Renegade Tongue

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger had never had a better day, all things considered. They got to go to Diagon Alley together, and this time they went alone, with no adult supervision whatsoever. Harry had only been alone in Diagon Alley once in his third year, but he was under constant supervision all the same. Finally being free was a great feeling. This was partly because Molly Weasley, Ron's mother, wasn't breathing down their backs, and also because they were not limited by rules like those at Hogwarts.

There was a bit of arguing amongst Hermione and Ron on where to head first. Hermione wanted to go to Flourish and Blotts, the wizarding bookshop, while Ron wanted to stop by the Magical Menagerie for some more Owl Treats.

"Oh, come on, Hermione, we always go somewhere with books when we're around you. I just want some Owl Treats, it'll take five minutes, I swear-"

"No," said Hermione firmly. "Come on, we have to go, Newt Scamander is giving away copies of the latest edition of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. Besides, I need to get two more Ancient Runes dictionaries. We're starting our N.E.W.T. preparation this year, and I want to be prepared."

Harry didn't say anything about wanting to go to Gringott's Wizarding Bank first, as he had spent all of his gold on new robes. He and Ron followed Hermione into Flourish and Blotts, hoping that this wouldn't take too long. Harry still needed to pack his trunk for his yearly journey to Platform Nine and Three Quarters.

"Mental," Ron muttered to himself as he got in line behind Hermione. "Honestly, she got O's on every single O.W.L. she took, and she still needs more books, of all things..."

"Yeah, well, at least we did okay on our O.W.L.'s, mate," said Harry.

"Yeah, it was really wicked how I got an E in Potions... and I had expected to get a T for sure." Ron smiled. "But just wait until you show up for Snape's N.E.W.T. class. He'll be so surprised, it'll look like he was Stunned by you."

"I know," said Harry, grinning back at Ron. "But that D I got in History of Magic was the real miracle- I didn't even write two paragraphs on that entire exam paper."

Once Hermione had collected her textbooks, they stopped at the Magical Menagerie briefly for Ron's Owl Treats ("Told you it would take five minutes," Ron had told Hermione). Then they headed straight for Gringott's at Harry's request. Once they had entered the lobby, Harry begged that Ron stay with Hermione in the lobby. Ron's family didn't have a lot of Galleons to spare at all, except maybe Fred and George, and Harry preferred that he didn't have to listen to Ron complain about being poor on their only day alone in Diagon Alley, as Harry had huge piles of wizard gold in his vault.

After this, they walked to Fred and Georges wizarding joke shop. Harry wanted to say hello, but more importantly, he and Ron wanted to take full advantage on their sale on Skiving Snackboxes, the harmless looking candy that'll make you sick instantly if you eat one half, and all better if you eat the other. They can get you out of all sorts of things; lessons, Quidditch practice, and detention, and were "essential" school supplies.

Harry, Ron and Hermione had never been inside Fred and George's shop, Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, before. It was quite spectacular. Huge bins of every flavor of Skiving Snackbox lined the walls: Nosebleed Nougat, Puking Pastilles, Fainting Fancies and Fever Fudge were labeled: SALE: 5 SICKLES A SNACKBOX, 50 SICKLES FOR A DOZEN. Above them, on little wire rack hanging off the walls, were standard joke shop items. Dungbombs, Stink Pellets, and Exploding Luminous Balloons hung from the racks in little packages. Then there were Fred and George's specialty items, such as Portable Swamps that turned any room instantly into a swamp, that were must haves. Also, Fred and George's realistic fake wands that did perform spells but turned into rubber chickens and rubber haddocks after a while were stacked behind the counter. A sign pointed up a flight of stairs in the middle of the store, leading to a spacious catwalk where barrels of sweets like Ton-Tongue Toffee and Canary Creams stood. Hermione, at the sight of all of the Skiving Snackboxes, tutted often and quite loudly. Ron ogled all of the Snackboxes; yesterday he had assured Harry that he was going to spend all of his pocket money at Fred and George's shop.

However, Fred and George were actually nowhere in sight, though there were about a dozen people milling around the shop and its catwalk upstairs. However, Harry spotted Lee Jordan, the twins' best friend, coming out of a doorway covered by a red velvet curtain. Harry waved at Lee, and Lee waved back. Ron pointed at the Snackboxes and gave Lee a thumbs up. Lee laughed, and then turned to the shelf next to him, where he seemed to be taking stock.

During this, Hermione had spotted a silver bell sitting on the front counter with a sign in front of it stating: RING BELL FOR SERVICE. Hermione jabbed Ron with her elbow and pointed at the bell with a skeptical expression on her face. Ron dashed forward to ring the bell, but Hermione stopped him.

"No, don't!" said Hermione, while grabbing Ron's wrist.

"And why shouldn't I?" Ron said haughtily.

"Because I have a feeling that Fred and George jinxed that bell."

"So? It'll probably just shock me, so what? I can take it, Hermione." Ron reached for the bell again, but this time Harry stopped him grabbing it.

"Come on, Harry!" Ron exclaimed.

"Ron, I think Hermione's right. Maybe we should get someone else to ring it instead." Harry looked at Hermione.

"Excellent idea!" said Hermione. "But who would want to ring the bell for us?"

"Look, here comes someone!" said Ron. "Let's back away and watch..."

Sandy haired Colin and Dennis Creevey walked up just then, their arms laden with Skiving Snackboxes and a fake wand each. They had spotted the bell too, and Colin pointed at it.

"Dennis, ring that bell, would you?" said Colin excitedly.

"No, you ring it, Colin, you're closer," squeaked tiny Dennis.

"Alright," said Colin, practically shaking with excitement. "We get to meet Fred and George... they know Harry too..."

Colin reached for the small silver bell, picked it up by its shiny handle, and gave it a ring. The faint tinkle the bell made was so inaudible that Colin did not appear to have heard it, so he rang the bell harder, waving it around him and Dennis. Then it happened.

"AAARRRGGGHHHH!" screamed Colin and Dennis, as a humongous slimy purple tongue emerged from inside the bell. Colin dropped it on the wooden floor, where instantly the tongue grew arm-like appendages and picked its way towards the brothers over the dropped Snackboxes all over the floor. Several others in the store were now staring at Colin and Dennis and the tongue chasing them. A group of girls by the Fever Fudge were screaming their heads off as the tongue came near them, and then...

SLURP.

All five girls that had been standing there, completely dry seconds before, were now dripping with saliva. The smallest girl started to bawl as the tongue made its way for Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

Hermione, thinking fast, grabbed Ron and Harry by the wrists and dashed up the spiral staircase that led to the catwalk above. A group of third-year Hogwarts students, by the looks of them, screamed as Hermione streaked past them, knocking the sweets out of their hands. They screamed even louder when they saw the large, purple tongue making its way up the stairs.

The tongue bounded up the last few stairs and appeared to have spotted the third-years. It galloped towards them as they ducked behind an overflowing barrel of Ton-Tongue Toffee. The bell stretched out its tongue, and-

SLURP. SLURP.

The tongue hadn't managed to get the third-years completely, But the tops of their heads were soaking wet. However, it had managed to eat a large quantity of Ton-Tongue Toffee, which was apparent when the tongue grew longer, and longer, and longer, until-

SSSSLLLLUUURRRPPPP.

The tongue had wrapped itself around the shaking third-years, covering every square inch of them in saliva and bits of Ton-Tongue Toffee. Feeling that its job was done here, it continued to bound after Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who had hidden beside a chest full of Canary Creams on the far side of the catwalk.

"Oh, no, it's coming this way," whispered Harry to Ron and Hermione.

"What are we going to do, Hermione?" said Ron, looking hopeful.

"Me? I don't know, we can't use magic, so... Turn out your pockets." Hermione held out one hand to them while rummaging in her robe pocket.

"Turn out our pockets? Are we going to throw it some Galleons?" said Ron, looking at Hermione like she were mad.

"Just do it!" said Hermione shrilly, extracting her wand, her books, and some spare Galleons from her pocket.

Harry pulled his moneybag and wand out of his pocket, and said, "I've got nothing."

"Me neither," said Ron, "Just some Owl Treats and my wand. Rubbish."

"No, it's not!" exclaimed Hermione, snatching the box of Owl Treats from the ground. She tore off the lid and poured them all onto the ground in front of her, bunching them up into a pile.

"Hey! I need those to shut Pig up!" Ron exclaimed at Hermione.

Harry realized what Hermione was doing and said, "I'll buy you a new box."

"Hurry!" said Hermione bossily, as the tongue leaped over to them after finally having licked Colin and Dennis. Dennis, being so small, looked as if he were drowning in spit.

"Alright, everyone grab a handful, and on the count of three, throw the Owl Treats at the tongue. Aim for the bell, I think that's where the mouth is. Ready, Harry, Ron? One -- two -- three!" Hermione yelled, and all three of them started launching Owl Treats at the tongue. The tongue stopped and seemed to be looking at the brown bits now raining down upon it, though it was hard to tell if the tongue was looking at them as it had no visible eyes. Then, as Hermione had hoped, it had become distracted and had started to eat them.

"What're we going to do now, Hermione? We're almost out of Owl Treats!" Ron looked around frantically, scooping every last Owl Treat off the floor and throwing them madly at the tongue.

"No one has any ideas? Harry?" said Hermione as she carefully aimed her last Owl Treats at the mouth of the bell.

"Er..." said Harry, looking around him. They needed to distract the tongue... Feed it more... More what? Harry wondered where he was going to get some more food, now scouring the floor for any last Owl Treats. As he made to get up, he came nose - to - nose with the words:

Canary creams

And it hit him. They could use Canary Creams...

"Oy! Ron! Help me open this trunk, would you?" Harry crouched down next to the large trunk, trying to pry the heavy lid off it as Hermione continued to fire a few remaining Owl Treats at the Tongue. Ron slid his fingers into the groove between the lid and the trunk, while Harry took the other side.

"Pull!" shouted Harry, and together they tried to unstick the lid as Hermione came towards them, having thrown the last Owl Treats at the tongue.

"What are you two doing?" she said as soon as she saw that the trunk was full of Canary Creams. Hermione walked over to a barrel next to the trunk and scooped an armful of Canary Creams out of it.

"Oh... right..." said Harry as he and Ron took some Canary Creams from Hermione.

"Brilliant idea, though, Harry..." sad Hermione taking careful aim once again at the bell as the tongue thrashed around wildly. Harry and Ron started to throw creams haphazardly at the tongue, which once again was confounded by the shower of food raining down upon it. Then...

SLURP. SLUR - POP- SQUACK!

The giant tongue in front of them had been several inches away from Harry's face when it had made a loud popping noise and turned into a humongous canary with a silver bell perched atop its head.

Harry suddenly became aware of two tall redheaded figures standing behind the enormous canary. They were laughing wildly, clutching their sides and wiping tears of mirth from their eyes. Then, one of them raised his wand, and said, "Finite Incantatem!"

The blindingly yellow canary disappeared and in its place stood a lone silver bell, twinkling innocently in the candlelight. Fred and George continued to laugh as they walked past the drenched Colin and Dennis Creevey.

"Brilliant!" exclaimed Fred, as he walked up to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Which one of you rang the bell?"

"Colin did," squeaked tiny Dennis from behind. Fred and George rounded upon them and bursted into more laughter, as Dennis rather resembled a coughed-up furball.

"Oh - sorry," said George, and he raised his wand and said, "Scourgify!"

Instantly Dennis and Colin were clean again, and they immediately held out their hands for Fred and George to shake.

"Er..." said Fred, as they shook hands.

Colin tossed his camera to Ron and said, "Could you take a photo?"

"Er... alright then," said Ron. "Smile." Click. "There you are," he said dully, handing Colin's camera back. Colin grinned from ear to ear and dashed down the stairs with Dennis to collect his dropped goods.

Fred motioned for Harry, Ron and Hermione to follow him downstairs to the counter, while George picked the bell up off the floor carefully. Fred cleaned up random customers who were drenched with spit, apologizing while chuckling and offering each student a free Skiving Snackbox. Finally they had reached the counter, where Lee was also laughing while ringing up the purchases of Colin and Dennis.

"So," said George when they were finally at the counter, "What did you think of that bell? Pretty wild, huh?"

"Understatement of the year, mate," said Ron.

"They're called Slobbering Silver Bells, it's our latest invention, eight Galleons a Bell," said Fred.

"Yeah, we guarantee you'll get drenched, or your money back!" said George happily. "We invented them in June especially for Umbridge, we figured she could use a good slobber or two..."

"But since she's gone now..." Fred said, looking disappointed. " We're developing Slobbering Bronze Whistles too... Say, I've been wondering, who got rid of Umbridge?"

"Hermione did," said Harry. "Why?"

Fred and George exchanged glances. "Well, we promised a discount off our merchandise to whoever got rid of her... but I don't think you'll want it, do you, Hermione?" said George.

"Well," said Hermione slowly, " I don't really need any of this stuff... I don't want to skive off any lessons, set off any Dungbombs, or turn myself into a Canary..."

"Oh, come on, Hermione!" said Ron excitedly. "There's loads you could use here, like if we get detention we can skive it off with Skiving Snackboxes, or if we want to turn Malfoy into a canary we can buy Canary Creams, or..."

"We?" Hermione cut in. "I'm not sure we can use any of these in school, I'll bet Filch has made them illegal by now..."

"So? Just buy some of this stuff, come on!" Ron was looking desperately around at the barrels of Puking Pastilles. "Please, Hermione?"

"I've got an idea," cut in Harry.

"What?"

"Well, why doesn't Hermione give her discount to me and Ron? That way, it won't be wasted," said Harry.

"Alright, but you have to let me get one thing," said Hermione.

"What's that?" said Ron, disbelieving that Hermione wanted anything.

"A Slobbering Silver Bell," said Hermione.

"For what?" asked Fred.

"I owe Malfoy for when he took points off Gryffindor House because I was a Mudblood," said Hermione firmly.

"Excellent!" said Ron.

"And after that, could we use it on Snape?" asked Harry.

"We'll see," said Hermione disapprovingly. "I keep telling you, he's on our side," she said with a scowl as George handed her a Bell in a small box.

"He deserves it anyway, because he's a slimy git," said Ron fiercely, eyeing the Snackboxes against the wall.

Harry thought that that was kind of like Malfoy saying Hermione deserved points taken off of Gryffindor because she was a Mudblood, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he walked over to the barrels of Nosebleed Nougat and Fainting Fancies where Ron was and started to scoop out Snackboxes by the dozen.