The Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy: Aristocrat, Ne'er-do-Well, Rampant Homosexual

The Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy: Aristocrat, Ne'er-do-Well, Rampant Homosexual.

Chapter 15: 2^nd June - 18^th June

Thursday 3^rd June.

Dear Diary,

I've just got back from meeting with Harry. I'm actually quite relieved that we've had so much work to do recently, as it's prevented me from getting too nervous about the date. Not that I'm sure it even was a date.

I met Harry outside the Three Broomsticks at about six, and we found a relatively secluded table at the back. Harry was being quiet and awkward, and I didn't really know what to do. "What did you want to talk to me about, Harry?" I asked, after we'd ordered our drinks and cast a Privacy Spell on our table.

He smiled at me shyly. "Oh, you know. I guess I've just been missing you, that's all. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Ron and Hermione said that they've seen you wandering around the castle on your own, looking really miserable. Then Luna said that when she last saw you, you looked like you'd hardly been sleeping, and I overheard Crabbe and Goyle in the library talking about how you hardly eat anything these days and spend all your time writing depressing poems. I don't think they realised I was there. Draco... are you all right?"

Now, I can't say I wasn't pleased that the participators in Mission Harry/Draco had been very quick off the mark in conveying to Harry how miserable I was without him. Still, I do feel that they may have overdone it slightly. It's a testament to how angsty Harry can get that he believed any of it. Not to say that I haven't been miserable since the split, but... emo poetry? I don't think so.

"I'm okay, Harry," I said, smiling bravely. "I mean, it's just been really hard for me, not knowing what's going on between us. I feel so awful about the way I behaved before, and I want to do something to make it up to you and show how much you mean to me. Everything was so great when we were together and, now that it's gone, I feel so miserable." The sad thing is, I wasn't even exaggerating.

"Oh, Draco," Harry sighed. "I feel the same. God, why is this so hard?"

"It doesn't have to be," I said quietly, edging closer to him. "Harry, I want to show to you that I am completely dedicated to our relationship. I want to show you that you mean everything to me. I don't want to put you under any pressure or anything, but I really do want to make things work. I... I want to help you out with You Know Who. I've been talking it over with Pansy, and I'm willing to tell you anything you want to know. Not that I know much."

"You'd do that for me?" he asked.

"Of course! Harry, you know that I want you to win; I don't care about You Know Who! I don't think even my dad would mind too much - he's been a lot less pro-Dark Side since You Know Who started favouring Carrow. But as I said, I don't know very much. There was a meeting at our house over Easter. I know that the Death Eaters are all going through a phase where they're really into pavlovas, profiteroles, fishcakes and cucumber sandwiches. Apparently that's all they serve at any of the meetings lately. Oh, and You Know Who likes blondes. And he's really conscious of the fact that he's far less attractive than he used to be. He told me that his next meeting with you would be sooner than you think, but as far as I can tell, that's what he says every meeting. Well... that's about it," I finished lamely, well aware that I hadn't been able to tell Harry anything remotely useful.

I looked up to see that he was staring moodily into middle distance again, the breeze blowing through his hair. This confused me at first, until I realised that someone had left the door open, letting in a draught. "So," he said. "You think you've won, Voldemort. You think you know everything. Well, you counted against one thing: love. Your heart is cold and barren, untouched by human feeling. Well, I may not have your knowledge, but my true and stalwart heart will conquer in the end, and I will bring about the ruin of your nightmarish reign of terror."

"Um, Harry?" I said, reaching out to touch his arm.

He started. "What? Oh, sorry, was I soliloquising again?"

"A little bit. Don't worry, I like it. I think it's sexy."

He grinned and blushed, making my stomach flip over. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, drinking our Butterbeer, before he turned to me again. "By the way, you were right about Michael Prewitt. Hermione mentioned that you thought he was trying to flirt with me, but I thought you were just being paranoid again like with Justin. But then I went to meet him for a so-called revision session the other evening, to find him sitting on top of Flitwick's desk, wearing nothing but a big red bow covering his privates, asking me if I wanted to unwrap my present. I didn't know where to look! In the end I told him that I really wasn't interested and that I thought it best if we didn't study together any more. Um, Draco? You're kind of destroying that beer mat."

"I'm fine," I said through gritted teeth, letting the scrunched up mat fall back to the table. I'm definitely going to have to think of some horrible form of vengeance I can exact on Michael. Maybe an Acne Attack Hex on his arse.

As we were leaving, Harry handed me a small parcel. "This is for you. You didn't think I'd forget it was your birthday on Saturday, did you?"

The truth was that I had almost forgotten that it was my birthday on Saturday, what with everything else going on. I felt really touched that Harry had both remembered, and thought it worth his while to actually get me a gift. It made me go all shy. "Thank you, Harry," I said, blushing, and not quite able to meet his eye. "This is so sweet of you!" I opened the parcel to find that he had got me a beautiful silver dragon pin with emerald eyes, which actually tries to bite your finger if you poke it. "Oh, Harry, I love it!" I gasped. "Thank you so much!" I couldn't help myself. I threw my arms around his neck and hung on for dear life.

After a moment's hesitation, I felt him return the hug. "That's okay," he said quietly. "I'm really glad you like it."

We pulled away from each other a little and there was this moment when we were both looking into each others eyes, and I swear we were almost about to kiss. Harry moved in a fraction of an inch, and I half closed my eyes. I was so sure that it was going to happen, but then he started and stepped back away from me. "Right," he said shakily. "Um, well, it was really nice to, um, see you. We... we should probably get back to the castle. Loads of revision to do. Um, if I don't see you before, have a great birthday. Well... I... guess I'll see you soon. Bye!" With that, he practically sprinted back to the castle. Damn! I was so close!

Perhaps if I'd been able to give him better information about You Know Who, he would have snogged me. I mean, what the hell is he going to do with the stuff I've told him? Mock You Know Who at their next confrontation and laugh at his nose, in the hope that he breaks down in tears? Throw profiteroles at him? Distract him with a well-filled cucumber sandwich, then hit him with the Killing Curse before he has time to admire the cut-off crusts? Argh!

Monday 7^th June.

Dear Diary,

Well, the exams have started. It was Potions today, and I'm fairly sure that I did okay. We had a one hour paper, then we had two hours to brew two different potions - a Shrinking Potion and an Invigoration Draught. It went really well, except I very nearly forgot to add the dash of leech juice to the Shrinking Potion. I'm glad it's over, but to be honest, Potions is my best subject, so it can only go downhill from here.

My birthday went well. My parents took me out of school for the evening and we went to a really posh restaurant in London, where you pay about ten Galleons for a tiny salmon fillet garnished with an orchid. It was amazing! I wore the pin that Harry got for me. I really wish that he could have been there. Dad seemed a bit depressed because You Know Who had a special dinner party the other night and 'forgot' to invite him. Poor Dad. I think he's spent far too long being You Know Who's bitch, anyway. We Malfoys are too rich, beautiful and successful to be subordinate to anyone. Unless it results in an orgasm. And oh dear God, please do not let that have ever been the case with You Know Who and my father.

When I got back to Hogwarts later that evening, I found that my friends had thrown me a surprise party. They'd got the house-elves to make sushi and all these low-fat snacks, because they know I'm still on a diet. Greg had got hold of some Dr Filibuster's fireworks and some Butterbeer. Sadly, Pansy couldn't resist lowering the tone of the occasion by ordering me a giant penis-shaped sponge cake, which was brought in by a bunch of dwarfs wearing gold thongs. Ugh. However, I have to admit, the cake did turn out to be rather delicious. The party was strictly Slytherins only, but I still wish that Harry could have been there. Le sigh.

Oh God, I almost forgot. The most horrific thing happened to me last night.

As you can imagine, ever since Harry and I went on a break, I have been... slightly frustrated, shall we say. This has only been exacerbated by the fact that the two of us seem to be getting closer again, and we so nearly kissed the other night, before Harry freaked out. Anyway, as a result, it can hardly be surprising that I have been forced to indulge in a little... private time. So last night I was pretty nervous about the exams, and pretty frustrated about Harry, and felt the need to, you know, relieve myself. I was up to a really good bit in a rather sordid fantasy of mine, wherein Harry and I are doing all kinds of naughty things to each other in the Quidditch changing rooms. I'd just got to the part where Harry had stripped me of my uniform, and was doing some truly wicked things with his tongue, and it was starting to get really hot, when for some reason I opened my eyes. There was the Bloody Baron, hovering over the foot of my bed, staring down at me lecherously.

"AAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"Hello, Draco," he leered.

"What the hell are you doing?" I spluttered. "GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"

"Now, calm down, dear," he said. "There's no need to make a fuss. Isn't this what you wanted? Of course, I would have preferred it if I got to watch you with your boyfriend, but you on your own is just fine. Now, don't mind me, just carry on as you were. I know this is what you want."

"Oh my God," I whimpered. "No. No, no, no. Get out. Get out. Go away right now. Never ever do this to me again, you pervert!"

He rolled his eyes. "Fine, have it your way. Prude." He floated away.

"Draco?" I heard Theo call. "Are you okay? What happened?" I opened my curtains to see all the other boys in the dorm poking their heads out to see what was going on.

"It was the Bloody Baron," I said, too traumatised to not tell the truth. "I opened my eyes and he was hovering over my bed, watching me!"

"Watching you?" Greg said with a bemused frown. "Why, what were you doing?"

"...Nothing. That is, I was sleeping."

"Riiight," Theo said knowingly, grinning at the others. "'Sleeping.' Well, word of advice: next time you want to have a 'sleep', put an Impenetrable Charm on your curtains so you don't find yourself with an unwanted audience again."

"Poor thing," I heard Blaise mutter. "That's probably the only satisfaction he gets these days."

The tragic thing is that he's right. And now even that's ruined for me. If it wasn't enough that my sex life has gone down the drain, now I can't even have a wank without something ghastly happening. Why have I become such a misfortune magnet lately?

Wednesday 9^th June.

Dear Diary,

I had Arithmancy and Transfiguration today. I think it may have finished me off. Seriously, I can hardly hold my quill. I think it went okay. The only obvious error was that when I tried to Transfigure Pansy into a cat, she was still left with a blunt black fringe between her ears. She also still had a really sarcastic expression, but then most cats do, so hopefully I won't get marked down for that.

To be honest, I no longer have the energy to care. I just want to go to bed and sleep for a week. But I can't, because it's Defence Against the Dark Arts tomorrow and I need to go over my Counter Curses. Ugh.

Oh, before I forget or pass out from fatigue, I do have some other news to relate. Due to the slightly improved relations between Harry and myself, I've been trying as hard as I can to come up with a way of showing him how much I care and how much I really understand him. And yes, I know that I said I wasn't going to get him a gift, but I've had a really good idea for something I think Harry will love. And it won't be an attempt to buy him back. This is something I want him to have whether he decides to be with me or not. I won't say what it is just yet, in case it all goes horribly wrong (and let's face it, this is me we're talking about, so the chances of things going wrong are pretty high). Let's just say that I've set the wheels in motion, and I really hope that it works out!

Now please excuse me while I find a quiet corner to die in.

Thursday 10^th June.

Dear Diary,

Today went quite well, I think. First we had a theory paper where we had to say what we'd do in certain perilous situations or if we were faced with a particular dangerous magical creature. I got stuck on a couple, but I think it went well for the most part. Then we had a practical test where we ran through Detection Charms and Counter Curses. I did fine, except I think my Stupefying Spell was a bit too strong - I ended up smashing poor Theo into a wall and he had to go to the Hospital Wing before he could continue with his exam.

I could tell that Harry was doing really well. There were all these cheers and gasps of amazement from the Gryffindor end of the hall when it was his turn. Either he was doing really well or he was performing a striptease. Whatever it was, I wish I'd been there to see it.

I saw him as we went to dinner. He was looking really pleased with himself, and he smiled at me and gave me a thumbs-up, which I guess means he was happy with how things had gone. I wanted to talk to him afterwards, but I saw Hermione dragging him off to the library. I guess they had to revise for Herbology on Monday. Hmph. Stupid Herbology, getting in the way of sweet gay romance. I knew there was a reason I disliked Sprout beside her hideous fashion sense.

Monday 14^th June.

Dear Diary,

It's over! It's all over! No more exams - EVER! Huzzah!

I don't think I did terribly well today. I had to be rescued from some Devil's Snare, and I managed to lose one of my Bouncing Bulbs. I know there were things that I missed on the written test as well. My brain was pretty much fried by that point. Oh well, I was never that bothered about smelly old Herbology anyway.

Pansy and I are going into Hogsmeade later to have a little celebration party. I was going to invite Harry, but I couldn't find him anywhere after the exam. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to see him tomorrow. Vince and Greg would be coming too, but they still have Divination tomorrow to get through. Ha! That will teach them to have fancy, New Age ideas!

Pansy has persuaded me to ditch the diet for one night, and I have readily complied. Well, it is the end of school after all - I think I deserve a bit of a treat!

Later.

I don't know whose idea it was to make cookies the size of dinner plates, but I want to be their sex bitch. Yum!

Tuesday 15^th June.

Dear Diary,

Ah, the end of exams. Oh joy. It doesn't really feel real; I keep thinking I should be going off to the library to study. But I don't have to! I can relax! Huzzah!

Later.

God, I'm bored.

I don't have anything to do! I've read a bit, I've gone for a walk, I've colour-coded all my robes, and now there's nothing.

I wish Harry would get back to me. I sent him an owl earlier, asking him if he wanted to meet up, and no reply. I know that he's finished all his exams too, so what's with the friggin' delay? Hm. If he thinks that he can afford to just keep me hanging, he's got another thing coming. I know that I have a lot of making up to do as far as Harry's concerned, but that doesn't mean I am going to tolerate a diva attitude. I am the only diva in this relationship!

Maybe he didn't get the letter. Maybe my owl got waylaid. I wonder what he's doing. I'm going to try and find him.

Later.

Oh God, I'm actually a little bit worried now. I went up to the Tower in my quest to find Harry, only to be told by Dean that he hadn't been seen all day. Neither had Ron or Hermione. The last anyone saw of Harry was early this morning, when he had just got an urgent owl from Lupin, and had gone running off looking very concerned. What the hell is going on?

It's probably nothing to worry about. I'm sure that Harry is fine, and Lupin just wanted to talk to him about something unimportant. I'm sure he'll get back this evening and all this fuss will have been for nothing. Dean says that I'm free to wait for Harry in the Gryffindor common room, which is nice of him. Pansy's here too, trying to stop me from worrying too much.

Later.

Okay, it's now two in the morning, and Harry still isn't back yet. I went to go and find McGonagall earlier to ask if she knew what was happening, but apparently she's been called away on urgent business. I think the whole school knows that Harry is missing now. What the hell is going on?

Wednesday 16^th June.

Dear Diary,

It is now eight in the morning, and Harry, Ron and Hermione are still nowhere to be seen. Something horrible has happened, I can feel it. Oh, where are you, Harry? What if I never see him again? There was so much stuff that I never got to tell him. I hate that I managed to screw up the last couple of months we've had together. Please, please, bring Harry back.

Evening.

Harry is okay.

I've just got back from visiting him in the Hospital Wing, and he's going to be fine. I'm still slightly shaky, but at least I know that everything is going to get better now. Harry has finally defeated You Know Who!

It had got to about two in the afternoon, and I had reached the stage of hysteria where I was basically balled up in an armchair, rocking back and forth. Suddenly, Hermione came bursting into the common room with Ron in tow, shouting that everything was okay. As soon as I saw them, I leapt out of my chair to go and find out what had happened, but unfortunately I'd got my foot caught in my robes, and I fell flat on my face. I now have a very attractive carpet burn on my chin. Oh, and I didn't even have the presence of mind to perform a Memory Charm on everyone. Damn!

Pansy picked me up, and we struggled over to where Ron and Hermione were, elbowing excitable Gryffindor's out of the way. When Hermione saw me, she told me that Harry was going to be fine, but that he needed to stay the night in the Hospital Wing. As soon as I heard that, I was off at a run. I knew that I had to get in to see Harry, whether they tried to stop me or not.

Fortunately, when I cautiously opened the door of the ward, I saw that Madam Pomphrey was in her office. I caught sight of Harry lying in a bed near the window with a bandage across half his face, and my heart leapt. I went inside, quietly closing the door behind me. "Harry?"

He looked up. "Draco! What are you doing here? You'd better be careful - Pomphrey's told me I need to rest, and I don't think she'd stop at violence to ensure that she's obeyed."

I made my way over to the bed, getting a little teary-eyed, if truth be told. "Harry, I've been so worried! What the hell happened?"

"Oh, Draco, I'm so sorry you were scared," he said, holding out his arms towards me. "Come here."

I gratefully crawled onto the bed and snuggled up close to him. It felt so nice just to be held by Harry; I swear I am never going to bitch about cuddling again. "What were you doing?" I asked. "Was it You Know Who? What happened?"

"Yeah, it was Voldemort," he replied, raking his fingers through my hair. "I'd been expecting it for a while. For some reason, he always seems to pick June or July to do something really evil. Did you ever notice that? I think he always did it on purpose just to make me mess up my exams. He's gone, Draco."

"What?"

"He's gone. And it's all thanks to you, really. I got a letter from Lupin yesterday, telling me that they'd found out that the Death Eaters were planning a raid on the Ministry of Magic that night. It was the perfect opportunity to ambush Voldemort, so I got Ron and Hermione, and we left for London. I'm sorry I didn't let you know, but it was so important to keep it top secret. We spent the day with members of the Order, planning what we were going to do, then we went to the Ministry and hid ourselves. Voldemort turned up on his own, obviously wanting to take all the credit for the coup, and I confronted him. There was a bit of a fight, but I managed to escape most of the hexes he was throwing at me. In the end, I used Expelliarmus to get his wand off him, then I turned him into a giant pavlova."

"You turned You Know Who into a pavlova?"

"I'm good at Transfiguration," he said with a shrug. "I figured it was poetic justice. Anyway, everyone hid again, and a few minutes later all the Death Eaters showed up. 'Oh, look!' one of them said. 'A giant pavlova! Surely this is a sign of our master's triumph!' Then the idiots all set about eating the damn thing."

"They ate Voldemort?"

"Yup. Turns out that he was really bad pavlova. Not really surprising, if you ask me. Anyway, they were all immediately struck down with really severe gastric flu, and the Aurors were able to sweep in and arrest them all."

"Wow." A sudden thought occurred to me. "Harry... what about my dad?"

He looked awkward. "Oh, um, I'm sorry to tell you this, but... he hadn't been invited. I did ask about him, and there was this Death Eater with really bad highlights who, when he could stop vomiting long enough, told us that your dad was no longer considered important enough to be involved in this kind of important mission."

"Poor Dad," I sighed. "That bloody Carrow. Oh well, I'm glad that he's okay. I guess for once being out of the inner circle has worked to his advantage."

"I've really missed you, Blondie Pooh," Harry whispered. "It was scary, going off to fight Voldemort, with the chance that I might never see you again. Draco... I want to make things work."

I gave a cry of joy, and squeezed him really tightly, making him cry out in pain. I apologised profusely, and told him that I would work really hard to showing him that I could change for the better. The only thing is that he wants to take things slower this time around, just so that we don't make any more mistakes. This was a bit of a disappointment, as I had visions of us riding off into the sunset, ready to spend the rest of our lives together, but I'm willing to do whatever I have to to make Harry happy.

We would have carried on talking, but Madam Pomphrey came in and wasn't very happy to find a nubile blond sex god draped all over her star patient, and made me get out. Hmph. I promised to come and visit Harry again tomorrow, gave him a couple of kisses, and left.

I was looking forward to telling everyone what had happened, but it seems that Ron and Hermione had beaten me to it, and there's going to be a big party tonight to celebrate. Even the teachers are in on it - I overheard Flitwick asking Professor Vector if he could sneak in some Firewhiskey.

This is so strange - none of it quite feels real yet. I mean, You Know Who is gone! What the hell is Harry going to do with his life now? Oh God, I hope he doesn't let himself go, and spend all his time sitting in his underpants on the couch with a beer, reminiscing about his glory days. Then I'll come in from the kitchen in tears, telling him that he hasn't worked since he got fired from the Ministry for coming in drunk that time, and that the children need braces.

Oh, stop it, Draco! Harry is not going to turn into a slob, and you are not going to turn into a hysterical househusband! I really must stop ruining everything with these increasingly bizarre flights of fancy.

Friday 17^th June.

Dear Diary,

I'm sitting in the old stables at the back of the school right now, where they keep the carriages that take us to the station and back. The reason for this slightly strange choice of location is that my present for Harry is finally ready.

I was so scared that it wouldn't work out but, now that it has, I feel like I can write about it without jinxing myself. Harry is always talking about his Godfather, Sirius, and how much he misses him. Now, he told me once that Sirius used to ride a big, flying motorbike, so I thought that it would be really nice for Harry to have one of his own. It cost a lot of money, and I had to do quite a bit of cajoling and light bribery, because it could technically fall under the category of a misused Muggle object. I had to convince everyone that Harry would never let a Muggle anywhere near it and that it would be perfectly safe. And now it's finally here!

I braved the horrors of Hagrid's hut earlier, because I wanted to ask him if I could keep the bike in the stables. He said that of course I could, and he even offered to test drive it for me to make sure that it was safe for Harry, which was pretty decent of him.

The bike looks really cool. I really hope Harry likes it! He was let out of the Hospital Wing today, and I sent him an owl asking him to meet me here. He should be here in a couple of minutes. Everyone was making such a fuss of him, so I've hardly seen him all day. This is stupid. Why am I so nervous? Of course Harry is going to like it. Right?

Gah! Someone's coming! It's Harry! Okay, wish me luck. I really hope that tonight goes well!