Harry Potter and the Enchanted Quill

Harry Potter and the Enchanted Quill

"That was fun, wasn't it?" Ron asked, striding into the room with his broom slung over his shoulder.

"It was," Harry replied. "We had good wea-" He stopped short, cutting himself off. "Ron, who put those wind chimes in here?"

"Dunno. But why would anyone put wind chimes in the Gryffindor locker room? There's no wind." He hit the chimes as he walked across the locker room, causing the clear, random music to fill the air.

They changed out of their practice clothes and into their school robes. "Let's take these back to our dorm," Harry said. He picked up the wind chimes and headed for the door.

"Harry, look!"

Harry turned around and looked where Ron was pointing. On the bench, directly under where the chimes had been, was a small blue speckled quill. When he picked it up, he felt a slight surge of energy course through his fingers. He shook it off and they went back to the castle.

"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, seeing Harry and Ron enter the common room. "Why do you have wind chimes?"

"They're for you," Harry said sweetly, setting them carefully in her arms and giving her a kiss.

"They were in our locker room," Ron explained.

Harry shot him a dirty look.

"I'll go hang these in my room. Be right back." Hermione ran up the stairs, the wind chimes singing the whole way.

As Hermione came back and sat down next to Harry, Ginny walked in, giggling madly with a few other fourth year girls.

"Ginny?" Ron asked. "Are you okay?"

"I fell off the floor!" Ginny managed to say before collapsing into another fit of giggles.

"You can't fall off the floor!" Hermione countered.

"Well I just did!"

Hermione shook her head and nuzzled into Harry's arms with her books.

***

In Potions the next day, Harry got the most ridiculous idea while taking notes. The last thing he wanted was for Gryffindor to lose points for talking so he took the little blue quill from the other day and wrote a quick note to Hermione. He discretely slipped both across the table to Hermione and she took them. She could barely keep herself from bursting out laughing while reading it.

I just had the craziest thought. You'll probably yell at me for it but wouldn't it be hilarious if Snape wore a tiara and started nancing around with one of his cauldrons?

Hermione's neat handwriting came back to him.

Yes, it would. But the odds of that happening are impossible. You-Know-Who would run around England in a thong before Snape would nance around with a cauldron. Much less wear a tiara.

Harry almost let his laughter escape him.

Voldemort? In a THONG?! God help us all...

"What?" Ron asked, trying to read the note over Harry's shoulder. "What's so funny?"

"I'll show you later," Harry whispered back.

"Potter! Weasley!" Snape barked from the front of the room. "Is there something you wish to share with the class?"

"N-n-no, sir," the two stuttered.

"Good. Ten points from Gryffindor!"

All the Gryffindors looked back at them, disappointed. The Slytherins just looked smug.

***

"What was so funny that we had to lose ten points for?"

"This." Harry thrust the note into Ron's hand and watched the look on his best friend's face go from confusion to amusement to disgust.

"Ew," Ron said, looking up from the note. "You-Know-Who? In a THONG?! That's the most disgusting thong...I mean...thing I've ever heard! It's even worse than belching up those slugs in second year!"

They entered the Great Hall and sat down. Five minutes later, the new DADA professor's Kneazle started yowling at her. She went over to Professor Dumbledore and whispered something to him. A slight look of panic crossed his face. Before he could say anything, however, the doors of the Hall were thrown open.

Everyone present screamed in terror at what they saw before them. Not only was Lord Voldemort at Hogwarts, but he was there in only a thong. A little pink lacey thong stuffed with a rolled up gym sock.

Harry gave his friends a "no bloody way" look before summoning the sword of Gryffindor from Dumbledore's office. On its way to him, it got lodged straight into Voldemort's back and half-killed him.

"Go Harry," Ron shooed at Harry.

With the whole school watching, Harry got up from his seat and confronted the dying wizard. "Avada Kedavra!" In a rush of wind and green light, Lord Voldemort, the greatest Dark Lord in history, was dead. And Harry Potter had not been harmed.

Sadly, before they could rejoice over the liberating death, Snape sprang in...wearing a tiara. He was nancing around with his cauldron above his head. Not seeing Voldemort's fallen body, he tripped over it and knocked himself out with his own cauldron.

"Oh, dear. Oh, dear," Madame Pomfrey said, bustling over. "Moblicorpus."

The doors closed behind them and the whole Hall, with the exception of *some* Slytherins, erupted into cheer.

***