Beware of the Fat Muggle In Love

----beware of the fat muggle in love part 6. "Dude looks like a lady"------

Halloween was creeping up on the students of Hogwarts.

Harry had no idea still what to go as to the party; there really wasn't that much charm in going as a vampire anymore and a goblin was just too ugly.

No one knew what Hermione was going as and that mystery was growing for every day that passed.

She had told no one and wouldn't even tell Harry and Ron.

Ron however, was going as a werewolf. That everyone knew and they were not impressed.

But Ron was confident that he would win the costume competition by a landslide.

Everyone (except Harry, Ron and Hermione) had laughed when Neville told them that he would be going as an Auror.

Usually he would be taken down by such criticism, but he was determined to go as an Auror to the party.

Dudley was thinking of going as an animal of some sort but he hadn't decided on which type of animal.

Malfoy was going to suck up to Professor Snape by going dressed up as Snape himself.

Not everyone was convinced this would have positive effect on Snape.

"How can I do it, Draco?" Dudley was sitting on his bed facing Malfoy who was eating a turkey sandwich that he'd stolen from a first year Hufflepuff.

"What?" he replied slyly, knowing exactly what Dudley was talking about.

Before their little adventure in the Forbidden Forest, Malfoy had promised

Dudley to help him get Neville into bed if Dudley would "put up" in his female form (which Dudley only had been able to maintain for about five minutes)

Dudley had reluctantly agreed.

"If you think I'm going to tell you how to ensnare Longbottom before I've had a go at you, you must be mad," said Malfoy with a smile that made Dudley cringe somewhat.

"But you'll tell me afterwards, right?" asked Dudley. Malfoy snickered as he rose from his bed and walked over and sat down next to Dudley, putting a hand on his thigh.

"Of course I will." he whispered.

Dudley started to transform into his female shape. His fat stomach magically disappeared, his hips took on a feminine. His legs grew somewhat and shed all of the hairs on them, his face slimmed out and his hair grew until it reached his lower back. His chest muscles flexed and grew into breasts.

After less than twenty seconds and with an azuricblue light, Dudley had turned into a knockout sexbomb of a woman.

Malfoy looked happy, smiling wider than ever.

"What do you think? Does it look alright?" asked Dudley while posing as sexy as he could. Malfoy was speechless for once.

"Th..that's bloody brilliant!!" he finally said smiling widely.

Dudley smiled too and sat down on the bed next to Malfoy who immediately started to kiss him. Dudley was nervous. He hadn't done it with a guy before, and definitely not in his female shape.

Malfoy started undressing him. Dudley felt a bit strange but soon he got

into the feeling and was almost enjoying himself.

It didn't take long for them both to get completely naked.

Dudley liked what he saw.

Dudley felt a tingle in his lower area but couldn't really tell if it was nervousness or arousal.

Well, this is the first time I'm trying out sex as a woman, so how am I supposed to know which feelings are what? he thought to himself.

This was quite different from being a man, and it took some getting used to.

But Malfoy couldn't care less about how Dudley was feeling right now.

"Lay down on the bed..." Malfoy said shakily. "..and get ready for the time of your life!" he continued and smiled.

"I think it will be you who will be in for the time of your life, really," said Dudley.

"Whatever," said Malfoy as he lowered his body onto Dudley.

Dudley was just getting really excited when Malfoy gave out a stifled cry and rose onto his arms, looking down on Dudley.

"What is it?" Dudley asked. Malfoy smiled and looked exhausted.

"And there they are..." he smiled. "..The whole Quidditch team, all at once," he continued.

Dudley had no idea what he was talking about.

"What? What are you..." he started to ask but then he got it. Dudley panicked.

What if he got pregnant?

Oh, God, I have to change back to a man immediately! he thought.

"Geroff!" he said and pushed Malfoy off him and stood up in the room.

The azuricblue light started to glow around him again and soon his fat belly was back on him.

"What the hell where you thinking??" Dudley screamed. Malfoy ran up to him and put his hand over his mouth.

"Shut up! Do you want the entire castle to hear us!?!" he whispered loudly.

Dudley knocked away his hand and said silently but angered.

"What where you thinking about? You could have gotten me knocked up, idiot!"

Malfoy raised his eyebrows and looked stupidly at him.

"Do you know nothing about the female body?" he asked calmly.

"What do you mean?"

"There is no way I could have gotten you pregnant," Malfoy explained.

"Are you absolutely sure about that?" Dudley asked suspiciously.

"Yes, I'm sure. Besides, even if you did get pregnant, Madame Pomfrey does give out Preventive Potion for a reason, you know."

Dudley sighed loudly and sat down onto his bed.

Malfoy started to get dressed.

"Well?" said Dudley. Malfoy looked at him.

"Well what?"

"Well, Aren't you going to tell me how I'm going to get Neville to like me?"

"Oh,that," Malfoy snickered.

"You simply go to the Halloween Party in your female shape and hit on him like crazy. I don't think he's lost his virginity, with that face and all, so I bet he'd love to "spend time" with you. Or anyone, for that matter."

Dudley looked at him, feeling stupid.

That's like the easiest plan to have ever been thought out, he said to himself. How dumb I've been not to think of it myself.

Malfoy looked at him with a strange smile.

"What?" Dudley asked.

"I was good, weren't I?" Dudley couldn't help but giggle.

"You lasted for about five minutes, Draco," he said and smiled slightly.

"So?"

"Frankly speaking. If you ever hope to get with me again, you'd better learn how to hold back that Quidditch team for at least an hour, really."

Malfoy looked a little hurt for a moment, but then he smirked again.

"But I was good, right?" he tried again.

Dudley laughed.

"Not even close, Macho Man. Not even close."

The day of the Halloween party came and at breakfast, Dumbledore addressed the students.

"As you all know, this years Halloween party will be different from previous years. Everyone is supposed to be dressed up in a costume fitting for traditional Halloween celebration."

He looked down on a piece of parchment in front of him where he had everything written down.

"Also, this year there will be alcohol allowed at the party for the first time since 1457, when the Hufflepuff student Alice Brooks got a bit too tipsy and wound up fornicating with all of the Slytherinboys in their third year."

Everyone gasped.

"Now, now. She didn't sleep with exactly everyone. There was one exception, who actually is the ancestor of Gryffindor's Neville Longbottom. His name was Stuart Longbottom and he was the only one in Slytherin who didn't sleep with Alice Brooks."

Neville turned deep red in his entire face as he saw that everyone was looking at him.

"There will be seven large bowls with punch served at the party tonight, but they will be restricted, by an age spell, so that only students over fifteen can drink from them."

Dumbledore pushed his glasses up on his nose and continued.

"I trust you will not get plastered and drink with moderation. Well, that is everything I had to say about the party, so if there is any questions I would be happy to answer them."

Malfoy raised his hand.

"Yes, Draco?" Dumbledore said.

"Regarding Stuart Longbottom..." he said while glancing at Neville. "..Why exactly did he not sleep with Alice Brooks?"

Neville turned red again, covering his head in his hands.

"Because he was already in a relationship," Dumbledore answered.

Malfoy's hand flung into the air again.

"Yes, Draco?"

"With whom?" he drawled.

"He was involved with a four year older Hufflepuff who just happened to be Head Boy. Are you finished asking questions now, Draco?"

"Yes. Quite finished," he answered with a smirk towards Neville.

"I've never been so humiliated before in my life," said Neville as they entered Charms class.

"Well, it was mostly stupid Malfoy who kept asking those questions that made it worse, really," said Harry and sat down next to Ron.

"Someone should kick his ass and punch him in the face more than once, I'm sure it would do him some good," said Ron and looked pissed off.

"I think that would result in us being yelled at and not being allowed to go to Hogsmeade for the rest of the year," said Hermione.

Ron looked at her with one eyebrow lifted.

"What? So you mean Malfoy doesn't deserve to get pounded?" he said.

"Oh he does. And he should be pounded more than once, but I don't think it would be wise for us to do so," she explained.

"Don't say you don't want to give him a real good kick in the nuts," Neville said.

"Of course I do! I was the one to slap him in the face a few years ago, if you remember?" Hermione looked smug when she thought back on the event.

"No, that I'll never forget. That's for sure!" Neville laughed.

Suddenly he stopped laughing when he saw what lay in front of him, and everybody else, on the desk.

A plate with something grey-brownish that looked like it had been scooped out of some animal's stomach. And it smelled really awful, too.

Neville felt his stomach churn and he put his hand over his nose.

Professor Flitwick entered the classroom and jumped up on his stack of books and started the lesson.

"As you all know, we've been trying our hands at changing the flavour of different foods into another flavour."

Everyone nodded. They all liked doing this, because then they could change the flavour of the not so popular oatmeal that was served every morning at breakfast, into something a lot tastier like chocolate.

"Now then. In front of you all there is a plate of haggis, which we will change into something yummy," Flitwick continued.

They all doubted that that was possible.

"Estaperasium Vanilium!" Flitwick had swirled his wand over his own plate of haggis and it had glowed in a white glow for a moment. Then he took a big bite out of it and looked as if it was the best piece of food he'd ever eaten.

"Vanilla flavour! Really good!" he said.

Ron looked abhorred. Neville asked him why.

"Well, it may taste good and smell good..."

"But?"

"It's still haggis he's eating."

Harry and Hermione laughed.

They tried out several flavours including chocolate, blueberry, banana ice cream, jellybean and hamburger.

Ron still didn't eat it.

Dean Thomas mispronounced one charm that was going to turn the flavour into raspberry cream but instead of a pink glow, the haggis gave out an off-white glow.

He was afraid to try it so he did what anyone else would have done. Let someone else taste it.

"Erh, Seamus?" he said, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Erh...Taste this! It's really good but I bet you can't find out what flavour it is," Dean said with a false smile.

"Oh, all right then," said Seamus and took a big bite. He chewed it for a few seconds, first looking positive, then suspicious and finally completely grossed out.

He spat it out and wiped his tongue with his sleeve.

"EEEERRRGHH!!!" he screamed out in disgust.

"What is it? What happened?" Flitwick had rushed over to them to see what had happened.

"It..it tastes like...like..." Seamus stuttered and looked as if Dean's haggis might attack him.

"Like what?" Flitwick asked. Dean was also eager to know and was happy he hadn't tried it himself.

"Like... a certain... body fluid. Male body fluid." Seamus couldn't bear it anymore. He asked to be excused from class and Flitwick agreed.

"I'm sorry to say, Dean. But I'll have to take five points from Gryffindor for that horrendous flavour. I hope you understand."

He did. As did everyone else.

Everyone was running around, getting ready for the Halloween party, in the common room.

Dean was dressed up as a big lobster and Seamus was dressed as a Leprechaun and helping Dean sew back one of the lobster legs that had fallen off.

"Oww! Watch the needle," said Dean. Seamus didn't answer. He just kept on sewing, pricking Dean with the needle again and again.

Harry had finally decided to go as the most economical and easy creature there was. A Zombie. Hermione had helped him get all of the fake blood in place.

"There! All done, Harry," she said and smiled, happy to have been able to help.

"Do you need help with your costume?" Harry asked her.

"No, I'm fine, thanks," she answered and ran up to the girl's dormitory to get dressed up.

Ron came down the stairs looking very smug with a smile on his face.

He was wearing his normal clothes and hadn't a costume with him.

What is he up to, thought Harry to himself.

"Hi, Ron. Where's your costume?" Harry asked.

"Oh. Hi, Harry. My costume? Wearing it," Ron said, as he looked around at everyone getting ready, still smiling and completely calm.

"What? Are you going as the Incredible Comfortable Man?"

Ron laughed.

"No, I told you. I'm a werewolf, remember?"

"Ok, if you say so," said Harry looking at Ron as if there was something wrong with him.

They walked down to the Great Hall, where there were hundreds of pumpkin lanterns floating in the air instead of candles.

All of the Ravenclaws and Slytherins were already there, eating and dancing to the band that had been hired for the evening.

They were called something like The Banshee Brothers, Harry thought.

He saw Cho Chang dancing with Justin Finch-Fletchley. She was dressed up like a Ninja in traditional costume, with swords and everything.

Justin was dressed up like Lestat De Lioncourt from Anne Rice's book, Interview with the Vampire, and he'd done a great job with that costume.

"Look at that brown nosed twat over there, Harry" said Ron and pointed over to the table where the alcohol was.

Malfoy was drinking from two cups of punch at the same time.

He wore the same outfit that Snape always wore to class and he'd even coloured his hair black. It was strange to see Malfoy with black hair, it made his already pale skin look almost ghost white.

"Oh God, some people don't know when to stop," said Harry.

Malfoy caught his eye and smiled and rose his left cup to Harry in an irritating way.

Harry smiled back and raised his middle finger at him. Malfoy looked shocked and Ron laughed out loud.

Crabbe and Goyle were dressed up like an orange and an apple, looking severely stupid.

"Hello, Harry! Nice lookin' costume ye got there." Hagrid had just entered the room and was waving to Harry and Ron, who had a great loss for words when they saw what Hagrid was wearing.

He was wearing nothing but a very large {but small for him) piece of loin cloth and a pair of boots. Around his neck he had a necklace of some strange animal bones and teeth.

"I'm Tarzan!!" he shouted to them and smiled. They smiled back only out of friendship. They did not want to see Hagrid's hairy nipples at any time whatsoever.

Seamus came in followed by Dean who seemed to be in pain.

It was possible that Seamus had left a needle in Dean's thigh after that mishap in charms earlier today, thought Harry.

After them came Hermione. Every {straight) boy stared at her with their mouths open.

She had dressed up as a dentist's assistant in a very short white skirt and a top that pushed her breasts up a lot and gave her plenty of cleavage. To finish it off, she had a little dentist's hat on her head as well.

And high heels making her almost a foot taller.

After her came Neville with a really good Auror costume. He had purple leather pants and a leather cape going down to his ankles. A pair of gloves without thumb, index and pinky finger also in leather and at his waist he had a belt filled with magical tracking devises and of course his wand.

He had also done a great job with the fake scars. One ran over his right arm, another over his left eye. He'd put a charm on the eye that made it look completely white as if it had been injured in a battle with a dark wizard.

"Hi, guys! What do you think of my costume?" he asked as he walked over to them.

Ron looked impressed.

"Nice, very nice. You may very well end up on second place in the contest.

After me of course."

"Ron. Don't take this the wrong way, but that isn't a very good costume," said Harry.

Ron just smiled.

"Just you wait 'till the clouds pass away from the full moon. Oh, that reminds me." He reached into his pants and pulled out a little bottle with a blue liquid inside it. He uncorked it and drank it all in one gulp.

"What was that?" asked Neville.

"The last ingredient of my costume. You'll see," Ron said and smiled, his teeth slightly blue from the liquid.

Harry pointed it out and Ron went over to the punch to get rid of it.

Then Hermione came up to them looking horrified.

"What's wrong?" asked Harry.

"I...I just saw Hagrid bend over to pick something up from the floor..." she said with her eyes closed and her nose wrinkled.

"And?" said Neville. She looked at him.

"He had nothing on under that loin cloth of his."

"Ewww!" said Neville and looked absolutely death struck.

"Oh, Harry. It was awful," she said as she hugged him to avoid breaking into tears.

Ron gave them a funny, almost hurt, look as she did so. And Harry thought he knew why.

The band stopped playing as Albus Dumbledore caught everyone's attention. He was dressed up as a Muggle wearing blue torn jeans which had holes on both knees and he had actually cut his beard so you could see the Queen t-shirt {from the "It's a kind of magic" tour fittingly enough) he was wearing underneath a brown leather jacket. He was still wearing the same half-moon glasses but what looked really odd was the baseball cap and the sneakers he also was wearing.

Harry thought he looked kind of cool. In an 80s sort of way, of course.

"As a little last minute fun, I have convinced one of the ghosts of the castle to be the prey for all the students in a little ghost hunt."

Everyone looked positively surprised about this, listening tensely.

"I have but a spell on the ghost in question, so that the one spell you can use to catch him is the full body bind. Once he is caught the hunter, or hunters, that caught him will be given a prize."

Then Malfoy spoke up, seemingly a bit tipsy from the punch.

"Who's the ghost we're going after then?" he asked rather loudly.

"It's Peeves the Poltergeist. And right now he is waiting on the fourth floor for all of you. I must however warn you that he is armed with a small arsenal of ice cold water balloons and other rather nasty surprises that he will undoubtedly use against you. Now, let the hunt begin!!"

Everyone rushed out the door except for Ron, Harry, Hermione and Neville.

"Should we build a team to catch him?" asked Harry who was definitely in to going after Peeves.

"Yes, but we should split up in teams so we can cover more ground and chase him towards each other," said Hermione.

They split up into two teams. Ron and Neville and Harry and Hermione.

"Ok, let's go. Me and Harry will go to the fourth floor to get a sense of where he's heading and chase him down towards the dungeons where you two will catch him," said Hermione.

Just as they were about to leave, a school owl landed on Neville's shoulder.

He unfolded the letter it had brought and read it out loud.

"Dear Neville. If you want some action tonight, don't leave the Great Hall before I get there. With love XXX"

Neville's cheeks went deep red as he looked at the rest of them. They were all shocked. Except Ron.

"Stay. That's all I'm saying. I would definitely stay," he said and looked a bit jealous.

"What do you think, Hermione?" Neville asked. She thought about all the options he had and came to one conclusion.

"I'd stay too to be honest" she said. Harry agreed with her.

"Ok. I'll stay. But can you guys really catch Peeves alone?" he asked. They nodded and started going up the stairs.

"Now you have some fun, alright?" Ron shouted back at him.

Neville was very nervous. But a chance like this only comes along once in a lifetime, especially for someone like me, he thought to himself.

The minutes went by like hours. Five minutes, then ten minutes. After nearly half an hour he decided to leave. He got up and walked towards the door.

Just as he grabbed the handle, it opened and the most beautiful, blonde woman he'd ever seen walked through the door.

She was wearing a green and white low cut dress and high heels. Neville practically got an erection from seeing her. Then she spoke.

"Hello Neville. I've been wanting you since the start of the year. Do you want me?"

--------To be continued in chapter 7 "Love is all around Gryffindor Tower"----------

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