Green Eyes Sublime

Chapter Fourteen

Chasing the Dragon

x

"It hurts, doesn't it?"

"Don't you ever tire of doing this?"

"You are hurting and I can feel it."

Harry groaned into his hands. He was kneeling on the ground in the dark as he pondered why he was once again in the dark place. He only had to wait a few seconds before Voldemort's voice echoed within the air.

"I don't know what you're talking about," He protested softly.

"Yes, you do. How coincidental is it that you should need this place now. It is very condusive to hiding. That is what you are doing, isn't it?"

"I'm not hiding."

"Then why are you here?"

"I needed somewhere to...think."

"Here? In the dark? In the cold? Where no one can find you or hurt you? But you are already hurting. Tell me why."

"Go away," Harry said, but this time without the usual anger.

"I may be able to help you. I have helped others like you before."

Harry removed his hand from his face to glare at the eyes in the fog. Voldemort's eyes stared back unfazed and unrepentive.

"I've seen your help. You fill the person with evil and anger. You twist their love into obsession and make them unfeeling. All they know is hatred. All they seek is revenge and cause only pain to everyone they come in contact with. You taint them."

"Then why did you come here to me?"

"I...I didn't! I told you, I just needed somewhere to -"

"Breathe again?" Voldemort laughed and Harry cringed.

He had heard echoes of that laughter before, coming from someone else and it had been just as hollow and sharp. It was a laugh of evil and now Harry understood this.

"No," he said a little louder. "I have somewhere to breathe."

"You need him so much. Does he breathe with you too? Are you his light in dark times? Do you fill the void inside of him?"

"He has no void. Not anymore."

"They all have one, Harry Potter. Some have it deeper than others. Some may not be aware of it, but it is there below the surface. It is hidden beneath the lies in their eyes and the pain in their heart. Everyone has something consuming them. They all feel it and know it's there when they allow themself to feel hurt. You wanted to know where this is? This is the place where darkness, anger, pain and hurt are stored."

"Who are 'they'?"

"Everyone else. Everyone not me. I have no void."

Harry smirked. "Or perhaps yours is so deep that it is the essence of you."

"Perhaps."

Harry went back to glaring through narrowed eyes. "Why are you being so agreeable."

"I have no cause to be otherwise. Don't you see, you are waiting here, of your own accord. It has already begun to overpower you. All you need to do now is give in."

"The answer is still 'never'."

Silence followed for a few seconds, then "You yearn to love him, like you love them all. You are so fiercely protective Harry Potter. All someone has to do is earn your trust and you will move men and gods for them. Love is your most powerful gift. How disgusting. How human."

"He doesn't need me to love him -"

"Yes," Voldemort interrupted. "And that is what hurts you so deeply now. Love is the most powerful gift you have, but what happens when it is not enough? Did he live his life just fine without you all this time? Did he, Harry Potter?"

Harry turned away suddenly very angry. "I don't need to listen to this. I need to find a way out of here and maybe then I can heal."

The dark laughter resounded again.

"What if I told you that it is too late? What if I said that there is too much of you that have died here already? You will never be made whole again. You need this place now."

"I don't. I would never need a place like this."

"Really, Harry Potter? Then tell me something..."

The fog gathered into a whirlwind encircling Harry in its funnel of cold air. It howled louder and louder, but this time Harry waited silently for it to end.

When it did Voldemort was standing before his kneeling form.

"Have you ever needed something so desperately that you would sell your soul to demons just to be near it?"

x-x-x

"Come on Harry! Look alive! We have double Potions next. Do you really want to walk in there looking as if you didn't eat?"

Harry glared at the lunch on his plate that he had been stabbing with his fork for the past forty-five minutes before turning his glare unto Ron's happy face.

"Thanks for the reminder Ron, but I didn't forget that I have Potions next. And as a matter of fact I will walk in the class looking as if I haven't eaten because I haven't!"

Ron's grin remained firmly in place. "Well only one way to remedy that mate. Tuck in! We have to get to the Quidditch field as soon as Potions is over with. We're playing today remember. If for no other reason, look happy about that one."

Before Harry's glare could get any more dangerous, Hermione interrupted from Ron's other side.

"Leave him alone Ron. Harry hasn't lost a Quidditch match recently and I'm sure he doesn't intend to. Right Harry?"

"Righty-o," Harry replied dryly.

He did however get in a few good fork full of his food before the Gryffindor table began to empty of its occupants.

"Up, up, up Harry!" Ron pulled him sharply from his seat.

Harry frowned. "Have you been slugging my Pepper-up potion Ron? You can tell me you know. I'll only try to hit the happiness out of you. Not much pain, I promise."

Ron laughed and continued to tug. "Nope. This is all a natural high."

Harry threw Hermione a look that begged her permission to hit her boyfriend anyway, and soon Hermione was laughing and tugging him too. They arrived at the Potions classroom with just a few minutes to spare.

"That's enough talking."

Professor Snape stormed in with a murderous look on his face, even though the buzz in the room had been stifled as soon as he stepped in.

"Git!" Ron whispered venumously.

For their sake, Harry hoped Severus hadn't heard.

"Today we will be making a Change potion. Does anyone know what they are?" Snape thundered instead.

Hermione's hand was already dancing in the air and a few others, before Harry decided to chance his luck and raised his hand also.

"Potter?"

For a split second Harry's mind went blank at the sound of his own name. He had become so familiar with Severus using more pleasant tones to call him, even in class, that at the harsh grating on the syllables, Harry got confused.

"Well! We are waiting."

Harry swallowed and forced himself to make a sound. "They are potions that alter one's appearances; like glamour charms. Their effects are more stable however because glamour charms are hadly ever able to be perfectly replicated. Change potions causes the exact changes at all times."

"Alright," Professor Snape was sneering. "Give me an example of one we've already done in this class."

"Polyjuice Potion and Polygon Potion, but uh they are also classified as other types as well and so are not usually taught under the label of Change potions," Harry answered somewhat calmly.

"Well, Potter, you are correct, however, I am deducting three points from Gryffindor." The Gryffindors in the room gasped in outrage. "I asked for one example and I don't recall asking yet, why I did not previously begin this topic when we did them."

Severus waved his wand. "The preparation for the potion we are making today is on the board. At the end of class I would like you all to test the potion on yourself, then give me a parchment describing the purpose and changes caused by the potion. For those of you -and I know there will be very few of you- who figures out the name of the potion, this should also be included on the parchment. You may now begin and be warned that if prepared wrong, the variants of this potion are all poisons."

Everyone, but Harry, immediately began to light their cauldrons.

"Harry! Snap out of it! You have a potion to make," Hermione chided softly.

"Why is he acting so strange?"

Hermione gave him a funny look, but Ron gave him a sharp nudge.

"Why are you going on about? He's not acting strange. He's no stranger than he always is at least," Ron whispered violently too, but Harry took a few more minutes before he managed to tear his eyes away from the professor.

Forty minutes later, Harry's cauldron was the only one not filled with a silver colored potion and giving off a golden steam. Hermione did a double take when she saw what his potion did look like. It was lime green and looked too thick to produce even one bubble. She couldn't even imagine how many things he had done wrong to get that effect.

"Potter, I see that your blatant disregard to follow instructions has landed you into quite the unfortunate position." Professor Snape was beside him and glaring in less than two minutes. "Now, what exactly did you think you were doing?"

Harry glared back. "I was making a potion. What does it look like I was doing?"

"It seemed to me that your mind was so occupied with other things that potion making was the farthest thing from your thoughts," Severus sneered.

Harry's glare vanished as confusion replaced it. He tried to search the depth of Severus' gaze to see a clue as to what he could possibly have done to bring out such hostile actions but there was nothing. Snape's gaze was pure hatred. It was just that, solid and closed.

"What did I do?" Harry asked softly and semi-brokenly as everyone but Severus was pushed from his mind.

Even then there was no change in the coal black eyes.

"Drink it," Snape commanded.

The whole class gasped and held their breaths.

"What?"

"I said to drink it," Professor Snape repeated slowly. "You are going to tell me everything you did wrong and the only way you can figure this out properly is through oral analysis."

This time, Harry thought time froze. "But it's poisonous. You said it yourself. It will kill me if I drink it."

"You should have thought of that before you made a mockery of my lesson. Now do as I tell you."

The room tilted dangerously as Harry fought to control his breathing. "No. I won't."

"You won't?" Snape's eyebrow shot up. "Everyone, bottle and label your potions then leave. We will continue this lesson next class."

No one moved. Not even a whisper was heard. Then suddenly everyone snapped into action. There was the clinking of ladles against the rim of the vials and hurried shuffling of books, parchment and quills into bags. Still the two wizards stared at each other.

"Come on Ron, we'll wait for him in the common room," Hermione said softly, but her eyes were still trained on Harry and Professor Snape.

"Are you mad. He wants to kill him!"

"It's okay," She tore her gaze away and tugged on Ron's sleeve.

Reluctantly Ron began to shuffle away with her. By then, everyone else had already made a mad dash for the dungeon door.

Then there was silence again.

Severus waved his wand and the door closed. He waved it again muttering the strong silencing shield that occupied only his rooms and perhaps Dumbledore's.

"What is going on? I don't understand. Are you afraid of -"

Severus' hand shot out at the sound of Harry's voice. His fingers closed around the hard throat so tightly that Harry's face immediately became red.

"I haven't been afraid in a long while Harry Potter," Snape snarled. "You don't have an ounce of what it takes to frighten me."

Harry began to feel his air supply slowly diminishing but still he managed, "Sometimes...I don't...understand you."

Snape released his throat and Harry doubled over in a coughing fit as he tried to get oxygen back into his system. By the time Harry could look at Severus again, the wizard had his wand out and pointing at Harry's throat.

"Sanum!"

Harry felt his throat tingling. As soon as the feeling diminished he assessed the effect of the spell. The bruises, finger cresents and raw pain that had been left there by Severus seemed to have been healed.

"Get out."

Harry focused on the coldness in Severus' eyes again. "Why is that always your response when you're not in the mood to face something? Why so cold and...violent!"

"You have eight seconds to go through that door willingly."

"Let me guess, this has to do with your pensieve and us getting just a little bit closer because of it, right? Why can't you just be calm about this? Just once. Or at least be agreeable," Harry protested instead. "Is it so awful that I like you no matter what you do? Is that it? You don't react to pure emotions very well, do you?"

"And what emotions do you think I'm harboring for you, Potter?" Severus asked. "Do you think that just because I tolerate your presence more than necessary and I share my pensieve with you that I have something akin to your silly crush?"

Harry retreated into himself. There was nothing but hurt as he tore his eyes away from Severus'.

"I was actually referring to what I felt for you," he said quietly. "Merlin forbids that I expected anything on your end."

He looked down at the botched up potion in his cauldron, then at his Potion equipment lined out on his table. Suddenly he wanted to be anywhere but in front of Severus.

"I added the rosemary roots before the ginger wedges and stirred in both directions when it should have just been clockwise. I think I may have added too many buttercup grains in the end. I wasn't really paying much attention. Like you said, my mind was on everything but the lesson," he admitted softly.

"You deliberately brewed the potion wrong?"

"No Professor. Why would I do that?" Harry glared again. "I'm not so much in need of attention that I would try to get yours the underhand way. I'm a Gryffindor. That would be a very Slytherin thing to do."

He shoved his things into his bag before dipping the ladle into the potion and holding it up. "Still want me to drink it?"

Severus didn't answer.

"No?" Harry asked sarcastically. "Well then may I leave sir? I have a Quidditch game to play. I'll write up ten parchments of lines if you wish and you can deduct as much house points as you want, but I'm leaving now."

He emptied the cauldron and the ladle with a quick spell then slung his bag over his shoulder. A minute later he was gone and Severus fought the urge to throw something at the door in a childish tantrum.

The day was not ending well and would probably just get worse.

x-x-x

"Have you ever bled the blood you wanted someone else to bleed?"

x-x-x

Harry barely made it to his dorm room, changed into his Quidditch robes and back into the Common room before he was being ushered to early dinner by Hermione.

"But 'Mione I'm not that hungry!" He protested to no avail since the three of them were already half way to the Great Hall.

"I didn't ask if you were hungry Harry," she pointed out patiently. "I won't allow you to fly without at least eating something. You too Ron! You'll need the extra boost."

"If we needed extra boost we'd take a potion," Ron grumbled, but like Harry he went along with the force that was Hermione.

On entering the Great Hall they were greeted by applause from at least half of the room. Most of the Slytherin players were already seated and putting up quite a bit of negative shouting, but the members of the Gryffindor team already inside did their best to counter with their own shouts.

At the Head table many professors seemed to be fighting the urge to cover their ears or cringe. It seemed that with his huge grin and encouraging nods, Dumbledore was the only one who thought all the shouting signified healthy competition.

Harry made a point of not looking over at the Head table too long. He didn't exactly want to lose himself wondering where Severus was and why he wasn't eating at the Head table today, if no other day.

"So how'd the whole confrontation with Snape go anyway?" Ron asked Harry when they were seated and the noise had dropped a little.

Harry shrugged. "He was an ass."

Ron scoffed, "When is Snape never an ass? Well I'm going to assume that you talked him out of the whole 'poisonous oral analysis' bullshit?"

"Obviously," Hermione rolled her eyes, but she gave Harry a guilty look from her seat beside Ron. "Uh Harry, don't be angry but I should probably tell you that -"

"Hermione, it's okay," Harry interrupted with a shake of his head. "Snape, being a prat, had nothing to do with your talk about me."

Hermione gave him a look of suspicion. "Well if it isn't, then how do you know about it? He said he would keep it confidential."

Ron laughed ironically. "See, I did say he was a bad choice. Obviously the evil git is using the information to torture Harry more."

Harry gave Ron a look of interest as he wondered about Ron's input into Hermione's decision to talk to Severus. Before he could voice his intrigue, Harry was tapped on the shoulder.

"Hello, Harry," Will's friendly smile encountered Harry as soon as he turned in his seat.

"Hello," Harry smiled back.

"I heard about what Snape wanted you to do in Advanced Potions. Are you alright?"

"You heard this quickly huh?" Harry shrugged. "I'm obviously alive, no thanks to him."

Will looked over at the Head table but didn't have to because just then the Potions professor swept into the Great Hall and made his way over to the Head table.

"Well, there he is now. Doesn't seem too repentant, but then he never does." Will gave Harry a small smile and a shrug.

Harry tore his eyes away from cold onyx ones to smile almost sadly at Will. "Wouldn't it be a shock if he did look the part? He is who he is and I suppose that's what makes him so...unique."

"He's not refereeing the match today is he?"

Harry shook his head. "No. Thank goodness."

Something in the way he said the line drew a suspicious look from both of his best friends and they in turn looked at each other inquiringly. Harry chose to pretend not to notice and instead smiled for Will again.

Will smiled back. "Well, I better let you get back to eating. You'll soon have to go out to the Quidditch pitch I suspect and I don't want to be the one to make you late. I just wanted to tell you that I'd be rooting for you and Gryffindor."

"Thank you."

Ron's eyebrow was arched as soon as Will left and was sufficiently out of earshot. "Harry, is he straight?"

"What!"

Ron shrugged. "Well I figured you would at least know. He watches you a lot you know and what the hell was that just about?"

That comment got the attention of Seamus, Neville and Dean at their usual position directly before the Trio on the other side of the table. To remedy the situation quickly Hermione thought it best to stop the conversation by prodding Ron and Harry to eat up. Well they had eaten enough she tugged them both out of their seats and ushered them out of the room.

It was probably best since Harry was blushing slightly, and Professor Snape had noticed the entire interlude.

x-x-x

Almost two hours later, Harry was on his broom in the air and Malfoy was beginning to seriously wear on his patience.

"So...Potter...how did the end of Potions go for you?" Draco taunted. "How did you get out of drinking the mess you brewed?"

"Bugger off Malfoy," Harry returned sweetly.

He scanned the stream of flying figures below, keeping half his attention on the fact that Slytherin had just elicited another goal and the other half on the still missing Snitch. So far the game was not going well for Gryffindor. In fact, Slytherin was leading seventy points to twenty.

The fact that Harry could feel Severus' intense eyes on him for every move he made did not lighten Harry's mood any. He wanted to end the game soon. He had enough of the day and he figured that this was a good time as any to call it a night.

Spotting something gold and glinting near the Gryffindor goal posts, Harry suddenly flew away with a burst of speed. Of course, Malfoy was beside him almost immediately.

"The Seekers seem to have spotted the Snitch! Wow, they really are going at it, aren't they? Bloody hell, they're going to smack right into the Gryffindor Keeper! Oy Ron, move mate, you're about to be smooshed!"

Harry didn't know if Seamus got the microphone tugged away at the obvious sidetracked commentating. Instead, barely a feet away from Ron's panicked face, Harry did a sharp dive and roll. He felt first a Bludger fly by his face and a Slytherin Chaser barely miss him as the Quaffle was caught.

Draco was nowhere in sight. He seemed to have chosen to stay exactly where he had pulled up sharply around the Gryffindor left goal.

That was just fine with Harry because right then he spotted the Snitch fluttering near the Slytherin stand at a height almost level with the ground. He sped up. Above him Draco spotted his mistake and went into a deep angled dive.

By the time they both made it to the other end the Snitch had disappeared again.

Harry swore continuously under his breath as he spiraled upwards, clearing his own dangerous path amidst the deadly aim of both Bludgers, the passing Quaffle and a swarm of Chasers. Harry didn't have to hear the Slytherin cheers to know that they had another goal.

Harry hovered and Draco hovered beside him.

"What are you? Suicidal?" Draco shouted in shock as he tried to catch his own breath.

Harry's eyes flashed eerily. "Wouldn't you think so?"

"Professor Snape may be a traitor, but I think he had the right idea when he offered to poison you," Draco glared as he regained his composure. "He's a great Head of House too. Maybe next time you should accept his offer."

Harry chose not to answer, but the words made him irrationally angry for some reason.

Instead of taking his anger out on Malfoy, he focused his attention on the Snitch he spotted at ground level again. With a look of challenge at Draco, Harry fell from the sky.

The plunge he took was so deep that the entire student body was on their feet with a unanimous gasp.

"Holy Merlin!" Was the only comment Seamus seemed capable of giving.

Harry was a blur, even to the other players. Draco had followed but with less speed. Anyway, he seemed to be taking up on the opportunity of the path that Harry cleared downward. By the time Harry pulled up, the Snitch was off again, but this time neither Seeker seemed in the mood to let it go.

They weaved among the other players with outstretched hands as they bumped each other out of the way. Once or twice they would get separated as Harry chose a direct path no matter what was ahead, while Draco tried his best to at least stay safe.

In the end they landed in a huge tangle of rolling and scrapes on the hard ground. Harry had glided but Draco had come hurtling into him. The crowd waited with bated breath.

Harry raised the Snitch up to them and the Gryffindors began to shout in happiness.

"The Snitch is caught and Gryffindor wins! The score is a brilliant -"

Harry never heard the score announced because Draco turned to him with a look of obvious disgust amidst a smirk.

"Well, at least you can do a bit of saving Potter. After all, it's the little things that count and we both know that escape convicts aren't little, are they? Where were your quick reflexes then? Huh Potter? Snitches are one thing but -"

Draco abruptly stopped speaking as his expression went from a smirk to a look of shock. He could have sworn that Harry Potter's green eyes had turned a dark shade of blood red. Before he could confirm this, Harry delivered to him a punch that no doubt gave the resounding crack of a broken bone.

It took only five minutes to wrench the two from each other's grasp as a full-blown fight broke out. By then all the professors were shouting, Draco was being held back by strong Slytherin arms and Harry was shouting incoherent words as he fought against Will, Ron, Seamus and Dean's grasps.

"Detention Mr. Potter, tonight with Professor Snape. You, Mr. Malfoy, will serve detention with me tonight. Fifty points each from your houses and Mr. Potter, another twenty because first, you should know better and second, you started the fight."

Professor McGonagall's voice was the only one that broke through the haze. Both boys immediately went both still and silent.

They both had to be levitated to the Hospital wing, because Draco's jaw was indeed broken and Harry had a few badly bruised ribs to show for it.

x-x-x

"Have you ever stopped breathing and couldn't remember how to start again?"

x-x-x

Harry walked down the corridor to Professor Snape's office at 10 pm fearing the worst and knowing he had every right.

Stopping outside the door he took a few long calming breaths. He had opted out of taking his potions, because he wanted to be coherent enough to deal with whatever punishment he was about to get. Thinking about them now, where he had left them in his drawer by his bed, he wondered if perhaps he hadn't made the wrong decision.

Before he had time to linger anymore, the office door flew open. He was violently pulled inside by invisible hands before hearing the door barely miss him behind as it closed with a resounding bang.

"What did you think you were doing out there on the Quidditch pitch?" Severus looked so murderous that Harry had a hard time meeting the professor's eyes.

"He was the one that started the fight! He made a clever comment about Snuffles," Harry returned just as angrily.

Severus stood up from where he had been behind his table to stand before Harry instead.

"So you thought it best to get violent before the entire student body. You may conveniently forget sometimes Potter, but I assure you that no one else forgets that you are a prefect at this school and should be setting the example for the other students. Is fighting your solution?"

"What do you know?" Harry glared. "You hated Padfoot just as much as Malfoy did."

"It doesn't matter now, does it? Sirius Black is never coming back and defending his memory at every turn does nothing to change this fact. You, on the other hand, are still alive and currently in a lot of trouble. You will remedy that situation by first cleaning the observation room in the Astronomy tower without magic, then you will return to brew that potion you did such a poor job of in class this morning. When you're done with that, perhaps you will be up to a bit of writing and in that case I want two parchment of lines before you return to your dorm tonight."

Harry literally felt his inside twist in pain as he stared in disbelief at his professor. He took a shaky step backwards into the door and couldn't remember how to form words again, especially since there was something blocking his throat and cutting off his air supply.

"You lied...to me," he managed softly. "You said you would try to work on your misgivings and be fair. What happened to being understanding and -"

"And what?" Snape took a few steps forward too, raising his hands to both sides of Harry's body, until Harry was securely trapped. "Didn't I tell you not to make me your glue? I taught you how to be independent again, what happened to that? Do you expect me to cuddle you now? Well Potter, we will return to our previous relationship as soon as you are able to exist on your own. The sooner the better."

"So this is it? You just resort to pushing me away every time I get too close for comfort?"

Severus smirked and Harry nodded slowly. "Okay...Professor Snape. The sooner I get better is the sooner you can return to your previous demeanour."

But Severus didn't remove his arms from beside Harry and he made no move to allow Harry space to flee. Instead he searched past the stormy green that hurt and anger had caused Harry's eyes to become.

And everything inside of him begged to kiss the pain away.

"Get out, before I do something we both regret," he murmured.

Harry slowly averted his eyes. "I'm not a child Severus. Why do you keep treating me like one?"

"You stupid boy," Severus whispered with a shake of his head, "Did it ever occur to you that that is exactly what I don't want. Did you ever think that maybe I don't want you to be a child? That I want you to be well again so that you take full credit for your actions? So that you understand what you do to -"

He backed away so suddenly that Harry felt the air that had been around them change from warm to cool.

"Just go Harry." Severus' face had become closed to Harry again. "Go somewhere far away where you don't get to...haunt...me anymore. We only have a month of the school year left before summer. Maybe if you stay away from me I can return to my proper senses."

"If that's what you wish Severus, then...alright," Harry nodded slowly to re-enforce his broken words.

He was out the door and into the empty corridor, heading for the Astronomy tower, long before Severus was able to see the tears he was fighting not to cry.

x-x-x

"Have you ever seen Death, standing before you and felt the icy coldness of his fingers, stroking your cheeks in comfort; whispering your hollowness away?"

Voldemort's hand cupped Harry's face gently in mock comfort. At the touch Harry's scar burned red and a thin stream of blood oozed slowly from it. The blood slid slowly down the side of Harry's face and merged with Voldemort's fingers.

"Welcome to the world that you dream," Voldemort said with an evil smile.

Harry whimpered but Voldemort's gaze seemed to hold and trap him within its intensity.

"I'm sorry Harry Potter, but you don't get to leave this time."

X-x-X