Beware of the Fat Muggle In Love

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Title: Beware of the fat Muggle in love. 3/?

Author: Acro

Authors email: [email protected]

Category: romance, slash

Keywords: Dudley, Neville, slash

Rating: R (eventually)

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Authors note: Things start picking up the pace from this chapter. Next chapter is already well underway.

-------------Beware of the fat muggle in love prt3, Confessions and Consequences-----------------

"Who the hell are you?" Seamus Finnigan was the first one to walk into the boys dormitory and find Dudley standing next to Neville’s bed.

Ron, Dean and Lee came in second followed by Harry and Neville.

"DUDLEY!?!" screamed Harry in complete horror.

"You know this guy?" asked Dean. Harry nodded.

"He's my cousin, Dudley." he said. The other boys looked completely confused. How could a Muggle get into Hogwarts?

The school had more than one spell preventing Muggles from finding it so this was a complete mystery to the boys.

"How did you get here!?!" asked Neville. Dudley’s eyes became glossy and dreamy at the mere sight of Neville.

"Well...I.. hid in that big trunk that he was dragging at the station." he said and pointed at Ron.

"But why?" asked Harry. Dudley looked down and blushed.

" 'Cuz I'm in love....with Neville." he said lowly and looked at Neville. Everyone’s jaws hit the floor at the same moment.

Neville however didn’t look all that pleased.

Harry, Dudley and Neville were sitting in Dumbledores office, waiting.

Dudley’s eyes had widened greatly when he had seen the moving paintings, ghosts and students performing magic in the corridors; and his eyes were still wide with fascination as the boys were waiting for Dumbledore to enter and deal with the issue.

Dudley was staring in awe at Fawkes, who was about to die and be reborn again. He had never seen such a pathetic yet beautiful bird before.

His eyes wandered the office and not before long he saw the Sorting Hat lying on its shelf, dusty and scruffy-looking.

"Harry, what's that?" he asked and pointed at it.

"That's the Sorting Hat." said Harry irritated. "It sorts every first-year into his or her house."

"House?"

"There are four houses at Hogwarts, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Gryffindor and Slytherin. The house you've been sorted into will become your family while you're in school." Neville explained.

"Ooh...Which houses are you guys in?"

"We’re both in Gryffindor. That’s where all the brave ones end up." said Harry, still irritated although he did enjoy saying he was brave to Dudley who'd always thought he was nothing but a little skinny runt.

"Where does the other people go then?" Dudley asked.

"Well, the intelligent, smart ones go to Ravenclaw. The ones who always kinda play fair and believe in hard work go to Hufflepuff."said Neville.

"And all the stupid, greedy, malevolent and evil ones like Malfoy and his DumbCrew end up in Slytherin." Harry almost hissed in despise of the bare thought of Malfoy.

"I take it you don't like this Malfoy guy?" Dudley said. Harry just nodded.

"So, can I try it on?"

"What?" asked Harry.

"The hat. Can I try it on?" Dudley looked at them both with pleading eyes.

"Well, I don't really know if it will sort a Muggle." said Harry, scratching his head.

"I suppose we could try it just for fun." said Neville. Harry agreed and Dudley jumped with joy, literally.

"I bet he'll be a stupid Hufflepuff." whispered Neville into Harry’s ear.

"No way, he'll probably be a Slytherin if it even works." Harry replied.

Dudley sat down again and Harry put the Sorting Hat on his head (which actually seemed to fit)

Dudley heard a voice immediately in his head. He got a bit scared; no one had talked to him inside his brain before.

"Oh, this was a surprise! Yes, yes. Quite a surprise. I haven't encountered a Witchard in over eight hundred years.

You are a rare example, oh yes. And you're related to Mr Potter, that's really special too. You are a bit late for the sorting but that doesn't matter, let's see now. Hmmm......Yes of course!"

Harry and Neville jumped back when the Sorting Hat screamed out; SLYTHERIN!!!

At that moment Dumbledore walked through the door to the office.

He walked over to Dudley and lifted the Sorting Hat off his head.

He smiled at Dudley and replaced his own hat with the Sorting Hat and he looked to be talking to it in his head, nodding now and then as if he was agreeing with it.

"Of course. We have to take such a special student. Pity he wasn’t discovered earlier." Dumbledore said.

He took of the hat and put it on its shelf and sat down behind the desk.

Harry, Dudley and Neville looked very confused.

"Well, well. It seems like we have a small problem here, don't we?" said Dumbledore.

"It seems like Dudley here is a Witchard."

The boys looked at each other as if they were all question marks incarnated.

"And as a Witchard he has a guaranteed place here at Hogwarts, if he'll accept it of course."

"Erh...sorry for asking but..... What’s a witchard, sir?" asked Harry. Dumbledore smiled.

"A Witchard is a wizard or witch who can turn into the opposite sex at will with a little practise and they often don't show any signs of magic at all until they are taught. This school hasn’t seen a witchard in eighthundred years."

"Are you serious?" asked Harry and seemed to probe Dumbledores face for anything that would suggest he was kidding them.

"I am very serious, Harry." Harry started to get worried. If this was for real, he'd soon get another school enemy aside of Malfoy.

And Dudley and Draco would surely hit it off greatly since they both didn’t like Harry. And the Sorting Hat had just sorted him into Slytherin!

Catastrophy!!

"A seat at the Slytherin table is yours if you want it, Dudley." said Dumbledore.

"You mean......I could learn magic like......Harry does? And stay at this school all the time?" said Dudley.

"Yes. You would of course be allowed to go home over Christmas and Easter if you want." Dumbledore replied with a smile.

Dudley thought a while. This was the perfect opportunity to be with Neville! AND he'd get to learn magic stuff so he could be a match for Harry again. God knows he'd longed for another chance to beat him up since they found out about him being a wizard.

"Alright then. I accept." he said and smiled greater than he'd ever smiled before.

Harry and Neville couldn’t believe their ears or any other sense for that matter.

"Wonderful. I will send an owl to your parents at once and explain the situation. In the meantime, Harry and Neville can have the day off to show you around the school. And you can get the password for Slytherin Dungeon from Professor Severus Snape. Harry will show you to his office." Dumbledore started to write a letter to Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia immediately.

Both Harry and Dudley knew that the Dursleys would not like this one bit and would probably have Harry killed when school ended for the year.

After a rigorous tour of the entire school, and getting lost more than once, the boys were on their way to Snapes office to get the password for the Slytherins, and hopefully dump Dudley with him.

As they were walking down to the dungeons they almost ran into none other than Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle.

They were obviously skipping Charms class. There was a rectangular box sticking out of Malfoys pocket but Harry couldn't really see what it was.

"If it isn't Potter and that sorry excuse for a wizard Longbottom. What ever brings girls like you to the dungeons?" Malfoy drawled.

"We have been relieved from our classes today in order to show Dudley here around the castle." said Neville and pointed to Dudley.

Malfoy looked interessed and eyed Dudley from top to bottom. He crossed his arms and smirked.

"Why wasn't he at the sorting ceremony earlier?" he asked.

"We found him in our dormitory right after the ceremony but he...Ow!" Harry had stepped on Neville’s foot rather hard to shut him up.

Stupid Malfoy had nothing to do with Dudley and Neville didn't need to blurt it all out like that.

"Ooh. Touchy. What's the matter? Is this your new boyfriend? Did Weasley dump you??" said Malfoy. Crabbe and Goyle started to giggle. They sounded exactly like sheep with a larynx-infection.

Harry was of course pissed off. He punched Malfoy on his chin, sending him to the floor on his hands and knees.

"What?!? Boyfriend?? Do you really think I would date my own cousin, you sick bastard!?!?" he screamed and kicked him in the stomach.

"Let's just find Snape and get out of this hell-hole!" he said to Dudley and Neville before he stepped over Malfoy who was lying flat on his back on the floor, panting for air.

Crabbe and Goyle just stood there looking as if their brains had never worked so hard before on trying to figure out what to do.

By the time they decided to help Malfoy up off the floor, Harry, Neville and Dudley were long gone.

"Here it is. Snapes office."said Harry. The door flung open so fast Neville didn't even have time to stop it from hitting him hard in the face.

"That's Professor Snape to you, Potter." said Snape as he stepped out into the hall. He heard Neville sniffle from behind the door and looked behind it.

Neville’s nose was bleeding and he almost started sobbing when he saw Snapes piercing eyes; pitchblack and filled with disgust.

"What the hell are you doing, Longbottom?" he asked in the coldest tone a human could have without showing direct anger.

"You hit him with the door, sir." said Harry, instantly regretting it. Snape turned around and stared at him with more fury than disgust.

"I don't remember asking you anything, Potter. So shut up until you are asked a question. Do you understand?"

Harry pouted with his lower lip and crossed his arms and, after a few rebellious seconds, nodded.

"That will be five points off for Gryffindor." he said. Both Harry and Neville stared at him with wide-open jaws.

"What? We haven't done anything wrong!” said Harry.

"Longbottom has desecrated the door to a Professors office. Watch it so you don't lose another ten for questioning a teacher, Potter."

"Desecrated? But you slammed the door into me. It's not my fault my nose bleeds easily!" said Neville desperately.

"I warned you. That's another ten off for Gryffindor." The boys had a great loss for words and they both felt like punching Snape right in the face.

"So what are you doing here anyway. I swear, if you are up to no good again, Potter, I'll get you expelled for sure this year." Snape added.

"No, we're not doing anything shady, sir. We're here with my cousin, Dudley. He nee..." Harry said but was cut off.

"Your cousin? Isn't your cousin a Muggle?" Snape said in a sceptical tone and looked at Dudley.

"Well, I, and everyone else, thought so but he smuggled himself onto the Hogwarts express and it turns out he's a Witchard."

" A Witchard? Interesting." Snape was now eyeing Dudley with interest instead of spite.

"Isn't it." said Harry sarcastically. "Anyway, he was sorted into Slytherin and so he needs to borrow a robe and a wand until he can buy his own."

"Naturally. Let's go to Filch's office, shall we?" said Snape.

The four of them walked up from the dungeons and headed for Filch's office.

After a bitter conversation between Snape and Filch, Dudley was outfitted with a rather tight robe that Snape put the Slytherin snake on, using magic.

Dudley was given a Neutro-wand. Harry didn't know what a Neutro-wand was.

"That's a wand that adjusts to anyone so you can use it temporarily. You can use it for a week before it kinda turns itself off so you can't use it anymore. Every school has a whole bunch incase a students wand is completely destroyed. I think Professor Flitwick created the charm that is used on them. He could have been rich for that invention but he chose to continue teaching instead. So he gave the charm to some company." Neville explained.

"But he still could have been rich even if he continued teaching. He could have sold the formula instead of giving it away." Harry pointed out.

Neville raised his eyebrows as if he'd never thought of that possibility.

"Whatever you do, don't tell Flitwick that."he said.

By the time they were finished turning Dudley into something that was a bit more wizard-like, it was time for lunch.

Neville had forgotten to feed Trevor and sped up to Gryffindor Tower so Harry and Dudley walked into the Great Hall without him.

Dudley was awestruck when he saw the ocean of students sitting at the four long tables with the hovering candles above their heads.

And he was completely blown away when he saw the ceiling.

"What if it starts to rain, Harry?" he asked. Harry laughed.

"No no, the ceiling is there. It's just an illusion." he explained. Harry saw Hermione and Ron looking at them with open mouths.

He remembered that he hadn't told them that Dudley was staying so he was eager to ditch Dudley at the Slytherin table.

"Well, here we separate. I'll go to the Gryffindor table with my friends and have lunch. Bye." said Harry.

"But what about me?" Dudley looked like a deserted puppy and Harry was sure he'd start crying if he didn't direct him.

"You sit with the Slytherins. Over there." Harry said and pointed to the table without stopping. He'd soon taken a place next to Ron and started to tell them all about it. They were completely stunned of course.

Dudley looked at the Slytherin table and saw several people looking back at him with curious faces.

He was very nervous at first and didn't want to sit with them really.

But then he saw what they were eating and the nervosity was swept away instantly.

He sat down on an empty place and started eating as soon as the trays filled with sausages, fried eggs, French fries, mashed potatoes

Pumpkin pies, meatballs and a lot more food with five-star quality.

Dudley had never pigged out like that before in his life.

He was actually happy for the first time since he'd gotten there.

"So, you’re Potters cousin." a drawly voice said.

Dudley looked up.

Sitting straight across the table was Malfoy.

He looked at Dudley with a smile.

"Tell me, do you really like Potter? Truthfully." he said maliciously.

"Well, no. He's just a little skinny runt who can't see straight without his glasses."

Malfoy was surprised. He thought that Dudley would make a great object to pick on but this could be even better.

Someone who hated Harry as much as he did. And he was related to him; that could very well be a goldmine of awkward Potter jokes and taunts for Malfoy to use against Harry.

"Infact, I used to beat him black and blue before he started here at this place. But now I'm here too and soon I'll get back at him for letting that huge guy put a pigtail on me all those years ago. And that thing with my tongue two years ago." continued Dudley as he stuffed his face with sausages.

Malfoy smiled widely.

"You know what? You just found your best friend." he said patting him on the shoulder.

----------------To be continued in part 4. New adversaries---------------------------

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