Moonlight

Chapter Thirteen

Pretty Women

Ill from morning sickness, Joanne was unable to accompany Remus and John on the trip to King's Cross that September the first to see Remus off for his sixth year at Hogwarts. After his father had clasped him in a one-armed hug, Remus hurried onto the train. As per usual, there was a book from their school list tucked under his arm, which he would give his customary perusing-through during the train ride. In his search for his friends, he found a compartment that had James, Sirius, and Peter's owls in it, but not James, Sirius, or Peter. He also spotted a note with his name on it lying on the seat. He set his book beside it and picked it up in both hands. He opened the flaps of the parchment and read:

Moony--

Can't say much--Helena Yeats is waiting for me--so I'll give you the gist. I'm with her, James is off hunting for Lily again, and Peter--hard to believe--is visiting the writer of some secret admirer's note he got yesterday by owl.

Anyway, got to go! Helena awaits!

We'll be back a little before the train starts!

--Padfoot

Remus raised his eyebrows as he folded up the note and tossed it back onto the seat. He sat down next to it, and reached over for his book. Who could possibly be Peter's secret admirer? James chasing Lily was no great shock, and neither were Helena Yeats and Sirius getting together. Helena was in their year but in Ravenclaw. He recalled her once last year during their defense against the dark arts written O.W.L. that while Sirius and James, having finished the exam early, were waiting to be dismissed, she, also having finished early, had been watching Sirius with a hopeful eye, although Sirius hadn't really noticed.

The fact that Sirius was incredibly good-looking in his tall-dark-and-handsome way was well known by any giggling girl that had laid eyes on him. James and Peter often picked on Sirius about why he didn't take one of them--he could have any one he wanted (save for Lily, of course). Sirius often got irked whenever they did this and would change the subject, until their last day of O.W.L.s, Sirius finally admitted, much to his friends' surprise: "If you all must know...er...women scare me."

Then James had laughed out loud, and Peter and joined in with him.

Remus on the other hand, was empathetic. "That's nothing to be ashamed of, Padfoot. Women scare me too." Especially one woman in particular, he'd added to himself.

"Cheers, Moony," said Sirius, smiling rather sheepishly in his gratitude.

But James, who was wiping tears out of his eyes, still laughed as he said, "Yeah, Moony, but unlike you, Padfoot has a private fan club of female stalkers who all giggle every he time glances over his shoulder at them!"

"That's probably because they know that after he sees them, his eyes fill with terror and he runs away like a yipping Chihuahua!" Peter cried, unable to help himself.

"OY! I will not be compared to some stupid little rat that has the nerve to call itself a dog!" Sirius snapped.

James and Peter had still continued to laugh, but even so, through his laughter, James agreed to give Sirius wooing lessons over the summer--to which Remus had said sarcastically, "You, Prongs? Give wooing lessons? You can't even woo Lily Evans into going out on at least one date with you."

That had sobered James up.

The corner of Remus' mouth twitched as he dwelled on the memory, paying no attention to what he was skimming through in his book.

"Remus?"

"Aaaah!" he yelled, throwing his textbook into the air. It landed onto the floor with a loud THUD. He looked up, and to his horror he saw--

Lily.

"I'm sorry," she said, tittering softly, amusement prancing in those haunting green eyes of hers. "Did I scare you?"

Remus, who had not spoken to Lily and had barely seen her ever since she'd kissed him in the Gryffindor common room last year, had been afraid of something like this happening when he came back to school: of Lily seeking him out...hoping to get him alone with her.... "Y-Yes, you did scare me," he said, his mouth dry. "A little."

He thought of Sirius' fear of women, how he'd described what it was like for him to try and talk to one: "I don't know what to say when they say something to me," he'd told Remus, James, and Peter. "All of a sudden my hands are all sweaty, and I lose all power of speech, because all I can think about is not making a fool of myself: so then I make a fool of myself because I'm standing there staring at them like some stupid troll. They just expect so bleeding much from you, and yet they don't tell you what they want. Anything you say could be a mistake, and then they expect you to know why you've upset them, even if you've never even spoken to them! They've got that--what is it?--women's intuition, and they assume men have it too! Ha! As if!"

Remus tried to smile, but it was shaky and awkward.

Lily approached him, her hands clasped behind her back.

Remus got to his feet automatically.

Lily stopped mere inches from him.

Remus' heart beat frantically, the blood howling in his veins, full of electricity at how close they were. He was lost in intoxication.

"You didn't write to me," she said quietly.

In his mind's eye, Remus could see flashing red warning lights go up at the disappointed tone in her voice. "I--I'm sorry," he stammered. Here was what Sirius had been talking about when he said that women expect you to know what they want. Lamely he used his mother's distressful summer of losing her entire Muggle family and finding out she was pregnant again as an excuse. Well, maybe it wasn't lame, but it was still an excuse. When he finished, he was relieved to see that Lily was understanding.

"Oh," she said, covering her mouth with her hands. Then she lowered them and said sincerely, "I'm sorry, Remus. About your mum's family, I mean."

Remus wasn't sure what to say, so he said nothing at all. But not wanting to gawp at her "like some stupid troll", he lowered his eyes to his shabby shoes.

Breaking the moment of discomfited silence that ensued, Lily asked, "How is she? Your mum?"

Remus looked up at her, grateful that she'd asked something he could readily answer. "She's getting better. I think--I think the prospect of having the baby is helping some. I mean that's been hard on her too, because she's tried three times already since I was born, and all of those pregnancies were miscarriages--"

"All that, and worrying about you too?"

"How did you know my mum's constantly worrying about me?"

As it happened, in addition to having an interest in defense against the dark arts and astrology, Remus had also, over just that past summer, redeveloped his old interest in drawing. When he was younger, he'd drawn hundreds of pictures, even after he'd been bitten, whereupon his drawings had turned more "nihilistic" and depressing, which eventually led him to quit drawing so much anymore. But over the past summer, for some reason, with so much going on in his life, he felt the need to take it up again. So, when Lily smiled then, her smile reminded him of a Muggle painting he'd seen in a Muggle art book of his mother's he'd recently perused through of a woman smiling a mysterious smile--a painting called the Mona Lisa.

The effect on Remus was that it took his breath away.

"Oh come on, Remus," Lily said to him, still smiling mysteriously. "I would think that if my kid were a werewolf, I'd constantly worry about him or her. I mean--I mean you've told me how awful it is for you every full moon, and even if you didn't tell me, I'd still have a feeling that it was, because after every full moon you look so ill and exhausted. Any mother would feel worried like that--wishing they could protect you from what has to happen to you every month...wishing they could take it away...."

While she'd been speaking, she'd gradually closed the small gap between them, and Remus' discomfort levels were skyrocketing. Not that he wasn't taking pleasure in being so close to her for the second time in his life, but it was just that along with it came a feeling of closeness in general...like the walls of the compartment were closing in around them.

She brushed her lips against his.

His internal response was crackling sparks that spread from his own lips to the rest of his body, causing him to shiver. More, a voice in his head said to him. I want more. That feel's sooooo goooooood....

His external response, thusly, was to close his eyes and clamp his lips down on hers--hard.

She gave a small, "Mmph!" of surprise, but did not tear herself away. Instead she twined his arms around his neck.

No, she doesn't want this, remember? She'll regret it, you know she will! She'll be disgusted! If this goes any farther--what if she sees your scars...?

While Remus didn't have any scars on his face, or his hands, he did have ones on his arms, torso, and legs. And the thought of her seeing them--if their relationship were to ever get to the point where she'd be given the opportunity to see them--well, he couldn't let it get that far. And instead of ending it after being with her for a little while, he knew it would hurt her less if he just cut to the chase and ended it now.

Mustering all of his conviction, Remus seized Lily by the shoulders--and before he allowed himself to really know the feeling of them in his hands--he gave a fast, hard shove with them, pushing her away and breaking the kiss. Now that she was at arm's length from him, he turned away from her, ashamed somehow of what he'd just done. Saddened, in fact.

"Remus? What's the matter?"

Remus' heart panged at her tone of voice. It sounded as though she might start crying. He took a deep, shuddering breath, and said, "I--We can't do this, Lily."

"Why not? Is it because you're a werewolf? Is that it?"

"I don't--You don't want...me." He closed his eyes and shuddered as he heard Lily laugh behind him.

"Don't be silly! Of course I want you."

"You won't always want me. There are things about me that will turn you off." Yeah. Big ugly scars all over my body from all those times I'd nearly attack somebody and James and Sirius would have to fight me to bring my mind back.... "Lycanthropy isn't a pretty sight, Lily. I don't want your pretty eyes to see it. And I don't think your pretty eyes would want to either, quite frankly." Before she could argue, he turned to face her and plowed on. "No, listen to me. You really ought to give James a chance. He's trying to change. He's doing it for you. You must at least like him...a little?"

Lily, who had indeed been about to argue with him, still had her mouth open to protest. She closed it now as she considered Remus' question. Then she said, very quietly, "Not as much as you."

Remus sighed and closed his eyes. "Lily, I--I really, really, really like you. And I--One day, you're going to see the werewolf side of me, and it'll repulse you. We should end it now...before we let ourselves get in too deep and...break somebody's heart...." He swallowed and opened his eyes. He saw no tears, but he did see sadness in her expression. "I'm sorry. I'm just--I'm afraid that no woman other than you will ever want me.... I don't think I can ever have what normal people have. No matter how charming, or good-looking I was, the fact that I'm a werewolf would send every pretty girl away, never wanting to set eyes on me again. I want you and me to always stay friends, and never let anything taint that because you saw something of the dark monster inside of me and it made you run away from me too. This is...for the best." He held out his hand. "Friends?" he offered hopefully.

Lily pursed her lips and looked into his eyes. She studied him like that for a very long moment, before taking a deep breath and saying at last, with a seemingly forced smile, "Friends." She took his hand and they shook.

Neither of them denied the thrill they both experienced from the physical contact. Both of them ended the exchange with palpable reluctance.

Remus clasped his hands behind his back, and Lily mirrored him.

"Remus," she said with some difficulty. "I think...I understand you...a little.... No one likes a broken heart, and more than likely, lots of girls will break yours, unless they're a werewolf too, I suppose...so naturally you're very wise to choose a life of...mmm...solitude...but...." She averted her gaze and whispered, "I wish you didn't have to choose such a life."

From out in the corridor, they heard a girl's voice exclaim in a vituperatively playful manner: "Sirius Black, you tease, get back here!"

"I'd better go," said Lily, going slightly pink. "See you around, then?" She smiled uncertainly.

Remus smiled weakly in return. "Yeah. See you around."

She turned and left, Remus drinking in the sight of her fiery red hair whipping around the corner, trying to ignore the sound of his heart as it crushed into itself inside his chest. Once she was gone, Sirius stumbled in with a young witch with curly brunette hair at his heels.

"No, Helena! Please!" Sirius laughed, tears leaking from his eyes.

"Not yet!" laughed Helena Yeats, grabbing Sirius by the crook of his elbow and pulling him hard towards her.

Completely oblivious of Remus' presence for the moment, the two of them kissed in the doorway, both of them giving a small moan of pleasure. When they ended it, Helena drew the tip of her index finger down Sirius' nose and teased, "See you later?"

"Naturally, luv," Sirius whispered.

They squeezed hands briefly as Helena walked away down the corridor and let go after she was out of sight.

Sirius continued to watch her from the doorway, his eyes full of dreamy elation.

A smile played at the corner of Remus' lips, despite the cloud of misery hanging over him. Remus' remark notwithstanding, James had continued as planned with giving Sirius "wooing lessons" over that summer...and it seems that the lessons had paid off after all.

When Sirius still didn't turn around, Remus cleared his throat.

Sirius jumped and swiveled on the spot. "Yah! Moony! Oh , God! You--You haven't been here--?"

"Don't worry about it," said Remus, still grinning with genuine amusement, and waving a carefree hand. "Prongs' lessons paid off, I see?"

"Yeah," said Sirius. He beamed shyly, rubbing the back of his neck and crossing to the window to lounge next to it in the seat. Then he seemed to come out of his Helena-Yeats-dream-world and said, his gray eyes focusing more, "So, how was your summer holiday?"

Remus sat across from Sirius and explained to him about his mother's family and her new pregnancy. When he finished, Sirius' eyes were wide.

"Wow," he said, shaking his head. "That's rough."

Even with his trying to repress the melancholy settling inside him from turning down the woman whom he'd loved for as long as he could remember, talking about other misfortunes in his life made the feelings resurface as he thought despondently: You have no idea, Padfoot.

~

Things were awkward for a little while, but as the school year progressed, Remus and Lily were able to speak to each other like old friends again.

In the meantime, something else came to occupy Remus' mind. One day in mid-September, as he was racing up a staircase on his way to grab something from his dormitory in Gryffindor tower, he slipped, but, for some reason, he thought the words: Wingardium leviosa! Even though it couldn't possibly help him when he wasn't using a wand. Yet, as he thought them, he levitated in the air for a moment, and then landed safely on the step on his own two feet.

How had he done it?

Fortunately someone--Professor Slughorn, in fact, who had just come up from the dungeons--saw it happen, and Remus was about to get his answer. "You too, m'boy?" he boomed, striding over to a slightly shaken Remus.

"Me...too? What?" Remus asked, a bit disoriented. He furrowed his brow as Slughorn helped him collect his books, which he'd dropped in mid-fall. He had to look down at Slughorn, because considering how lanky Remus had grown, Slughorn only came up to Remus' thin chest.

Slughorn's smile widened beneath his walrus mustache. "Ah, it just so happens that Professor Dumbledore is meeting with the other one. Incidentally, I saw him doing it on his way out of the dungeons earlier today! He'll be pleased to know he's not the only one! Come along m'boy: it's Lupin, right? Remus Lupin?"

"Er, yes--yaaaah!" Remus yelled as Slughorn gave him such a hard tug by the arm that he dropped all of his books again.

Luckily Slughorn gave a wave of his wand and sent them all up to Remus' dormitory. When they reached the headmaster's office, Slughorn gave the password and then knocked on the door.

"Enter!" came Dumbledore's voice from within.

Slughorn opened the door and led Remus inside the office filled with all sorts of silver whirring and clicking wizarding knick-knacks and gizmos. From behind his desk, Dumbledore looked up at Remus as he and Slughorn approached and beamed. Beside him, on his perch was Fawkes the phoenix, who eyed Remus with a tilt of his head.

"Ah, Mister Lupin. Professor. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Pardon me for interrupting, sir," said Slughorn boisterously, "but I thought since you were just about to chat with young Mister Snape here about the same thing...."

For a moment Remus stopped paying attention to what Slughorn was saying and looked over, and for the first time he realized the presence of another young man like Remus in the room: Severus Snape.

Severus narrowed his eyes and looked away from Remus, fixing his harsh stare on the headmaster instead.

Remus sighed and also returned his attention to the headmaster, who was beaming even more widely.

"Indeed, Horace?" he said. He eyed Remus and raised his eyebrows. "Well then, this certainly saves us some time. Instead of two separate meetings, we can just have one with the both of them here. Thank you, Horace."

"Not at all, not at all," said Slughorn modestly, withdrawing from the room.

Once the door had closed with a snap, Dumbledore turned to Remus and Severus and said: "You are both probably wondering why the two of you have been brought here. I will tell you that it has to do with the fact that the both of you somehow managed to make yourselves levitate for a moment without the use of a wand."

Had Severus and Remus been friends, they would have exchanged glances then. But, as they weren't, they did not. They both however continued to look confusedly at Dumbledore.

"The fact that you can do this--though of course, if you were to try to do it again, you most certainly wouldn't be able to do it a second time in a row, only because for now you have no control--but the fact that you were both able to do this once, means you can learn how to control it, so that you can do it again if you want to." He paused a moment, surveying them over the rims of his half-moon spectacles with his bright blue eyes, his fingertips pressed lightly together. "I am talking about the art of wandless magic. Both of you have demonstrated the potential to learn it."

Remus raised his eyebrows. And without thinking, he and Severus did exchange looks. Then they remembered that they weren't friends and looked away again.

"We'll start you on lessons next Tuesday evening, at eight o'clock, here in my office," said Dumbledore. "Do not be late...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That's it! Ted, who had immediately cracked open his father's journal the moment he and Rodger had returned to the dormitory, leapt from his bed. He threw a pillow at Rodger's head. "Rodger!" he whispered loudly.

"W-What? Wazgonon?" Rodger mumbled, turning over to look at Ted with bleary eyes in the dark.

"Get up. Quick. I want you to see something. Come on, Rodger, this is important!"

"Alright, alright...." Sluggishly, Rodger dragged himself out of his comfy bed and followed Ted down the stone steps to the empty and gloomy Gryffindor common room. "Ted, I just got to sleep...."

"Shhh! Just watch."

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Ted pulled out his wand and pointed it at the dying embers in the fireplace. "Incendio!"

A jet of fire shot from the end of his wand and hit the coals. A fresh fire began to crackle merrily in the fireplace.

"Now, just watch," Ted said to Rodger. "Watch what happens when I run up the stairs."

Rodger rolled his eyes. "Okay, mate. Whatever you say," he said, leaning back against the edge of a table and folding his arms over his chest.

Ted ran up the steps. He didn't slip. Not once. Of all the times not to be a klutz! He jogged back down and tried again. Again, he managed it perfectly. How did he suddenly become so coordinated? He always tripped up on these steps when he tried to run up them.

As he raced down to the bottom again, Rodger said irksomely, "Ted, what in Merlin's name are you doing?"

"Just wait," Ted implored him, folding his hands as if in supplication. "You'll see. Trust me."

"Never trust a man who says 'trust me'," Rodger muttered under his breath.

Ted ran up the stairs. Again. And again, not a single slip up. What the hell was going on...? He jogged back down the steps in frustration--

"Ted, careful!" Rodger exclaimed, his eyes wide, his arms uncrossed, standing up straighter.

Even as he said it, Ted felt the force of gravity drag him down as his heel slipped on the step. As he descended to what seemed to be an unpleasant collision of stone and his tailbone, he thought desperately, Wingardium leviosa!

He stopped falling.

He heard Rodger suck in his breath.

Ted positioned his legs so that as he slowly drifted down, and landed lightly on his feet.

"How did you do that?" Rodger asked hoarsely.

"I think I might have the potential to learn wandless magic!" Ted said excitedly, carefully making the rest of his way down the steps. "Just like my dad."

"Your dad--?"

"I'll explain later."

"I'm getting Longbottom," said Rodger.

Ted was glad to hear this, and watched him happily as he went out through the portrait hole.

Rodger returned momentarily with Professor Neville Longbottom, head of Gryffindor house, at his heels in a long red bathrobe, his dark hair tousled. He had his hands behind his back, and his brow was furrowed.

"Ted," the young, slightly absent-minded herbology professor said as he strode towards him. "What's the trouble, here? Rodger here said you did...wandless magic?"

"Professor," Ted said, his tone serious. "Do you recall our first day of herbology?"

Professor Longbottom smiled bemusedly. "Not really, but...I do remember you had your first-year's defense against the dark arts book open when you were supposed to be paying attention to how to properly prune a phloxseed bush."

Ted grinned sheepishly. "Right. And then you said something to me later--"

"Oh, now I remember! After class you were trailing after everyone else, and you tripped and dropped all of your books. And then as Rodger and I were helping you pick them up, I happened across that same defense book and asked you if you knew that your dad had once taught defense against the dark arts here at Hogwarts for a year."

"I did know, and you told me that he was the best that you ever had while you were at school."

Longbottom's smiled turned slightly wistful, but at the same time he chuckled. "I'll never forget our first lesson with him: boggart-Snape in my dear old gran's dress and big stuffed vulture hat."

Ted chuckled too, remembering a story his godfather had once told him when he was little--another one of the very few he'd managed to sneak in undercover from his grandmother, Andromeda.

Rodger glanced from him to Longbottom, utterly confused.

And then Ted asked Longbottom, "Do you remember if my dad was ever able to do any sort of magic without using a wand?"

Longbottom thought very hard, scratching his head and leaning back against the same table against which Rodger had been leaning earlier. "Mmm...mmm...no...not that I...remember.... Wait! I do remember. Yes...I think...I think.... Yes! I do! I do remember! But why do you want to know?"

Although Ted was curious as to know what sort of wandless magic Longbottom had seen his father do, he decided he had more important things to see to at the moment. Clearing his throat, he said, "Could I see the headmistress, sir? I think--I think I can do it too. And I was reading in my dad's old journal that when he found out he could do it, Professor Dumbledore scheduled him to take private lessons on learning it. Rodger'll have to come too, because he saw it happen, so he can testify for proof, if necessary."

Longbottom thought another moment, and then said, "Let me run it by Professor Bones tomorrow morning, and I'll see what I can do, Ted. Alright?"

Ted nodded. "Thank you, Professor. Well, g'night, then, sir."

"Good night, Ted. I'm glad I could help." Turning to Rodger he said, "Good night to you too, Rodger."

"G'night, sir," said Rodger.

Professor Longbottom turned away, and Ted and Rodger watched him climb through the portrait hole and disappear from the common room.

And then, while Rodger snuggled up underneath the covers again, Ted returned to reading his father's journal by the light of his wand tip.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Wandless magic?" James was aghast, as were Sirius and Peter. "Cool."

"All except for the bit about having to take his lessons with Snivellus," Sirius remarked as he lounged in one of the squashy, fireside armchairs in the Gryffindor common room. He was supposed to be working on an essay for his N.E.W.T. level defense against the dark arts class, but at the moment he wasn't in the mood to keep going.

He, James, and surprisingly, Peter, were all taking classes to qualify for Auror training that year. Remus, on the other hand, had read up on the employment policy of werewolves and had been unhappy to find that his opportunities were limited--and they did not include training to become an Auror. However, Professor Dumbledore had had a talk with Remus. He believed that Remus should try for whatever career he wanted to, because he was an exceptional student, and one day the Ministry and the Wizarding World would learn to see past his condition and only see his exceptional talents too.

But Remus actually wasn't interested in becoming an Auror. "I think I'd like to become an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries," he'd confided in Professor McGonagall last year during their mandatory career consultation, and then later on to his friends that same day. He remembered that the first thing out of his friends' mouths were that when he was an Unspeakable, he still had to keep in touch with them and not go all secretive. Remus had smiled quietly at this. When he'd told Lily, he was surprised when she said that she too was interested in working as an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries. Meanwhile, McGonagall had told him that the courses he had to take were the same as the ones that had to be taken to qualify for Auror training.

Remus wasn't sure what the attraction had been to working in the Department of Mysteries. He supposed that it had to do with his fascination with solving puzzles and problems. He also found the secretiveness of it intriguing. Seclusion was a place he enjoyed from time to time, unlike James and Sirius, who often liked to put themselves out there as the center of attention in the Gryffindor common room, showing off fancy tricks with their wands and nearly all of Gryffindor cheering them on and laughing, and Peter, who always tagged along with them.

The workload was significantly higher than they'd ever had before, but Remus and Severus not only had all of these N.E.W.T. level classes to contend with, but also learning wandless magic together at their biweekly lessons every Tuesday and Thursday in Dumbledore's office.

Their first task was to learn to master their ability to wandlessly perform the Levitation Charm, which was what they'd done without control before. Neither of them managed it by the end of the first lesson. Their homework was to read up on the theory. With all of Remus' other assignments, he didn't manage to get to his assignment for wandless magic until an hour before he had to leave for his second lesson on that very Thursday evening two days later.

Sirius and James passed him on their way out to go serve their separate detentions, which they'd received for miraculously planting frog spawn (charmed to multiply when touched) in Severus' trunk. According to them in Remus and Peter's confidence, they had managed it with the help of James' invisibility cloak, and a special knife of Sirius' that could open any lock, which he'd received as a Christmas present last year from his Uncle Alphard. After Remus' first wandless magic lesson, they had asked him how it went when he'd returned. Now as they passed, they both clapped him on the shoulder and wished him luck.

"Don't let Snivellus get you down," said Sirius with a wink. "You got your mirror?" he added to James, referring to their set of two-way mirrors--a fourteenth birthday present from Uncle Alphard--which he and James used to talk to each other when they were in separate detentions.

"Got it," James confirmed, showing Sirius the mirror that Sirius had given him from the set of two. Looking over his shoulder and grinning, he said to Remus, "You show that Snivellus you know what's what in wandless magic."

"Cheers, Prongs," Remus said, returning the grin. "Cheers, Padfoot," he added to Sirius.

"Well, Prongs," said Sirius, motioning James theatrically to the portrait hole, "we'd better go. Those trophies won't shine themselves the Muggle way for you--and I know for a fact that those bedpans won't be cleaning themselves the Muggle way for me either."

~

Both Remus and Severus were both equally accomplished in their abilities at wandless magic. As the weeks went by, they both worked to achieve the highest possible level in the art of it. In the presence of the headmaster, they were both quite civil to each other, which Remus did not fail to report to his friends.

"I would've thought he wouldn't be," said James thoughtfully. "I mean he always had that weird suspicion that you had thing for Lily--you know, back when they were friends--but anyway, I would've thought that now that she's not hanging around with him at all, his stupid jealousy would've increased, because obviously she still likes you well enough, and well...I mean I think that'd be grounds for him to risk being a little nasty with you."

Remus was as Lily had put it, a non-"feeling-revealing" sort of person--otherwise known as a stoic, though in Remus' case he may not have been an absolute stoic--he was just one when it came to feelings of intensity and depth, like love, for instance. Had Remus been younger, he would have blushed while listening to James' words, but by now he'd learned how to hear Lily's name without so much as even the slightest flustering of his movement. In fact, he went so far as to sometimes speak of her in a tone that bordered on indifference. So, happily, he was quite capable of keeping his exterior calm as he listened to James' case for why Severus might have good reason to not be civil with Remus during their private lessons with Dumbledore. On the inside however, his heart was hammering at the speed of a hummingbird's wings.

But judging even by the calm response he gave, his friends could not have known. "Well, he only thought I had a thing for her. As for you, well, he hates you more, for one, and he also knows you've got a thing for her." He sharpened the tip of his charcoal pencil with his special sharpening tool and returned to his pad of drawing paper, where he was covertly and masterfully sketching Lily as she sat on the other side of the common room beneath the window with her girl friends, with no one being the wiser.

~

The moment after Dumbledore had first told Remus about having private lessons for learning wandless magic, he'd written his parents. They'd written back at once in John's hand, saying how proud they both were of him, and telling him that they weren't surprised, because apparently John's older sister Suzanne (Susie, for short) had had that ability too. Unfortunately, Remus' Aunt Susie had died seven years ago--and as it turned out, she too had been an Unspeakable in the Department of Mysteries. But, as she was dead, Remus couldn't talk to her about that, or about wandless magic.

Fortunately, learning wandless magic wasn't like their standard magical education with a wand: their biweekly lessons lasted from when they started in mid-September all the way to the week before the Christmas holidays. With wandless magic, there is only so far you can go. Only the simplest of spells could be done wandlessly (go too powerful, and it could actually kill you trying to do it), among them, the Levitation Charm, the Fire Charm (Remus had particularly enjoyed learning to do that one, because he liked the idea of being able to cup his hands together and hold flames in them), and the Vanishing Spell, which was performed with a wave of the wand hand. And because wandless magic was non-verbal, Remus and Severus were of course both quite apt at non-verbal spells with a wand as well.

When Remus and Severus parted ways in silence after their last lesson--which included a well-earned congratulations from Dumbledore--it was the last time Remus ever really saw Severus again.

~

During the winter holiday break, Remus went home to his family as usual. His aptitude for stoicism came in handy again in getting over the shock at seeing his mother, who was now about seven months along in her pregnancy, and needless to say she was showing quite a lot. But it actually also helped that for the first time in what seemed like a long time, she seemed to be in bright spirits--not just pretend ones for show--but truly, genuinely bright spirits. She'd just seen her Muggle practitioner--as well as a St. Mungo's healer upon John's insistence, although they'd had to be careful now that even St. Mungo's had become a dangerous place, which was why John and Joanne had both decided to make this baby's delivery an at-home birth--and she'd been told by both the doctor and the healer (though on separate appointments, of course) that the baby was doing quite well.

John's spirits seemed to have brightened as well. It wasn't long before Remus became an audience to stories about when he was an infant.

"You hardly ever cried," John was telling him as he and Remus were preparing the Christmas ham in the kitchen. "And you were an early everything, really."

"Early everything?" Remus asked as he took a stack of plates out of the cupboard.

John's smile widened. "You learned pretty much everything earlier than most kids. You were an early smiler, an early walker, an early talker--your little brain developed like there was no tomorrow! Merlin, even later on, you showed signs of magic earlier than average. Most kids show it around the age of six or seven. You showed it at the age of four."

Remus raised his eyebrows, grinning. "You sure you're not exaggerating just a little, Dad?"

John's eyes widened as though taken aback, but then his smile returned, but this time it was slightly sheepish. "Well...okay, maybe you were five, but that's still earlier than average."

After Christmas dinner the Lupins shared a round of eggnog--all except for Joanne, who couldn't have any because eggnog was on her list of foods to avoid during pregnancy. Actually, even if she wasn't pregnant, she still wouldn't have had any, because she didn't care for eggnog. So while her husband and son drank it before the sitting room fire--her husband also absently fiddling with an old watch the Muggle way on the coffee table--she sat with them, crocheting something.

"What is it, Mum?" Remus asked her.

"It's going to be a quilt for the baby," his mother replied, beaming at him. "I still have the one I made you. It's packed away in the attic along with all of your other things from when you were little."

"Why don't you just let the baby have it?" Remus wondered. "I mean," he added with a laugh, "I'm certainly not going to use it anymore."

"No," Joanne laughed, "but I'd rather make a new one, so the baby will have one of its very own, like you did. Besides, I mean I know you're only sixteen-going-on-seventeen, but who knows how long it'll be before you're expecting. I mean obviously not you technically, but you know...." Her smile reminded Remus of the Mona Lisa, just as Lily's had that day on the train on their first day back to school that year.

Remus' own smile saddened a little. "Oh, Mum. I don't think I'm ever going to tie the knot and have a kid. You know how normal birds are about blokes who're werewolves. They kind of...don't care for it too much, if you know what I mean."

Briefly, John and Joanne exchanged significant looks.

Then Joanne said to Remus, "Well, perhaps you'll meet a lovely young woman who's a werewolf too."

"Maybe," said Remus, staring down into his eggnog. "Except I read somewhere that werewolves are typically sterile."

"There's always adoption," said Joanne.

Despite his gloom, Remus could not help but feel happy. It was such a wonderful thing to hear his mother speak so optimistically again.

Joanne suddenly sat up straighter in her chair, placing a hand on her rounded-out belly. Then slowly she smiled.

John glanced up at her from the watch. "Is it kicking again?"

Joanne nodded fervently. As John set down his tools and rose from the sofa, she said, "Remus, you come feel too."

Remus hesitated, and then he set down his goblet of eggnog and rose from the sofa, following his father. When he reached his mother, he saw that she had lifted up her blouse to expose her abdomen. John had a hand and an ear pressed to it as he knelt beside her. Then, without warning, Remus saw a small bulge rise from within Joanne's stomach, and then disappear. He looked up at his parents, his mouth slightly open.

"It's okay Remus," said Joanne, reaching for his hand. "That's just the baby." She pulled his hand towards and laid it on her stomach next to John's.

Remus knelt down beside her chair like his father was doing and waited. And then...he felt it. The bulge rising up from inside his mother, and then back down again. It was...weird.

~

The next morning Remus came downstairs to find his mother sitting in a chair by the living room window. Her hands rested on her belly as she gazed down at it, caressing it absently and humming a lullaby, the tune of which Remus vaguely remembered from when he was a very small child. Silently he went back to his room and pulled out his sketchpad and his charcoal pencil from his bag. When he returned, he slipped into the room and sat down on the sofa and immediately began sketching his mother.

Joanne looked up at the sound of his faintly scratching charcoal pencil. "Good morning, Remus," she said pleasantly.

"'Morning, Mum," Remus replied, briefly glancing up from his drawing.

"What are you drawing?"

"You."

"Oh." She sounded a little embarrassed.

Then John entered the room in his pajamas and robe, holding the Daily Prophet in one hand and scratching the back of his head with the other. As he walked by behind the sofa, he noticed Remus was sketching and took a peek, unable to help himself most likely, because Remus had told him he preferred not having people look over his shoulder while he drew. Remus didn't mind this time though. He was almost finished anyway. So, he asked his father what he thought of the finished product.

John smiled, glancing over at his wife. "She's beautiful, son."

~

Two days after Christmas was a full moon. The transformation was again, terrible: his friends weren't there, of course. When Remus woke up in his bed the following morning, he woke not to his mother, as he normally did when he was at home, but to his father. But he knew his mother was hindered from doing what she normally did by her pregnancy, and so was not too surprised.

"Hey, Dad," he said groggily.

John smiled that smile of his that was half-affectionate, half-mournfully guilty. He reached over and brushed a few bangs out of Remus' face, and then absently ruffled his hair. "You're brave, you know that, son? I'm proud of you."

"I'm not a Gryffindor for nothing, Dad," said Remus hoarsely, managing a weak smile before drifting back to sleep.

~

Returning to school from the holidays, the next couple of months were a bit of a blur. Lily expressed her concerns about Remus' mother, and he, in turn, expressed unconditional concern for the aspects in her own life, like her estranged relationship with her older sister, who was now away at what Muggles called, "university".

"I don't know why she bothered going," Lily admitted with a sigh as they walked down the corridor, carrying their books. "She'll just end up being a housewife. That's the type she is. Very conservative, politically and otherwise."

"Does she say anything to you?" Remus asked.

"She talks to Mum and Dad mostly. But occasionally she notifies me of goings on in her life--or at least she has Mum and Dad do it for her. I'm just glad that their feelings about my being a witch have always been opposite of what hers are. Anyway, apparently she's seeing this young bloke who's a student at the business school there. A Vernon Something--er, Delaney? No...Dursley. That's it. Vernon Dursley. Anyhow, apparently she's really infatuated with him. I swear she's going to marry him, be a housewife to him, and when they have a kid they're going to spoil it rotten. I just know it. I know my sister. I've lived with her my whole life...well, practically. Not so much since I came to Hogwarts, but anyway. I think it's exciting that you're getting a sibling. But I have to say, it's totally different from my situation. Not only are you older, but you're sixteen--almost seventeen years older! That's quite a gap."

"Yeah," said Remus with a chuckle. "Mum says I'll be more of a really young uncle, in a way. But a brother too, not just biologically, but also because he or she and I will probably do immature kid things when he or she gets older, like play pranks on our Mum and Dad. Or on each other."

"I'll bet if it's a boy you would. With girls I think the vibe is different. Though perhaps since you're a boy it may not matter. May just toughen her up. If it's a girl, I mean." Just then, she ran into some seventh-year Slytherin jerk that just walked away in the direction he'd been heading as soon as they had collided without so much as a "Sorry" or a "Pardon me", while all of Lily's books in her bag as well as in her arms went flying and crashing to the floor. "Bloody hell," Lily muttered getting on her hands and knees and starting to collect everything.

Remus got down on his hands and knees too--as did James, who came out of nowhere.

"Allow me to assist you, my dear Miss Lily," James said enthusiastically, snatching up books before Lily could protest.

"Oh so it's not 'Evans' anymore, is it?" Lily said coolly, keeping her eyes down on the books she was collecting in her arms. "It's 'Miss Lily' now?"

"I only always called you 'Evans' because we weren't friends," said James, sounding rather hurt. "I was being polite."

"Would it have killed you to add the 'Miss' then?"

Remus, who had suddenly become distracted by the exchange occurring between James and Lily, expected James to roll his eyes. However, to his surprise, James did not show the slightest sign of immature exasperation. Instead, he said, quite sincerely, "Yes, you're right. I suppose I could have. Well, at least I'm adding the 'Miss' now, eh?"

"But what makes you think you can call me Miss Lily instead of Miss Evans?" Here was another surprise: instead of a cold tone, as Remus had anticipated, Lily had said these next words in a tone of...well, something else. However she still stuffed the books from her bag back into her bag with perhaps a little more force than was necessary. And she continued to avoid James' eyes.

Nonetheless, Remus could not shake the feeling that this exchange held no hostility. In fact, if he didn't know any better, he'd say James and Lily were...flirting....

"I'd like to try and at least be friends," James was saying. "I know I'm a bit conceited--"

Lily snorted, a sardonic grin gracing her pretty features. "A bit?"

James continued as though nothing had happened. "--but I'm trying to change. Those may sound like empty words, I know, but they really aren't, even if you don't believe me. If anything, I'd like to learn a few tips on self-improvement, if that's any more or less convincing." He had been so fixated on her face that he hadn't noticed where his hand was going.

Lily became oddly flustered and reached rather frantically for another book. As soon as it landed on one, James, who had absently been reaching for the same exact book, ended up accidentally covering her hand instead with his own. She gasped and regarded their hands resting on top of each other on the book--Lily's charms book, actually. And then she looked up at James, who was still gazing at her with an endearing intensity. Admittedly James still hurled a jinx at Severus, but only whenever Severus did it to him first, and never around Lily anymore (although since the termination of her and Severus' friendship, that wasn't quite so hard to do nowadays). Otherwise, James had actually really matured quite a bit since their previous year. As his and Lily's gazes locked, Lily turned slightly pink, and...smiled...rather sheepishly....

Unable to abide watching this, Remus gave a nervous cough and edged away, gathering some books and pretending he wasn't there. However, he could not help but listen as Lily and James both gave a nervous laugh.

"Sorry," they both muttered at the same time.

"Here are your books, then," said James, clearing his throat.

"Thanks," said Lily quietly. She got to her feet and turned to Remus, who still knelt on the floor. "Oh, I'll take those too, Remus," she added. She sounded like she was on the verge of giggling.

Remus forced a smile and got to his feet, handing Lily her books.

"I'd better go," she said, taking the books and clearing her throat as well. "Cheers, Remus. You too, James." She quickly walked away, hugging the books Remus had handed her close to her chest.

As Remus and James watched her leave them, Remus knew that she had run away for a reason, because of course he and she had been planning on heading to the library together. But now that the man she loved who had turned her down and the man she realized she might be starting to fancy even though she never thought she would in a million years were present at the same awkward situation, it was enough to drive anyone to seek some solitude.

James, who was of course oblivious to how Remus felt about Lily--and Remus hoped to keep it that way--turned around, beaming from ear to ear. "I think that went well, don't you, mate?"

"I think you might have a chance with her after all," said Remus, clapping James on the shoulder with sincere congratulations.

"Well, it's a start. Hey, you seen Padfoot anywhere?"

"Nope."

"Ah well. More fun for you and me. Fancy a round of your Exploding Snap game up in the common room?"

"Well...I was on my way to the library--"

James rolled his eyes. That was the old James right there. "Moony, you've been studying without a break for the past two days! You need some you time too, you know."

Deciding that maybe Lily was in the library, Remus thought it wise not to go there after all and said, "You're right." And he had to admit, that James actually was right. So they walked together up to Gryffindor tower, chatting about the last Inter-house Quidditch match.

Later, when they were playing their second round of Exploding Snap at their usual spot by the fire--they were actually the only two in the entire common room--they heard someone climb in through the portrait hole. They looked around to see that it was Peter, who positively beamed with glee.

"What's up, Wormy?" James asked as Peter joined them at the table where they were playing their game.

"I've got a date with Cicely Sterling next Hogsmeade weekend! On Valentine's Day!" Peter said excitedly. "We're going to go have a coffee at Madam Puddifoot's--"

As Remus and James rolled their eyes, they heard someone else come in through the portrait hole, and Sirius' voice say, "Madam Puddifoot's? Please. You call that a date? That's nothing compared to what dear Helena and I have planned for Valentine's Day this year." Although he didn't slur, he sounded like he was a tad drunk as he swaggered over to them and sidled in between James and Peter.

James, who was in the perfect position to just happen to be looking right at it, noticed it first. "Padfoot, what is that on your neck?"

Sirius, whose unfocused eyes suggested he was off in some dreamy alternate reality, stared confusedly at James a moment, and then grinned devilishly. "Oh that?" He pulled open the collar of his jumper more so that Remus and Peter could also see it as well: a red spot roughly the size of a Knut on the side of his neck. "That, gentlemen, is what we call a 'hickey'."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Helena's work, I presume?"

"Oh, she does work wonders, doesn't she?" Sirius replied dreamily, gazing upward into space, no doubt re-visiting in his mind what must have just transpired between him and Helena Yeats.

~

On February the 9th, at around 7 o'clock in the evening, Remus received a special call from his parents to return home straight away. Along with the official form of approval signed by Dumbledore and McGonagall and the note that his father had addressed to them, Remus also received the actual note that was meant for him personally.



9 February 1977



Dear Remus,



It's a boy! Your mum's had the baby, and it's a boy! I've written a note for Professor Dumbledore giving you permission to come home for a weekend visit so you can meet him. We've named him Ramirus. We figured since you were named after your great-uncle Remus, we should name your brother after your other great-uncle, Ramirus, so there you are! Though of course, his middle name is for your mum's father, Neal.

Hope to see you soon!

Love,

Dad



Remus blinked. Ramirus Neal Lupin. Not bad. After he wrote a reply to his father's letter and notified Dumbledore that he would be leaving that Friday afternoon as soon as he was finished with his classes, he told his friends the news of his newborn brother. And then on Friday he met his father at the gates, who hugged him and took him home via Side-Along Apparition (Remus found that if this was what Apparating felt like, he wasn't sure he liked it too much, and now only really wanted to learn it because it was a practical thing to be able to do--and have a license for, for that matter).

"Jo! Rammy! We're home!" John announced cheerfully as he and Remus entered the Lupins' home in the deciduous forest.

"In the kitchen!"

"I'll take my bags up to my room first, Dad," said Remus.

"Good idea," said John. "Don't be too long though."

"I won't." Remus took his bags up like he said he would, and then came back down. As he entered the kitchen, he wondered why he felt so apprehensive about meeting his new sibling.

"Ah, Remus, there you are," said John, beaming. He had been bending over something Joanne was holding in her arms, while Joanne sat at the kitchen table with her back to the door.

As John straightened up, Joanne looked over her shoulder and beamed at Remus too. "Remus, come see," she said, her voice filled with excitement.

Remus came around the kitchen table. His father took a step back to make room, and there bundled up in a white blanket in his mother's arms was a tiny baby. He could only see little Ramirus Lupin's exposed face, for the rest was tucked inside the cloth. On his head was a tuft of pale brown hair, and he fixed Remus with silvery eyes, which he then shut tight as he let out a tiny sneeze, followed by a tiny cough.

"Oh! Bless you!" said Joanne, raising Ramirus up higher so she could nuzzle his nose with hers. "Doesn't he look like Remus, John?"

"He certainly does," said John, who reached out with his index finger and lightly stroked his second-born son's cheek.

Joanne looked up at Remus expectantly. "What do you think? Would you like to hold him?"

"Er...." Remus took an involuntary step backwards. The truth was that he really didn't know what to make of this infant child that seemed to have suddenly appeared into his life, even though he knew it was coming months in advance. All he could do was stare at Ramirus with apprehension. He never thought of himself as an older brother, and now he was one. What would that mean for his parents, trying to raise a child while their older one was a rampaging werewolf once a month? Of course, that wasn't the only thing bothering Remus. Ramirus' arrival was going to complicate all of the Lupins' lives, and Remus had enough complication in his life already.

He felt his father touch his shoulder and saw that he was fixing him with a gaze of paternal warmth. "It's okay, son. Just give it a go. He wiggles a bit--like you did, but you won't drop him or anything."

"Okay," said Remus, sinking down into a chair next to his mother. He held out his arms as she handed Ramirus off to him.

"Just make sure you support his head now," she instructed. "Kind of let it rest on your elbow."

As Remus felt the weight of his little brother slowly sink into his arms, he half-panicked and held him close to his chest, extremely conscientious of supporting the head on the crook of his arm, where his elbow was. His eyes widened as he stared down at the tiny person he now held, and had to admit that there was a thrill to the experience--and he was just the brother: he couldn't begin to imagine what his father must be feeling. Yet now he didn't see Ramirus so much as a complication, but an addition--an addition that he was willing to assist with if need be. "Hey there, little bro," he said softly with a grin.

Ramirus stared back, blinking.

Remus looked up at his parents, still grinning. "He's really cute," he said sincerely.

Later on, when John had taken Ramirus from Remus and carried him to the bassinet in the living room, they found Remus watching Ramirus while he slept, and then as he woke, Remus reached out a finger and let Ramirus grasp it. Remus commented on how strong his grip was for such a tiny person. And then he noticed a small birthmark on the right side of Ramirus' neck that resembled a five-point star. He asked his parents if they'd noticed. They told him that they had.

That evening, Remus could be found sketching in his sketch book a picture of Ramirus awake and Ramirus asleep, paying excellent attention (as he always did) to detail. Every picture he'd sketched was of someone he knew, someone close to him, and even a few strangers--and he knew their every line and wrinkle and dimple and curve and mark by heart. But the only drawings he ever added color to were the ones of Lily, and that was for the sake of her fiery red hair and her almond-shaped eyes that were like green peridots filtering sunlight.