Beware of the Fat Muggle In Love

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Author. Acro

Author email. [email protected]

Title. Beware of the fat Muggle in love.

Category. Romance/humour

Keywords. Slash, Neville, Dudley

Spoilers. All four books.

Rating. R

Disclaimer. This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Authors note. Here be the snogging! Not one minute too soon, I take it?

------Beware of the fat Muggle in love. part 7. "Love is all around Hogwarts"------

"I asked you a question, Neville."

The blonde girl stood very close to Neville, who was beyond nervous, and began to curl her fingers in his hair.

She put her right hand behind his back and pulled him even closer and kissed him intensely.

At this point Neville was as hard as granite and was not concealing it very well, which the blonde girl noticed almost immediately.

"Oh, I see I got my answer right here," she said as she put her left hand on him and kissed him again.

"Don' mind us, ye jest go right on what year doing," said the singer of the band through the microphone in a slightly sarcastic tone.

They had completely forgotten about the band. Not that anybody actually listened when they played.

"Come with me," the girl said and pulled Neville by the arm and led him out of the Great Hall and straight into the nearest bathroom she could find.

"Erh...This is a girls' bathroom," said Neville.

"So?" she answered simply.

Neville noticed that she was taking her shoes off, then her belt that kept her dress in a figure perfect shape.

"What are you doing?" he asked her. She merely smiled at him.

"Get your kit off. Now, " she answered in a tone that Neville identified with a predator of some sort that's after a piece of meat.

He kind of figured what was about to happen if he wouldn't stop it, but being the sixteen-year old boy he was, there was a battle between his two heads and the lower one was winning by a landslide.

"I said, get your kit off," she said again. Neville came to life and started undressing.

He tried to get past the nervousness by trying to figure out her name or anything about her.

"Errh... So, What's your name? Which house are you in? I haven't seen you around before and..." She put her index finger over his mouth and shushed him. They were both naked except for Neville's Y-fronts and his socks.

The girl moved closer to him and put her arms around his back and neck and started kissing him. Neville had frozen again.

She stopped and looked at him as if she was saying, " Oh come on, really."

Then she grabbed his hands and placed them on her butt cheeks.

"There. Start groping me, for God's sake!" she commanded. He instantly did so.

Before he knew it, she got down on her knees and pulled down his ugly Y-fronts and revealed his hardness.

"Oh my. Already hard?" she said with a smile that reminded Neville of someone. But he couldn't place whom.

"It has been hard since we were in the Great Hall. I haven't maintained a stiffy this long since I was twelve and found Dean Thomas' stack of Muggle nude magazines under his bed," he said very fast, slightly panting from excitement.

She rose and kissed him deeply. He broke the kiss and continued down, kissing her breasts.

She gasped for air and let out a moan that echoed in the small, dark toilet.

Neville felt so happy.

He'd fallen asleep when they were finished. He had had a strange dream about him being the best Auror on the planet. He'd been at a party were a blonde girl had been dressed as an angel. She was floating over the floor and people were stringing lamps around her, painting little devils on the roofs.

There was a lit fireplace and the flickering light that hit her face looked like wings. The entire place smelled like cinnamon incense.

It was heaven and she was a dream inside a dream.

He woke up suddenly from an ice-cold water balloon landing on his head, soaking him.

He looked around frantically and saw that it was Peeves the Poltergeist that had thrown it.

"You see-through little bitch! I'll kill you again!!" he shouted at him in fury and grabbed his wand that was just a few inches away from him.

Before he knew what had happened he'd done the full body bind on Peeves and thereby won the ghost hunt.

He looked around again after the blonde girl but he realised she had left after he'd fallen asleep.

Who was she? he thought to himself. Did she like it? I know I did. Will she want to see me again?

"You might want to get dressed. There are some students about to come in here, trying to catch Peeves."

Neville turned and looked around. It was Moaning Myrtle!

"AAAHH!!!" he screamed and pulled his pants on as fast as he could.

The door flew open and Harry, Hermione and Ron came in with their wands ready. They looked very confused.

Before them was Moaning Myrtle looking like she was a first-degree peeper and Peeves was immovable on the floor.

And then of course, Neville, half naked and wet.

"What the hell has happened here?" Hermione exclaimed. Harry and Ron was shocked. They weren't used to her using foul language.

Neville was red as a tomato in his face as he pulled his shirt on again.

"Oh, You've caught Peeves!" said Harry suddenly and pointed to him lying on the stone floor.

"I guess," Neville murmured.

The door flew open again and a bunch of Ravenclaws burst through it, obviously still tracking Peeves.

Cho Chang appeared to be leading them.

"Shit!! They caught him already!" she said to the others. Ron and Harry was shocked again by her language.

"Actually, Neville caught him by himself!" Hermione said and pointed to

Neville who was buckling his belt.

"Are you pulling our legs?" Cho said as she eyed Neville in disbelief.

"It's true," said Harry and crossed his arms as if to reinforce his words.

"How fitting then that he was dressed up as an Auror," Cho said.

"I guess he wanted to do his costume justice by catching Peeves," said Hermione.

They had no idea that Neville had caught him by pure luck and probably never would have if he'd tried for real.

Well, if that's what they want to believe, he thought to himself.

They made their way back to the Great Hall, levitating Peeves about three inches above their heads, where Dumbledore and McGonagall were chatting away with the band.

McGonagall looked at them suspiciously when she heard that it was Neville that had caught Peeves.

Dumbledore however, did not look surprised one bit.

He reached into his jacket and pulled out a miniature megaphone.

It was small enough to fit into his hand and he seemed to have a hard time holding it with just to fingers.

He spoke softly into it, but it didn't amplify his voice at all.

"Peeves has been caught. Would everyone please make their way back to the Great Hall as fast as possible so we can celebrate the successful hunt and start the next competition, please."

Harry looked at him as if he'd gone bonkers.

"How are they supposed to hear you with that gadget? Why didn't you use the Sonorus charm?" he asked.

"Because the Sonorus charm only works in a limited area, but with this I can

be heard all over the castle, even if it sounds as if it may not work," Dumbledore explained as he put the little megaphone back into his pocket.

It didn't take long for the Great Hall to be filled with students again. Some of them were wet from Peeves' onslaught of water balloons so Professor Flitwick was using drying charms to dry them.

Neville was given his prize {50 Galleons which he was really happy to receive) and walked over to Harry, Ron and Hermione.

Ron looked very eager to ask him what had happened with the person whom he'd met.

"So, what happened? Was it a girl? What did she want? Come on tell us, tell us," he said very fast.

"Yes, it was and she was dead gorgeous, I'll tell you," Neville answered.

Ron smiled slyly.

"So did you slip her the tongue?" he said teasing.

"Well, yes. And more." Now Neville smiled at the memory of the blonde girl.

They all dropped their jaws.

"What!?" said Harry.

"We did more than just snog," Neville started to blush.

"How much more?" Ron asked anxiously with his eyes wide.

"Ron! That is personal information and you shouldn't ask Neville about it," Hermione exclaimed.

Ron looked at her as if she'd just stolen all his money.

But he knew she was right so he didn't ask Neville although he did look at him with an expression that seemed to ask the question anyway.

Neville was now beet red but he nodded in confirmation.

Ron smiled hugely.

"That's my boy Nev," he said and gave him a bear hug that lifted Neville an inch off the floor.

"How does it feel to have crossed over from a boy to a man?" Ron asked.

"Erh... Nice. But it would feel better if I knew who she was, or at least her name," he answered.

"What? You don't even know her name?" said Hermione.

"She didn't say it even when I asked her," Neville said.

"Well, what house was she in, then," Harry asked.

"She didn't say. And I've never seen her before either," Neville answered.

Suddenly Malfoy walked by and looked as if he knew something that they didn't. That and rather drunk.

"Helloo, girls! Whasappening 'ere?" he spluttered and clung to Ron's shoulder.

Ron immediately took a step backwards and pushed him of. Malfoy looked really hurt. Well, more like a little kid that just dropped his ice cream.

"Howcome ye donlike me, Weashley? Relly?" he asked as he clung onto Neville instead.

"You don't know why I can't stand you?" Ron asked.

Malfoy shook his head and almost lost his balance in the process.

"Well, for starters, you think you're better than everyone else, you go around and call people names, you are true to the Slytherin spirit in being a lying, malevolent, scheming, brown nosed, narcissistic, dickhead."

"Not to mention that you steal candy from first-year Hufflepuffs," Hermione added.

Malfoy waved his hand around as if to cut through all the accusations that were poured over him.

"Thasjust peanuts! An' I'm not that bad. Really,I'mnot! Ijust made Dudley's dreams cometrue, for fucks sake!" he rambled on.

"What?" said Harry and frowned. "Dudley's dreams? What are you talking about, you sod?"

Malfoy started laughing in falsetto and pointed at Harry as if he had never seen anything funnier in his life.

Then suddenly he pointed at Hermione and laughed even harder.

"Hahahhahihihih, you're hair!!!hihihhahaha, and those tits too,AAAhahahah."

Everyone was looking at them. Neville tried to shut him up by putting his hand over his mouth but it didn't work.

Then, Malfoy collapsed on the floor, fast asleep with his thumb in his mouth.

Even the band had stopped playing to see what was happening.

It was dead quiet in the room for a good minute, and then everyone resumed their conversations as if nothing had happened.

Ron and Neville had talked about the blonde girl for several minutes when Hermione asked Harry to dance with her.

He agreed and looked relieved that he didn't have to ask her.

Ron, however, didn't look all that pleased. Neville noticed.

"Look, Ron. You should talk to Harry about that," he said. Ron looked at him.

"What?" he said.

"About you liking Hermione. I'm sure that Harry would step aside if you told him that you like her."

"What?"

"You're repeating yourself," Neville smiled. Ron looked as if he was about to discard what Neville had said but changed his mind.

"How did you know I like Hermione?" he asked while he seemed to think that the floor was awfully interesting.

"Because every time Hermione does anything that could be interpreted as a boyfriend/girlfriend activity, you're face turns green with envy,"

"Is it really that obvious?" Ron asked.

"Not really. But I've noticed it. Don't think they have, though," Neville said ands pointed to Harry and Hermione. They were laughing as they danced to the fast beat.

Ron sighed heavily and massaged his temples.

"What should I do? I have thought about asking her out since the start of the year. But then Harry started to... I don't know. Move in on her or something."

"You should tell Harry how you feel about her. If he's your best friend, I'm sure he'd back off."

"I guess you're right. But it's so hard. What if he likes her like I do? What happens then?"

"I don't know. If you want I could ask Harry about it, not mentioning you of course."

"Would you do that for me? Really?" Ron looked as if Neville had just offered him half a million Galleons.

"Sure I would. You're my friend and that's what friends do. I mean could you imagine drunk boy here doing something like this for his so-called friends?"

Neville said as he kicked Malfoys leg slightly.{Malfoy was still sound asleep.)

Ron laughed heartily.

"I think not! He'll probably never have any friends except for the overfriendly butt-buddies he's bound to share a cell with in Azkaban if he stays true to the Slytherin spirit," Ron said and kicked him a bit too.

"You think he'll end up in Azkaban?" Neville asked.

"Yeah, sure thing. And I bet you'll be the one who catches him," Ron said and smiled.

Neville blushed.

"I'm not sure about that."

"Well, you did an excellent job with Peeves."

"Honestly, that was just a mistake. I'd just... you know... with that girl and fallen asleep when that sod drops a water balloon on me."

"What!? So that was the case, huh?" Ron said and elbowed him slightly in the ribs.

Neville blushed even more.

Dumbledore announced that it was time for the judges of the costume competition to inspect everyone and select a winner.

Ron looked smug.

"What's with you?" Hermione asked.

"I'll win for sure," he replied.

"What? As Comfortable Man or what?" she exclaimed.

"Hey! That was what I told him too!" said Harry.

Ron got irritated and looked up at the ceiling. You could of course see the night sky through it.

It was supposed to be a full moon but there were way too many clouds in the way of it.

"Shit!" Ron took out his wand and looked as if he was trying to remember a spell.

"Hermione. How does that cloud-splitting spell go again?" he asked her.

She frowned.

"Why do you need that?"

"You'll see. Now what is it?" he said even more irritated.

"Strato Cumulus Disparto," she said.

"Great!"

Ron waved his wand towards the sky and said the words loudly.

The clouds parted and showed the full moon.

Ron's eyes started to glow in a pale red light and his sweater and his pants tore at the seams and fur started to grow all over him. His teeth grew into fangs and his fingernails turned into claws.

He had just transformed, halfway, into a real werewolf!

Half wolf, half human.

Of course, everyone was shocked at the sudden transformation and started running for the exits in wild fear.

But Dumbledore merely raised his hands and said, "Stupefy Superior".

Everyone in the room immediately fell over and was unable to move.

Dumbledore rose and talked in a loud voice.

"Everyone, please calm down. You may all think that Ron Weasley just turned into a real werewolf but there you are all wrong. He has simply used a different variety of the Polyjuice Potion that allows him to transform halfway into a werewolf. He told me what he was doing for the party several weeks ago and I gave him the proper instructions on how to do this. Thus it being an incomplete transformation, he still has complete control over himself and will not maul or murder anyone."

Dumbledore lowered his hands and uttered the words "Finite Incantatem" and thereby removed the spell from everyone, letting them get to their feet.

They all now realised how powerful Dumbledore must be in order to be able to affect so many people with one simple spell.

"Now, why don't we continue the celebrations?" he continued. He waved at the band to continue playing, which they did and after everyone had made sure that Ron wouldn't attack them, they started dancing and engaging in dialogue once more.

Harry, Hermione and Neville looked at Ron with huge eyes.

Ron merely giggled. Although the giggle sounded like an evil one, now that his vocal cords were much deeper than usual. This scared Neville a bit and he wondered whether he should rethink becoming an Auror or not.

"So guys, what do you think of my costume? Pretty nifty, huh?" Ron growled as he strutted around like a catwalk model, showing off his werewolf body with the huge muscles and long pointed ears.

"Well, it certainly is...lifelike!" Hermione said as she touched the fur on his arms and chest.

Ron definitely liked the attention Hermione gave him and flexed his biceps as much as he could.

Harry giggled at him.

"What?" Ron growled.

"Oh, nothing," said Harry and tried to stop giggling.

"Don't you Oh nothing me. What is so funny, Harry?" Ron tried to look serious but he just looked stupid with his big ears and the shiny nose.

"Well, it's just too bad you won't have those muscles when you change back to you're human form. Then you'll be just as hopeless at getting a date as always!" Harry started laughing along with Hermione and Neville.

All the laughing had finally started to wake Malfoy up.

"Look! Drunk boy is coming out of his coma," Neville said.

Ron got an evil idea and leaned over Malfoy as he was turning over to his back and stretched as if he'd had a pleasant sleep. He opened his eyes slowly and made loud smacking noises after a huge yawn. His eyes flung open into a petrified expression as he saw Ron, not even two inches from his face, looking like he really would murder him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! MUMMY!!!!!" Malfoy turned and rose to his feet and ran out the door so fast that one could swear that he'd used a speeding up charm on himself.

Everyone in the Great Hall laughed at him, even his fellow Slytherins, as his cries echoed off the stone walls in the outside corridors.

"Well, that was unexpected!" Dumbledore was standing next to Ron, who was now a few inches taller than him, and smiled kindly.

"The judges just told me that you are one of the finalists in the costume competition," he continued. Harry wasn't sure if Ron was smiling or if he had a bone stuck in his throat. It was pretty hard to see, as Ron really didn't have any proper lips in this form.

"And you too, Neville. You are also a finalist," Dumbledore put his hand on Neville's shoulder as they walked up to the podium where the band was.

Besides Ron and Neville, the other finalists were a third-year Hufflepuff boy dressed up as a ghost of a hung boy with a snare around his throat. And he was completely see-through, just like the real ghosts.

And there was a Ravenclaw girl, Amanda, who was supposed to be Morticia Addams. The Addams family were actually a real magical family that some Muggle TV producer had "discovered" and put on a TV show, Hermione explained to Harry.

"And the third runner up in the first annual Halloween costume competition is...Neville Longbottom!!" Professor Snape looked like he really didn't like being elected to do the announcing, dressed like he always was.

Neville looked happy and Harry and Hermione waved at him, smiling.

"Second runner up...Benjamin Brass!"

The young Hufflepuff positively shone in awe.{I never thought I'd beat Longbottoms kick-ass outfit!!)

Snape glared at him in slight disgust as if he was watching a dog shake off mud from its ears in his bed.

"And the winner of the Costume competition is...Ronald Weasley!"

Ron couldn't resist howling in what Harry thought was a "totally creepy way".

Snape gave Ron a purple bag and quickly disappeared from the stage.

Ron didn't even bother to look what was inside it. Instead he pounced out over the crowd and landed next to Harry.

He pulled out another little bottle from his belt. This time it was in a green colour, and Ron gulped it down and tossed the bottle away. {Oww! what was that, Goyle? Was it my conscience?)

Ron transformed back into him self in a yellow light. He looked even smugger now than he'd done earlier in the evening. Even though his clothes were all torn up.

"Did I or did I not tell you I was going to win?" he asked without really expecting an answer.

"Yes, you did and we're sorry for doubting you," Hermione said in a sarcastic tone.

"Why do you think Snape ran off the stage so fast?" Harry asked them.

"Probably had a bad deja vu when he saw me as a werewolf. With Remus being one and all," Ron snickered.

"Oh, so that's where you got werewolf hair from!" Harry exclaimed.

"Duh!" Ron and Hermione said simultaneously.

Neville had just worked his way through the crowd and was now standing slightly behind Ron.

"Erh...Ron?" he asked, blushing enormously.

They started to notice how everyone was looking at Ron and smiling and giving him erotic looks. Some girls winked at him and one boy from Hufflepuff walked up to him and gave him a piece of parchment.

"Owl me later, ok?" he said and disappeared in the crowd.

"What's with people?" Hermione asked.

"People love a winner, I guess," Ron smirked.

"Erh, no. That's not it, Ron," Neville said." Your butt is showing from where you tail was. Everyone can see everything!"

It didn't take long before Ron was practically running out of the Great Hall, covering his ass with both hands, trying to escape humiliation which was, of course, impossible.

------To be continued in chapter 8. "Who let the cat out of the bag?"--------

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