An Unlikely Coven

*

Linda Potter sighed, and slammed her father's ancient, decript copy of Unfogging The Future on a small coffee table.

"Perri, I can't see a damned thing. I feel like I'm looking into a diseased fishbowl, with all this smoke! I expect to see some goldfish floating belly-up near the top, for God's sake."

"Linda," Persephone Longbottom replied wearily, "it's really not that hard. You look into the bloody crystal ball, and tell me what you see."

Linda tore her eyes from the translucent sphere, and turned to face Persephone. "That's precisely it! I don't see anything! I see smog and clouds, nothing more. And unless I'm seeing the city of Los Angeles, circa 1995, I can't tell you what's there!"

Joey Malfoy looked up from the book he was thumbing through, and looked at Linda pointedly. "I dunno, Linda, you always wanted to see California."

"Well, Malfoy, I bet there're some things that you've always wanted to see, but God knows you're never going to." Linda smirked.

Bobby Weasley leaned over, and looked at the title of Joey's reading material. "Joey, we're at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Where the hell did you find Peyton Place?"

"Um....." Joey, blushing, was at a loss for words.

Linda laughed. "Probably had it hidden in his suitcase, and it came over along with it. Since when are you a Jacquelyn Susann fan, Malfoy?"

Bobby snickered. "Of course, our little pal here is probably just reading, you know. Fantasizing-"

"Dudes! Shut UP!" Joey yelled, quickly making the book vanish. However, he couldn't escape Linda and Bobby's taunts.

Persephone groaned. "How is it that you three're supposed to be the most powerful coven in the world, but you can't even sit in the same room with each other for fifteen minutes without trying to commit murder? Linda, you can't even see into a crystal ball!"

Joey grinned, glad to have the heat off him. "Yeah, Potter. You're supposed to be our friggin' leader, after all. Come on, even I can see what's for breakfast tomorrow morning, at least, and I suck!"

Linda ignored him. "I don't know, really. All I know is what the Sorting Hat told me, and, as I distinctly recall, I'm not exactly destined to be a brilliant divinator." Linda stood up, and drew in a deep breath of heavily perfumed air. "Speaking of brilliant divinators, where is your mother?"

Persephone snickered. "She's in her room, dyeing her hair. She swears she saw a gray spot this morning, and she doesn't think that the paulis mitchellis spell works nearly as well as her faithful bottle of Clairol. After that, though, I think she's planning on joining the rest of the adults in Diagon Alley. Can you believe that they're just going to tell the Minister now about all this?"

A creak was audible from the floor, and Kaites Patil slowly came up through the crawlspace. "As I heard the words 'paulis mitchellis', I could only assume that you were speaking of my most esteemed parental unit." She walked across the Tower room, and flopped down into a cushy armchair.

"What color is it going to be?" Bobby asked Persephone timidly.

Linda groaned inwardly. Kid's been here for two weeks, and still can't look her in the eye, she thought.

Persephone sighed, and kicked off her combat boots. "Platinum blonde. What other color would she even think of dyeing it? It's been like that for as long as I've known her."

"Forget that- it's been like that since we were born," Kaites interjected. "I was there most of the time, remember?" She picked up one half of her twin's signature footwear. "Good Lord, Perri, exactly what size foot do you have?"

"Thirteen and a half," Persephone replied proudly. "And still growing."

"How is it that you two are twins, and have a nine-size difference in shoes?" Joey asked incredulously.

Kaites shrugged. "I really have no idea. But it's a little unnatural for a five-foot-seven girl to have a size four foot, don't you think?" She looked at her child-sized hiking sandals curiously.

Linda stood up, and yawned. "Listen, guys, it's been a long day. Snape made me brew a Confusing Concoction, and the fumes somehow forced me to go up to the Astronomy Tower. Rather interesting, really....."

"Oooh, is perfect Linda Potter finding that she's less than spectacular at something?" Joey teased.

Linda glared at him. "Shut up. In case you're forgetting, Sherlock, I can't see into that damned fishbowl over there. It's seven o' clock..... I've got to go to bed." She yawned again. "See? I really am tired."

"All right, kid," Joey replied. "Go get your beauty rest."

"Well, thank you oh-so-very-much for excusing me, Master," Linda responded, curtsying mockingly. She rolled her eyes, and started down the hole in the floor.

Walking down the twisting, turning stairwells back to Gryffindor Tower, Linda thought about the last two weeks.

God, how much has changed! Let's see, two weeks ago, to this very day.....

Yes, that's it. Wednesday, July 13. The day before I found out I was a witch. What did I do that day? Oh, yeah. Rolled out of bed around eleven, woke Joey up for work, scooped ice cream for five hours, got home, went for a run, and watched some SNL reruns on Comedy Central. Your typical summer day, for your typical fifteen year old girl.

However, I don't know if I've ever been able to be considered a 'normal' girl. Maybe I could before. If you looked past the grades, and the sport records, and the musical ability, you could see the basis of it all: a short, pale kid, with bad eyesight, a few pimples, and way too much hair. Geeky, yes. Nerdy, yes. But normal, yes. Hell, even if you add the rest on, I could still have been pegged as 'normal'. But now.....

Hell, it's all different. Not that it's all bad. But..... it's really just another thing that sets me apart from everyone and everything else. Great. Just what I need- another 'special' feature, to set me aside even more. Put me up higher.

You know what sucks about being on a pedestal? What really, truly, down-and-dirty bites about being so damn perfect to 99 44/100% of the population?

It just makes it a hell of a lot easier for people to pick you out and try to knock you down.

"Oh my God, Linda only got a 95 on her test? Alert the press!" or, "Hey, Linda, you let a goal in? Wow, that's not like you." and, "Well, Linda, you almost beat the Suffolk County 400-meter record. Almost. I thought for sure you'd do it."

Oh, can't forget my favorite.

"First flute, second chair at New England Orchestra? Who's first?"

God, sometimes I wish I was mediocre. At least now I have an actual explanation for why I can do the things I do, why I can accomplish the things I can accomplish.

It really wasn't me after all. It was just the magic. I'm not really as good as everyone thinks I am. I feel like I've been cheating everyone.

Wait, no. I feel like I've been cheated.

You know, through it all, it made me feel better, knowing that even though I was picked on, even though I was so disgustingly good at everything, that I really earned it. That I worked hard to get where I was. That although I was teased, and people gave me awful looks, that I did it, all by myself, and I deserved my status.

But it wasn't. It really must have been the magic, all the time. I knew that there just had to be something else there, besides talent.

It took the supernatural to get me where I am.

I knew that no one could ever be that perfect.

Damn.

Well, at least I'm not the only one in this predicament. Bobby and Joey are here, right along with me, experiencing everything.

But still, somehow, it's different. Why, oh why, do I have to be the most powerful one? The Chosen One? God, that sounds awfully familiar. Where's that from, I wonder?

Oh. Yeah. 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. Every Thursday night at nine o'clock on Nick at Nite. Damn good show. Anyway.

Really, though. Why is it that I have to be the leader? The most talented? Why am I the one considered to be best suited? I don't think I am.

Bobby's intelligent, and he's not afraid of anything. Well, I don't think Persephone Longbottom counts in this case. I mean, look at him! He didn't even flinch at going right ahead and just going to London, wasn't even scared of getting caught. Bravery or stupidity, either way, it was there. I'm not brave. Well, to a point I am. But I'm cursed with a far too overanalytical personality, and I look over most of my serious actions before anything. I look to see if anything could possibly go wrong. Maybe that's why I don't do too many daring things. There are too many risks, and I'm too chicken to take them.

Why not Joey? He may seem like a dimwit, but I've known him since birth, and he's not as dumb as we all perceive him to be. He's actually fairly clever. He's physically strong; why wasn't he chosen? Joey's right: I'm about five feet tall, not a lot at all, and a hundred and thirty pounds. He was off on the weight. I'm actually a little flattered. But I'm not visually intimidating at all. Why me?

Wait. Why am I flattered that Joey thought that I was thinner than I actually am? That shouldn't have happened. I mean, for God's sake, he's Joey! That's absolutely disgusting! I was there when he wet his pants on the first day of preschool, I've seen him puke all over the seesaws, I've watched him humiliate himself in front of every single girl in our school, and I've seen him at his absolute lowest, most perversion-saturated moments. Do I..... no. Linda, don't finish that thought. Thinking can be extremely dangerous, and the last thing you need right now is more danger than what you're in. Be it evil danger or emotional danger, you don't need it, Linda Felicity.

Do I like him?

Dammit, I thought I promised myself I wouldn't think it. And what do I do? That's the first thought that came into my brain. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! That's positively terrible! That couldn't be a worse choice! Well, maybe Bobby. That would be worse. He's in love with Persephone. But EW! And I thought it was bad when he tried to set me up with his pathetic little friends! This isn't happening, and I'm really not thinking about it at all. I can't afford to. That would destroy it all.

On to something different.

Sure, my parents were powerful. Is that it? Am I only like this because of my lineage? I always knew that they were smarter than the average adults, but I had absolutely no idea of just how much more they really knew.

You know, since I'm having this lovely inner monologue, I may as well continue. Thank God neither Bobby nor Joey are skilled mind-readers; I'd be dead meat.

Do I really even know my parents at all?

Ever since I was born, from May 25, 2001, to July 14, 2016, I was the daughter of Jim and Helena Patrickson. I was Linda Felicity Patrickson. We lived at 27 Carlton Boulevard, in a suburb of Boston, MA. My maternal grandparents always lived two houses down, and I, well, I never really knew what became of my paternal grandparents. I never wanted to ask. How much would I bet that their absence probably has something to do with all this?

My best friends were Bobby Waltham and Joey Manchester. Our fathers were best friends. And they all came over from merry old England, to see what America was all about.

They founded Almost Magic Computer Systems in 2002.

It was all a lie. A farce. Something constructed out of their imaginations. It may have been for my own good, but God, this could be what destroys me.

I have no identity. I'm not who I thought I was.

You know, my life may have had its problems, its idiosyncrasies, but I loved it. And now.....

I'm someone completely different. I don't know who I am, but I'm not Linda Patrickson. And I don't feel like Linda Potter. Nothing here feels quite right, nothing at all. It feels so strange, so unfamiliar. I know, I should be grateful, yet I feel alienated. And my old life.....

Well, as far as I'm concerned, it really didn't exist. I don't even know what my legal surname is. Is it Potter, or Patrickson? Which is it? Is my real name even Linda Felicity, or is that a fib, too? My parents changed their first names. Mine could have, also. And Bobby's, and Joey's.

This is terrible. This is horrible.

Some things just don't make sense at all.

Suddenly, a scream snapped Linda out of her reverie.

"What the hell....." she muttered aloud. "That sounds like it came from the Tower room!"

Wordlessly, Linda turned, and sprinted the distance she'd covered walking before.

Faster and faster she ran, down corridors, up staircases, around pillars..... she was afraid that she would soon crash into one.

"Ooof!"

Well, Linda had definitely collided with something, but it wasn't a pillar. It was more like a-

"Joey?" Linda panted. "What the hell was that?"

Joey regarded her wordlessly, as a pale Bobby ran up behind him.

"Linda," he started slowly, "you aren't going to believe this. Persephone and Kaites- they’ve just- they just- this big, black shadow whisked by, and when it was gone, so were they."

Linda's eyes grew wide. "Wait just a freaking second here. Are you two really who you seem to be?"

"Linda." Joey's steel-gray eyes bore into her own emerald-green ones. "Of course."

"Prove it." Linda, though seeming tough at the moment, was incredibly scared internally.

Joey sighed. "Listen to me. My name is Joseph Louie Manchester, I live at 29 Carlton Boulevard, and my birthdate is May 25, 2001. Is that good enough?"

"Yeah. You just rattled off-"

"The way we were," Bobby interjected. "Linda, this really is me- Joey can vouch for it. He's been with me the whole time."

Linda's gaze relaxed. "All right then. What are we going to do? This is obviously-"

"Nilock's doing," Joey finished. "What can we do? We're not fully trained wizards, and our parents- well, we're supposed to be more powerful than they are! I mean, in the last two weeks, we've learned seven years of magic! Plus, they went to Diagon Alley with Dumbledore and they'll be gone for hours!"

Linda looked to be in deep thought. "We've got to tell them soon, but after that, well, since we don't have our parents' experience, I suggest we just try to think like them."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Right. And just what is that supposed to do?"

"Just do it, Bobby!" Linda responded sharply.

"Fine, fine....." Bobby muttered. He closed his eyes, and started murmuring about how he really didn't want to be picturing his mother in a bikini at that moment.

"Shut up, Bobby!" Joey barked.

"Well, what? That's how my dad thinks!" Bobby protested, but an argument was averted by Linda's cry of:

"I've got it! Let's go to the library!"

*

"Ew, these books are creepy," Joey said, grimacing. "I mean, look at this!" He held up a book titled Revenge and How To Get It, open to a page displaying a rather gory 17th-century version of what looked to be an enema.

"Joey, I really don't think that that's what we're looking for," Linda responded, pushing up her glasses. "Just keep skimming."

"All right," Bobby agreed, "as studying is your forte, after all." He returned to Summers With Spirits, by a Mr. 'Gilderoy Lockhart- I think'.

"Let's see, come on, this has to be in here somewhere....." Linda repeated softly to herself, running a finger down the musty, cracked pages of Dark Arts Spells, 209th Edition, murmuring some of the key words on the page aloud.

".....black cloud....." Linda gasped. "Guys, come here! I think I've found it!"

Bobby and Joey promptly set down their books, and joined Linda.

"Look....." Linda pointed to a passage on page 527.

The Cloud of Death, as it is commonly known, is actually a powerful spirit, manifested as a large, black cloud. It will swoop down upon its victim(s), usually teenage girls, and hold them under its influence until its purpose has been achieved. At midnight on the day of the victim(s)'s disappearance, the Cloud releases its victim(s), and sets them free into the world to do its Dark Arts bidding.

However, the usual intent of the Cloud is not to harm its victim(s), oddly enough, although this obviously happens. The wizard usually has some ulterior motive- the last recorded incidence of the Cloud was in 1944, when the Dark Lord Grindelwald manifested himself and attacked Gigalus Flaherty, a close friend of Grindelwald's intended target, Albus Dumbledore. When the Cloud senses bare feet, it will enter a room, and take all its teenage female occupants. The Cloud will seek salvation in dark, damp places, not far from where it originally abducted its victim(s).

There is one way to defeat the Cloud of Death, and that is to have its intended foe hurl socks at it while reciting, 'Nibbalus Haverdalus'. Upon its defeat, the cloud will turn into the wizard, drained of power.

The three looked at each other, with a ix of fear and incredulity.

"Wait a second. All we really have to do to defeat the greatest Dark wizard in the world is to throw Joey's stinky gym socks at him?" Bobby asked, in wonderment.

Linda shrugged. "Well, I guess we have a lot of socks to look for..... should they be clean?"

Joey shot out of his chair. "Guys, think! If we don't act now, at midnight, Persephone and Kaites are going to be little Dark Arts zombies!"

Linda, too, got up. "He's right," she said, jogging for the door. "Let's go kick some evil ass."

*