped expression and a glare that seemed to leap from the page, made the drawing look very realistic.

Will blatantly stared at it. Harry had managed to capture the look of the most hated professor of Hogwarts with such ease. It was almost as if Professor Snape was in the process of throwing him a glare of disapproval and Harry had immortalized the expression forever.

"Wow," Will whispered again. "Why would you draw him though?"

Harry laughed, reaching for his pile of papers. "I drew everyone! I had some time to practice and I wanted to practice faces. I've met enough people here to fill an entire book and well, I suppose I did just that."

He handed an oil painting to Will and the other wizard gasped. He was looking at a Wizard sketch of himself. The painting smiled as if it recognized its image. Will, of course, smiled back. Next he was handed a painting of Hermione, sitting with her hand on her cheek while she studied amidst a mountain of books in the library. She looked up and smiled tiredly before returning to the book she would perpetually be engrossed in. Ron was next, with his Deputy Head Boy badge glistening proudly on his chest. Neville, Dean and Seamus followed. Then there was Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall and even one of Professor Hagrid holding a Nifler in one hand and patting a Unicorn with the next.

"There are a few more, but I won't bore you with them," Harry said a little shyly. "Besides, we should probably go back in. Lunch should be over by now."

Will took out his wand, cast the Tempus spell then swore softly. Lunch was indeed over and if he didn't hurry, he was bound to miss the beginning of his next class.

Harry laughed, taking his cue and gathered up his belongings.

"Promise me you'll draw something for me one day too? It doesn't have to be fancy. I'd just love to watch while you draw some time," Will said as they stood together.

"Alright," Harry said with a shrug.

Will was practically beaming when he turned and began to sprint towards the castle. Harry followed in a slow walk, staring down on one of the paintings he had not shown to Will on purpose.

It was a pencil sketch of Harry hugging Severus in the front room of Severus' quarters, including a bookshelf, the table piled high of parchment and Harry's black velvet couch behind them.

"Harry, a word please."

For the second time in a few minutes, Harry was startled out of his musings. Standing directly before him with a look of amusement on his face, Dumbledore was blocking his path.

"Sorry Headmaster. Of course we can have a word," Harry said blushing at being caught off guard.

"Not to worry Harry," Dumbledore smiled a bit more. "I merely wanted to tell you of a little discussion I will be holding in my office, say, an hour before dinner? Please tell Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger. I would do it myself but I left Professor Snape alone in my office for a short time and I'm afraid that he just may take it upon himself to rearrange the room in anger. I would rather to just save myself the bother."

He gave Harry a quick wink before turning and disappearing down the nearest corridor. One down which, Harry was fairly certain, definitely did not lead to the gargoyles and in fact, was a dead end. Since the Headmaster did not emerge again after a few seconds, Harry decided to just get to his Transfiguration class and not ponder the enigma that was Albus Dumbledore.

x-x-x

"Harry! That Ravenclaw again? Didn't I warn you last year that he just may fancy you in a bad way?" Ron asked in what Harry presumed to be a whisper.

"What's so terrible about that Ron?" Harry asked with a mischievous grin.

"Oy! You fancy him too? Well blimey why didn't you just say that then?" Ron shot back.

"I never said I liked him!"

"Well you certainly don't seem against the idea."

Harry sighed impatiently, but before he could begin another round, Hermione gave Ron a sharp pull on his arm and whispered for them to keep it down. Across the room, Will seemed to be trying his hardest to complete the charm they were supposed to be practicing in Charms for the evening, and was oblivious to their conversation anyway.

So far no one had even remotely gotten the charm right so everyone had began to lose interest and were just about at the point of giving up.

Harry and Ron were one of those people, but Hermione was determined to get her Illusion charm to work. That meant that Harry and Ron, her partners, were feeling distinctly cross-eyed.

"'Mione give us a break would you! Just stop. Everyone else has and Professor Flitwick said we wouldn't get this at our first practice. I say we just go to Dumbledore's office now. There's nothing better to do," Ron declared in irritation.

Hermione looked hurt but even she had to admit defeat after her next attempt, when Harry fell to the floor clutching his eyes.

"We'll be half an hour early!" she protested anyway, handing Harry a relief potion.

"Honestly 'Mione, do you think Dumbledore would protest much? I'm sure he'll be just fine with our prompt arrival." Harry shared a grin with Ron as he picked himself up from the ground, feeling better already.

A quick word with Professor Flitwick -who gave them permission with a wry understanding smile, then assured them that he would be there soon too- and they hurried down the corridors to the Headmaster's office.

"Hello. Exactly the time I expected to see the three of you. Why don't you snuggle somewhere while the others trickle in?" Dumbledore beamed at them from behind his table with a sweeping gesture.

Surveying the other occupants of the room, it was easy to see that no actual snuggling would be needed. Professor Lupin and Professor McGonagall, the only other two people were in deep discussion at the other end of the room. They stopped speaking long enough for Remus to pull Harry into a tight hug before continuing. After which, Hermione tugged both Ron and Harry towards a large floral couch, that had probably been created by Dumbledore for the purpose of the meeting. The three sat and immediately began their own little conversation.

Ten minutes later Professor Flitwick walked into the room and sat beside Professor McGonagall, who it seemed had finally persuaded Professor Lupin to sit also. By then all the seats in the room were definitely occupied, so when Professor Snape entered the office a few minutes later, Harry wasn't the only one to look about the room for a nonexistent empty chair. Noticing the dilemma, Dumbledore 'drew' up another couch. It was bright green and had small orange suns on the surface.

Snape decided to stand.

Harry thought this unfair and so without a word of warning he pulled both his friends up from the comfort of where they sat and managed to pull them over onto the newly conjured chair. After all, he knew that they would have no objections to sitting amidst orange suns -even if they did give him strange looks- while Severus, he was sure, wouldn't have been caught dead in the thing.

Silently, and without even a nod of thanks to Harry, Severus took to the abandoned couch. Immediately it resized itself to become a console and the color changed to navy blue.

Beaming with twinkling eyes and quiet mirth, Dumbledore cleared his throat delicately to indicate a call to order.

"This meeting that I have called is mostly for the benefit of our three youngest members. As everyone else is aware, a decision has been made to further educate Mr. Potter with a skill that he may very well need in the future in this war against Voldemort. I thought to include Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger because he will need their help in those times when he will be unavailable to answer to his peers' curiosity. I am also very much aware that the three have shared all their experiences here at Hogwarts with each other and I have no doubt that if we did not include them, Mr. Potter would have informed them anyway. I see no real reason to exclude them and as I said before, he will need their support and help."

He turned to Harry with a smile.

"Harry, you are to learn Wandless Magic in your spare time while, of course, still attending all your N.E.W.T.S. classes this year. You will also be learning many advanced lessons in Charms, Transfigration, Potions and Defence Against The Dark Arts. As soon as you have mastered Wandless Magic you will be taught even more things in these areas."

If Harry had been talking, he would have been rendered speechless. Instead he surveyed the expression of his professors with a fair bit of worry and perhaps just a little bit of excitement. Beside him, Ron looked more than impressed for everyone else. Hermione, however, suddenly seemed angry.

"No you can't Headmaster!" she said in quiet horror. "He only just got back to Hogwarts a week ago and he did just spend almost his entire summer recovering from everything in his life. It's too soon to have him undergo training like that. Wandless Magic is hard! I've tried it a bit and I've read about it. It's really very hard and I've read that it drains the Wizard something terrible when not done successfully."

Dumbldore turned his attention to Harry. "Ms. Granger is rather right Harry. This will not be easy in any way. You're a very powerful wizard and I have every faith in you that you will be okay at this, but perhaps you should tell me now if you wish to embark on this training."

Harry only had to close his eyes and remember the horror of his last few months at Hogwarts the year before to know what his decision would be.

"Of course I want to do this. I'll need the training. I've always thought that. Voldemort is powerful and at least if I learn this I'll have a better chance than what I've had before right?" He pulled Hermione's hand across Ron's lap and into his own, giving it a light squeeze of assurance. "I'm all for doing anything to be ready. He didn't manage to kill me again last year. I get the impression that I'm running out of time. If I have to fight him or something, I want to be as ready as I can get."

Dumbledore nodded with a small smile.

"I have taken the liberty in this event to assign a special room for your training. Since you did not use your right to a private room as Head Boy, I feel very comfortable in allowing you the use of this other room. I only discovered it myself a few months ago but I know that it will be perfect and allow you all the privacy you will need." He turned to Professor Snape with a more grim expression. "In fact, why don't we begin these training as soon as possible. Severus will you be able to begin his lessons tonight? You don't need to push him too hard. Just get him comfortable with the feel of it."

Severus nodded. "Of course Albus."

"After dinner?"

Another nod by the Potions professor got Dumbledore smiling again.

"Good then." He gave everyone else a short nod also. "With that settled, this meeting is over. You may all schedule together a time to meet with him. As his professors I'm sure you know best how to invade his free time. Be sure to floo both him and I a copy of whatever schedule you decide on when you are finish."

A few minutes later, everyone rose and began to file out of the office.

x-x-x

"Uh Severus, do I really have to do this?"

Three hours later, Harry was standing in the middle of a large empty room with his wand in hand and Severus scowling at him in impatience.

"I didn't ask you to climb Mount Everest, Potter!" Severus snapped. "I only asked that you loosened up a bit. You need to be relaxed and focused."

"Yes but I feel silly standing here doing stretches and wiggles. We've been doing this for nearly half an hour I'm sure. This can't be all there is to it!" Harry did another round of stretching his arms and legs again while slowly moving his head from side to side.

"Alright then, since you insist on being difficult, you may stop," Severus glared at Harry again. "I certainly won't be the one to pass out from exhaustion. In case you missed Ms. Granger's little memo, Wandless Magic is very difficult and very exhausting."

Harry promptly took a seat on the cold grey floor before Severus could think of changing his mind. "I thought Dumbledore said to start slowly, anyway. I really don't think he meant this slowly though. I could have fallen asleep on my feet from how relaxed I got."

Severus looked down on the irritated wizard on the floor and fought the urge to groan in frustration. All around the room, and for no apparent reason, the walls were suddenly lined with golden candle-holders. The room was soon aglow with the dancing light of candles and that just seemed to irritate Severus even more.

Trust Albus to find another exasperating and dangerously independent magical room to work in.

"We will begin by Wandless Weaving tonight. Since you obviously know absolutely nothing about the art of Wandless Magic. The first thing to do is to teach you how to confine your magic," Severus grounded out.

Harry gave him a look of complete blankness.

Severus growled angrily and Harry grinned. "Get up! You're certainly not going to achieve anything sitting here all night. Let's begin."

Harry gave him a look of concentration then said softly, "No. Sorry. I can't move. Too relaxed."

Severus scowled some more but he stretched out his arms to grasp Harry's, then with a heavy tug he pulled the younger wizard to his feet, just inches away from his own body.

"Do you know why wizards use wands?"

"To focus their magic?"

"Interesting. You're not entirely stupid then are you?"

"Nope. Not entirely stupid."

Severus turned away to put some distance between himself and the flirting green eyes. "Have you ever tried to do magic without your wand?"

Harry thought a bit. "Not intentionally, but yes I guess I have done it."

"And what did you notice?"

Harry shrugged. "That I nearly killed someone most of the time. Not to say that I would have missed any of them greatly."

Without a word Severus opened his hand and Harry's wand suddenly leapt into it. Harry was very impressed.

"Yes. Unfocussed magic is haphazard and very dangerous. It's like lightning, only it can be twice as dangerous. In your case it may even be fatal," Severus continued as if he had not done something impressive.

"I'm not that powerful," Harry muttered.

"You are," Severus said, dropping Harry's wand in the corner of the room, near one of the walls. "The sooner you embrace this fact is the more ready you will be to gain full control over it, especially when you are fighting Wandlessly."

"So what do I do?"

"First you focus," Severus instructed as Harry tried to follow. "Close your eyes and think of the magic you feel inside just as you cast a spell. Reach out to that source of power and hold on to it, slowly. Feel it gather, then just as slowly, force it to stream. One strand. Try to produce one strand of magic between your fingers, like a thread. You are going to do a weave. So you gather and stream, each time producing another thread which you will bind together. When it's complete you will have full control of your magic and it will be focused in your finger tips and have no need for your wand."

Harry closed his eyes and breathed deeply, focusing his mind upon the magic that gathered within him as he tried to imagine casting a spell. It was actually intriguing, because as it gathered, he could almost see it in the back of his mind like rods of lightning and shadows of colorful light all mingled together. He reached towards it in a way that he could not explain and slowly he closed his thoughts around it.

The room shook violently, swayed about four times and beneath his feet Harry felt as if the floor had become a puddle of melted stone. He opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow at Severus who had somehow managed to keep his balance the entire time.

"Try again. This time remember how powerful you are and how untamed your magic is. Go slowly."

Harry tried again and again the room shook violently. This time the candles all went out and it took a few seconds before they flared back to life. By then Harry had turned a deep shade of red and was staring sheepishly at his professor with his lower lip firmly locked between his teeth.

"Try again," Severus prodded.

Harry obeyed by closing his eyes, but as soon as he did he began to tremble and sway. Quickly Severus took the few steps forward that he needed to close the distance between himself and the shaking form. From behind, he wrapped his arms around Harry's waist and chest, pulling the younger wizard tightly against his own body for warmth just in case the seventeen year old was going into shock. With his cheeks pressed against ebony hair and his lips at Harry's ear, he whispered Harry's name.

"Harry, open your eyes."

Harry opened his eyes and immediately swayed again, but Severus' arms held him up. Cocooned so intimately within the firm grasp, being reminded of all scents and touch that he had missed for three months, Harry gave a light gasp which be bit back just quickly enough. He brought his own arms up to rest on Severus', as he swayed again for an entirely different reason this time.

"Are you alright?" Severus' words were like gust of warm air against Harry's face and he felt a warm shiver run down his spine.

He nodded.

"I think we should stop for today," Severus whispered against Harry's ear again, his lips barely grazing flesh and hair. "You may have overdone yourself just a little."

"But we've barely done anything!" Harry protested moving his head just enough for his lips to be almost an inch away from Severus'.

"We've done enough," Severus chided with as much amusement as he dared show. "You need to rest. I'm afraid that if I let you try any more you will go unconscious from exhaustion. I should have realized that your magic is too wild to be tamed in one moment. This means that you will have to practice on your own. Not too much though. Let Granger help you until our next lesson."

Harry shifted again as he nodded his cooperation. Then without warning, Severus unwound his arms and Harry sighed from the loss.

"Go now," Severus said, his voice getting a little tense as he spoke. "I'm sure your friends are lying awake anticipating your return to tell them how your extra session with the nasty, mean, Professor Snape went."

Silently, and without any warning, Harry hugged him, reacquainting himself with the scent of Severus' hair and the smooth warm, pale, flesh against his cheek. He knew that no matter how many times he drew the Potions master, he would never be able to capture the intensity that was his Professor Snape.

Just as silently, he released the older wizard and walked over to the door. He paused and turned around to gaze at the shadows that were cast upon Severus' stoic form by the candles' light.

"Don't..." Severus warned, breaking the silence.

Harry smiled sadly. "I do you know. I'll fight even Dumbledore to get you to see that I mean what I said. What did you expect? I know the parts of you that no one else knows. I see the sides of you that you show only to me. Is it any wonder that I'm in love with you?"

"I'm your professor."

"And at the end of this year, I may die. I might even die in the next twenty minutes if old Voldemort decides to do something crazy."

"Harry that is an entire irrelevant point."

"I gave everything I am for as long as I can remember. Just once, don't I deserve what I want? Don't you?"

Severus approached Harry with determination brewing in his dark eyes and a scowl on his face. "I'm still your professor Harry."

Harry nodded. "Yes. Yes you are, but you're also the wizard I love and I can't help that."

Without another word he slipped out the door leaving Severus to stare at the empty space where he had stood and his words left to haunt the Potions master.

X-x-X