Beware of the Fat Muggle In Love

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Title: beware of the fat Muggle in love part 4

Author: acro

Author email:[email protected]

Category:Romance /humour/slash

Keywords: slash, Neville/Dudley

Spoilers:all

Rating: R (eventually)

Disclaimer: All that is Harry Potter belongs to J.K Rowling and various publishers, plus Warner bros. I am not making any money from this and no copyright infringement is intended.

Authors note: Sorry for the delay, but I was in the middle of a gay scandal in school. Thanks for all the positive responses to the first three chapters. Here's the new chapter. Enjoy

----------------------Beware of the fat Muggle in love part 4 New Adversaries--------------------------

"Oh, come on. Tell us," Ron said to Lee, while sitting on the floor with a bag of chocolate frogs ready to be eaten.

The Gryffindor boys were trying to get an answer to why the hell Lee Jordan had been degraded from his regular class and were now forced to join theirs.

He wasn't willing to tell them.

"No way, I won't tell you!!" he shouted.

"We will find out sooner or later, don't forget you're in the same class as me, Harry and Hermione now, and we've solved several mysteries so your little secret won't be all that hard to solve," said Ron smirking. Harry nodded in agreement.

Lee looked worried. He knew they had a point so he decided to just tell them.

After all their reactions couldn't be that bad.

"Ok. Promise you won't pick on me for the rest of the year?" he asked.

Everyone jumped with joy and agreed.

"Well, It was last year it all happened. I was on my way to the Quidditch Pitch when I heard something in the bushes nearby so I went to investigate.

There I saw Madame Hooch having it on with Hagrid,"

Everyone gasped and Seamus slapped his face to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"What?? You mean they were...having...sex?" asked Harry. He had never even thought the idea that Hagrid had sexual feelings like everyone else.

And he actually thought Madame Hooch was a bit hot too, except for her cat eyes. He thought they were a bit scary.

"Yes of course! Will you let me finish?" said Lee irritated.

"Now. As I was saying. Hagrid and Hooch were doing it in the bushes and they hadn't noticed me watching. And, well, I got a bit excited...so I started to...please myself,"

Everyone laughed out loud.

Lee was shocked at their reactions.

"Fine! I won't tell the rest!!" he screamed to them.

They wiped their eyes and apologised and Lee continued.

"As I was... pleasing myself, I didn't hear Professor McGonagall sneak up on me disguised as a cat. She transfigured and started reprimanding me on the spot.

When I explained of course Hagrid and Hooch were gone so I just looked like a bloody pervert to her."

"So that's why you were degraded? asked Dean, sitting on his bed in the corner of the room.

"Well, no. That was just one of the things that pissed McGonagall off that year. The real reason was that my tarantula had turned itself into a bag of garbage outside the library and when Madame Pince picked it up, it grabbed her hand and bit her quite hard.

So she threw him away towards the Magical animals section where he stayed half the year. He'd bitten twenty students and four teachers when Hagrid finally caught him."

"But why didn't they catch him sooner?" asked Neville.

"Turns out he'd transfigured into different books to hide. Really cool trick if you ask me but, no-one did."

Dudley was sitting in Snape's office with Snape facing him and his legs crossed on the desk.

"I guess you know that we're going to have to do something about your complete lack of magical knowledge and I have been given the order by Professor Dumbledore to equip you with a Smartwatch," said Snape without looking at Dudley.

He didn't like Dudley, even if he did intrigue him, but his connection with Harry Potter was far too much of an object of irritation so his dislike was really nothing more than a natural reaction.

"Uhm, yeah...Right," said Dudley, not having a clue about anything really.

He was too busy thinking about Malfoy.

Was he as good as Dudley thought he was?

A fellow Harry-hater that could turn out to be his friend in this really weird place?

He hoped so.

But Malfoy obviously hated the Gryffindors.

And Dudley did like Neville rather much so how would that work?

"Are you listening to me, Dursley?" said Snape suddenly, waking Dudley from his daydreaming.

"Oh..erh..Yes, sir," he said as convincing as he could.

"Well then. Here's your Smartwatch, Now go out there and learn, I recommend the library for your source of knowledge if you are ever to catch up with the sixth years."

Dudley looked very confused as he was putting the weird-looking watch on his left wrist.

"Erh...sorry for asking but...What did this thing do again?" Dudley asked.

Snape rolled his eyes and stood up. He walked over to Dudley without a word and grabbed his wrist.

"This button here activates the watch, then, everything you read will automatically be stored in your brain and can be used when you need it. But you can only read for two hours straight.

Then the battery wears out and you will have to let it recharge for one hour.

If you continue reading after two hours you may very well be injured horribly."

Dudley was amazed. But there were more buttons on the side of the watch.

"What did these do then?" asked Dudley. Snape looked very irritated.

"That one slows time so you can read more in less time. That one tells you when time is up and you need to stop reading and that one resets time into it's normal pace again."

"And....that one?" Dudley was almost afraid to ask.

"That one is the off button for the wakeup alarm."

Dudley tried to get to the library to learn magic in order to kick Harry's ass at his own game but he was lost more than once.

Then after two hours of searching he bumped into Malfoy outside the Great Hall.

"Watch it, you oaf! Oh, it's you, Dudley," he said and looked happy to see him.

"Hi, Draco."

"Why are you looking so confused?" Malfoy asked.

"I'm trying to find the library 'cuz Snape gave me this watch that is supposed to make me learn faster and..." Malfoy grabbed his arm and looked at the Smartwatch with huge eyes.

"Someone must think highly of you, giving you such an expensive piece of learning tool."

"Can I try it on?" Malfoy said with a devious smile.

"Well, Snape said that I had to use it before I could take it off," said Dudley.

Malfoy frowned and thought for a moment.

"Okay. Can I try it on after you used it, then?"

"Well, I guess that's alright," said Dudley.

"Okay then, let's get you to the library," Said Malfoy and grabbed Dudley by the arm and started running towards the library.

Dudley had a hard time catching up with Malfoy who's slender physique gave him an advantage in any physical activity, while Dudley, being the complete opposite, had not.

Harry and Ron were walking out of the library, leaving Hermione to read up on charms, which she definitely didn't need, when Malfoy swooshed past Ron and crashed into Harry with one knee accidentally hitting his balls.

They both fell over with Harry clinching himself and Malfoy laughing heartily.

Then Dudley came running and stopped in the doorway next to Ron, panting for air.

"What the hell are you doing, Malfoy? Running around like that!!" said Ron.

"Oh shut up, Weasley. I don't need to explain myself to you."

"Eeerrrgh....." moaned Harry. Malfoy looked at him and giggled.

"And why the hell are you struggling for air?" asked Ron and looked at Dudley.

" I.....was...following....Draco..." he managed to say in between breaths.

"Why would anyone ever want to follow him? Were you chasing him? Is that why he was running so fast?" Dudley shook his head but couldn't answer Ron's onslaught of questions.

"I was just showing him the way to the library. After all, what are friends for?" drawled Malfoy and smirked.

Ron gaped.

"What!?! You've become friends with Malfoy?!?" Harry exclaimed from the floor.

"I can't believe you!" he continued while rising to his feet, ignoring the pain in his sack.

"First you sneak on the Hogwarts express, then you surprisingly enough get to stay here and thereby steal my only refuge from you, Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. And now you go and turn friends with my worst and loathed enemy?!?" Harry was now screaming at the top of his voice. Dudley couldn't say anything.

He didn't know what to say.

Hermione came running up to them and led both Harry and Ron out of the library before Madame Pince would have the chance to throw them out.

Dudley helped Malfoy off the floor and looked down the hall after the trio.

He was suddenly filled with a tremendous anger.

How dared Harry, of all people, accuse him for something he'd had no real control over?

And look at that girl and his friend, clinging to him like stickers.

Sickening, he thought to himself.

"I'll show him. That little bastard piece of dirt will not make a fool out of me!" he said out loud. Malfoy grinned and took out a forged note from his sleeve that would grant them access to the restricted section.

He showed it to Madame Pince as she came up to them to ask what had happened.

"Nothing happened. A slight misunderstanding, that's all," he assured her.

She went back to work and left Malfoy and Dudley alone in the entrance.

Malfoy put his hand on Dudley's shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"Forget Potter, he's an idiot and you know it. Now come. Let's get smarter, shall we?"

And they walked down the aisles towards the restricted section.

-------------To be continued in the next chapter. Duels in the Forbidden Forest-----

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