Quidditch in Bed

Your uniform
Discretion is the better part of valour - there is no need to be too flash with your cash. On the other hand, you do want to be the Firebolt amongst the Nimbus series. Take care to co-ordinate with your friends - you want to stand out just enough from your teammates, without actually playing a solo game. Your teammates are there to make you look good, just as you are there to play along with their individual duels. There should be a wide selection of models within your chosen teams - bluebottles, and shooting stars, as well as Silver Arrows, and the odd Nimbus.
Basic black robes are always a good place to begin. A word about transfiguring: don't. You risk having your clothes disappearing back into rags at an important juncture. Work within your means where you are able.
Your clothes should emphasise your best features. A generous cut at the waist can conceal a poor execution, however they should not impair a rapid about-turn. A 'torulus' charm can improve the way a robe falls, giving the illusion of a better figure. However, it cannot remove evidence of an excess of butterbeer.
Should you be flying solo, then ensure that you know your location, and the type of game that you will be playing.
Protective equipment may be advisable - good abdominal protectors can be made using a 'vesicarius' charm. These will protect against most assaults, whilst at the same time allowing friendly contact.
A good quidditch robe should differ from a standard robe in the following particulars - variety of places in which to hold a wand, numerous self-styling pockets to conceal your more bulky equipment. The cut should allow for easy movement, and if caught in an aerial entanglement allow for rapid egress.

Selecting your spells.
Potions that enhance your sporting prowess are available, but are not recommended in the spirit of good gamesmanship. Engorgement Charms, also known as viagra spells are dangerous, unless prescribed by a reputable medi-wizard. A good cushioning charm is very useful, especially if she wants to play rough with your broomstick. 'Lambricus’ is also a helpful charm for later in the gameplay.
'Orchideous' is always useful, but one is reminded of a wizard who found himself at the wrong end of a beater's bat, when he was misheard. 'Corollarium' is less likely to be misunderstood, but more likely to be mispronounced.
If one is unsure how regularly her broom has been ridden, then 'valetudinus'/valetudina' is a very useful spell for both of you. A pink glow indicates a broom that is in good shape, green indicates that you may need to get your broomsticks serviced. If you get a purple glow, then you should return to the manufacturer post-haste, and make sure you get a receipt.

Getting to the playing field.
Getting to a match can be tricky. A good floo-repellent on your face and cloak can save a great deal of embarrassment for the younger wizard. However this can have the disadvantage of a distinctive and persistent smell, which may be mistaken for broomstick wax. For the older wizard Apparition to somewhere in the vicinity of the match is advised. Landing on one's opposition is not a sensible course, and made induce penalties for stooging, or even a forfeiture of the entire match. A Port-key is an unnecessary extravagance for arriving at a date, although may make it a lot easier to exit from a particularly successful Porskoff ploy with grace and panache. WARNING: these should only be used where the individual is confident with his use of the charm, and should be wand-activated, rather than on a timer. This makes it a lot easier to evade opposition beaters. (See also Chapter 18 for advice on diversionary tactics).
Ensure that your witch knows where you will be meeting. If you are meeting at an unfamiliar location arrive in good time - referees tend to be upset by inconvenienced witches, and you may find your place on the team usurped.

Your Locker Room
Ensure that you have your own private locker-room available for the purposes for which you intend to employ it. It should be pleasantly fragranced, and the means for easy transfiguration should be at your disposal. Having a ready supply of Old Ogdens is always advisable, as is some good quality chocolates. Some Gillywater is also a good stand-by. When mildly inebriated, the opposition usually finds it hard to pass up a good quaffle.
Any copies of Quidditch Illustrated and other similar publications should be carefully concealed, as these may be misinterpreted by an otherwise understanding witch.
A coffin as a bed may give a wrong impression, and it is advised that you change this as rapidly as possible. Any cages that may be lying around should also be transformed.


Equipment Maintenance

Pre-match hygiene is important. You don't want to be letting the side down by poor turnout, or making your fellow-gryffindors pass out because of an excessive use of cologne.

Careful handling of your broom is also important. Make sure that the shaft is kept clean, and that the handle is washed thoroughly around all the crevices and folds.
Your twigs should also be kept clean. Some men may express a preference towards the way a woman's twigs are groomed. A good gryffindor should never venture to pass comment on these intimacies. Offering to 'groom her twigs' should be left until a lot later in the season.
Your broomstick should be checked regularly for jinxes and hexes. You, using the valetudinus charm, can do this quite easily. For interpretation of the results, please see your appendix.
You will also need to check for knots in the wood, and other changes in the appearance of the whole broom. This must be done regularly and manually. Poorly maintained brooms can be dangerous to both yourself and your fellow players.
Should you detect any problems the correct response is to do something about. Failing to visit a recognised medi-witch or wizard in these circumstances is a response worthy only of a slytherin.