The Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy: Aristocrat, Ne'er-do-Well, Rampant Homosexual

The Secret Diary of Draco Malfoy: Aristocrat, Ne'er-do-Well, Rampant Homosexual.

Chapter 14: May 17^th - June 1^st

Monday 17^th May.

Dear Diary,

I'm back at school for the last ever term. I have exactly two-and-a-half months to prove to Harry that I have turned over a new leaf and that I am someone he can rely on. I'm not going to panic. I am going to remain cool, calm and collected. The important thing to remember is that Harry still loves me, which will work massively in my favour. On the other hand, he said that it would be a lot easier if he didn't.

I saw him briefly at lunch. He just gave me a weird, tight smile and looked away. Then we had Potions last thing, and he didn't look at me once. Granger glared at me a few times, but that was it. Maybe he's actually trying to stop loving me. Maybe he only said that he still loves me to spare my feelings.

I am not panicking.

Oh, please, please let Harry take me back! I know that I've been a complete idiot, but I'll make it up to him somehow! Please let him give me another chance, I don't want to be alone! PLEASE FORGIVE ME HARRY!!!!

I'm not panicking. Calm. Calm, calm, calm.

Tuesday 18^th May.

Dear Diary,

I saw Harry briefly today, and I have to admit that our meeting hasn't exactly filled me with confidence. I'd really wanted to talk to him ever since yesterday, but we didn't have any classes together and he wasn't at any of the meals. I was starting to get a bit worried, but then I saw him walking by the lake with Ron. Seeing my chance, I started to run after him.

"Harry!" I yelled, my arms flailing inelegantly (I never did learn to run like a man). "Haaaaaaarryyyyyyy!"

He looked round in shock. In fact, I think that everyone in a one-mile vicinity was probably looking round in shock. Oh well; Harry is far more important to me than my inner poise.

Ron immediately scowled and folded his arms. "What the hell do you want, Malfoy?"

"I want... to talk to Harry," I panted, very red in the face.

Ron looked nervously at his friend. "Um, do you want me to stick around?"

"It's okay, Ron," Harry said quietly. "Draco, lets go over by the broom shed, we'll have a bit of privacy there. Ron, I'll meet you back at the tower; I won't be too long."

Harry walked away and I hurried after him, feeling like a naughty schoolboy about to be given detention. But unfortunately, not in a sexy way. As soon as we were in relative privacy, Harry turned round and looked at me. "So," he said. "What did you want to talk about?"

It was horrible. There was just this weird distance between us which had never been there before, even when we were enemies. Harry had this wary look in his eyes, almost as if he wanted to escape. "What's going on, Harry?" I said. "You said that we were just going to be on a break and that we could still talk, but you've been avoiding me ever since we got back to school. Is this your way of telling me that it's over?" To my horror, I felt that I was about to cry, and desperately tried to cover it up. Sadly, this just meant that my voice went all high and jerky, and I must have looked like I was having some kind of fit. "I. Know I. Screwed up. Ha-Harry, but I. Deserve to. Know what's. Going o-on!" Then my whole face screwed up and I started bawling, right there in the middle of the grounds. I could hear the wailing getting louder and louder, but there wasn't anything I could do about it.

Harry looked really uncomfortable. "Oh God, Draco, don't cry! Um... there, there. Look, um, I'm really sorry; I shouldn't have just shut you out like that. Oh, please stop! Come on, buck up! You're okay!" He punched me softly on the arm, in the way that boys always do when they're feeling really awkward about something.

I snivelled and wiped my face on the sleeve of my school robes, trying to regain some of my composure. "Sorry," I hiccupped.

"That's okay," Harry replied, looking very relieved that I'd stopped sobbing, and glancing around to make sure that I hadn't drawn too much attention. "Look... I really am sorry. I shouldn't have avoided you like that. The thing is, I'm still not entirely sure what to do, and it's so difficult to be around you."

"Because seeing me just reminds you of how much grief I've put you through and how easy your life would be without me," I said morosely.

"No," he replied. "Because whenever I see you it just makes me want to forget everything that happened and take you in my arms again. And I'm not sure that that's the best idea."

Once more, I found myself trying to resist turning into goo at Harry's feet. He is so infuriating - he can always be relied upon to say something utterly wonderful which completely breaks your heart at the same time. "Harry... I'm really sorry."

"I know you are. I'm sorry too. Just... give me a bit of time, okay? There's a lot going on right now, and I need to think things through. Can you do that for me?"

Well, what option did I have? I couldn't very well turn to him and say, 'No actually, I think that sucks! I want you to decide that you still want to be with me right this minute, and then take my behind the broom shed and shag me senseless.' I was the guilty party and therefore I have to take my lumps. But I'm a Malfoy, dammit! I am not used to not getting what I want, especially when I've actually apologised for messing up and everything! But I really love Harry, so I said that of course I could give him the space he needs.

AAAAAARRGGHHH!!! I am so frustrated! And I feel like I have no right to be frustrated, because I'm the one who got me into this mess in the first place. But still! AAAARGH! Doom! DOOOOOOM!

Pansy's making me stop writing. She says that as I was making this entry my face was getting redder and redder, and I was starting to pull really weird expressions. Hmph. I can't help it if I wear my emotions on my sleeve. Nobody understands me.

Friday 21^st May.

Dear Diary,

Blaise has just told me something really horrible. I don't want to believe it because Blaise is a knob-head and I wouldn't put it past him to say something just to upset me. But then again - as I know only too well from bitter experience - sometimes he does tell the truth.

He said that Harry has started seeing a sixth year Ravenclaw boy called Michael Prewitt. Michael Prewitt has big blue eyes and silky brown hair, and is a very pretty boy. He and Blaise had a brief fling last term. God, I really don't want to believe it. I mean, Harry would have told me if he'd met someone else, right? Unless he's doing it for revenge. But he wouldn't, would he? No, I can't believe it. But what if it's true? I mean, he's already proven that he likes really attractive men. Argh! Why is it that everyone is after my Harry? Are there no straight men at this school? Merlin, no wonder the wizarding population is dying out.

Bloody Pansy. I told her what Blaise had said and was basically pouring my heart out to her, and she just sarcastically asked me if I wanted her to go and fetch my smelling salts and a soft pillow for me to lie on.

"You know, you might have a little more consideration for the fact that I am very upset!" I huffed, glaring up at her from the sofa I'd thrown myself upon in my agony.

"Oh really," she said, shoving me over inelegantly so she could sit down. "You know it isn't true. I don't understand how you always manage to create these huge dramas out of nothing! Harry just declared his undying love to you a couple of days ago; he's hardly going to go off with someone else. He isn't the type. Besides, after all the grief you've given him, I can't see him wanting to get romantically involved again for a loooooong time."

What a comfort she is. Still, I suppose she's right. I'm sure that nothing's going on with Harry and Michael. Nevertheless, I think that some good old-fashioned stalking might be in order, just to make sure. Ah, it's just like old times...

Saturday 22^nd May.

Dear Diary,

Oooh, I could just spit! I am so angry! I haven't been this mad since Dad confiscated my Madonna records because he didn't like me listening to Muggle music. Somehow, I don't think that throwing all my clothes out of a window, ripping my bed sheets apart and screaming until I'm blue in the face will have the same clout this time around. Hard to believe it I know, but I was quite a brat when I was eight.

I've spent the day trying to track down Harry, and put an end once and for all to the monstrous supposition that he is somehow involved with Michael Prewitt. I think that I might make a really good spy, actually. I really enjoyed following Harry around and making notes of everything he did. Hmm... come to think of it, does that mean I'm a sociopath?

Anyway, imagine my outrage when, at exactly 5:17 pm, Harry was walking along the Charms corridor and Prewitt came skipping up to him, batting his eyelashes and smiling flirtatiously. "Hello, Harry," he purred.

"Hey, Michael," Harry replied easily. "How are you getting on with those defensive spells?"

Michael bit his lip, looking every inch the damsel in distress. What is the male equivalent of damsel? Damson? No, that can't be right. Whatever; he looked like a pathetic wet rag. "Oh, Harry," he sighed. "I don't know. It's going a bit better I guess, but I can't seem to get the hang of the wand movements. I'm just so scared that I'm going to fail this year. Those private tutorials have been really helpful." He looked up through his eyelashes. "Do you think you could give me a bit more help with my wand, Harry?"

THAT LITTLE TWO-BIT TRAMP!!!

I immediately saw what his plan was. Sadly, the same could not be said for Harry. "Of course I can!" he replied brightly. "To be honest, going over it with you is going to really help me out with my own revision. I'll need to get top marks in Defence if I want to be an Auror. How's tomorrow? You want to meet in the Transfiguration classroom again?"

"Oh, that would be wonderful," Michael replied, rubbing his paw up my sort-of-boyfriend's arm. "Should I bring some food? Then we could have a picnic."

Harry grinned. "That sounds great! I'll see you there at around eight, then." He walked off, completely innocent of the fact that he was playing straight into the Ravenclaw's hands. I can see why Michael and Blaise hit it off, actually.

I was concealed behind a suit of armour throughout the conversation, and I'd been biting onto my sleeve to stop myself from making a noise. I was so angry that I was actually feeling dizzy. I have to say that I was sorely tempted to jump out and start screaming at them both, but I had to bear in mind that I needed to convince Harry of what a low-maintenance boyfriend I could be. But, I reasoned, there could be no harm in intimidating Michael a bit. I stepped out from my hiding place as he passed, and was satisfied to see him jump and look slightly alarmed.

"What the hell do you think you are doing, Prewitt?" I hissed.

"Malfoy?" He attempted to sneer, which was a stupid thing to do, seeing as he was in the presence of a lip-curling proficient. "Were you spying on us?"

"I don't know. Were you attempting to come on to my boyfriend?" I snarled.

"Boyfriend?" he replied. "Word has it that you and Harry are on a break. I'd say that he's fair game, wouldn't you? You can't blame me for trying. See, I figured that I'd show Harry how sweet I could be, and he'll soon realise that I'd be a much better boyfriend than someone who gets drunk and cheats on him."

I coloured. "Why you... how could... what... You devious little tart! You're a Ravenclaw; you're not supposed to scheme! That's Slytherin prerogative!"

"Oh, Ravenclaws can scheme," he replied airily. "We're just a lot cleverer about it than you are. See you, Malfoy." He minced off.

I was too angry to do anything for a couple of seconds except gape unattractively like a goldfish at Michael's retreating back. Then I kicked the suit of armour. Unfortunately, it then decided to kick me back, and I was forced to run away. After all, it was made of metal and I bruise easily.

Once I got back to the dungeons, my mood was pretty murderous. "What's the matter, Draco?" Greg said anxiously, as I burst into our dorm room. "You're flouncing again."

I threw myself onto my bed and screamed into my pillow a couple of times, which calmed me down enough so that I could relate the whole sordid tale to Greg. He was very sympathetic, but then made the mistake of pointing out that I did exactly the same thing Michael is doing when Harry was having problems with Blaise. I started throwing things at him, and he said that he'd better leave until I'd calmed down. This is completely different from the thing with Blaise. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! Oh, how could things have gone so horribly wrong?

Wednesday 26^th May.

Dear Diary,

I've been going over my past entries, and I couldn't help but realise that I can be... a little self-involved at times. I asked Pansy about it and she denied it, but I couldn't help but notice that she didn't quite meet my eyes. Am I self-obsessed? Is that a bad thing? Is that what caused me to screw things up with Harry? Merlin, now I'm obsessing about whether I'm self-obsessed.

Later.

Hm. I've actually had quite an interesting day today. I was studying in the library after class with Theo, when I noticed Granger sitting at one of the desks with what had to be about fifty books. Luna Lovegood was sitting opposite her, drawing a picture of what looked like a many-legged whale, and smiling dreamily, not seeming to show any concern that the exams are just a week or so away.

Seeing an opportunity to glean some information about Harry, I gave Theo an excuse about wanting to look at one of Granger's books, and made my way over there. "Granger?" I said as I drew level with their table. She continued to read avidly, chewing the end of her quill. "Granger?" I said again. "Granger!"

She looked up with a start, but when her eyes focussed on me, she scowled. "What do you want?"

I couldn't help but be a little hurt, despite the fact that I've never exactly coveted Granger's good opinion. "I want to talk to you about Harry," I said, plonking myself down in the spare seat and daring her to tell me to leave. I looked over at Luna, who gave me a small smile.

Granger sighed. "Oh, all right. It would be more effort to try and get rid of you anyway. Though I have to say that I'm not exactly keen to help you out, considering how much you've upset one of my best friends."

"I know," I sighed. "Trust me; you cannot make me feel worse about it than I already do. I just miss Harry so much and I want to prove to him that I can be better, but it's so hard when I hardly ever see him."

She bit her lip. "Okay. I'll give you a five minute slot. You have from now until six-thirty-seven exactly to state your case. But that's all, because I have a very strict schedule, and I need to do at least fifty minutes of Herbology revision before dinner. Go!"

Wow, Granger is craaaaazy! "Um, okay," I said nervously. "Well, I know where I was going wrong before, and I know that I need to prove to Harry that I can be trusted and that I'll always be honest with him, but how can I do that if we're never together? I just can't seem to do anything right. And now I've got that little slut Michael Prewitt breathing down my neck, trying to steal Harry's affection, and I--"

"Wait... what?" she interrupted. I told her what I'd found out the other day, and that I was scared Harry would start to want Michael instead. She looked thoughtful for a few seconds, then said, "I don't think you have anything to worry about. Harry might be oblivious to people flirting with him, but I don't think he'd be interested in Michael, even if he did know what was going on. See, before the two of you got together, he was always mentioning your name or smiling whenever he saw you, and he never does that with Michael. To be honest, I think that finding a new romantic interest is the last thing on Harry's mind right now. As for what you can do to make it up to him... you can't actually do anything. He knows that you want to compensate for what you did, you just need to let him decide whether he wants to take that risk."

"But, Hermione, surely there's something you can do to help me?"

She looked at me sceptically. "I don't know. I'd have to think about it. Now I'm sorry, but you're allotted time has expired. Kindly be quiet now and let me study. I'll let you know at dinner whether or not I am willing to acquiesce to your request." She disappeared behind her book once more.

I turned my attention to Luna. "Hey, where's Ginny?"

"Playing Quidditch with Harry, Ron and some of the other Gryffindors," she said, scrutinising me closely.

"What are you drawing?" I asked, starting to get a bit self-conscious.

"Oh, this is a Blue-Horned Snargle. They're really rare, and they have the ability to turn inside-out when people come near so that they look like big rocks. We ran an article about them in The Quibbler last month."

"Wow... they sound... interesting."

"Thank you!" she replied brightly. "Some people might doubt that they exist," she said, glancing coolly at Hermione, "but then, I expect that some people didn't believe in unicorns or Portkeys before they found out they were a witch." She turned back to me. "You know, I think that you and Harry should be together. I'll help you out."

"Thank you!" I said, genuinely grateful for her support, even though she is about ten buckets of crazy. "It's a shame that you're the only one who thinks so."

"Oh, don't be fooled by her," Luna said, leaning in conspiratorially. "Ginny's told me that she and Ron are desperate to get you two back together, because Harry's been so unbearable to be around since you broke up. They didn't want to lose face though, so they've been hoping that you'd approach them. You watch; she'll be more than willing to help you out."

Sure enough, as we were leaving the library, Hermione turned towards me. "Draco, I've given it some thought, and I suppose I can help you with Harry. We'll meet tomorrow after the final class of the day in the Arithmancy classroom. Bring your friends if you want."

"Thank you, Granger," I replied, deciding to humour her while sharing a knowing grin with Luna behind her back. "That's very kind of you."

Once she had gone, Luna and I went to the Great Hall together. "See?" she said. "What did I tell you? Oh, and I wouldn't worry about Michael. He's in my house, and I know for a fact that he's actually a sand-kelpie in disguise. And you know what that means, don't you?"

"Um... no?"

"It means that he has scales covering his genitalia, of course! Really, you should have listened more in Care of Magical Creatures." With that, she skipped off, humming a Quidditch song. Interesting girl, that.

Thursday 27^th May.

Dear Diary,

Today was really good.

I turned up at the Arithmancy classroom after last period as planned, accompanied by Pansy, Vince and Greg. Ron, Hermione, Luna and Dean were already there.

"Right, let's get started, shall we?" Hermione said, affecting her very best Professor McGonagall impression. "Draco has approached us, asking for our help in reconciling him with Harry and, while I'm not entirely sure that it's a good idea, I am willing--"

"Oh, cut the bull, Hermione," Ron interrupted. "I don't care; I have no energy left for pride. I'm desperate. Draco," he turned to me with wild eyes. "I cannot stress this enough: you two have to get back together. I cannot take it any more! Do you know what it's like being around him now? Seriously, I know he's the Saviour of the Wizarding World and we need him to get rid of You Know Who, but if something isn't done soon I am actually going to kill Harry myself! The big, melodramatic speeches! The incessant angsty music! The hours spent watching him stare moodily into space! I can't cope! He spent the entire Easter holiday staring out of the window at the rain. And when it was sunny, he'd turn the shower on and stare at that instead! We'd be eating dinner, then he'd suddenly say, 'Oh, Draco really likes roasted parsnips,' and he'd spend the rest of the meal gazing sadly at the serving dishes. Only yesterday, when a few of us were having a friendly game of Quidditch, he spent so long staring angstily into the sunset with the wind blowing through his hair, that he got hit by the Quaffle and fell off his broom! Oh, and the questions! The constant, never-ending questions! 'Should I be with Draco? Are we right together? Does he really love me? What should I do, Ron, what should I do?' HE DOESN'T CARE WHAT I THINK HE SHOULD DO! IF HE DID, HE'D STOP ASKING THE BLOODY QUESTIONS! Draco! You have to win him back!" He clutched desperately at the collar of my robe.

"Ron, it's all right!" Hermione said, pulling him away. "I know it's been hard for all of us, but you cannot lose your head now." She addressed the room at large. "You can see that the situation is getting desperate. Something clearly has to be done. Now, Ginny, Seamus and Neville have offered to have a study session with Harry to keep him out of the way, so we have exactly one hour to join our forces and decide how we're going to get these boys back together."

"You know, I'm really glad that something is finally being done; Draco hasn't exactly been a joy to be around either," Pansy said. "There are times when I would have happily throttled him to shut him up about Harry. It's evident that they're never going to sort it out on their own, so I think it's in all of our best interests to do something ourselves." Charming.

"Well," said Dean, "Clearly Draco needs to prove to Harry that he can be trusted. But the problem is persuading Harry to give their relationship another chance, because Draco can't very well prove anything if they're not together. Harry needs to feel that the risk is definitely going to be worth it."

"Why don't I fake my own death?" I suggested. "Then Harry would feel awful that we hadn't made up, and when it turned out I wasn't dead, he'd be so relieved that he'd immediately want to get back together."

"Draco, that's insane!" Pansy protested. "Why do you always suggest faking your own death every time you have a problem? It would never work! Besides, Potter would find out that you tricked him, and it would make everything worse."

"Well, why doesn't Draco save Harry's life?" Ron said. "I mean, we could arrange it so that Harry is in some form of life-threatening peril. You know, someone could push him off the top of the Astronomy Tower, or poison his dinner. Then Draco would come along and save the day!"

"But what if he screws it up?" Vince interjected. "No, Draco should be the one in life-threatening peril, then Harry could save him."

"What?" Hermione exclaimed. "Why does anyone have to be in life-threatening peril? This is stupid! Come on, we need to come up with something that is actually going to work!"

"Well," Luna said, "why don't we play to Harry's hero complex? I mean, Draco wouldn't actually have to be in any danger, but maybe if people start mentioning around Harry how miserable Draco is and how much he's suffering, it will make Harry want to make everything right."

"There you go!" Hermione cried. "I'm glad to see that somebody came to work this afternoon. Right, what else?"

"We-ell," Pansy said slowly. "What is Harry's main goal in life? To beat You Know Who, right? And I'm willing to bet that Draco could get hold of a load of insider information about him. So why doesn't Draco start telling you lot what he knows, in case there's anything that might betray any of You Know Who's weaknesses? I mean, if that doesn't prove that he's trustworthy, nothing will."

Everyone really liked this idea. I suppose Pansy does have her moments of genius. I readily agreed to the plan, although I couldn't think of anything I knew about You Know Who except that he likes blondes and isn't adverse to a bit of pavlova.

Once this had been decided on, Hermione assured me once again that Harry wasn't interested in Michael Prewitt - she asked him about it last night and Harry said he was only helping Michael with his Defence revision to be nice. "You see?" she said. "Not everybody's influenced by looks."

"No," Ron muttered. "Because your crush on Professor Lockhart was based entirely on his intellectual prowess."

She blushed. "That was five years ago!"

"I never saw the appeal of Lockhart myself," Pansy said. "I did have a bit of a thing for Lupin, though."

"Pansy!" I protested.

"I know, but he was so mysterious. And then when I found out he was a werewolf, it gave him such an air of danger..."

"I always quite liked Professor Sinistra," Luna added.

"Ooh, yeah, she's nice," Ron agreed enthusiastically. "I like her hair."

Dean started laughing. "Imagine doing it with Professor Sprout!"

"Eeeewww!" everyone protested.

"Or Filch!"

"EEEEEWWWWW!"

Luna started cackling insanely. "Hahaha! Oh, I think that Filch would be really into weird bondage stuff. You know how he's always going on about how he wished they'd bring back manacles and flogging at Hogwarts!"

"I heard that he always used to sneak down to the boys' changing rooms to spy on them getting into their Quidditch uniform, until McGonagall found out and put a stop to it," Greg shuddered.

"Doesn't surprise me at all," Luna said breezily. "You can just imagine him, can't you? All those poor little boys tied up in his dungeon, and him walking behind them, trussed up in leather, trailing a whip, and saying 'Now, which one's first for a floggin'?' Haha! My father heard that when Filch was young he was caught trying to train a team of Horklumps to steal millions from Gringotts, so it's hardly surprising that he's turned out bad.'

I didn't really enjoy the relish with which she recounted Filch's possible sexual transgressions. I'm rather glad that Luna is a woman, actually. And a lesbian. Hermione, meanwhile, looked like she was having some kind of seizure over the claims about Filch's criminal past. Ron was patting her hand soothingly and making shushing noises.

We chatted for a bit longer - mostly about the terror of the impending exams - then we left for dinner, feeling satisfied that Mission Harry/Draco was underway.

"So," I said to Pansy as we sat at the Slytherin table, finally able to voice the question which had been niggling at me for a while but couldn't be discussed in front of so many biased Gryffindors. "Professor Snape: would you or wouldn't you?"

"Well," she replied, shooting a furtive glance at the staff table. "You'd sort of have to."

Monday 31^st May.

Dear Diary,

Huzzah! I think the plan is starting to work! Harry was smiling at me whenever we saw each other at the weekend, and I've just got an owl from him asking if I want to meet for a drink in Hogsmeade on Thursday! Draco Malfoy is back in the game! Perhaps my fate as a crazy old cat man isn't so sealed after all.