An Interesting Little Legal Problem

Chapter Eight: In Which Tonks and Remus Reminisce, and Luna Gets a New Pet

The table was still littered with teacups and other items left over from the party. The guests had all gone home except Tonks, who had gone to her office at the Ministry to borrow the files on the younger Black brother's case. Harry was waiting anxiously for her return, and Lupin, who was pacing the floor energetically and had just apologized to Harry for the third or fourth time since the soap incident, seemed no less keyed up.

"What was Regulus Black like?" Harry asked, hoping to distract him.

His guardian stopped pacing, smiled and looked him in the eye. "Let's see just how much Legilimency you've picked up this summer. You tell me."

Harry concentrated and managed to focus in on an image of a teenaged Lupin, his hair ruffled and his prefect badge askew, running down a corridor in hot pursuit of a small, dark-haired boy who was also being chased by the Bloody Baron ... climbing onto the roof of Gryffindor tower after the same boy, who was launching a flock of parchment birds over the edge ... dragging the child, who was carrying what looked like a huge box of ice-cream bars, away from the Forbidden Forest ... wading into the lake and snatching him out of the tentacles of the giant squid ...

"Oh no!" said Harry. "He was Mark Evans, wasn't he?"

"Mark isn't nearly as hyperactive as Reg was, but all the same, I suggest you let your prefect friends look after your young relative. Sirius always did."

"What did he do to the Bloody Baron?"

"Chucked a water balloon at him, or rather through him. He'd already done the same thing to Professor Binns with much less gratifying results, in fact I don't think old Binnsy even noticed."

"And why was he taking ice cream into the Forbidden Forest?"

"He said he wanted to see if Aragog liked it. And it goes without saying that if Aragog does like ice cream, you really don't want to run out, so he nicked the whole box from the kitchens."

"I don't need to ask who you're talking about," said Tonks, laughing. She had returned a moment earlier with a box of files and several cartons of food from the Indian takeaway down the street. "You were a prefect when Reg was at school, weren't you? He must have led you quite a chase."

"Yes, but I thought he was a decent kid at heart. Generous. He talked me out of confiscating the ice cream - I was the worst prefect in the history of Hogwarts, by the way, even the little ones walked all over me - and then he shared it with all of us. He just had very little common sense, a knack for getting into situations he couldn't get out of, and a big brother he wanted to outdo - and making a bigger impression than Sirius was a challenge. Sirius pretended he couldn't stand him, and I have no doubt that Reg really did get on his nerves - but I thought it was more because they were alike than because they were different. And I believed they were fond of each other deep down. I turned out to be wrong on all counts. I don't seem to be much good at judging people." Lupin sighed.

"I think you are," said Tonks. "You're right about the generous part. He used to visit us with pockets full of sweets from Honeydukes when I was little. Made up for the way he used to tease me. I had a ratty old stuffed niffler I carried around everywhere that he kept turning invisible, and he used to pull on my ponytails. And then once he tried it and they weren't there any more. That's how I figured out I was a Metamorphagus."

A sudden realization took Harry's breath away. "Regulus was the cousin you were telling me about at the Evanses, wasn't he? The one who kept pretending to throw you off the balcony?"

"Yes. I loved both of my cousins, of course, but Reg was the fun one, the one who was never too busy to play with a kid - or too bitter."

Harry shifted uneasily in his chair, remembering the sour note that had always come into Sirius' voice when he spoke about his family. "You must have liked Regulus a lot," he said.

"Most people did," said Lupin. "I don't know what surprises me more - that Reg joined the Death Eaters in the first place, or that if he is alive, he's kept out of sight for sixteen years. He was the sort of person who couldn't usually go five minutes without drawing attention to himself. I wonder where he's hiding."

Tonks sifted through the files as they ate, occasionally reading a passage aloud. "I don't understand it," she said at last, pushing the last few bites of chicken tikka masala around with her fork. "Everything in this file suggests it was an open-and-shut case: he was a registered member of the P.B.P., made a number of contacts with highly placed Death Eaters during his first few months with the party, and joined them, as far as we can tell, voluntarily. And then he disappeared within a matter of days. He was last seen in the company of Bellatrix Lestrange, and the Aurors who were working on his case surmised that he was murdered by her."

"What's the P.B.P.?" asked Harry.

"Pureblood Britain Party," Tonks explained. "Really just a front for the Death Eaters, although many people didn't know it at the time. But Reg didn't have the pureblood mania, as far as I know. He was on perfectly good terms with my dad." She closed the folder of papers and shook her head. "That's what bothers me about everything in this file. It doesn't seem to fit with what I remember of him. Of course, I was seven the last time I saw him, so there may have been a lot of things that went over my head. What do you think?" she asked Lupin.

"I'm inclined to agree," he said slowly. "He did say all sorts of outrageous things to bait Sirius sometimes, but then he'd turn around and say exactly the opposite to Bellatrix or Narcissa. If you looked at how he actually treated people, I don't believe there was a scrap of genuine prejudice in the kid. He was the youngest of the Blacks, and honestly, I think he was desperate for any sort of attention from any member of his family. He'd say whatever came into his head in order to get it."

"But Sirius made it sound like his brother had been brainwashed by his parents," said Harry. "Wouldn't he know?"

"Yes. And it's certainly possible; I didn't see much of him after I left school, which was three years before he joined the Death Eaters. Only - " Lupin hesitated. "I knew Sirius well enough to know when he was holding back. And I'm positive there was something about his brother that he wasn't telling anybody."

There was a short silence. "I don't know if we'll ever be able to make sense of the past," said Tonks. "Under the circumstances, we'd better concentrate on where he is now."

"Could he be Stubby Boardman? The singing sensation from that article in the Quibbler?" Harry asked suddenly.

"Well, if he is, he's very good at being in two places at once," said Lupin. "Professor Dumbledore booked Stubby Boardman for the Halloween feast during our last year at Hogwarts, so I can personally testify that he and Reg have been in the same room together. It was a bit hard to forget, since I had to restrain Reg from sneaking backstage and pestering all the band members to sign his ukulele."

"Oh," said Harry, feeling foolish.

"You're thinking the right way, though," said Tonks, "and one thing you learn in Auror training is that every dead end you eliminate takes you closer to the truth. Now, since you're the only one here who got a good look at the Howler, can you remember anything unusual about the handwriting or the envelope that might be a clue to where it came from?"

Harry thought for a while. "No, but that was a strange little owl, wasn't it? I've never seen one with those markings before. Could it have come from abroad?"

"Good thought." Lupin stretched out a hand and caught The Flying Book of Owls as it soared past. "See anything that looks familiar?"

Harry leafed through the book. "I think this one is it," he said after a few minutes. "Boreal Owl, also known as Tengmalm's Owl. Northern Asia, Alaska, Canada, Scandinavia, Russia, Pyrenees. Do any of those places mean anything to you?"

They both shook their heads. "How about you?"

"No," said Harry. He had another thought. "What do you think he meant when he said he was likely to be around a long time in his present condition? Could he be a ghost or a portrait or something? Perhaps that's why he sent a Howler, because ghosts can talk but they can't hold a pen."

"You've been spending too much time around Mark," said Lupin. "Ghosts can't inherit."

"No, Harry might be onto something," said Tonks. "What if he is a ghost, but he wants to give the impression that he's alive so nobody else can claim the house? It didn't sound like he thought very highly of Draco."

"You're right. I hadn't thought of that." Lupin looked tired and slightly defeated.

"You really want him to be alive, don't you?" said Harry. "Er, maybe I shouldn't say this, but he did join the Pureblood Britain Party and the Death Eaters. Do you have any real reason to think he'd be on our side?"

"I don't. The only thing I'm sure of about Reg is that he's completely unpredictable. And yes, in spite of it all I hope with all my heart that he's alive. Call it a middle-aged man's weakness."

"It isn't anything of the sort, Remus," said Tonks. "Do I look like a middle-aged man?"

Lupin and Harry both laughed. "Well, yes. Some of the time you do."

"Perhaps I am one, then. I hope he's alive too."

* * *

A few mornings later, an owl arrived at breakfast with an envelope addressed to Harry and embossed with the Hogwarts crest.

Dear Mr. Potter,

It is my pleasure to inform you that Professor Snape has accepted you into his N.E.W.T.-level Potions class. Please keep very quiet about this, and do not ask me how it came about. I am sure that I need not warn you not to squander this opportunity.

A list of required texts for all your sixth-year classes is enclosed.

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

There was also a package on the table. "Belated birthday cake," Lupin explained. "I suppose it's also a getting-into-N.E.W.T.-level-Potions cake, if I understand the note that came with it correctly."

"Did Mrs. Weasley send that?" Harry asked.

"No. My mum did."

Harry stared at him. "How would your mum know about Potions class? She's never even met me."

"No - but she was Minerva McGonagall's best friend at Hogwarts. I expect she knows all about the tactics Minerva used to get you into the class, and possibly plotted a few of them herself." Lupin took a bite of toast and added, "If I know their methods at all, they were most likely Machiavellian in the extreme."

Harry glanced up at him. He seemed absorbed in the Daily Prophet, but his eyes were suspiciously bright. "Did you have anything to do with this?"

"Might've had a word or two with them," Lupin admitted. "If they resorted to blackmail or anything else illegal, I had nothing to do with that part."

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it. That cake looks much too big for the two of us, doesn't it? I was thinking we might go to Diagon Alley for the day and pick up your school books, and if we run into any of your friends there we could invite them over for some cake, since you never did have a proper birthday party. Sound like a plan?"

"Sounds great," said Harry.

* * *

Lupin nudged Harry. "That's the little Ravenclaw girl who was a year behind you, isn't it? She had quite a surprising gift for Defence Against the Dark Arts, but I'm drawing a blank on her name at the moment. Selene? Diana?"

"Luna Lovegood," said Harry. He couldn't help staring at Luna, nor could most of the passers-by: she was wearing her lion hat and riding down the middle of Diagon Alley on the back of the strangest beast he had ever seen. It was massive, white, and shaggy, with three humps on its back and a long, spiked tail resembling that of a stegosaurus. On its snout it had a single horn pleated like an accordion.

"I don't believe it," he muttered. "The girl's gone and caught herself a Crumple-Horned Snorkack."

Luna brought the Snorkack to a halt in front of them. "Hi, Harry. This is Arjeplog. Daddy and I named him after the place in Sweden where we found him."

"You had a good holiday ... er, expedition, then?" Harry asked

"Oh, it was wonderful. We slept out in the forest every night, and I saw twenty-eight shooting stars. I made a wish for you on one of them, but I can't tell you what it is or it won't come true. Oh, hello, Professor," she said, seeming to notice Lupin for the first time. "You were the best Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher we've had, when are you coming back? Would either of you like a ride on Arjeplog? He's very nice, as long as you stay away from the spikes."

"I think I'll skip the ride," said Lupin, who was eyeing the Snorkack's rapidly undulating tail with some distrust, "but you go ahead if you like, Harry. I'll meet you in Flourish and Blotts in half an hour."

Cautiously, Harry climbed onto Arjeplog's back. It was a fast, bumpy ride, due to the fact that the animal moved by rearing up on its hind legs and then plunging forward, and after a few minutes Harry thought he'd had enough of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks for a while. "Let's go to Fred and George's joke shop," he suggested. "I've never been there."

Ron was stacking a tall pyramid of boxes labeled Smirking Stockings in the front window of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. "What do those do?" asked Harry.

George tore one of the boxes open and removed a pair of sheer, pale yellow stockings. "Made of the finest Chinese silk. The perfect gift for the lady in your life on a formal occasion - except they do have a peculiar effect on the facial expression."

He showed Harry a copy of the Daily Prophet, open to an article about the funeral of a prominent Ministry official. The twins' estranged brother Percy and his girlfriend were standing next to Cornelius Fudge, who seemed mesmerized by the broad, vapid grin on Penelope Clearwater's face. "They're engaged, you know. Prat didn't even tell us - Mum was terribly upset when she saw the announcement in the paper. We couldn't think of a better way to welcome her to the family than by sending her a complimentary pair."

"Check out these Midsummer Garlands, too," said Fred. He took a small wreath of blue flowers out of another box and twined it around his head. His ears lengthened, his face turned hairy, and in an instant, he had the head of a donkey. "Eeee-yooore! Eeee-yooore!" he brayed. He removed the garland and his head returned to normal. "Ever read any Shakespeare, Harry? For a Muggle, he had a pretty good imagination."

"We've got a two-in-one special on today," George added. "Buy any Midsummer Garland and we'll throw in some Essence of Love-In-Idleness for free. Put it on your victim's eyes when they're sleeping and they'll fall in love with the next being they see - "

"... or the next beast, if one happens to be at hand," Fred finished with a grin.

"Do you think that animal outside would like a lady friend? Dolores Umbridge, maybe?" suggested Ron.

"I don't think that would be very nice for Arjeplog," said Luna seriously.

"No, it probably wouldn't," Fred admitted. "Could I interest you in a Transparency Blanket for him instead? We have one that would fit him perfectly, so long as he doesn't fly. We made it for our hippogriff, but it keeps sliding off whenever he tries to stretch his wings."

"Snorkacks are flightless," said Luna, "and a Transparency Blanket would be perfect. I could ride him everywhere, not just Diagon Alley." She reached into her pocket and pulled out an odd assortment of gold Galleons, shoelaces, Chocolate Frog cards, clippings from The Quibbler, and a licorice fish. "Is this enough?"

"And then some," said Fred, going to get her change.

"Love the hat, Luna! I wonder if we could do something in that line, maybe with the mascots for all the Quidditch teams in Britain," said George. "How'd you manage to enchant it?"

"I didn't really," said Luna. "I just found the lion head at a bargain sale once, and stuck it onto an old hat with some Spellotape. It started roaring all by itself."

"Oh well, somebody must have enchanted it," said Fred confidently, "and I reckon we'll work out how to do it one way or another."

"Did you guys want to come and have some birthday cake this afternoon?" Harry asked. "And you too, Luna, of course."

"Too busy, I'm afraid - business is booming," said George. "You can have the afternoon off, though, little bro."

"Sure, I'll come," said Ron.

"I'd like to," murmured Luna, "but I didn't get you a present. Maybe something from here would do." She fingered a tartan-patterned box idly. "Do you like soap?"

"I think I'll skip the present," said Harry quickly. "I've had a lot of good ones already."