Flour Babies

A/N: This chapter gets a shout out to everyone at Behind the Name--which, by the way, is better than Christmas if you're looking for character names. I have a feeling they would enjoy the amateur name connoisseurs running amok in this chapter... Cheers! (PS: R & R, pleasepleaseplease!)

Chapter Three: Sleeping Arrangements

By lunchtime, everyone was on edge. The sixth-year Gryffindors hurried through lunch in the hall and congregated in their common room before the next period began.

"We can't go on like this," Seamus said to his fellow sleepless sixth-years. "None of us are getting any sleep."

"Well, what can we do, then?" asked Dean irritably. "I mean, it's not as if anybody knows how to turn them off."

"I know," said Parvati. She gestured at the row of enchanted flour sacks on the table. "We can take turns. The girls can take them one night; the boys can take them the next. That way, at least half of us can sleep..."

"Yeah," agreed Ron quickly, and everyone else mumbled their sleepy agreement.

The first night with the babies had been a fiasco, no doubt. Ron and Hermione had each taken one of the twins, and Parvati and Lavender's charges had joined Mehitabel in raising a ruckus every half-hour in the girls' dormitory. Meanwhile, Neville's flour baby joined Ron, Jr. in keeping the male half of the class awake until the wee hours of the morning. And all the Ravenclaw girls in their year, looking as though they'd hardly slept a wink, sent Dean dirty looks as Padma crossed the Great Hall at breakfast and unceremoniously dropped their baby into his lap.

"Right, then, who wants them tonight?" Hermione asked. Nobody volunteered.

"Oh, come on," said Parvati. "How about boys have them first. We had three last night; you only had two."

"Er--" began Harry, but Parvati threw him such a look that he stopped. "Right. Whatever you say," he mumbled. Parvati looked smug.

One by one, the rest of the boys murmured in assent.

"Good, then," Parvati sniffed. "Come on, Harry. We have time to take Calendula on a walk." Harry ducked his head and made a pleading face at Ron before slinking out the portrait hole after Parvati and their baby.

The rest of the class broke up to work on homework or try to catch a quick nap.

"Hey, wait, Hermione," Ron said, pausing in his perusal of their Herbology homework. She looked up from her Arithmancy text. "That's not exactly fair, is it? I mean, we're going to have six of those screamers in our room, and you'll only ever have four, what with Padma and Luna being in a different House..."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Drop it, Ron."

"But it's not fair, you know it!"

"What other solution is there?"

"I--I--"

"Try it tonight. We'll see tomorrow."

Grumbling to himself, Ron returned to his Herbology essay.

*

The next morning, Ron could hardly keep his eyes open at the breakfast table.

"We need a new plan," he said by way of greeting to Hermione. "I didn't get any sleep."

"Did you expect to?" she asked irritably. She looked altogether too refreshed for Ron's taste.

He glared at her from red-rimmed eyes. "Two is too many. It's like the crying is contagious, and I bloody well can't change two nappies at the same time, can I?"

Hermione sighed. "Well, what do you propose to do about it?"

"I dunno..."

Ron and Hermione looked up as a shadow fell across the table. Dean, Seamus, and Neville, eyes bloodshot, glared as one at the couple.

"This isn't working," said Seamus. "Those bloody twins cried more than any of the other ones put together."

"And that's including the times they woke the others up and made them start crying, too," Dean added. Neville just looked nervous.

"What do you expect us to do, then?" snapped Hermione.

"I don't care," said Seamus, "just don't bring those things back in our dormitory."

"THERE'S NO PLACE ELSE TO GO!" shouted Ron. Heads turned all along the Gryffindor table. "I mean," he said, more quietly, "there's no place else to go."

Dean shrugged. "There's always the common room." He, Seamus, and Neville turned to go back to their own seats. Ron pillowed his head in his arms.

"Ugh..." he moaned.

"Well," said Hermione, her voice falsely cheerful, "at least the sofas are comfortable."

Ron glared at her. "It's your turn tonight, remember?"

"I remember."

Parvati and Lavender marched up to where Dean, Seamus, and Neville had stood moments before.

"Hermione," said Parvati.

"Parvati."

"Seamus told us what he said earlier."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. And we agree." Lavender nodded her head vigorously.

"What--!"

Parvati nodded stiffly. "I don't think it's a good idea to have our children influenced by your delinquents."

"Parvati, come on--"

Parvati held up a hand and shook her head. "No, we've decided. You're outvoted, Hermione. I'm afraid you'll have to keep them out of the dormitory."

"But there's only three of us! That's not enough for a proper vote--"

Parvati ignored her wails and led Lavender back to their seats.

Hermione looked at Ron.

"Hey, don't worry," said Ron. " 'At least the sofas are comfortable.'" Hermione glared at him.

"What's up?"

Harry slid into an empty seat beside Ron, yawning. "Sorry, mates, just woke up. Bloody babies--" He suddenly noticed the angry looks his friends were giving him. "What?"

Before they could answer, however, Ginny appeared. "Hi, Harry," she said, sitting beside him. "Have a good night?"

Ron rolled his eyes. "What do you know, Ginny?"

His sister only giggled. "One of the first-years was complaining about all the ruckus you were making."

Ron grumbled.

Suddenly, Parvati reappeared to dump her baby into a startled Harry's lap.

"Hey! I just had it all night!"

" 'Her', Harry, not 'it'. Honestly," Parvati sniffed. "I have Charms next, and I'm not going to risk somebody disappearing Calendula. We're practicing Vanishing Charms today." She hurried away before Harry could reply.

"Well, that's great," he said grumpily. "There is no way I'm taking this thing to Potions with me."

Ron and Hermione groaned. "I forgot all about Potions!" Ron moaned. "What will Snape do?"

Ginny wasn't paying any attention to their troubles. "Calendula?" she asked.

"Parvati's choice," Harry said morosely. "I think it's a bit stupid, actually."

"Oh, it's not that bad," Ginny consoled. "Here, I have free period. I'll watch her."

Harry perked up. "Really?"

"Really."

"Thanks, Ginny, you're a lifesaver--" He dug around in his bag for his pamphlet and handed it to her.

"Hey, Ginny--" Ron began.

"Absolutely not."

"But you're taking Harry's--"

His sister shook her head firmly.

"Ginny!"

"Let her be, Ron," Hermione said wearily. "We may as well just take them with us. Ginny doesn't need to worry about three of them."

"But Hermione--"

"Come on, Ron." Hermione finished her toast and dragged him from his seat. "Let's go."

*

Potions was like torture. Professor Snape's usual cynicism, coupled with a class made up of a number of childless Slytherins, made for a very unpleasant hour.

"Tsk, tsk, Weasley," muttered Malfoy when he spotted the double pram. "Then again, when has your lot ever bothered with controlling yourselves?"

Hermione turned bright scarlet, and Ron looked like he wanted to wring the blonde boy's neck. Harry stepped in just in time to pull him bodily to his seat, where he sat grinding boomslang skin with a look of pure hatred across his face.

Ron and Hermione both looked supremely relieved when Snape called an end to the lesson and dismissed the class.

"Thank goodness that's over," said Hermione forcefully, pushing the pram with a vengeance.

"Yeah," agreed Ron, casting dark looks over his shoulder toward the dungeon door. "Can't wait until next lesson..."

*

The rest of the day did not progress much better. Harry managed to foist off Calendula on Parvati again for the afternoon, but Ron and Hermione were stuck with the twins; twins who, in fact, were not interested in remaining quiet and sweet in-between class periods.

"Oh, Ron, not again!" exclaimed Hermione, picking up the blue baby and rocking in rhythm with her steps. Ron jerked his head to look at her, confused.

"Oh. I wish you'd named it something other than my name," Ron said irritably. "Every time you talk to it, I think you're talking to me."

"Excuse me?" Hermione asked, glaring up at him. "I'm pretty sure you're the one who named them."

"Well, yeah..."

"Next time, think ahead." She increased her pace.

"Wait up, Hermione--this thing is hard to push." He jostled the pram over the uneven flooring. "Can't we just call him Junior or something?"

Hermione gave a dramatic sigh. "If you insist. I feel rather ridiculous calling a sack of flour "Junior"."

"Hermione, I feel ridiculous calling a sack of flour anything."

Hermione shrugged, and they returned to pram-pushing and child-shushing. For the first time, Ron felt relieved to be in Professor Binns' classroom. As soon as Hermione stepped over the threshold, Ron, Jr. stopped crying and resumed a sleeping mein.

"Finally," Hermione breathed, settling him next to his sister and taking her seat as Binns began his lecture.

"You know," said Hermione with a yawn once class was finished, "I never really realized how relaxing History of Magic can be."

*

That evening, everyone turned in early except for Ron and Hermione.

"There's no point," Hermione had said. "If we're banished to the common room, at least we can finish our homework."

For once, Ron didn't disagree.

They finished their assignments--which were, admittedly, rather few--by eleven o'clock, despite the twins' repeated interruptions. Hermione was still quieting Mehitabel when Ron picked up a list Lavender had left behind and perused it idly.

"What is that?" Hermione asked, walking slowly around the room and rocking the flour baby.

"Lavender made a list of all our baby names," Ron said, snorting. "Ooh, look--Justin Finch-Fletchley named his 'Petula'."

Hermione rolled her eyes and continued hushing Mehitabel while Ron made his comments on other students' choices of names.

"Calendula--still yuck. Harry said she only picked that because Calendula Tickley is the Witch Weekly Witch of the Year.... and Mimsy? Please." Ron scanned the list. "See? Mehitabel is one of the better ones." Hermione rolled her eyes. "Well, it is."

"I thought Flora was rather nice," she said, looking over his shoulder and pointing to the entry beside Thomas, Dean and Patil, Padma before crossing the room to put Mehitabel beside her brother.

"It's alright." He paused. "How'd your Mum and Dad do it, then?"

"Do what, Ron?"

"Come up with a good name."

"What?"

"I mean, my Mum and dad stick to family names, mostly. Or just... just boring ones."

"Ron, what do you--"

"I mean, really--where'd they come up with Hermione? It's so... wicked. It's loads better than any of this rubbish." He pointed at the list.

"I think someone hasn't been getting enough sleep," Hermione said sternly, but her cheeks were pink and she smiled as she said it. "They're settled now. You can go to bed. I'll watch them."

Ron shook his head and propped his feet on a footstool. "I'm all right. It's nice down here."

Hermione fussed with the baby blankets. "Nicer than a bed?"

"Yeah. You should hear Harry snore."

The occasional crackle of the flowing fire accompanied several minutes of comfortable silence, while Hermione checked Ron, Jr. and Mehitabel one final time and carefully tucked the blankets closer around them.

"Hermione, they're not real," Ron finally said, sleepily, from his vantage point. "Come over here, let them be."

Hermione sighed and sat beside Ron. "I know."

"Of course you know," he said with a yawn, reaching an arm around her shoulders. "You're the brightest witch in our age..."

Startled, Hermione glanced up at the lanky redhead, but he was fast asleep. She smiled to herself and rested her head on his shoulder, deciding it wouldn't hurt to close her eyes for just a few minutes...

*

Ron opened his eyes muzzily to a brunette jungle, beneath which Hermione nestled close to him. He smiled and tugged her closer, pleased to find himself back in his favorite dream...